Chapter Four
"Murphy..." Came a familiar voice... Shae's voice, strained and sounding as if she was in pain. Murphy rolled himself over to see Shae, her makeup streaking down her face, hands curled against her stomach weakly. He reached out to her, and she pulled her hand away.
"Wha's the matter....?" He asked, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, watching her sad and frantic face. She frowned at him still, pulling her coat around her wrists, hiding something from him. He touched her elbow lightly, reaching up to stroke her cheek. "Shae, wha' 'appened...?" He mumbled, noticing the make-up streaks.
"Nothing. You need to go, okay?" Murphy frowned at Shae, watching her still.
"Why?" He asked, pulling her down to him. She sat tenderly on the edge of the bed, not looking at Murphy. He continued to stare at her as she sat silently on the edge of the bed, her arms held awkwardly in front of her stomach.
"I just want to sleep, Murphy." She mumbled, glancing up at him fleetingly. He reached out to touch her cheek again, and she flinched away. "Please..."
"I won' keep you up..." He mumbled at her, still watching her in quiet, confused concern. "What happened...?" He asked again, reaching to turn her toward him, she took a deep breath in, looking away from him. He reached away from her to turn on the bedside light, stroking her cheek again when she took another rattling breath.
"Nothing, it was raining..." She whispered, hands coming up to hide her face, fingers holding onto the too-long sleeves of her coat. "It messed my makeup up." Murphy pulled her hands away, and she took another pained breath in, pulling her arms away from him, hiding them against her chest again. He stroked her cheek, only to have her cringe away. He noticed then the bruise under her eye, the blood on her lip.
"Shae...?"
"I fell." She said, simply, voice sounding angry and hurt.
"What the hell 'appened?" Murphy asked loudly, getting angry as well. Shae stood up, walking away from him, biting her split lip. Murphy stood, found his boxers and pulled them on, following her out of the room. He grabbed her wrist, turning her to him, and she cried out, pulling her arms away from him again. He frowned at her, taking her arm gingerly and pulling her coat sleeve up to reveal dark red bleeding abrasions around her wrists. "I knew you didn' fall." He whispered, still holding her arm. "Wha' 'appened?" He said, voice still quiet.
"Nothing..." Shae whispered again, her voice cracking. Tears came out of her eyes, and she swiped frantically at them. Murphy coiled an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. She clung to him, crying quietly.
"I'll kill the motherfucker wha' did this to you, Shae. I promise, I will." She shook her head quietly, her body going slightly limp against him. He lifted her up, leaning down slightly to look at her, holding her cheeks as she grabbed onto his wrists, trying to steady herself.
"I feel really, really sick, hon... Can you please let me lay down...?" She whispered, her eyes closed tiredly, tears still trying to escape. Murphy slung her arm over his shoulders, and leaned down to grab her legs behind her knees, lifting her against his chest. She clung to his neck, tucking her ear against his chest, clinging to him as he carried her to her soft bed, laying her gently down on it. She groaned when she landed on her back, rolled to her side. Murphy knelt beside the bed, watching her quietly.
"Shae... Tell me wha' 'appened, okay?" Her hands came up to cover her face, shaking her head slowly.
"You'll hate me." She whispered. Murphy sighed quietly, figuring he would just let it go and find out on his own, and kill said motherfucker whenever he discovered who he was. He stood up slowly, going to her pretty little feet to remove her tall heeled boots, shaking his head at the pointlessness of boots with heels. She groaned at him, half asleep. He hushed her quietly, pulling the boot off delicately to reveal her bare legs... She had worn pantyhose when she left. Around her ankles were bloody rope-burned abrasions much like were on her wrists, and large red welts all along her legs. He stroked a particularly dark one with a gentle finger, noticing what looked like a deep red bruise forming in the center line of the welt.
He moved up to undo the buttons of her coat—which he actually recognized now as his coat—and found her naked underneath, except for her bra and panties, the latter torn on one side, and the bra's straps stretched out and loose against her pale shoulders. There was blood all down the insides of her thighs, from he-knew-exactly-where. On her stomach, around her bellybutton, was a big, bleeding, burn, covered in what looked like cigarette ash. He stood abruptly, finding his jeans and sweater on the floor, and pulled them on, his boots over bare feet. He turned back to her, buttoned his jacket over her bare stomach and lifted her up again.
