Thank you all for all of these comments! I REALLY appreciate it! I'm so proud of myself for spitting out chapter so fast, haha.
Chapter Four
It was Gabbi who pulled away first.
"I thought you had a girlfriend," she whispered, grinning. Ryan's eyes cracked open.
"I thought you had a boyfriend," he pointed out. "What are you doing here anyways?"
She shrugged, and bent down to help pick up the scattered Kix. "Buying groceries," she answered simply. "And helping you shop. I would suggest Raisin Bran for Lilly." Flushing deeply, Ryan hastily stuffed the ripped bag back into the box. "I don't need your advice"
"You don't?" Gabriella stated more than asked dryly, placing a box of Raisin Bran into the cart. The single father firmly put it back on the shelf.
"No, I don't. And I'd wish you'd just stay out of my life, thank you." He determinedly pushed his cart down the aisle, but Gabbi caught his arm.
"Of course you do." She pulled his down to her height, and leaned in so close that their noses brushed, and Ryan could feel her breath against his lips. His breath unconsciously caught in his throat.
Finally, Gabriella let go. "Mhm," she said softly, smiling winningly up at him. "I can see that you don't want me in your life." Ryan stopped her hand from placing the Raisin Bran back in the cart.
"Gabbi; what do you want?" he sighed. She only laughed—it gave him goose bumps.
"Why, I was just stopping by to say hi. And to let you know that your little girlfriend called me almost a week ago, telling me all about your incident in the parking lot." You could have fried an egg on Ryan's face. "I'm just reminded you, I suppose, of where you duties lie…to the girl who carried Lilly for nine months. Don't forget it; Lilly still needs a mother. And who better for the job than her real one? Does she even know my name, Ryan?" He gulped. "Just think about it, okay." Gabbi turned to leave, but stopped herself.
"I just want to see my baby girl again," she whispered sadly, her eyes slightly misty. Out of nowhere, she turned around and threw her arms about Ryan's neck, passionately kissing him on the lips. Caught off balance, he fell back into the cart and landed hard on his tailbone. He felt something hard shoved into his hands.
"Bye love," Gabbi whispered. "I love you…I really do." She pecked him on the lips one more time, and was gone in a whirl of brown. She left the wretched Ryan sprawled on the H-E-B floor in the cereal aisle; clutching a box of Raisin Bran.
---
Something was obviously wrong with Ryan. Kelsi was certain of it. He had been out of it all morning; running into walls, desks, and such. He had messed up playing the warm-ups for the first time all year! Kelsi was determined to find out the reason why, now that school was over, and Lilly had been picked up by some apartment neighbor (Tabitha).
"Ryan?" He jumped for what seemed like the millionth time that morning.
"Huh?"
"What's the matter?" she asked him gently, running her fingers through his hair—he loved it when she did that. But for some strange reason, he shuddered and pulled away from her.
"Nothing's the matter; I'm just tired"
"Come on, I know something's wrong. You'll feel a lot better if you tell me"
"No, I won't," Ryan answered grumpily, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'd really rather not talk about it"
There was a long, awkward pause. "It's Lilly's mother, isn't it." Ryan turned sharply on his heel, his back to her. "Ryan…it's okay. I understand"
"Like hell you understand!" he burst out fiercely, his eyes suddenly blazing with constrained fury. "Like hell you have any idea what I have gone through these past four years! You haven't scrimped and saved and worked your butt off to provide a healthy home for you little girl. You haven't worried yourself into hysteria that one day you won't come up with enough money to pay the rent and to feed a growing child, or that child services would come and take her away! You have no idea what it's like being a single parent!"
"But it's all your fault, you know!" Kelsi sobbed, trying to believe in what she had been taught ever since she was a little girl. She had been raised to believe this was all wrong! "It's you who climbed into that bad and-"
"I WAS DRUNK!" The force of his words made Kelsi's mouth drop open. "I went to a party, and once she had drugged me up enough, Lilly's future mom decided it would be funny to have 'fun' with innocent, unknowing Ryan Evans!" He shushed Kelsi, who had opened her mouth to speak. "Yes, I know it still should never have happened. I know 'sex before marriage' is a terrible sin. But to wish it hadn't happened would mean to wish Lilly had never happened. And I love Lilly more than life itself. I would not give her up now for the world." He breathed deeply. "Don't you get it? Out of a mistake came the best gift"
"So you have no regrets?" Kelsi hissed; her mind was still dreadfully confused. "None at all?"
