"I was walking on the sidewalk in front of my house when I saw a strange car parked at the curb. Someone inside was calling my name. I bent over and looked inside and saw Gilbert sitting in the drivers' seat. He was lying back against the seat. Then he gestured for me to get in the car. I did. I felt safe I guess because I know him. I sat there next to him for a bit. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. I asked him if he was okay, then he shook his head no, looking so sad. He grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and I suddenly realized it was soaked with blood. He pulled it up and I could see open wounds, I could see inside his body. There were some intestines that looked like they were about to come out. 'You're dying', I said, but I didn't feel alarmed, just calm somehow. He nodded and still, he looked sad and just...resigned. Then he grabbed my hand and held it firmly. He looked me in the eyes pleadingly and said, 'Make me feel alive.' Then I...well, um, touched him and that kind of thing. But the whole time I felt so calm and, just clear. Like I knew, this was what he needed, and of course, I needed to give it to him...Then I woke up."

Maddie lay there for a moment letting the silence wash over her. It was an expectant silence, a comfortable silence, she decided.

Then she heard her psychologist clear her throat and ask, "And what do you think the dream meant, Maddie?"

Maddie sighed and said, "Well, it's obvious isn't it? It's like being an angel of mercy. In the dream, I know he's doomed, so I can give him his dying wish, without any...complications. Maybe I have an idealized notion of what sex ought to be, that it should just be...like a perfect gift, without any thought of possessiveness, or judgment, or awkwardness...I wish it were really like that. That the morning after, so to speak, would never come."

Dr. Briggs hummed to herself, taking notes. "Do you think that could be part of the reason why you've had trouble making a long term relationship work?"

Maddie considered the question carefully. Did her discomfort with the imperfect reality versus perfect fantasy really make it hard for her to find the right person?

"Well...I don't know. A lot of the guys I dated just we're smart enough or interested enough." She stopped, and shifted uncomfortably. She felt like she was being put on the spot, but was willing to push though it to make progress. "Um, maybe I'm picking people I know aren't really right for me. I guess I don't really feel comfortable with a guy that's too much my...equal. Like how Eric was sexy and nice but he wasn't very smart, so I felt like I was still, um, in control, you know? Maybe I'm just scared that if I dated someone that's more my equal they would try and control me, or deceive me, or just, I don't know, trick me into thinking that they loved me, when actually they don't even really seem to like me!" She was tearing up at the last part, and Dr. Briggs handed her a tissue. "I don't think you're talking about a boyfriend anymore, huh?" Maddie wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "Yeah, I know." She whispered.

"Our time is up now, so I want you to think about this. Why do you feel the need to be like an angel in your dream? What would it be like if instead you were loved just as your imperfect self? You know Maddie, you're a beautiful young woman, talented and very kind. You just need to accept yourself and see all the great things you really are, okay?"

Maddie stood up and shook Dr. Briggs' hand. "Thanks. I'll see you next week. Same time, right?" The psychologist nodded and gently led her out the door. "That's right. Take care." "Alright, you too!" Maddie smiled brightly as she left the doctor's office.

...

Maddie had woken up that morning to the sound of her alarm clock. She groaned and rolled reluctantly out of bed, turning the annoying buzzing off. To make getting up worth her while she immediately grabbed her iPad, turned it on, and looked at the news online. She brushed her teeth while skimming the headlines. 'Ugh, so depressing.' she thought as she paused to rinse. She went back to lie on her bed, then checked her email. "Nothing. Why doesn't anyone ever reply?" she grumbled under her breath then decided to check Facebook. 'At least I'll be able to spy on my friends. Maybe see why they never answer my emails.' She was looking disinterestedly at her girlfriends' baby pics when she noticed a new friend request. 'I wonder who it could be?' She though idly as she clicked on it, only to see a familiar grinning face. "Gilbert."

Suddenly, she remembered having a dream about him. "What a weird..." she trailed off, remembering how she had unzipped his pants while looking him in the face. His eyes were so dark red inside the car. It was like they were black holes framed by white, white lashes. They crinkled at the edges with such sadness. She kissed him gently on the cheek. His pale skin was so dry and delicate seeming. It was as though he was dried out. Brittle, like old paper. He put his hand, so light it was almost like it wasn't there at all, on her head, and mouthed the word "Please." She dipped her head down and took his cock in her mouth. It was hot, firm and vigorous. So alive, in stark contrast to the rest of him. When she swallowed his essence, she had the strange thought, 'Am I swallowing the last bit of his life?' Then the dream was over.

Thinking about it, she remembered other details of the dream, but that part was the strongest in her memory. "Gilbert." she whispered again, thinking of how he had looked on that bridge, in her car, lying on her couch, sitting awkwardly across from her in the kitchen. He was so beautiful, she couldn't help but sigh and run her hands over her lips, wishing that she could touch him, kiss him, even just see him again.

She clicked 'Accept.'