Rey slumps to her knees. The cold hard floor of the 'fresher bites her skin before another mouthful of acidic bile escapes from her quivering lips. Stuck in an endless cycle, her wayward stomach heaves and lurches painfully until the very last of its contents joins the pool of frothy vomit at the bottom of the toilet bowl. When her shaky legs finally allow her to stand up, her first thoughts—other than splashing cold water on her clammy face and rinsing the rancid taste away—are of Ben.
If she wasn't so stubborn she would admit she's mortified their reunion ended so abruptly. Sure, the freedom fighter who is committed to defeat the First Order is relieved to know Kylo Ren is gone, yet, why is it so hard to extinguish the spark of hope that someday, somehow Ben will come back? It's wrong and dangerous but she enjoyed seeing him again, feeling his presence and picking his brain.
The cool stream of water does little to clear her headspace. On the contrary. Not only does she remain clueless as to what-the-kriff the Jedi of old meant by eternally still whirlpool, but she might have given the Supreme Leader a clue to work out the location of the Resistance! The ashen and disheveled reflection in the mirror scowls at that prospect.
She'll have to come up with a lie to order the evacuation. A white lie. Something small, something that Poe and the leaders of the Resistance will fall for; that she had a vision for instance. Or a dream! That she foresaw the First Order blasting the base. No one would dare to contradict Luke Skywalker's student anyway. Especially not the ragtag band of believers Finn, Poe and Chewie rescued from an ambush last week. They'll be more than happy to back up whatever mystical quest she'll embark the Resistance on. Even the most skeptical officers started believing in the Force since they saw her lifting rocks on Crait.
They claim to put their faith in the Jedi to get rid of evil in the galaxy. Although, she's not dumb. Most of them are simply desperate to recruit more saboteurs and spies in remote villages and mining colonies, and nothing better sells a life of hiding and danger than the tale of a lone Jedi battling an army and of his young apprentice who killed Supreme Leader Snoke after defeating his dark pupil, Kylo Ren.
Yes, she'll just need to locate a new base, then they'll embark on another prophetic journey. More than likely, there are dozens—perhaps hundreds—of forgotten Imperial facilities around the Outer Rim. But then, what if the First Order works out that the Resistance has stopped looking for Rebel outposts to reclaim? They are the ones in possession of all the records from the Empire, surely they have access to the data. Oh, no! What has she done? She has doomed them all!
Her grip on the basin tightens. Rey feels lightheaded and not just from the aftermath of being sick. What if Luke and Snoke were right after all? That she has no place in that story? That she's not the hero people believe she is—not the hero she wants to be?
Since walking out of the Supremacy she's been so certain her existence has a purpose, that she's an instrument of the Force, but what if she's deluded? What if she's been lying to herself and there is no greater purpose? What if Kylo Ren is right? What if she is indeed no one?
Bitter tears start pooling at the corner of her eyes. She can't lie to Poe and the rest. She can't look them in the eyes and pretend she had a vision. If she does, then the foundation of the new Jedi will be no more than pillars of sand, ready to crumble with the first gust of wind. She needs to tell the truth, explain what really happened, no matter the consequences.
Or—
There is another option. She straightens up and takes a deep breath in.
Leave.
Leave the Resistance to find out where the cave haunting her dreams is located. Put a rest to the burning questions that remain. And maybe then, only then, will she will come back.
A shiver forces her to brush that foolish thought aside. She can't just abandon her friends. It must be three in the morning by now and the 'fresher is freezing as a tomb. She'll sleep, and everything will be clearer in the morning. Yes, a few hours of slumber. That's all she needs.
On the way out, Rey picks up the Aionomica. The binding is cold and inanimate after spending some time on the floor. Perhaps the book took offense to being so carelessly handled and discarded. It's okay. Tomorrow it will start singing again—or the day after tomorrow. It isn't the first time the book remains silent, and it won't be the last.
The main lights must have gone off while she was sick, so Rey decides to keep the door of the 'fresher ajar. A faint ray of light seeps into the darkened bedroom; just enough to navigate around the salvage without upsetting her swollen eyes. This has been the longest day since Leia passed away and Rey cannot wait to sprawl under the covers to forget about the party, about the sickness, and about Ben Solo. If only for a few hours.
Once she has made sure the Aionomica is resting safely on the pile of documents that litter the desk, Rey shuffles to the bed, only to stop midway, blinded by a sudden flash of white pain. Her shin has collided with something solid and heavy, something she's forgotten she had moved earlier—the kriffing chair!