"Murphy... No... Lemme sleep..." She grumbled at him. He held her close against him, carrying her out of her room.
"D'ya need yer purse?" He asked her seeing it on the table.
"Where the hell are you taking me...?" She grumbled at him, sounding exhausted.
"Yer comin' 'ome wit' me." He said quietly, grabbing her purse just in case, and exiting her house, locking the door behind him. She continued to groan at him, trying to fight out of his arms as he carried her to the elevator, fighting to press the down button. "Jes' go to sleep, Shae." She coiled her arms around his neck, pressing her ear against his chest compliantly.
***Though the trip to Eve's apartment took only 30 minutes when Murphy was walking alone, when carrying a half-naked, bloody, 140 pound sleeping girl made the trip last a lot longer, as he couldn't walk down the main streets, and had to take back roads that he didn't recognize, nearly getting lost twice. He sighed when he arrived at the large building, wishing someone would build a fucking elevator in the place, not wanting to have to carry Shae up three flights of stairs.
Once he got to the door, he kicked at it frantically, trying not to drop Shae despite his tired arms. The door opened and Connor stood stupidly in just his boxers, staring at Murphy and the girl in his arms.
"Please tell me Eve's 'ere..." Murphy said, pushing past Connor, turning sideways to fit Shae in through the door.
"She's asleep... Who the fuck is t'is?" Connor asked, following Murphy as he shoved various cans and bags of chips, other garbage and a TV remote from the couch to lay Shae gently on it, whispering a quiet hush at her when she woke up, groaning at him.
"W'ye wake 'er up, please?" Murphy asked, kneeling next to Shae, stroking her long black hair away from her face, strained with pain. "D'you need ice, Shae...? R'you okay...?" She shook her head, reaching up to touch his hand.
"Where am I...?" She whispered back at him. Connor continued to stare stupidly from the other side of the room. Murphy sighed, pulling himself away from Shae.
"Who the fuck is she?" Connor asked, glaring at his brother.
"She's a fuckin' friend, Connor. W'ye please wake Eve up?" Connor stood in silence, glaring at Murphy. Murphy groaned in anger, pushing past Connor to open Eve's bedroom door. He walked to the bed, nudging Eve's shoulder lightly.
"Wha... Huh?" Eve groaned, sitting up, her red hair messy and tangled. Murphy had no idea why he had brought Shae here. It was only going to cause him more problems in the end. Why hadn't he just taken her to the hospital? Was he scared that someone would assume that he was an abusive boyfriend? And most likely a rapist, too, judging from the blood coming from between Shae's pretty little legs.
"Evey, please..." He mumbled, falling onto the floor suddenly, finding it hard to breath. He was scared—what if Shae was dying? He took a deep breath, standing himself back up, pulling the covers away from Eve upon noticing that she actually wore clothes to bed. He sat her up as she continued to grumble in confusion. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." He mumbled, his words slurring together. Eve stared at Murphy, his face panicked, hers confused. "You gotta help 'er..." He mumbled, his voice barely working around the lump that had formed in his throat. Was he going to cry? He stood up, exiting the room quickly to find Connor standing next to the couch, arms crossed over his chest, glaring down at Shae.
"What the fuck did ye do to 'er?" He asked Murphy. Murphy glared at him, fist clenching up. He knew it wasn't in his best interest to attack Connor as Eve woke up in the other room, but he couldn't help it. He expected it to happen, expected his anger to become more pronounced than the fear that had built up in his throat.
"Murphy...?" Came Shae's quiet voice.
"Is there a girl in here?" Eve asked, exiting her bedroom finally, hair still a tangled mess on her head, her tank top falling off of her shoulder and her shorts low on her skinny hips. Murphy leaned down to Shae, kissing her forehead lightly and stroking her hair off of her face. Eve came around to the other side of the couch, watching Murphy in silent shock. "Is this Shae?" She asked him, looking at his distraught form. He nodded slowly, his eyes filling with water, his mouth dry and his throat raw and sore. His arms ached from carrying Shae all this way, his feet had blisters from walking the two miles with no socks, he knew he was going to cry, not wanting to in front of Connor, and he couldn't think straight. "What the fuck did you do to her, Murphy?"
