Hey guys! OOOOOOHHHH BOOOOY finally I update. Isn't that nuts? I'm so sorry guys but I had awful horrible writers block for this and I decided to end it on a short and sweet chapter. So I hope it was worth a wait. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or the characters used. Enjoy.

Kaneki realized that he hated the hospital. Mostly because of the state Hide was in. He was the color of snow and the bags under his eyes were this sickly bright pink color. He understood Hide's frustration. How the pills made his stomach turn and would make him drowsy in the day and stay up all night. Kaneki tried avoiding the hospital now. The cocktail of drugs never felt like they worked and they didn't, it just gave Hide more time.

And time. What was time anymore to Kaneki? While watching Hide, it seemed like pain. The beeping of the machines, how the cotton of the bed sheets would brush up on his hand, all of it was just sickening and hard to stand. Seeing Hide now just reread the mangas he had before while brushing up on the new ones. Time went by too slow at the hospital, too slow Kaneki had no idea what to do with the time on his hands. Books heès already read, sopa operas he's seen on repeat now on the small television. The machine taking Hides heart beat was growing louder and louder each day. Like beating him over the head constantly, like 'Look at him, look at how weak he's become. It's a matter of strength now. And you get to watch it. Hear me roar as I tell you his state.' Kaneki despised that machine.

Kaneki tried to stretch time as much as possible before Hide was staying to the hospital bed at the hip. He brought him to the tree, get coffee and pastries, and read until time would started back up again. But now, Hide relied on the hospital now, the annoying machine, the colors of pills, nurses. Hide was too tired to go and read at night. Kaneki missed that. Kaneki was sat with Touka outside the hospital. The month of June was warm, they drank iced green tea they got at the shop before leaving. They hadn't talked yet since they left the shop. The ice shifted in the cup with every sip. There was a small breeze that would come by and tease the locks of their hair, Touka tucked her stray strands behind her ear.

"So…. I thought we were gonna go to a bookstore or something and you pay for lunch from what you said at the coffee shop." Tokua said.

"I never said anything about buy lunch."

"I think it was implied," Touka took a sip of her tea, "And I'm a little pissed off I'm not eating a burger right now."

Kaneki sighed, "So, I may have only brought you here so I can waste some time before I go to the hospital, okay? Bite me."

"Whoa, hey now, don't get agitated at me. I should be the one mad. You're using me right now."

"Then why don't you leave? I'm not holding you against your will."

Touka punched Kaneki's arm and sipped her tea after. Kaneki didn't give much of a reaction. Lately he hadn't been giving much of any reaction.

"Because I'm not gonna just leave you here," Touka sighed, "Talk to me."

"What's there to say, Touka?" Kaneki asked, looking over at her, "My boyfriend hasn't been home for months… I haven't done anything to warren talking about, I've been doing nothing."

"You know what I mean, Kaneki. How are you feeling? You're so quiet at work. You never want to go out with anyone anymore. People are worried about you. I'm worried about you. I don't like being worried about you."

Kaneki closed his eyes and rubbed them, "You know… I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a month?" He shook his head with a sad smile, "Why?"

Touka raised and eyebrow, "Maybe because your boyfriend is in the hospital and you're sad about it?"

"But why do I get to be sad about it, you know? I'm so unfair. I'm not laid up in bed just waiting to die… I'm the visitor who doesn't have to stay in the hospital."

"Kaneki, you're not making any sense," Touka said, "Don't you know that this is supposed to hurt?"

Kaneki sighed, he tipped the back. The sun peaked behind leaves on a tree, just to shine in Kaneki's eye. His patch and face started to feel warm. He licked his lips.

"Yeah… Yeah you're right…," Kaneki mumbled, "I wish I could just not feel that. The sadness. The pain. You know, summer is a horrible time to die. Long days and short nights," Kaneki sighed, "I miss winter."

Touka closed her eyes. She looked annoyed.

"You're an idiot."

Kaneki glanced over at her. Touka's fingers squeezed the tip of the straw.

"Stop trying to sound poetic and get over it," Touka sounded rather harsh, "You're not some special snowflake Kaneki, you're just like everyone else who's grieving in the world. You're sad, you think everything is unfair, and you just want more time with that person who's sick."

Kaneki's chuckled softly. He rubbed his face, "Time… Time isn't real. And if it was it would be cruel." Kaneki mumbled

God, Kaneki was sounding like a real buzz kill. But what was it for? His dying boyfriend? Hide wouldn't want that. And Kaneki knew that. So why did he do it? Touka rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder, in a playing way. Like she didn't mean it to seem like she was mad at him. Just as a wake up nudge.

"Well time is what we go by here and we all have a limited amount. Now go in there before it's wasted. Even if you think it's not real. Because to everyone one else in the world fucking goes by it."

