Author's notes: Oh well, I guess I'm not really good at dead-lines. I should know better than announcing an update when I know real life keeps getting in the way. I'm sorry for being late for this chapter, guys. I updated the french version a while ago, but lately I'm so exhausted and sleep-deprived, translating into english was hell for my brain. I hope the translation is understandable enough though. Do tell me if I made typos or if something doesn't make sense at all, or if you want to help me improve my english.
For the Guest who asked if I'm both the writer and translator, yup, I am indeed! I'm doing my best, but translating into another language is quite the challenge and way harder than I thought, even though I write the french fanfic in a simple style and short sentences, knowing I'll have to translate it later in english. As for Saitama, I think there is actually a thing he already is very good and that no one notices: he's extremely very good at handling hate and criticism. Less impressive than his strenght in the anime, yeah, but still impressive! Thanks for reviewing!
Enjoy!
oOo
Piano sonata by my little sister – [7 minutes 4 seconds]
The camera is shaking a bit, then settles on a little girl. She's standing there with a frown, smoothing the folds on her dress. A hair clip is keeping her bangs away from her forehead.
"Go on, sis, I'm shooting!"
The little girl looks up sharply at the camera and raises her chin, looking fierce:
"Hi, my name is Zenko and I'm Metal Bat's sister. I've been learning piano for two years, and today I'll play Beethoven's Moonlight sonata for you."
She seems to hesitate a moment, and pouts.
"Was it okay, big brother? Or should I start again?"
A thumb up appears a bit blurry in the foreground.
"No, you were perfect! Perfect!"
The girl doesn't seem convinced, but she shrugs and turns on her heels, stepping off-camera for a few seconds. The camera follows her steps, standing way higher than her – it seems that the person holding the camera is twice as tall as her. A piano set against a wall appears, and Zenko bends over the stool where a white cat is napping.
"Tama!" Zenko scolds with her reedy voice, before lifting in her arms the heavy looking cat. "Get off from here, you big loaf, I need the stool to play!"
The sleepy cat answers with a surly meow and falls on it's paws, the tip of it's tail moving unhappily. The camera comes down, meaning Metal Bat is probably kneeling. A hand appears to pet the cat while Zenko sits on the stool and lifts the piano's lid.
The piano is adapted to her size. Even though she looks like she's 9 years old, the tip of her patent shoes reaches easily the pedals. She places her hands on the white and black keys and takes a deep breath to focus, while the camera moves around to pick the best angle.
"Go on, Zenko! Don't forget, you're the best! You're gonna rock it!"
The little girl nods determinedly, and starts playing the slow and sad rhythm of the sonata. For the whole piece, namely six minutes, the camera doesn't move at all. The fingers flying on the piano and the white cat curling at the girl's feet for a nap are the only things moving. Zenko hesitates once or twice over a few notes, biting her lip, but she makes no mistake.
She plays the last notes, her foot pushing on the pedal to make them resound for a long moment. Then she turns on her stool towards the camera, looking triumphant.
"There! That's the piece I will play at my recital at the end of the year! I hope you liked it!"
The video blurs and shakes – it looks like Metal Bat put the camera down on a table, because the image is badly centered – and we see him rushing to his sister for a hug. Tears are running down his face and his chin is wobbling.
"It was beautiful, lil' sis! It moved me to tears! You made a lot of progress, I'm so proud of you!"
"Heeey, big brother, stop!" the little girl protests against the forced hug. "Don't cling on me in front of everyone on the Internet!"
The cat stirs and yawns, then disappears off-camera when Metal Bat's hand comes in close-up to pick up the camera. His face appears in a low-angle shot, and his expression has changed radically. His lip is curled up in a sneer and shadows make him look even more threatening.
"This is the first time my little sister plays in front of an audience, so like the video and leave up nice comments to encourage her. And watch out what you're saying. The first asshole I catch leaving a bad comment…"
He glares and his face distorts even more as the camera's angle shifts, showing a metal bat resting on his shoulder.