An eerie feeling of déjà-vu creeps on Rey as her uncoordinated feet leave the ground and her arms flail helplessly for purchase. This time, even her Jedi reflexes won't save her from the indignity of falling head first onto the mattress. Which is why, when a large hand grabs her wrist and pulls her down, the only sound to come out of her throat is a high-pitched cry of disbelief.
"You're back," Ben's unvarnished voice comments as she plummets directly into his arms.
Bewildered, Rey needs to do a double take to ensure the large frame she slammed against isn't a figment of her imagination, a hallucination born from her intoxicated mind. It's not. Ben is back—or in all likelihood, was quietly waiting in the dark all this time.
The pounding of her heart accelerates. Panic? Relief? Hard to pick one when so many contradicting instincts are fighting for dominance on the battlefield of her awareness.
Without loosening his embrace, Ben gives her face a thorough examination. "You don't look well."
"Neither do you," Rey shoots back, her tongue working on autopilot. She doesn't mean it as an insult or a jab though; Ben does look faded and a bit slack around the mouth, as if he's been sick or awakened by the ruckus. It wouldn't be surprising if he had fallen asleep after all. How long did she spend in the 'fresher exactly?
His gaze softens and Rey feels her cheeks reddening when she realises she's sitting in his lap, one knee resting on the mattress, the other poised over his thigh. A small voice at the back of her mind—a vestige of her self-preservation instinct—tries to warn her. Not even her most daring dreams started this way.
The voice begs her to to stay vigilant in case Supreme Leader Ren is lurking somewhere under the skin of Ben Solo. But Rey quiets the voice, suddenly awash with gratitude and a singular sense of elation. The Force is giving them a second chance to mend broken ties. That's why this is still happening, right?
Her fingers twitch on his shoulder and for a moment she marvels at the intricacy of his surcoat. She was correct. It is made of Cyrene silk; incredibly soft to the touch yet long lasting and probably more comfortable than any of the rags she collected in the desert. A material fit for kings and queens. And if it wasn't luxurious enough, minuscule dark gemstones are skillfully interlaced with the fabric. Every time Ben's chest moves up and down, the precious stones shine and dance like the waves of Ahch-To under the moonlight.
His left hand slides boldly under the tank-top to sprawl against the small of her back and Rey notices he ungloved. His bare palm radiates a welcome and pleasant heat against her spine. She should object to the intimacy, but she doesn't.
"I couldn't see or hear you, but I knew you were unwell," he says, a shy smirk attached to his lips. "My stomach turned too," he adds, brushing a strand of wet hair off her forehead.
"Join me."
The sound of her own voice surprises Rey. She didn't plan—mean—to say that aloud. Didn't even think as a matter of fact. Too late. The cacophony of her pounding heart is so loud her eardrums are about to rupture.
To her dismay, a flash of misery crosses Ben's scarred face and Rey recoils, anticipating the grating sensation of his awareness to burn into her mind looking for an explanation. He doesn't try to pry though. He stares at her motionless, eyes sad and adoring at the same time.
"I can't," he finally replies, hopelessness laced in his voice rather than the calculated callousness he used previously.
"Why not?" Rey prods, hoping for an honest answer. He's free of Snoke and according to the Resistance's intel, his reign as Supreme Leader is filled with internal strife and discontent. They should both leave. Find that cave. Find those answers. Together.
"You could be free," Rey whispers. "Don't you see it?" She moves her fingers to brush the small expanse of flesh exposed under his ear. "The cave."
A sad smile curls the corner of his mouth, but this time Ben closes his eyes and doesn't reject her gentle touch. Pink blooms on his cheeks. "Rey, I think I know what is happening," he says. His voice is low and restrained, as if he's trying to focus on a mathematical equation to keep a cool head. His hand—that doesn't seem to agree with his brain on the subject—tries to pull her closer.
Hoping to help him change his mind, Rey shifts on his lap to close the gap between them.
"You're dodging the question," she protests under her breath, moving her thumb to caress his jaw suggestively.
"I'm borrowing time," he says before opening his eyes slowly as if he's afraid she's going to ebb away if his theory is incorrect.
Their eyes lock and his chest swells with what could be relief or joy. Either way, he captures her cheek gently and Rey doesn't look away. The brush of his thumb on her parted lips sends sparks of anticipation right down to that spot of growing warmth between her thighs.
If he's still pretending he doesn't want to kiss her, he's doing a very poor job. Not that she's doing any better with her thumb exploring the moisture that formed at the corner of his left eye. It would take a lot of explaining if Finn or Rose were to open the door right now.