"Bu-"

"No buts just go," Touka was demanding now, "I don't want to hear excuses. I don't have time for it. He doesn't have time for it."

Kaneki swallowed. He looked down at his plastic cup. There was only clear ice, no more green liquid. Kaneki sometimes forgot that not everyone saw the time the way he did. Others found meaning in time. They saw the minute, hour, weekday. It all needed to be planned and then procrastinated. There was no stopping time for others, there was only going forward, and time wouldn't stop because of one sick boyfriend. Time didn't exist yes, but that's what made it so cold. Kaneki licked his lips, the threw away the cup and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Touka asked.

"To the hospital," Kaneki replied, "Just like you told me to do."

"And you're just gonna ditch me, just like that?"

"Well I guess I kinda am… Sorry, but I have to go."

Touka sighed and stood up, "You tell Hideyoshi I said hi," Touka lowly put her arms out, she was hesitant for something. She closed her eyes and hugged Kankei, "Feel better yourself too."

Kaneki's eyes had widened. Her cheek on his chest, he slowly put his hands on her back. She was so petite, easy to hold. It felt nice, it was something he needed. He nodded and rubbed her back.

"Yeah… Yeah okay, Touka. You be safe going home."

Touka pulled away and stepped back, "Yeah, whatever," She sighed "I'll see you at work."

Touka picked up her bag, her skirt waved as he hips swayed. She waved as she walked off, Kaneki did the same. He looked up at the hospital, admiring it like a castle for the ill. The brick looked as if it was made of steel, powerful material protecting the assets inside. The fragile ones with broken bones, laying in bed unable to do anything about intruders. The babies in little incubators like eggs to keep them warm and have them grow. They still are only able to cry, with their small hands bawled up and feet kicking. Kaneki walked through the hallways. Trying not to raise his head so he wouldn't catch anyone's glances as he made his way to Hide's room.

The walk seemed longer, or maybe Kaneki's legs were tired. Hide's room door was open, he was laying on his back, a book above his face as he read the new manga he wanted. It took Hide to read them longer. Mostly because he would reread ones he read earlier. Like he was trying to get to know the artist though their work. Just so he could somehow get to know someone. Kaneki knocked on the doorframe before walking in, Hide looked up, he smiled faintly and put his book down. The machine keeping an eye on his heart rate beeped steadily. That was good. Hide put the manga on the end table and turned on his side.

Yo, Kaneki," Hide smiled, Kaneki sat down, "What's up. It's only six, I'm surprised you're here so early."

"I used to come at six all the time."

"Well, not lately. You always come at like eight or so. So this is nice."

Kaneki licked his top lip, he had been delaying his visits lately now. Because if he got there later he would have to leave earlier. It was something Kaneki knew was wrong.

"How have you been?" Kaneki asked.

"Oh, you know," Hide sighed, "My chest constantly hurts and I just have the taste of vomit and blood in my mouth," Hide smiled, sickly, "Nothing new. What about you, what are you doing?"

"Just…. Working. Since you've… you know-"

"Gotten worse?"

"Something like that," Kaneki rubbed his face, "I haven't been able to stop time and take you out anymore."

"Ugh, sucks having to be in this bed all the time now," Hide rolled on his back and looked up at the ceiling, "Me and you are bored out of our minds. Heh… My bad."

Kaneki rolled his eyes, "Like this is your bad, Hide. It's not your fault you're sick."

Hide chewed his cheek. He looked at the scars on his arm from IV's being changed out time to time. He knew where the bandages were under his breastplate and the marks that littered his body. From years before to now, letting everyone know who undressed him what he had been through.

"My mom thought the reason I was born so defective was because when she was only like, one week pregnant with me, she fell down a couple of stairs," Hide laughed and shook his head, "The doctors just told her 'luck is different for every baby' and the nurse said 'God wanted him to be sick so he'll grow up strong,'... I'm so strong, aren't I?"

Kaneki leaned over him and kissed his forehead, his bangs tasted salty on his lips. Hide closed his eyes.

"You're very strong."

"Strong people don't stay in hospitals all the damn time and don't get better."

"Strong people last as long as you do though."

Hide sighed. He bit his lip softly. Hide's heart felt heavy. Like sinking heavy, like how he felt in his dreams. Drowning, valves filling with water, slowly falling downwards towards his stomach acid. He knew he was close. Hide knew this because doctors told him that all they could do was keep an eye on him and make him as comfortable as possible. Hide knew what "comfortable" meant in a hospital. It meant nothing more could be done. At this point, Hide felt bad for Kaneki telling him he loved him so early on.

"You're right… Stronger people last longer than me… Hey," Hide lifted up his head, "Do you know how long me and you have been together?"

"Not exactly. I really don't count months. Why?"

Hide smiled, "Five months…. Only five months. I can't believe it."