"… I find him and I BEAT HIS FUCKING FACE OFF. Got it?"
The camera turns one last time to Zenko who's waving goodbye with a shy smile:
"Bye!"
My ranking of Youtubers – [22 minutes 47 seconds]
Earth appears, slowly rotating in space. Little lonely dot in the distance.
"Humanity."
A woman's voice, very solemn.
"We've always tried to communicate and share our emotions and experiences with our own kind. This is typical of our species."
Slow zoom on the planet becoming more and more detailed. White clouds swirl on the oceans' blue shade. 3D satellites appear suddenly in the foreground, looking so real it's impressive. The video's editing and animation are high quality, very professional.
"We're living today in the golden age of information and creativity, when everything is possible. Human beings have never been more connected, thanks to the Internet."
As Earth invades the video's frame, we realize the whole image is composed of moving pixels.
"And one of those technological platforms helping us to assemble at the world level, is Youtube."
It's still zooming on Asia, more precisely Japan. Pixels are getting bigger. The video is actually made of tiny moving pictures in a mosaic. Videos of Youtubers, to be more specific. Anyone knowing Youtube well enough could squint, hit the pause button, and easily recognize every single one of them. All the popular Youtubers are represented.
"Everyone knows the great website. Yes, but what should we think about it? How are we supposed to find our way around it? Who are those people becoming famous all around the world, just with a camera, talent and dedication?"
It keeps zooming, until there is only one video left, invading the frame. We can see a woman, with green gleam in her dark hair. She is beautiful, there is no denying it, and her eyes are so intense it seems like she's staring right into your soul. She's standing in front of a white background, arms crossed under her huge breast.
"In order to help visualize the present landscape of Youtube, I made a ranking system using subscribers' number and popularity. I won't be doing a Top 10 though. Many others have done it better than I could."
With an elegant hand gesture, she spreads lots of tiny videos in front of her like if it was a deck of cards – obviously it has been edited to look like magic. Those videos are those of Youtubers who recently did a Top 10 on this subject. They all move and show a mute extract, and the viewers can click on it to access.
"No. I'll show you a schematic system composed by several ranks, and you'll see there is a logic."
She snaps her fingers, and the tiny videos vanish. The camera moves aside to free some space on her left. As she speaks, a pyramid appears there, divided in four parts:
"So, here are the Youtube's celebrities in a pyramidal hierarchy. At the bottom is the C-rank, it's basically the vast majority of anonymous Youtubers. Then comes the B-rank of well-known Youtubers, this is where I'm ranked. Next, there is A-rank, high-quality Youtubers who make a living out of it and are well-paid. And finally, right at the top, is what I like to call the S-rank."
A smile spreads on her red-painted lips, while the tiny triangle on top of the pyramid detach itself and comes to perch on her hand like a bird.
"Why S, you'd want to ask? S for Special. S for Superior. S for Star! This category of Youtubers is quite recent, just like their sudden rise of popularity. S-rank Youtubers have dozens of millions of subscribers, and they're famous to the point of being paid as much as black buster's actors, or managing directors of corporations. At their level, their success is certain whatever they do, because their fans are ready to defend them and follow them anywhere."
The triangle explodes in a dozen of tiny videos, and she picks one of them. Then stretch it out, spreading her arms to make the video bigger. It shows a sequence of extracts – a young man looking like a delinquent, always carrying a metal bat on his shoulder. We see him smile, sneer, talk, smash something with his bat, chat with another person, pet a fluffy kitten.
"Metal Bat is a prime example of an unknown Youtuber who became famous and was catapulted on top in a matter of months. This high-school student doing poorly in school used to film his fights against rival gangs in his neighborhood, or himself smashing stuff with his bat to show it in slow motion. And this is the video that made him popular and famous."
She points at the extract. We can see Metal Bat vlogging while he's walking down the street. It's raining. He suddenly stops talking as he notices a cardboard box left on the sidewalk. He rushes towards it and carefully picks up a white half-dead kitten lying inside the box. He holds it tight against his chest, begging it to live, and then starts running.