They remain transfixed, holding on to that moment for as long as they can. Heat radiates from their skin, blending into a cocoon that envelops both of them. The universe itself seems to come to a complete stand still and the night is mute apart from a faint buzzing of electricity running through the walls of the forgotten Imperial base.
Rey's breath hitches in her throat. She should say something—anything—but words are lost. Ben's head rocks gently as her index finger traces the pink smooth line that bisects his face. How strange that he never blamed her for branding him, not even once.
How long do they have before the rest of the base awakens? Before he remembers he is the ruler of the First Order who will never relinquish his power for a scavenger?
Rey chews on her lower lip and Ben's nostrils flare. He seems to search for his words.
"Earlier," he says eyes still locked with hers, "before you appeared. I could feel you. It made me angry."
An embarrassing hotness spreads on Rey's cheeks at the evocation.
"I was worried you were with someone else," he adds. "That it was a trick."
Against all odds, it's not jealousy or outrage that Rey detects underneath Ben's words. Solace, maybe? A question? He stays silent for a few seconds, observing her reactions. She's not sure how to respond, though. Is he hoping she'll confess it was the first time her fingers curled inside her at the thought of his cock? Because it wasn't, so it can't be the only reason the Force reunited them tonight.
"Do you understand the implication?" he inquires more seriously.
Yes. The way his hand supports the small of her back while she rubs the side of his neck gives her a pretty good idea of the implication. Nonetheless, Rey lips are sealed. Words are useless. Unlike aboard the Supremacy, there is nothing tonight to confess or admit that they both don't know already. She wants him and he wants her.
The smirk at the corner of Ben's mouth blooms into a proper smile and Rey readies herself to find out what exactly it means to feel another human being.
His hand slides down her back to rest in the crook of her knee. Then, in one swift yet gentle movement he pivots and guides them both onto the bed. The old mattress bounces and creaks in distress, unhappy to support their combined weights.
Rey's hand drops by her side because she's not quite sure what to do with it just yet. In her dreams it always seems so simple, so natural. In real life it looks a bit more complicated than that. Ben props himself on one elbow to watch her reactions. Their legs and hips tangle. Goosebumps of anticipation sprinkle her arms.
Before she can open her mouth to ask if he finally wants to kiss her, Ben flashes a knowing, almost impish smile. The tip of his nose brush against her cheekbone and Rey closes her eyes, enthralled by the sensation of his hot breath tickling her skin. The little hairs at the back of her neck stand as soon as his lips start tracing the curve of her ear. Whatever comes next she wants to etch his words into her memory.
"I like how you think, but you're missing the bigger picture, Rey of Jakku," he whispers in a low, suggestive voice that would melt the ice of Starkiller Base.
The bigger picture? Rey hasn't read any of the romance holonovels Kaydel keeps raving about during lunch time, but that doesn't sound like the romantic declaration she was hoping for. She opens her eyes to shoot him a quizzical look and her heart sinks.
Ben watches her, head tilted sideway. The smile on his face has disappeared, replaced by a saddened expression. Then, as if he's suddenly unable to withstand her stare any longer, he exhales a deep breath, collapses on his back, and burrows his face in the crook of his elbow.
"If we can feel pleasure, we can feel pain too," he clarifies gloomily.
Rey winces. That still doesn't explain why he keeps delaying the inevitable. They're not about to wrestle. Are they?
If they're not supposed to elope to the far end of the galaxy, far far away from their respective factions after tonight, then why is the Force still connecting them?
"I was going to kill him," Ben finally announces. The gentleness is gone, replaced by glacial hatred.
"Who?" she asks, unsure she wants to hear the truth. "The man you thought was with me?"
Perhaps the nagging voice was right after all. Perhaps Supreme Leader Ren cannot be trusted.
Rey sits up, heart banging against her ribcage and before she can really think of what she's doing, her hand has summoned the holster that hangs above the bed. The blaster Han gifted her blinks into her palm, at the ready.
"No. Hux."
The name seems to grate his tongue more than usual.
Rey sighs a small sigh of relief then glance at the weapon and shrugs. What was she going to do with that, exactly?
"I was ready to die," Ben continues flatly. "Until you appeared."
She's glad he can't see the worried look she shoots him. There is a sudden shift in his voice as if there is more to his confession. It's not just about getting rid of Hux.
"If they torture me or kill me, you will hurt too. I can't let that happen."
Rey drops the blaster to grab his wrist and forces him to move the arm covering his face. She needs to look at him in the eyes.
"Ben? What do you mean, what's going on?"
Ben remains frustratingly silent for a moment, his timeless gaze focused on the ceiling. His jaw works as if he's debating speaking his mind.