"Why the fuck d'you assume I fuckin' did it?" He yelled back, glaring at her, still crouched next to Shae, holding her cheeks sadly. He moved her large purple purse from underneath her after realizing he had just thrown it down before he sat her down. "I don' know wha' 'appened... She wouldn' tell me..."
"Who the fuck is she?" Connor repeated, loudly. Feeling ignored. Eve came to kneel next to Murphy, ignoring Connor all the same.
"I didn' wan' to take 'er to a 'osp'tal... I don' know why I brough' 'er 'ere... I though' you coul' 'elp 'er..." Murphy slurred, staring hopelessly at his almost-sister. Eve was quiet, staring at Shae still. "Eve, please..." Murphy begged, his voice cracking as the tears suddenly spilled out from his eyes. Eve looked at him, then nodded, standing up.
"Connor, go get the first aid kid out of the bathroom. Bring some water and towels, too." Connor nodded vaguely, his arms still crossed angrily over his chest. He turned to go silently, and Murphy looked at Eve still as she stood beside him, staring intently down at Shae, deciding what to do. "I assume she's naked?" Murphy nodded, looking down, feeling oddly ashamed. "Bring her into my room..." She mumbled. Murphy coiled Shae's arms around his neck delicately again, lifting her up and carrying her to Eve and Connor's room, setting her on top of the comforter after Eve pulled it forward. Connor entered a second later, the first aid kit in one hand, some towels over his arm and a metal mixing bowl of water in the other hand. He held them out to Eve and she took them from him, mumbling something into his ear after kissing his cheek. He nodded at her and exited the room, closing the door behind him. Murphy fell onto the floor again, watching Shae's sleeping form. Eve moved toward the bed, setting the bowl of water on the floor and the towels and first-aid onto the bed. Murphy was silent as she unbuttoned his coat, pulling it away from Shae's chest and gasping in shock at the burn on her stomach, at the bruises around her breasts that Murphy now noticed as well. He stood up, and moved next to Eve.
"I promise, I didn' do it, Eve... I wouldn' ever..." She nodded at him, still staring in shock at Shae's destroyed body. "I wouldn' 'urt 'er."
"I know you wouldn't, Murph..." Eve whispered. "Oh, my God..." She whispered, hand coming up to cover her mouth. She looked over at Murphy. "You better fuckin' kill whoever did this to her, Murphy." He nodded slowly, touching Shae's bruised cheek with a gentle hand.
"I'm going to..." He mumbled, watching Shae as Eve pondered what to do.
"Murphy... Go out and talk to Connor, okay?" Murphy turned to stare at Eve in shock. Why would she even ask him to leave Shae? She knew he couldn't, he didn't want to ever leave her alone again. "You haven't talked to him in forever, except for that day you gave him a black eye. I can take care of Shae, okay? Just go out there. I'm not going to hurt her." Murphy stood slowly, watching Shae as she mumbled something, reaching up. He touched her hand softly, and she murmured the same thing again. He leaned down to her mouth, and her hands came to his head, stroking his face and his soft hair.
"I'm sorry..." She whispered at him. He kissed her forehead sadly, stroking her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Murphy..." He smiled lightly, kissing her again.
"Yer gonna be okay, Shae. Yer gonna be fine. I'ma go, okay? I gotta go talk to Connor." Shae shook her head, reaching out pull Murphy toward her again.
"Don't leave me alone." She whispered, her eyes still clenched closed.
"You'll be fine. Evey's gonna take care of you," Shae's arms wrapped tentatively around Murphy's shoulders, and he kissed her shoulder lightly. "I love you." He mumbled. Eve stood quietly, a few steps back from the bed, watching Murphy. "I trust Eve. You gotta trust 'er, too. Okay?" Shae nodded slowly, and her arms slipped away from Murphy's shoulders. He stood again, Eve patting him on the shoulder awkwardly.
***Murphy exited the room, saw Connor still standing outside awkwardly, watching him.
"Sorry." He mumbled at his brother. Connor shrugged, and then nodded.
"Sorry." He answered, his voice quiet, too. "Who is she?" He asked, nodding toward the door, both of them standing awkwardly, not looking at the other. Murphy's hands were tucked into his jeans pockets and Connor's lay limp against his thighs, in just his boxers.