"Yeah…"

Kankei wasn't as lively as he wanted to be. He just sat in the chair, hands on his lap now. He acted rather calm, but water is also calm before a storm. He swallowed, knowing it had been five months. That seemed short.

"It's seemed like years," Hide said, turning his head to the side, "... Everything seems so long and I felt like we've done nothing together. We haven't gone out in forever… We only talk here… I've experienced nothing…," Hide laughed, "Well, not nothing. Because I have you…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I dragged you into all of this. Knowing I've never been completely well, and when I got that letter in the mail, God I was so scared. I was scared because I thought you were gonna leave me. But then, you stayed, and now I know that was even worse than you leaving…"

"What?" Kaneki breathed, "Me staying? I don't get it... What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Well, first my immune system isn't in the best shape and don't get me started on my heart-"

"No, I mean what the hell is wrong with you? Hide, I love you. I don't care what happens to you I'm gonna love you."

Hide laughed gently. His eyes closed. The little blue veins that traveled along his lids were more prudent than usual. Due to his pale top lids. The lack of sunlight hitting him. Hitting any part of Hide's skin.

"You say that… And sometimes I'm glad that you do say that. But… But there's no way you can love me… Not. Not after this… I mean, I was sure you totally were into me but that's when I still had a chance."

"Excuse me? Are you kidding? Not after this? The pain I'm going through, you don't think I love you? That's shit. That complete bullshit."

"Kaneki, you haven't seen me in over a week. Last time you saw me you barely spoke to me. I can see how hurt you are. How can you still love me?"

Kaneki's fists tightened up, "Yeah, I'm hurt. Yeah, I'm in pain and yeah, I'm sad. Maybe you put me here or drove to this but I don't care. I've been worried, I've been scared, but you can't tell me I don't love you. Not after the shit I've been through. Today I learned I'm allowed to feel this way and now. Now you're saying I'm just staying with you out of what? Out of pity?"

Kaneki sounded agitated now. Mad that Hide could ever think something like that, let alone tell Kaneki this.

"How can you not see I'm madly… Deeply… In love with you. And you're not gonna tell me otherwise."

Hide's eyes widened. He hadn't seen this much fire, this much passion behind Kaneki in awhile. Always questioning Kaneki's love, that always got him. Hide breathed out softly, his throat felt tighter.

"Kaneki… Go get a nurse…"

"What?"

"Go get a nurse," Hide said more aggressive, "Right now!"
"W-what's wrong with you?" Kaneki asked as he stood up.

"Don't know, that's why you need to get a fucking nurse in here!"

Kaneki gasped and nodded. He raced out of the room. Hide started to sweat, his brow was wet. His chest felt tight as he clenched his eyes. Hide started to become dizzy, he blinked a few times as he panted deeply. Hide pulled on his shirt, he felt everything close in around him. Lights started to become black. He didn't notice himself roll off the bed. Hide crashed down to the hard ground. He was the nurse's white flats and Kaneki's sneakers before he blacked out completely.

Hide dreamt that he could hear dripping. Like water dropping from a faucet. It was an empty white room Hide was sitting in. His heart was pounding and it felt as if his blood was boiling inside of him. Like he was cooking from the inside. He was a warm body. He still thought he couldn't breath. The droplets got louder as he roamed around the room. He started to hear whimpering, like crying. Hide touched one of the white walls. The noise hurt his head.

Hide felt around the walls for any door. He didn't like being in such a bright room, it smelt like old water and dust. He felt a small gap in the wall, he pressed his ear against it, his cheek felt cool. Hide heard more crying, it was louder now, roaring at him. Hide pried open the door. His knuckles bleed as his skin scraped along to wall. It was heavy, he panted as he opened it. He looked up, the room was dark, except for shiny white hair. It was Kaneki.

Kaneki was tall, like a skyscraper. Intimidating as his low sobs rumbled. Hide swallowed, seeing Kaneki cry like this, was hell. He could not do anything, he just felt the pain in his body and felt the salty gigantic tears splash at his feet. Soon Hide was drowning in tears. Swimming in them as Kaneki's sobs sounded like screams. Hide couldn't breath, he gasped for any kind of water filled and swished all around the infinite room.

"K-Kaneki!" Hide's scream echoed.

His head went under the water. The water burned his eyes, he was sure his lungs were going to collapse. He sucked in the water, bubble came out of his throat. He started to black out. Hide tried holding his breath, but there was no air to be found. Hide's mouth opened wide. Hide looked up and saw Kaneki's reflection above him. Despair. Sadness. Unbearable. It reminded Hide of himself. When he was younger, crying into his knees in corners of hospital bedrooms. Only to be found by someone who would put him back in bed. He understood Kaneki how could Hide ever get along with himself while being sick? Many times the thought of him never existing for the sake of others raced through his mind. But he never gave up on himself, because as instinctive he wanted to survive. He wanted to be lived. He wanted to be loved. It's all Hide asked for. And he got it.