"I'm trapped, Rey."
She squints. Ben Solo really needs to work on his communication skills. He can't drop information like this and expect her to follow his train of thoughts, especially not tonight. "Do you mean metaphorically?"
At least the remark elicits a sad smile, which helps Rey feeling a little less uneasy. Ben sits up and pulls his legs under him so they can face each other. The gemstones of his surcoat gleam with each deep breath.
"No," his voice hardens, but she can tell his anger isn't directed at her. "They made me a prisoner." The muscle in his shoulders flex as if saying those words aloud opened a door—a door leading to a path only he can follow.
Ben leans closer and reaches out, eyes now burning with passion and hunger. His palm presses on her cheek, hot and strong and Rey closes her eyes shut, waiting for him to move or say something. To her dismay the comfortable warmth of skin-to-skin contact dissipates, replaced by a shiver inducing feeling of impending doom. She wants to scream but her head starts spinning like a TIE fighter that is missing a wing, and she gasps for air, scared and confused. The universe seems to expand around them at an incredible pace.
Ben must experience it as well because his eyes blink with discomfort. Their nose touch but she can't feel his breath or his warmth on her skin anymore. The tightly knitted bond is started to unravel, one thread at a time. They don't have much time before it sunders.
"Where are you?" she asks panicked.
But Ben doesn't seem to hear. Or doesn't want to respond.
"Don't worry," he says with a devious smirk that should raise the air at the back of her neck but fills her instead with hope. She's seen that look on somebody's face before; his father's.
"They won't succeed, not if that means—"
She can't believe he's being so stubborn.
"Ben Solo, tell me where you are!" she interrupts. They don't have much time and they can't waste it on reckless expression of bravado. "We can help you! The Resistance. If I explain, we can storm the place, take down Hux. Save you!"
It's more complicated than that. She knows it is, but she doesn't care even if it makes her sound as naive as when she locked herself into an escape pod. Hope is all she ever had.
Ben chuckles. It's not a derisive laugh though. When his eyes focus on Rey again, they spark with devotion and—compassion. "Is that a threat?" he quips.
Rey snorts, fighting back the tears of frustration that have started to form at the corner of her eyes. The dip in the mattress where Ben is sitting slowly fills as he becomes weightless again. "No, a promise," she smiles.
Ben opens his mouth to speak, and she thinks his lips move to form the words 'thank you' but before any sound can travel through space, the Force disconnects them.
"No!" she whimpers. He can't vanish like that. She won't allow it!
Rey jumps to her feet and flicks the lights on. She needs to depart as soon as possible. It doesn't matter if she wakes everyone in the middle of the night.
Running from a pile of clothes to another she picks up her things and dresses in a hurry. She'll need the books, her notes... And a ship! She can convince Poe and C'ai Threnalli to let her to borrow a transport. There's a U-55 loadlifter that no one needs anymore waiting in the hangar bay. Unless Chewbacca came back from his latest run? Then she'll pilot the Falcon instead.
What about Finn and Rose though? Will they offer to accompany her if she wakes them up? She can't ask them to risk their lives to save Kylo Ren. They don't know Ben. It's insane. She's insane.
It's worth trying, though.
She scans meticulously the small bedroom to make sure she packed everything. Her boots are in the fresher, which means the only thing she needs to do is to strap her holster, grab her lightsaber and her quarterstaff and wake everyone up or leave like a thief in the night.
She spots the leather harness and dives toward the bed, fishing for the blaster she dropped earlier. Most likely, it landed near the pillow. Or so she thought.
Blast!
She doesn't have time to waste! Despite her frantic search the weapon is nowhere to be be found. Her face scrunches with irritation until her gaze falls upon something among the bedding. Her heart skips a beat. With her shaky hand she reaches out, afraid it's going to vanish if she picks it up but her fingers eventually close around black crisp leather. Holding Ben's glove. Rey bursts out laughing and flops onto the creaky mattress, allowing the stress of the past minutes to dissipate. At least now she has a small idea of where the blaster disappeared.
The Aionomica starts singing in the Force again and Rey suddenly knows that she's not alone. Somewhere, out there, Ben Solo readies himself for battle.
The corner of her mouth turns into a sad yet hopeful smile.
"Nerf herder! You don't have to do it alone," she murmurs, rolling onto the side and bringing the glove to her face.
Perhaps it's true what they say; the jogan fruit never falls far from the tree. Stubborn and reckless like Leia and Han—
"Ben Solo."
Rey finally closes her eyes and drifts asleep peacefully with the confidence that they'll see each other again, in a dream or in a crystal cave.