"Jus' a girl. 'Er name's Shae." Connor nodded quietly, and Murphy glanced up at him, trying to tell if he could tell Murphy was halfway lying. Shae definitely wasn't just a girl. She was far more than that to him. She was his girl. He pretty much was in love with Shae. He turned abruptly when he heard a cry from inside the room, going to the door. Connor caught him by the back of his shirt, pulling him away from it.
"Jus' a girl, huh?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Murphy. Murphy sighed, quietly, looking down before pulling Connor's hand away from his sweater.
"More'n jus' a girl." Murphy mumbled, still staring at the ground.
"'N I s'pose tha's where ye been disappearin' to?" Another nod from Murphy. "Why didn' ye tell me?" This time, he shrugged. Why hadn't he told Connor? He had no idea. Maybe he just liked keeping a secret from him. "Wha' does she do?"
"Wha'?" Murphy responded, not understanding. "Wha' d'you mean?"
"I mean, does she got a job?"
"'Eah." Murphy said, halfway glaring at Connor, still standing there stupidly in his boxers. It was only eight in the morning, Murphy figured. For once Connor had an excuse to not be dressed.
"Wha' does she do?" Connor slurred.
"I don' know." Murphy responded in a terribly annoyed voice. Maybe the month of silence he and Connor had shared was better than this three minute conversation. Maybe they just couldn't talk at all anymore.
"I don' like 'er." Connor said simply, turning to go.
"You 'aven' even talked to 'er! 'Ow can you fuckin' jus' say you don' like 'er?" Murphy yelled taking a step back toward Eve's room, planning on going back in and being with Shae.
"I jus' don'."
"Well, I fuckin' love 'er." Murphy said simply, glaring. Connor turned around to give Murphy an angry glare.
"Ye don' even know wha' she does for a livin'. What if she's un'ercover? Like FBI, or some shit? Wha' if she turns ye into the p'lice?" Murphy looked down. Connor did have a point, not a logical point, but a point nonetheless.
"I don' know. She loves me. She wouldn' turn me in..."
"Ye don' fuckin' know that!" Connor said loudly. Murphy stared at the ground still. Once again, Connor had a point.
"I don' fuckin' know then." Wouldn't Shae have done something already if she was FBI or whatever? Would she have slept with Murphy if she was, beyond that?
"Get rid of 'er." Connor said, glaring, a finger pointed at the door that both the girls were behind.
"Fuck you!" Murphy responded, glaring back. "Fuckin'... Wha' if Eve was a fuckin' FBI agent? Eve fuckin' was FBI. You didn' get rid of 'er!"
"Because she was on Smecker's side!" Connor yelled back, both of them pointing at the door now. They had moved closer together, yelling in each others faces. Murphy was prepared to knock Connor out, fists clenched, his arms throbbing.
"B'chu didn' know tha'!" Murphy yelled again. The door opened and Murphy turned abruptly to see Eve guiding Shae—dressed in Eve's clothes—toward the bathroom. Murphy was silent, and Eve gave the twins an angry look, before disappearing into the bathroom, Shae still leaning against her side, staring spaciously forward. Murphy stepped away from his brother, trying to act like he didn't start anything.
They continued to stand in angry silence, Murphy jumping in surprise when the water started. Eve exited after a few minutes more, mumbling something to Shae.
She walked to the twins, giving them both saddened looks. Murphy looked away and Connor's hand came up to the back of his head sheepishly.
"Murphy," Eve mumbled, setting a hand on his elbow. She sighed quietly, looking down, hand dropping from his arm. "I'm driving her to the hospital after she takes a bath. There's shit wrong with her that... There's no way that I could even attempt to fix." She mumbled. "What happened to her..." Another loud sigh.
"I didn' do it, Eve... Why woul' I ever...?" She nodded softly as Connor glared at his brother.
"I know, Murph. She told me."
"Why'd she tell you and not me?" Murphy asked, his face falling back into sadness. Eve was quiet, turning to go into her room, most likely to get dressed.
"Ye didn' know if ye beat the livin' shit out of yer girl?" Connor asked, giving Murphy a dirty look.
"I know I didn' do tha' shit to her, Connor--" Murphy yelled, pointing an angry finger, once more before Eve interrupted him.
