So I would love to say that it was all just a dream. That I didn't really tell Dan that I liked him. But I can't. It was all real.

And it was a big mistake. He can't even look me in the eyes. He can barely have a conversation with me. I tried to leave. Multiple times. But he wont let me.

It has all just become so awkward. I don't really know what to do. I can't do anything about it. I try so hard to make things the way they were.

When I wake up in the morning, I fix cereal and go sit next to Dan. I try to converse but it's really one sided. Like yesterday morning:

As I was walked into the lounge Dan was sitting eating his cereal. When I sat next to him, he chanced a side glance. Pretending I didn't notice, I started eating.

I mumbled a 'good morning' to him. He nodded, a movement so small, I wouldn't have noticed unless I was cautious of every move made. He picked up his laptop.

I tried again for conversation,"Did you have a good nights sleep?"

"Eh," is all I received for a answer.

After a few minutes of silence, awkward I might add, he just stood up and walked away. I heard his room door close. Figuring he wanted some alone time, I went into my room.

It kind of sucks having your best friend/crush not want to converse with you or be around you. But they wont let you leave.

And I just can't go and talk to him about it because he wont talk to me. Ugh! It's all just a big mess. I should have never told him. It was best kept a secret.

And now I'm in my room, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, rethinking all of my mistakes in life. This is how I spend my free time now. I used to just watch reruns of Buffy with Dan, but I'm pretty sure you can see the problem with that.

I'm bored. I should go to the store. We haven't bought any food in a while. I'm pretty sure we're almost out.

I grab my wallet and apartment keys and start to walk out of my room. Dan is no where in sight. He's probably in his room. I start walking towards the front door and eventually walk out into the fresh clean air. Before I can even begin walking again, I hear loud footsteps on the stairs in the apartment.

I turn around right as the door opens and reveals Dan in only his pajama pants and tank top. It's way past noon but not enough to be considered evening. Why is he still wearing his pajamas?

I realized his expression. It looks almost... sad. I can only imagine my expression is confused. He looks me up and down and sighs a sigh of relief leaning against the door frame.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask casually. He looks down, almost embarrassed.

"Nothing important." He straightens up and starts to walk back into the apartment. Before he has a chance to close the door I follow him. He ignores me. I leave the door open and grab his arm. He was already walking up the steps, but only made it up a few, making him taller than
usual.

"Obviously it was something important if you run out here in your pajamas." I say. He pulls his arm back and turns towards me.

"Can you just drop it! I said it was nothing important!" He turns and runs the rest of the way up the stairs. I decide I shouldn't follow. He obviously needs time to think about something. So I continue on my journey to the store.

The way there was pretty uneventful. The checkout lanes were ridiculously long. I'm not exaggerating when I say that half the time I was there I was waiting in line. When I finally got checked out, the lady was mean. She obviously hated her job. You could tell by the way she looked at you. She radiated hatred.

On the way home I past the Tower Bridge and decided to sit on a bench and admire it's beauty. It's the best sight I've ever seen. This was my favourite part of London. Always was, always will be.

As I sit and admire the bridge, couples walk by. All of them holding hands, laughing, sharing sweet kisses that I wish I could share with Dan.

Dan.. with his beautiful brown eyes. The perfect shade. Not too light like the shade of dirt. Nor too dark like the shade of mud. Just perfect like the shade of wood. And his hair. The way it falls on his face just makes me want to scream like a little fan girl. I understand why everyone likes him more than they like me. He's just perfect.

By the time I head home, it's past eight. I had to stay and watch the sunset. That's the best part of the day for me. As I'm watching the sun go down someone somewhere in the world is watching the sun go up. It's really just mind blowing.

I get home and Dan is stuck in his room. Deciding that he's not going to come out anytime soon, I go to my own room. It's sad that this is how everything turned out.

I watch some Buffy reruns (alone) in my room (laying in my bed) I look at the clock and realize that it's way past midnight. I put everything away and try to sleep.

Right as I'm about to fall asleep, I hear my door creak open. Figuring Dan is checking to see if I'm awake, I ignore it.

But then something happens that I can't really ignore. He lays in bed with me. Under the covers and all. We weren't cuddling or anything. We were just two guys laying in the same bed together. Nothing abnormal about that. Right?

"Phil, are you awake?" I hear him whisper. I mumble an inaudible reply. I hear him laugh a little. "I just wanted to tell you why I was so upset earlier." I don't reply. "I was scared that you were trying to leave again. Phil, I can't lose you." I turn to face him. He's leaning on his elbow, looking at me with sad brown eyes.

He leans in a little. My mind is jello. I'm not sure what's really happening. All I know is that our noses are touching and he is staring into my eyes.

"I can't lose you, Phil," I hear him whisper before I feel a pair of soft lips against my own. My eyes flutter shut. He tastes of mint toothpaste. Delicious. He licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance which I gladly grant. But as soon as the kiss started, it stopped.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes. His eyes are filled with worries. He gets up and walks out. Like he was ashamed of what he did.

Resentfully, I turn back over and fall asleep without ease.

I wake up in the morning, not knowing if what happened last night truly happened or if it was just a dream.

I walk out of my room and see Dan sitting in his spot on the couch. I sit next to him.

Nothing.

And by nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. No kiss, no 'good morning', nothing. It was as if the kiss never happened. Maybe it didn't. I'm pretty sure it did though. I need to ask him about it.

But what if it didn't happen? Then I'll look like even more of an idiot.

Haha.. Like that could ever happen.

I'm sorry if this is just complete crap. I'm not feeling too well. I didn't upload last week so I'm going to try to do another chapter before this weekend is over. No promises. Again, sorry if this is crap.

Love you all lots
Rikki c: