It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, we're letting go
Holding On and Letting Go
Chapter Four
...
Castle was unusually quiet on the ride back to her apartment. He sat, hand tangled with hers, watching out the window.
Alexander Bishop hadn't been what either of them expected. At all.
They rode the elevator in silence as well. She fought the urge to speak, pushing her questions down, giving him time to process.
He followed her through her front door. She headed straight for her bedroom, turning back to find him stopped in the kitchen, slumping down onto a stool. She sighed and quickly put her badge and gun in their box. Her clothes were stifling, constricting her breathing, so she kicked her heels off and changed into a pair of sweats and one of his t-shirts.
Much better.
Kate found Castle, still on the stool, staring at his hands. A blank look on his face.
She moved into his eye line, drawing a soft smile from him.
"Hey," she said as pushed her way between his legs, hands traveling up and down his thighs. "How are you doing?"
He shrugged. "Fine."
Kate raised her eyebrows, calling his bluff. She draped her arms over his shoulders as his hands found her hips.
"Alright, maybe not fine. Surprised?" he sighed. "I kind of like the guy...how messed up is that?"
"It's not messed up," she murmured, scratching the base of his skull. He leaned back into her touch.
The man reminded her a little bit of the Castle she met on the Tisdale case. Not that she would never tell Rick that. He was charming, arrogant, and handsome. And the longer she looked at him, the more striking their resemblance became.
But as they talked, that all slipped away. He explained quietly that he never wanted to be a father and he walked away because he knew he'd be horrible at it. In the past forty years, he averaged 9 months of traveling a year. He said sent money when he could, but he only started being published by the big names in the last fifteen years.
"Did you see all that hair on his head?" she asked, teasing, tugging lightly on the fine hairs scattered across his nape. The corner of his mouth twitched as he shook his head.
"So vain," he muttered, squeezing her waist, pulling a squeak of protest from her.
"I can't believe he's read all my books..."
The pride was clear and shining when Bishop told Castle that. He had been in JFK looking for something to read when he came across one of Castle's novels. He had picked it up, and was scanning the back cover when the woman next to him gave her glowing recommendation and mentioned the author was the son of 'that actress Martha Rodgers.'
So, when he had gotten back from his assignment, he went out and bought all of Castle's novels. He particularly liked the Nikki Heat series. He had even tried to weasel a few spoilers out of his son.
"Yeah. Me neither."
When Castle had asked him why he wanted to meet him now, his dad shrugged.
"Because I'm not getting any younger and not knowing you...I regret it."
Castle was staring, just past her shoulder. She pushed back on his chest until he was looking at her again.
"Are you going to tell your mom and Alexis?" she asked softly.
"Yeah, of course." he said, swallowing hard, nodding a little too enthusiastically. "Don't know what I'm going to say..."
She pulled him against her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, running a comforting hand up and down his back.
"Are you glad you went?" she whispered into his ear. He sucked in a ragged breath before shaking his head.
"Yes, I am. It's good to know. He seems like a good man, that helps. A horrible father, but not a bad person," he said with a humorless laugh. "Thank you, for coming with me," he murmured against her neck, breathing her in.
Their fight from last night seemed so far away right now. All the hurt and shattered trust unimportant. She wanted to protect him from his father. And, really, that's all he was trying to do.
Keep her safe.
She pulled his face between her palms, kissing him. His mouth fell open under hers, drawing comfort from the slide of her tongue against his.
"Where else would I have been?" she asked, pulling away, breathless. She leaned until her forehead rested against his.
He smiled, eyes crinkling.
...
Kate woke with a start, heart pounding in her chest, pulling at her scar. She took a breath, her lungs burning with need. She sat up searching, blindly groping in the dark until her hand hit his bare back, warm and moving.
She let out a long sigh of relief, leaning back against her headboard. He was fine. It was just a dream. Nightmare, it was a nightmare. She hadn't had one in months, especially since he'd been with her most nights.
But...God, if she closed her eyes she could still see all the blood. His blood.
It wasn't the cemetery.
It was usually the cemetery, and Castle's reflexes were always a little sharper and he was always just a little quicker. She shuddered.
This was a new one. And he didn't take a bullet that was supposed to be hers this time. They were aiming for him. And they didn't miss.
She looked over at her partner, on his stomach, head turned toward her. She slid down until they were even, her head resting on his pillow.
"Rick," she whispered across the short distance between them.
His eye brows furrowed, a small grunt rumbling through his chest. She brought a hand up, dragging her finger tips across his face, tracing his eyebrows, pushing the hair off his forehead.
"Babe," she tried again, tugging lightly on his ear. He jerked awake, eyes blinking and searching. He rolled onto to his side, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"Hmm?" He hummed, eyes slipping shut again, squeezing her against him.
"Castle," she said a little louder, startling him.
"What? What's wrong?" he mumbled, glancing over her shoulder at the clock.
She doesn't even know how late it is. Never looked, unable shake the feeling of his blood under her hands.
"I need you to stop."
"What?" he asked, trying to sit up, worry painting his face. She wrapped a hand at his neck, keeping him laying down and close.
She needed him close.
"Please stop working on my mom's case. I get it. I know why you're doing it and I love you for trying, but please stop," her voice broke, a choked sob tumbling from her chest. The images from her nightmare still rolling around her head.
She can't...
She won't lose him.
"Please," she whispered again. "They'll kill you."
His eyes were wide, concern pouring from them.
"Okay, okay," he murmured, crushing her against him. "I'll stop."
He cradled her against him, until she could breathe again. His hand pushing her hair back off her face, cheeks wet and salty. He pressed a kiss beneath each of her eyes, taking away what moisture he could.
"I can't-I can't lose you," she said, almost too quietly to catch.
"You won't, I'm right here."
She let out a shaky breath, the tension from the dream finally leaving her. Pressing her open mouth to his jaw, she nibbled at his scruff. He grunted, titling her chin until he could properly take her mouth.
...
They broke apart; breathing heavy, Kate relaxed. Both sated.
Castle got up for water, bringing them both back a glass.
"Thank you," she murmured, as he slid back under the covers.
"No, thank you," he replied, leering.
She hid her grin behind her glass as she took a long sip, feeling finding its way back to her limbs. She sagged back against his chest, his arms snaking around her shoulders.
"You good?" He asked, lips at her temple.
She nodded, turning her head to catch his mouth.
"A lot has happened these past few days," she said with a sigh. "Everyone knows..."
"Yeah," he breathed. "It was kind of fun sneaking around. Although the looks on Ryan and Esposito's faces were pretty great. And Lanie didn't give you too hard of a time either," he said.
She laughed, pulling back and twisting to look at him.
"Lanie, is still going to kick my ass. And the boys...they caught us making out in the precinct, there is no way they're letting that go."
"Yeah, about that..."
"Never happening again," she said cutting him off.
"But-"
"Nope."
"Fine," he mumbled, pouting.
She smirked, pulling herself up until she straddled his lap. He gripped her thighs, eyes darkening. He grabbed her chin between his finger and thumb.
"I love you," he whispered, guiding her closer, pressing a kiss lightly against her lips.
"Love you, too."
...
a/n: That's all there is! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I greatly appreciate it. Now back to writing the novel.
**This would have been up early last night if the document uploader on this site was working.**