"Connor, shut the hell up, okay?" She turned to Murphy, giving him a sad look. "Some Russian guys found out she was seeing you. She works for them... They weren't happy. They beat the shit out of her. A bunch of them fuckin' raped her. They used her stomach as an ashtray." She turned to Connor. "Murphy couldn't do that to anyone if he tried. You know that." Connor looked down sheepishly, Murphy stared at Eve hopefully.
"Let me go with you." He said, reaching out to his almost-sister. "When you take 'er to the 'osp'tal."
"You can't come, Murphy." He frowned, quietly, looking back to the ground. "Go check on her. Make sure she's still awake and above water..." He turned, only to have Connor grab his arm, waiting quietly until Eve went into her room, closing the door behind her.
"Get rid of 'er. She's gonna get you fuckin' killed, Murph." Connor said, before pulling Eve's bedroom door open, entering and slamming the door behind him. Murphy stood in silence, looking down.
He was right. Either he was going to get himself killed, or he was going to get Shae killed. Or maybe just seriously fuck her up. He bit into his thumb, looking around the room frantically. Should he just disappear? What was he supposed to do? He had to say goodbye to Shae... Right?
"Fuck..." He mumbled, taking a step toward the bathroom. He had to see her, at least. He pulled the door open, peeking in at Shae, laying in the water, dark with all the blood. Her eyes were shut, and she looked like she was sleeping. He leaned against the door frame, staring at her sadly. Did he need to say goodbye? Did he need to tell her he loved her? Would that hurt more or less? He didn't understand women... Maybe she would just understand if he disappeared and never saw her again. Would she come back, look for him? Would she try to find him again?
"Murphy...?" Came her quiet voice, one of her tired eyes opening halfway. She opened her arms at him and he walked toward her, kneeling next to the tub. She looked at him, quietly, one hand coming out of the hot water to touch his cheek. "Why are you sad...? I'm okay, I promise." She whispered, sounding so tired, so pained. Murphy stayed quiet, staring at her and biting his lip. He loved her so much. He couldn't leave her. But if he stayed, she would get hurt. Or his brother would get hurt. Someone would get hurt. He reached into the tub, not caring about his sweater. It was already covered in blood, it was inevitable. He pulled her up against him, clinging to the back of her head, stroking her long, wet hair.
"I love you, Shae." He whispered against her cheek, kissing her cheek lightly. Her arms coiled around his shoulders, her wrists cringing away when they touched the back of his neck, her fingers coming back to stroke his hair delicately.
"I love you, too." Shae said quietly, her voice odd and concerned. Murphy pulled away from her to look at her sadly. "Murph, what's going on...?" He stroked her cheek, still just staring at her in thought. "Murphy, please...?" He pushed his mouth on hers, then stood up, looking away from her now.
"Eve's gonna take care of you, okay...?" He mumbled, his arms dripping with bloody bathwater.
"Murph..." Shae mumbled, voice choking with tears. "Don't leave me alone, Murphy..." He bit his lip, turning quickly, exited the bathroom, ignoring Shae as she yelled his name, her voice still choked. He couldn't even say goodbye.
He exited the apartment, slamming the door behind him and running down the three flights of stairs, despite his aching legs and feet. He got out to the street and ran. He got to the end of the street, and ran. He had no fucking clue where he was going to go, only that he had to get the fuck away from Connor, from Eve, and from Shae. He had to get away from anyone who knew him.
He paused at a corner to catch his breath, looking down at the sorry state of himself. His heels throbbed inside his shoes, his legs burned now, his lungs ached. All of his money was in his coat, his cigarettes and his lighter, too. He fell onto the corner, pulling his shoes off to soothe his feet with the cold night air, breathing deeply. He looked at the sorry state of himself, dripping wet, covered in sweat and smelling of blood.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." He mumbled, looking around the unfamiliar street.
"Hey, man, are you alright...?" Came the voice of a man. Murphy turned to look at the feet belonging to the man, saw expensive shoes, and the bottom of a business suit. He stood, ran, leaving his shoes behind. His legs moved before he could stand fully, nearly falling onto his face. He knees felt like jelly as he turned into an alley, falling on the far side of a dumpster. He leaned against the dirty wall, catching his head in his hands. He was sweating, hot, bloody and wet.