A few of Hide's tears slipped from his eyes and mixed with the water. The water was calmer now, Hide started to float up and on his back. He was soaking wet and coughed up the tears. Kaneki only wanted Hide to survive. And from Hide's doubt, it only made Kaneki worse. Hide breathed out. He closed his eyes and drifted upon the ocean of tears.

When Hide woke up, fluids ran through him like always and the monitor was speaking as always. Hide felt tired, like extremely tired. He blinked a few times and looked around, his whole body ached. He felt like he almost couldn't turn his head.

"Shit…" Hide whispered, "Hey, Kaneki…"

Kaneki lifted up his head. There was too much spit in his mouth to swallow so he kept licking his lips instead. Kaneki nervously smiled and scooted forward slightly.

"You scared the shit out of me." Kaneki softly laughed.

"I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately," Hide cleared his throat, "You okay?" Hide's voice still sounded scratchy.

"You're asking me if I'm okay? What about you?"

Kaneki heard how slow the beeps from the monitor were so slow now. The doctors told Kaneki that Hide didn't have much longer. Kaneki didn't think about telling Hide this. It would just make everything worse. Hide shook his head.

"You always know how I'm doing. I'm always fucked up. I haven't really thought about asking you how you actually are lately." Hide mumbled.

Kaneki lowered his head and shrugged, "I'm just… Really scared…"

Hide raised up his hand and put it on Kaneki's face, "You know, I'm really scared too, "Hide whispered. Kaneki closed his eyes and nuzzled his palm, "I've been really scared. Less for myself… More because of you."

Kaneki looked at Hide, "Me? Hide, I'm not the one in the hospital."

Hide dropped his hand, "You've cried over me, haven't you? Have gone home to a quiet apartment and see all my things in there? Knowing I'm not going to come back," Hide's eyes fell to the ground, his arm hung off the bed, "That must be hell."

"Hide…"

"Hey… You know how I told you that there was no way you could be in love with me anymore?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wrong. I was so wrong and I feel horrible about saying something like that," Hide mumbled, "I'm so sorry… I just felt like I've hurt you too much and I know I have-"

"Hide, calm down," Kaneki said and put his hand on the bed, leaning over Hide, "It's okay… Really it is."

"No it's not. Kaneki, I'm guessing not even a couple of hours ago I could have died then. I could have died telling you I thought you didn't love. How horrible would that have been for you? I'm such a dick, you know?"

Kaneki held Hide's hand. He didn't give him a look of pity. Not with these cords constricting him. Or the stabilizing medicine that the doctors gave him earlier. He looked at Hide with forgiveness. Kaneki was sick and tired of feeling worried for Hide. It did him zero good, it never did anyone good. So he would sit there, hands in his lap now and Look at Hide with the kind eyes he once gave him before. Give him the face he fell in love with. Because the last thing Hide would want to see in his face was stress.

"You're not a dick, Hide. Stop it."

Hide sighed. He didn't fight it. He felt how slow his heart was in his breast bone. Like his heart was shriveled and tiny know, trying to inflate all the loose space between the bones. Hide coughed and gasped after.

"Listen, Kankei," Hide began, "These past five months haven't felt like five months. It's felt like a year maybe two like I said before and I'm so grateful these days were long. Because a lot of them were with you."

Hide held Kaneki's hand. The grip was so easy. Delicate. His eyelids lowered. Kaneki bit his lip, Hide sounded like he was getting everything off his chest.

"Could you make sure my parents get some of my things? Like some of my clothes and stuff. But don't let them have everything."

"Hide, why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I'm sitting here and I'm asking for my boyfriend, okay? And I'm using my heart to tell the time and guess what? I'm ticking."

"Hide…"

"Kaneki," Hide smiled, he sat up slowly and kissed Kaneki's cheek, "I love you." His hand slid off as he laid back down on the bed.

"I love you too… Hide."

"Goodbye..."

Kaneki held Hide's hand tightly. Hide closed his eyes slowly, the machine turned to a slower tune. Kaneki's eyes widened.

"No…. Please no..." Kaneki breathed.

That's when everything stopped. Literally. Kaneki stopped time on Hide's last heart beat. No more shoes tapping no more pages flipping. The bear Kaneki had given him a while back, full of secrets and thoughts never said were silenced. The bear now just stared on the end table. Hide's small smile plastered on his face. No wrinkle from his lips curling, smooth skin like steady water. Kaneki's eyes began to water. Tears gently rolled off his cheek. Kaneki smiled.

"I love you too." Kaneki said, "I love you too, I love you too."

He kept repeating this phrase. Giving it more time before each sentence, until he was just sobbing. He knew when time unfroze, Hide would be dead. But now, now he was happy he had Hide for another few hours.

See, because Kaneki… Was different.

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