Chapter 4: February
February 1, 2011{Tuesday}
In Glee club Janice keeps glancing at me and Rachel. She makes me fee so awkward. "Babe are you Ok?" Rachel asks, holding on to my arm. I shake my head and she frowns I lean over to her to whisper in her ear "let's go somewhere." She nods, raising her hand to alert Mr. Schue. He turns to look at her "yes Rachel?" he asks, clasping his hands together. "Can me and Quinn be excused?" she asks he nods she jumps out of her chair dragging me with her. But all I can do is follow her and stare at Janice's deceiving smile as we leave.
February 5, 2011 {Saturday}
"You have been acting so much different Quinn" Santana randomly comments, stripping out of her shirt. "Um well I know you know why" I just say, feeling annoyed. I lay back in her bed, trying to relax. "Well yeah you just gotta get rid of the bitch like I did." She tells me I roll my eyes and roll over to my side. "How did you anyway?" I ask while my eyes are staring towards her mirror. "I snapped her like the skinny twig she is." I smiled because the Santana I knew was speaking her mind again. "Then I will snap her too." I say, closing my eyes to think of a plan.
February 9, 2011 {Wednesday}
"You just need sex" Santana says as we are sitting on the benches in the empty gym. "Um I don't think you know what I need." I say while looking down at the basketball court. "Girl whatever it's written all over you." She shouts, smiling I shake my head. "Have you and Rachel done it?" she asks and I nearly choke on my spit. She laughs, waiting for an answer. "No" I answer, starting to feel sort of awkward. She has a confused look when I look at her with her eyebrows arched, that Santana look when she doesn't get something. "Why not?" she asks another weird question and I just shrug.
February 11, 2011 {Friday}
I lay beside Rachel in Santana's bed, while she and Brittany are making popcorn or something. "Santana was talking to me about you know." Rachel whispers, her face turning red 'aww she is blushing'. "Talking about what?" I ask, already having an idea by the look on her face. "Um intercourse" she says, embarrassed and it's so cute. But I don't laugh I just smile, bringing her closer to me. She smiles into my chest and I whisper "you don't have to be ashamed." I kiss her on her lips making it last more that I usually do.
February 12, 2011 {Saturday}
'Janice why did you even bother coming by my damn house.' Janice just smiles taking Quinn's hands in hers. "Because you want me" she says pushing Quinn into the house, shutting the door behind her. "Stop" Quinn yells, throwing Janice's hand off of her. "You stop" is the last thing Janice says before crushing her lips against Quinn's. "You just need to have sex with me" she whispers, sliding her hand down Quinn's bare stomach into her shorts. I wake up sweating with Rachel's arm around my bare body. That dream was so fucking weird I can't have it again.
February 15, 2011 {Tuesday}
"Santana I'm worried so worried" I roughly whisper, grasping on to her arm, tight. "Ok, Ok girl just wait until the locker room is cleared out. I nod letting go of her arm. Once the room is clear she hurries over to look at me and raises her eyebrows. "I had a dream about Janice we were about to have sex." Her eyes get so big when I tell her she nearly shoves me into the locker and asks "are you into her or something?" "No I am in love with Rachel!" I shout she lets go of my shirt and just says "you can't fuck things up with Rachel Ok." Before she leaves.
February 17, 2011 {Thursday}
"Hey Quinn" I turn around to follow the voice and it's Janice. Her fucking piercing eyes staring at me like I am some piece of meat. "What do you want?" I ask as rudely as I can. She laughs buts stops when I glare at her. "I broke up with Finn" she says, never breaking eye contact with me. "I don't care" I say, walking off, avoiding anything else she has to say.
February 20, 2011 {Sunday}
'Come on just once I am worth it trust me, Santana thinks so.' Janice whispers, pushing her body so close to Quinn's bare one it gives Quinn goosebumps. 'Oh' Quinn breaths out when Janice rushes her lips against Quinn's neck. Janice pulls her head towards Quinn's to stare into her eyes. Quinn's legs feel like they are turning into jello. Janice smiles kissing her one more time with her hand already in Quinn's underwear. I wake up and shake my head real hard I wish I could just stop these dreams wait I can.
February 22, 2011 {Tuesday}
Rachel is laying on my bed looking at me get undress but something is wrong. I am trying not to look back at her I don't get embarrassed much but I am. I throw my shirt to the floor and don't and bother to put another one on. "Rachel" I whisper and she nods "let's make love" I say, climbing on to the bed, hovering my body over hers. She blushes and whispers "I don't know how" and smile and say "neither do I but we can teach each other." I don't know why I said that I know you can't teach someone something you don't know.
She nods and I lower my body to kiss her she wraps her arms around me, luring me in. She moans the most cutest and sexiest moan that makes both of us blush. I help her take off her shirt and throw it by mine. We go to sleep after, our naked bodies tangled up with each other, transferring body heat. Santana is right this is all I needed.
February 24, 2011 {Thursday}
I lay alone in my bed I didn't go to school today because I just didn't want to. I had asked Rachel if she want to skip with me but she was just to innocent to accept. So I am here alone just staring at my ceiling just bored I wish she was here with me I really do. I hear a knock at my door so I walk over to it I don't see who could be knocking at this time when school is still going. Unless they skipped too but I surely know it isn't Rachel I answer anyway. Janice is standing there already staring at me. She takes one step in but gives me a look to see if it's Ok and I just let her in.
"I don't want to hear..." I try to say but her tongue is already in my mouth. I don't know why but I kiss her back maybe it's out of anger but I do it. I push her against the wall and force her shirt off. Our kisses are sloppy and rough not like me and Rachel's that are with love and they are soft and neat. But these that I am giving and receiving are just filled with hate. After we do it I force her out of my house and run to my room to cry into my pillow.
February 25, 2011{Friday}
Janice doesn't even look at me once in Glee Club but I don't care I just hold on to Rachel. When the bell rings I walk Rachel to the bathroom and wait outside. Santana pulls me by the arm towards her and lets go to whisper "I know you fucked Janice because she stopped looking at you." I look down because I have never been able to lie to Santana to her face because she always knows. "If you loved Rachel like you said you did you wouldn't have fucked Janice." The words hurt but I let them do what they are suppose to do.
"I know but at least I don't have to worry about her anymore." I say Santana looks behind me and walks off before I turn around. I see Rachel crying and I feel like shit. I try to hug her and I know I shouldn't but I do and of course she pushes me away. "It's over Quinn" she sobs and it breaks me I stay standing here when she walks off. It's all my fault and now I am paying. Why did I have to be so dumb? Tears stream down my face I have fucked up I really have.
February 28, 2011 {Monday}
Rachel keeps her distance from me and it hurts so much. Santana and Brittany still talk to me but it isn't as comforting as I would want it to be but I don't even deserve comfort so I appreciate it. Janice is all over Puck now and I just roll my eyes. After class I run after Rachel and hold her by the arm until the hallways clear. "What Quinn?" she asks, not looking at me I just walk her to a empty class and we sit in there.
"Can we stay in love ?" I whisper, looking deeply in her eyes, with my hand resting on her wrist. "I don't think so" she whispers back slowly pulling her wrist way. She gets up, walking away and it's so damn painful to watch her go without chasing after her. But I just can't. I just can't chase after her because now she will never stop running from me.