How was he supposed to live like this? He would have to avoid everyone. Connor, Eve, Shae, anyone who may have seen the news at any given time in the past eight years. He sighed loudly, looking around the alley. Maybe he could just live here. That way he couldn't hurt anyone, right? His head fell against his knees, and he sighed deeply, preparing himself for tears that he knew would come.
***The rain had beat his tears, an hour and a half later, pouring down on the streets and into the alleyway, practically flooding it. Dark black puddles of muck filled the small street, garbage floating up and toward the drain further down the street, grazing Murphy's bare feet, freezing and numb. He curled himself up tighter, staring at the far wall, wishing that nothing had happened to Shae, wishing that he knew how to fix what had happened to her.
There was a way, he figured. Kill off every Russian person he could fucking find. Which would take a while, and probably wouldn't work, as Connor had hid their guns, informing Murphy that he had too much of a temper to be able to hold onto his own gun. He didn't know where he could buy a new gun, either. Not with his face in the news, proclaiming he was a killer.
He stood slowly, glancing toward the street. His feet still ached, but at least he couldn't feel the blisters anymore. He walked toward the city. Maybe he would just wander around until someone found him and sent him back to jail. He could keep Shae safe if he was in there, couldn't he?
Finally, the tears came. They were hot against his cold cheeks. The rain still falling heavily made them disappear, and thankfully, none of the people on the streets looked at him. If they did, no one must have recognized him. After another hour of wandering, no one had stopped him, no one had tried to kill him.
He paused in front of a brightly lighted building, glancing up at it sadly. A hospital. He had to know... Was Shae in this one? He glanced around, trying to find something else familiar about the city he was in... It was definitely still Boston, but he wasn't sure where in Boston. It didn't look familiar... But nothing was to him at this point. He had seen himself in a reflection, and had scared himself. He didn't look like Murphy MacManus anymore. He looked like someone else, like he had changed, like everything else had changed.
He took a tentative step toward the hospital, not sure if they would welcome soaking wet barefoot people into their clutches. Maybe he would have better luck at a church... Even though Shae wouldn't be in a church. Shae would be in a hospital.
At this thought, he turned himself abruptly. He couldn't see Shae. He wanted to. He knew that he needed to see her to feel normal again.
"Shit..." He mumbled, turning slightly to look up at the hospital again.
South Boston Mercy Hospital. Maybe it was familiar. He took another step toward it, wanting so badly to at least go ask if she was here. Make sure she made it safe to the hospital. He wanted to make sure she was alive. He pulled the door open, sliding in quickly. The receptionist looked up at him in confusion and he walked toward her.
"Is there a Shae Malchik checked in 'ere?" He asked, still dripping wet. He wiped at a descending drop of water from his forehead, tickling the skin.
"I'm sorry sir, I can't--" The nurse said, staring up at him still, a underlying look of disgust beneath her faked concern.
"You can. Jus' tell me if she's 'ere." He said, glaring. It was so simple. Maybe he should have tried the emergency room.
"Sir, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to--"
"Leave?" Murphy anticipated. "Yer gonna hafto ask me to leave?" He practically yelled, hands setting calmly onto the desk. The woman nodded. "Leave a 'osp'tal?" He asked, glaring at the woman. "A 'Mercy' 'osp'tal?" She frowned at him, before quickly looking away. "Cos I fuckin' figgered there'd be, like, mercy or something at a Mercy 'osp'tal. I jus' need to know if a girl named Shae Malchik was checked in 'ere. Please, lady..."
"Sir, I'm sorry... We can't disclose that information--"
"Fuck it." Murphy yelled, finally, throwing his hands up. "If I can' even get help from a fuckin' 'osp'tal that's supposed take care of people, I don' know where I'm s'posed to go in this day n' fuckin' age." He yelled, turning to go, his bare feet squishing uncomfortably against the dry carpet.
"Murphy...?" Came a quiet voice. Murphy turned abruptly, seeing Eve standing near the hall. "Oh, my god, what happened to you?" She asked, coming over to him. "I'm sorry..." She said to the receptionist. "His girlfriend got into an accident... He's having a breakdown." Eve looped her hand around Murphy's arm, pulling him away from the desk. "What happened to your boots?" Murphy shook his head quietly, looking down.
