Chapter Four: Mick's Desire

As I watch her walk away, her hips swaying, her hair flowing, her arms swinging, I can't help but go back to that fantasy I was having about kissing her. Imagining her lips, the taste of her breath and the feel of her tongue on mine is intoxicating. Again, I am not sure if it is the blood or the sight and smell of her that is causing this fantasy, but I know I don't want it to end.

"What's on your mind, dear Mick?" Josef breaks into his thoughts.

Mick starts a bit, looks sheepish and grins. He knows Josef can guess what is on his mind and he tries to avoid answering his question. "I still can't believe you have had a human in your life all these years and not said a word. You, Josef Kostan, who seem to abhor humans, unless they can make you richer, more popular or feed you. You have had a beautiful goddaughter all this time and never said ONE WORD. I was sure you hated all humans." Mick tries to deflect him.

"Oh, my dear Mick, you are so mistaken. I don't hate humans. As you said, if they can do something for me, I am all FOR humans. As I explained earlier, Ravyn is special." The look on his face baffles Mick. If he didn't know better, he would swear it was almost love. Love for a human. Josef can still surprise him. After all these years, something will come up that Mick would have never seen coming. "So you better watch those lascivious thoughts you are having about my goddaughter." Josef gives Mick that goofy grin of his. Mick looks down at his hands holding the glass, not being able to look Josef in the eyes. He knows his face will give him away. Josef laughs and takes another long drink. "Don't worry, Mick. She's a grown woman who knows her own mind. I have no say in what happens in her personal life. Only her business life."

Mick sighs and relaxes a bit. He just cannot help where his thoughts are taking him.

What is it about her that has me feeling this way? I've gone longer without sex. It can't be that. Why, when I look at her, do I have such a strong urge to kiss her? Yeah, she's breathtaking; she's sexy as hell and her lips look so inviting. But I can't. It's too soon. Too soon after Beth.

And there it was; Beth coming back into his mind and sobering him right up. He leans forward and puts the glass on the table in front of him. Looking over at Josef, he stands.

"I have to go." He states.

"What? Why? I know you're enjoying yourself. Sit back down. Have some more," he holds up his glass, "No reason to go so soon."

"Josef, we've been here for hours. I said I would meet you here for a bit and now it's time to go. Please give my goodbyes to Ravyn and apologize for me." Mick walks away before Josef can stop him. He avoids Ravyn all together and leaves. Josef stares after him, not knowing what had changed but he can guess. Beth. Anytime Mick starts to come out from under his rock, she pulls him back under. He is going to have to light a fire under these two if anything is going to happen.

Ravyn sees Mick leave, wondering what happened. She glances over to Josef and he shrugs. Turning her attention back to the clients at hand, her mind is only half taking in what they are saying as she tries to sort out what she might have said or done to cause him to leave so abruptly.

Mick rushes out to his car, getting in and putting it into gear. He's completely distracted as he drives back to his place. As usual, when Beth is on his mind, he loses all track of time. Looking around, he notices he is in his apartment, sitting on the couch, empty glass in his hand. He has no memory of getting here or even entering his place. He glances over at the clock and shakes his head. It was almost sunrise. His thoughts wander back to Beth: her smile, her eyes, her voice, her touch. A solitary tear runs down his cheek and he absently wipes it away. The tightness in his chest increases and his mind fills with memories of her. He has never loved anyone as much as he loves her. Yes, still loves her. He knows he will never stop.

He thinks back to when she left. He had come home to find all her things cleared out. He was convinced that they could work things out; that she had not meant what she said by telling him she couldn't stay with him. He had a stakeout the night before and had planned to spend the next day with her, convincing her to stay. However, the stakeout had taken a different direction and he had not returned until after sunrise. He'd gone through the entire place, looking for any trace of her, but she had been thorough; not a single trace of her existence in his life. She had even erased all pictures, documents and files from his computers. He'd gone mad. Destroyed anything he could get his hands on. When Josef had shown up the following night, the mess he'd found was substantial. It had looked as if nothing was in one piece. Even the furniture was broken or torn apart. Josef had never seen Mick in full vamp mode, nor at his angriest but imagined this is what the result would be. He was trying to reach Mick, knowing what he had planned with Beth and when, after the fifth call went to voicemail, he made his way over to the apartment. He'd found Mick in the corner of his freezer room, knees pulled up to his chest, heaving and growling like a feral cat. It took time, but he'd brought Mick around and helped him to clean up the place over the next week. Mick had not wanted to go on. He didn't feed or go out. He just sat on the couch; wasting away. It had taken a month before he was even interested in any kind of food. Josef had barely left his side during this time and was there with fresh blood for him. Mick knew he didn't want to go on, but he couldn't bring himself to kill himself. Not sure what he was going to do with his life, he locked away all the feelings and memories for Beth and put all his effort into work. He took any case that came along, no matter how big or small. It didn't matter on the amount of danger or if it was day or night. He simply worked off intuition and instinct. Josef had been worried about him, trying to bring him back to himself but he couldn't allow it. Doing that would mean opening up that part of him that held Beth locked away.

Now here he was opening that exact part of himself all due to one woman. He hasn't thought about Beth in months. In one night, he found himself desiring another woman, another human, and that desire caused him to open that locked room and think of Beth and how much he misses her and wants to be with her. He leans forward, head in hands. His heart aching as if Beth had just left yesterday. Slowly he stands and walks up the stairs to sleep. Stripping down, he climbs into his freezer, closes the lid and hopes that a good day's sleep will help lock those memories away again.