Ryan paused. "I wish Lilly could have come into the world in a more honorable way…and that she could have a mother." Kelsi bit her lip, arguing with herself.
"Do you want her mother back?" she asked at last.
"I…I don't know anymore," Ryan sighed.
"Even after all she's done to you, you still want her?!"
"Just keep out of this, Kelsi"
"How can you be so undecided?!?!" Kelsi shouted. "The answer stares you in the face every morning. How can you think even for a moment about wanting Lilly's mother back?"
Ryan tried to think of something to say, but nothing came out. He sent Kelsi a tortured look and stormed out of the room.
"It's none of you damn business! Stay out of my life!"
It was then she realized why he could not answer; he himself did not know. His own feelings betrayed his mind.
Ryan slammed the door to his apartment shut, making the glasses on the shelf rattle. Swearing under his breath, he viciously kicked the torn-apart couch and punched a wall with his fist. Clutching his bleeding knuckles, Ryan slowly calmed down and wrapped them up with an ace bandage from the first-aid kit Tabitha had given them for Christmas.
After completing this task, he wandered aimlessly back into his bedroom. A thought struck him, and he dug through the trunk in the corner till he found it; his senior yearbook. He flipped over a few pages to the Senior Life section. And there it was, staring up at him from the pages. It was a black-and-white picture of Gabriella leaning up against him while sitting in between his legs. His arms were around her and his head rested lovingly against her. By it was a cursive note written in pink pen.
Ryan,
I love you more than you will ever know. This was the best year of my entire high school; dating you. You have been more than reasonable about our secret, and I appreciate that so much. I am going to miss you with all of my heart when I head off to college.
Love you tons,
Gabbi M.
Ryan's eyes blurred. He rapidly wiped his eyes. She really had loved him; not when it had first happened, but then they had really hit it off together. Senior year had been his favorite year of high school as well.
Tucked inside the pages was a picture of Gabriella in his DRAMA sweatshirt curled up against him; both fast asleep on Chad's humongous couch. Gabriella's hand was closed around one of his, and his other hand rested protectively on her shoulder.
Smiling, Ryan glanced up from the picture for a minute—but something else caught his eye. In a frame, perched on the top of his alarm clock, was another picture. This one was in front of "the Tornado" at Fiesta Texas. Lilly, Ryan, and Kelsi were armed with their giant, multi-person tube and grinning broadly at the camera. One of his arms was around Lilly, while the other hugged Kelsi around her shoulders.
Ryan glanced from the girl in the yearbook to the girl in the frame. His eyes burned with unshed tears, and at last twenty-one-year-old Ryan Evans did something he had not done in almost three years; he sobbed. He lay down his head on his pillow and bawled his eyes out—blubbering like a baby. His heart was torn in two, and he had no idea which way to turn for help. Logic reasoned that Kelsi was the obvious answer, but his heart pounded at the thought of Gabriella as well. Why did this have to be so hard?
He lay on his bed for almost an hour before he realized that he should be picking up Lilly from Tabitha's. Drying his eyes and drinking a glass of water, Ryan knocked on Tabitha's door.
Lilly bounded into her father's arms. "Sorry for being so late," he apologized, highly aware of Tabitha's worried glance at his red-rimmed eyes. "Did you have a good time, Captain?" he asked, sniffing loudly while wiping his eyes again. Why did he have to be so emotional?
"It was terrific!" Lilly began, and was soon born off in a detailed story of Ms. Tabitha and herself taking on robbers in the bathroom. Ryan listened as diligently as he could; making sure to hide the yearbook back in his trunk before Lilly entered the room.
After a long and vicious row with pillows, and an extended game of hide-and-seek, Ryan tucked Lillian into bed. Normally she curled up and went straight to sleep, but tonight Ryan's daughter sat bolt upright.
"Daddy?"
"Yes Princess?"
"Why are you and Ms. Kelsi mad at each other?" Ryan sought about for an answer.
'We disagreed about something," he finally settled on.
"Like we do sometimes?"
He laughed. "Yes; like we do"
"Then when are you going to make up?" Cause people who love each other always make up; right Daddy?" Ryan stared at her. People who love each other…where had she heard that phrase? And did it just apply to Kelsi…
"I…suppose so, sweetheart"
"'Cause you love Ms. Kesli; don't you Daddy?" Ryan didn't answer. "…Daddy?" At last he looked up into her chocolate brown eyes and smiled. Her eyes were so beautiful, and so familiar to him.
"Yes Lillian; I do love Ms. Kelsi"
"As much as you loved my mommy?" Had she been inside his brain??
"Yes," he responded painfully, running his hands through his shaggy hair. "I do"
"Then call up Ms. Kelsi right now!" Lilly concluded, folding her hands together above the covers solemnly.
"Don't you think it's getting late?"
"Call her up and apologize! I will never go to sleep until you call her!"
Ryan sighed, but laughed at the same time. "I see you inherited your mother's stubbornness." Lilly giggled. "Fine, fine; I'll call Ms. Kelsi. You promise to go straight to sleep?" Lilly bobbed her head and snuggled down into her blanket. Ryan kissed her on her forehead and bid her sweet dreams. He clicked off the lights on his way out and shut the door behind him.
The lonely man groaned to himself. "Come on, Ryan Evans; pull yourself together." He picked up the phone and dialed the Neilson home phone; Kelsi had told him awhile ago that she lived with her parents.
"Hello?"
"Hey, is Kelsi there?"
"Hold on just one minute"
"Hello?" Oh god, it was her.
"Hey; it's Ryan"
"Oh…hello Ryan." A stiff silence. "Look, about this morning; it was none of my business-"
"Don't apologize. It's my fault—I shouldn't have taken my stress and indecisiveness and…I'm very sorry"
Kelsi didn't answer immediately. "It's okay; I'm sorry too. I guess I was just jealous…and afraid"
"Jealous of who? And afraid of what?"
"Jealous of whom. And I was jealous that Lilly's mother had held your affections…and afraid that she might come back and take you back." Ryan bit his lip.
"Hey, Kels; can I call you back?" She laughed slightly at the nickname.
"Sure. Just don't take too long." He nodded, only after he hung up realizing that she couldn't see him. He needed to make up his mind before talking to her about that certain subject.
Ryan walked out onto the small porch at the back of his apartment. Collapsing into a folding chair, he put his head in his hands and tried to make a decision.
He heard a knock on the wall next to him. "May I come in?" He looked up, and saw Tabitha grinning over the railing.
"If you really want to," he mumbled, putting his head back in his hands. Tabitha climbed over the iron railing and sat down next to Ryan.
"Tell me everything," she said gently stroking his head. Her motherly affection was enough to reduce him to tears again; he was on his last string.
"I don't know where to begin"
"The beginning is usually the best, dear," Tabitha suggested kindly. "Come; lie here on the bench and put your head in my lap. And then we can talk." Ryan obediently lay down and sighed. He hadn't put his head in someone's lap since high school.
"Well, it all started on day when Gabriella pulled me aside in class about six weeks after Chelsea's party…"
And it comes out at last! Gabriella is Lilly's mother. You know, it's odd; I had really planned for Gabbi to be more of a jerk in this story, but I changed that without even realizing it. But now for questions. Who do you think Ryan will choose? Which one should he choose? Was he right to get mad at Kelsi? Do you agree with him about not wishing "it" had never happened? R&R!! And keep posted for the next chapter; it's pretty much a bunch of high school flashbacks for Ryan he's telling the story to Tabitha…and I haven't even planned for her to be such a big character either! The people in my story had their own minds, I swear