"So she's 'ere?" Eve nodded, and grabbed Murphy's cheeks, pulling his face down to look at him. He pulled his head away quickly, frowning.
"Where the fuck did you go?" Eve asked, looking Murphy over sadly. He was a sorry-ass mess. "Why did you fuckin' leave like that? You didn't even tell us you were going. What the hell were you doing, dumping Shae on us like that?"
"I didn' dump her on you..." Murphy mumbled, still looking down. "I jus' lef'. It was my faul' she got 'urt. Wha' the hell else was I s'posed to do? I figgered you'd take her to the 'osp'tal... And she would get better eventually and leave, y'know? I don' know..." Eve frowned at him, grabbing his arm again.
"You can't just leave her. She loves you, too, Murphy."
"If I stay, wha's gonna happen to 'er? Somethin' worse'n wot 'appened already?" Eve frowned up at Murphy. He looked down. "I wan' 'oo." He mumbled, biting his nail. "I wanna stay and love 'er. I do... But if I do, I don' know what'll 'appen to her." Murphy repeated, his voice trailing away into nothing when it cracked.
"So what are you going to do?" Eve asked. Murphy shrugged, still not looking at Eve. He glanced up at painting that was hanging on the wall, one of those that was probably was supposed to be calming, but was really just ugly. "Come see her. She's asleep, they knocked her out..." He looked up at Eve sadly, quirking an eyebrow. "Decide when you see her, okay? You don't even have to wait for her to wake up. You can leave if you still feel the same... Or you can stay, and protect her. Its not like you can't, right?" Murphy nodded slowly, returning to the depressingly ugly picture. Eve nodded, also, aand took a step away, leading him to Shae.
***Murphy entered the small hospital room quietly, glancing away from his brother who sat—finally clothed—in a corner of the room, a magazine over his knee, half sleeping, half reading.
"What the 'ell is 'e doin' 'ere?" Murphy mumbled, glancing up at Eve. She sat a hand on Murphy's elbow quietly, steering him toward the other side of the bed.
"He's making sure no one else tries to kill Shae while I went to look for you. You should probably thank him." She whispered, kissing Murphy's cheek lightly before going toward the door. "I'll bring you some dry clothes, okay?" Eve mumbled, shooting a dirty look at Connor who stood obediently, patting Murphy's damp shoulder. Connor left the room, closing the door behind him, figuring that the dirty look from Eve meant "Go the hell away."
"Thanks." Murphy mumbled, looking down again, wishing he had shoes. Eve glanced down at his pale feet as well, frowning slightly.
"What size do you wear?" She asked, still standing close to him, a hand on his could shoulder.
"Same as Connor." Eve nodded, then looked at Shae, frowning.
"They treated her burn, bandaged her up. Nothing's wrong with her... She's just really beat up. A little traumatized." Murphy nodded slowly, looking up at Shae as well, sleeping peacefully, looking clean and pristine with no make-up on. "Do you want me to stay with you? Or do you want to be alone?"Murphy shrugged, staring at Shae. He fell into the chair that was sitting next to the bed—the one across the room from where Connor had been sitting. "Will you be okay alone?" He nodded, grabbing the front of his soaked sweater and debating wringing it out. "I'll bring you clothes, okay? Be good." Eve said, coming over to pat Murphy's soaked head before walking away.
***Three hours later, Shae still hadn't so much as moved, still asleep from the medications they had given her. Eve had come and gone, bringing Murphy a box of orange juice—informing him that if he didn't drink it, he would catch a cold—, and a dry set of clothes, as well as a new pair of boots. He had dressed quickly, stuffing his sweater—which seemed to have grown due to the weight from the water—and jeans into the bag that Eve had brought the new clothes in. She had given Murphy a kiss on the cheek and told him that she would bring him food in a few hours, after her shift down at Sundance. He had agreed quietly, and Eve had left, saying nothing else.
And Murphy had sat. In silence, watching Shae, wishing he could make up his mind. He didn't know what he was supposed to do without her, if he did choose to leave, but he didn't know how he was supposed to keep her safe if he stayed.
He had scooted the chair close to the bed, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, trying to be right next to her, wanting to be. His reasons for leaving seemed to outweigh his reasons for staying, even though he truly wanted to stay with her, to have her near him. He sighed loudly, his finger coming up to his mouth.
"Don't bite your nails, sweetheart..." Came a quiet and weak voice. He glanced up, saw Shae looking at him sadly, trying to smile. "You have such pretty hands, darling. Don't ruin them. Please." He dropped his hands to his lap, looking down at them silently. Shae pulled herself up to a sitting position, groaning in quiet pain, or maybe just because she was exhausted. "Eve told you, didn't she?" She whispered. Murphy nodded slowly, still staring down at his hands. "Do you hate me?"
"I don' hate you." He mumbled, picking at his thumbnail, now. "I jus' think... I think maybe I shouldn' be around you." He glanced up to see Shae staring at him sadly, her hands sitting in her lap, hunched over her stomach lightly. She nodded slowly, then looked away.
"I understand..."
"I love you, Shae. I do. Tha' doesn' change, kay?" He whispered, wanting her to look at him, wanting to hold her and not let go, wanting so many things he couldn't have.
"How can you?" She whispered back, looking down. "How can you love me, still?"
"I jus' wan' you to be safe, Shae... I don' wanna 'urt you," Murphy mumbled, realizing how selfish he sounded. Maybe she didn't care if he left or not. Maybe she wanted him to leave. Maybe she knew it was his fault and hated him for it.
"Safe?" She asked, looking up at him in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed. "What did Eve tell you...?" She whispered, still staring at him.
"Tha' some Russians fucked you up cos you was with me..." Shae gave a half smile, looked down quietly.
"You don't hate me?" She whispered at him. He shook his head, staring at her in confusion, now. She gave him another half-smile, before looking down again. "Are you going to leave me?" She whispered, her knees pulling up so that she could set her cheek against them.
"I don' wan' to." He said, voice faint, almost as if, if either of them spoke audibly everyone would know they were speaking, that someone would come and interrupt. "I wan' so much, Shae. I wanna be with you." She smiled at him lightly, reaching out to him.
"If I..." She stopped herself, shook her head. He reached out to her as well, a thumb caressing her lip lightly, so pale without her dark lipstick. He was so used to her make up, she looked so frail without it. "I love you, Murphy. I want you to stay." She whispered, setting her hands against his cheeks. He was so warm from the inevitable cold, giving him a fever, Shae's usually warm hands felt cool and soothing against his skin. "Can I call you mine?"
"Only if I can call you mine." He mumbled back, giving her a soft smile. She smiled softly, too, stroking his ears and his hair.
"I was scared." She whispered, pressing her forehead lightly against his. He smiled, petting her cheeks. "I was scared you were going to say that you hated me. That you couldn't love me, anymore. I was scared I was going to lose you. I didn't want to." He smiled, kissing her lightly.
"I wouldn' 'ave said any of that." He mumbled, running his thumb over her eyebrow. She smiled lightly, stroking his chin with a thumb, fixing his stubble. "I never woul' 'ave... why wouldn' I love you anymore?" He whispered, pulling back from her softly, leaning against his chair with a quiet sigh, feeling relieved and terribly sick.
"I don't know." Shae whispered, setting her cheek back against her knees,watching Murphy in silence. "Can I hold your hand?" She mumbled, glancing down at her hand, laying against the hospital blanket, over her calf. Murphy opened his eyes slowly, tiredly, to look at her, raising an eyebrow. He held a hand out to her awkwardly, and she pressed her palm against his, sliding her fingers around his, thumb stroking the back of his hand, petting the word 'QUIT' within his tattoo. He smiled at their hands locked together, pet the back of her hand with his thumb. "I've never held your hand..." She whispered, suddenly, also watching their hands caress each other in front of her. He reached out to her, tugging her chin toward him, and kissing her mouth.
"I love you." He whispered. She smiled lightly, tiredly, kissing him back.
"I love you, too." Murphy stroked her chin lightly, before pulling himself away from her, thinking. "What happened today... Didn't have anything to do with you, okay, Murphy?" He looked at her quietly. "It was because I'm stupid. Its not because I love you, or because I'm with you. Its just because I've made dumbass decisions for the past eight years." Murphy nodded, watching her with his own tired eyes.
"I'm sorry I couldn' protect you." He whispered, still watching her. She smiled at him, pulling his hand up to her mouth to kiss his knuckles lightly.
"You would have done an amazing job, anyways, honey."