"Kittens are very popular on Youtube, as you know! With this video in which he saves this kitten from death by rushing to a vet and threatening him with his bat to open the door in the middle of the night, Metal Bat became famous. In two weeks only he won hundreds of thousands of new subscribers who wanted to know how was the kitten doing."
Wry smile, and the extract disappears.
"Spoiler alert, the kitten survived. Metal Bat adopted it, it's now a full adult cat named Tama. One could think his popularity would fall back with time, but on the contrary people grew fond of the cat and of Metal Bat too, for his personality, his family and his everyday life."
The tiny videos keep orbiting around her, and she picks another one. It looks so real when she swirls it with her fingers, we almost forget it's edited.
"Another thing popular on Youtube are the Let's Play channels, with the Youtuber filming themself playing video games. There are plenty of those. But their king is unquestionably King, the one and only gamer to have risen right on top in S-rank."
The video shows some mute extracts of King and his scarred face – he's playing all sorts of video games, and he never looses.
"His channel is very productive and his fans very loyal. They love his personality and his jokes and emotional confidences when he's playing. King doesn't only plays video games, he gives almost all the money he gains to charity for orphans, or for biomedical research. I won't list every single Youtube celeb, but…"
She smiles and picks another video she places on her left – we can see a young man with blond hair and green eyes talking to the camera. He's never smiling, and behind him the landscape is always beautiful: snowy mountains, great plains covered with blossoming flowers, island beach paradise. Sometimes he's riding the wave, hang-gliding, or skydiving. It's generally filmed by a drone to be more spectacular.
"… I have to mention Demon Cyborg, aka Genos, a young and wealthy heir. His world wide travel channel and his pretty face earned him millions of fans who throw themselves at his videos and vote for his next travel destination while dreaming about marrying him one day. By the way, the web is getting restless about him since his last enigmatic live at Moscow, in which he announced he was coming back to Japan and putting an end to his travels. No news since then. His fans are desperate. Stay tuned for new developments!"
Suddenly, she looks hesitant. Her smile vanishes and she scowls.
"Eventually, I have no choice but mention my big sister Tatsumaki, aka Tornado of Terror, since she's highly placed in S-rank. She started at the same time I did, and her channel is basically just about her criticizing everything and everyone, starting arguments and heated debates with other Youtubers and real-life famous people. Against all expectations, she's been successful with debate, social satire and what we call Youtube poop. People love her angry rants, her talent for repartee and the way she destroys her enemies. They never grow tired of it, even though the video quality is not so great. She's got more than twenty millions of subscribers and gains more every day, even when she doesn't update for months. All of this while I put a lot of effort in writing my videos, montage, updating regularly… but I struggle to gain more than 400 000 subscribers."
She sighs and crosses her arms with frustration, frowning.
"Anyway. Let's skip to A-rank."
She didn't even show a video of Tatsumaki like she did for the others.
The pyramid appears again and she points a the « A-rank » part.
"A-rank gathers all the Youtubers who have from 500 000 to 2 millions of subscribers. Amai Mask is the most famous one. He's a j-pop singer in Japan. People often wonder why does he « only » have 2 millions of subscribers, but the reason is simple: he's very successful with his music, but only in Japan and South Korea. He's not known in the rest of the world yet."
Extracts of video clips are moving behind her – an androgynous young man with long hair is singing on a beach, his shirt open. Then he's gazing at the camera seductively, then pushing his hair back with a sneer while staring at a journalist with contempt, etc.
"Amai Mask is kind of a special case on Youtube, and lately other stars are doing the same: he didn't create his channel and he's not even updating it himself. His com' and his agent are managing it to promote him on Youtube as well as in tv or radio. They're the ones putting the video clips, extracts of dramas he's playing in and interviews."
She spreads her arms, and hundreds of tiny videos start gravitating around her.
"I encourage you to check on all A-rank Youtubers' videos! You'll find the complete list in the description below. I guarantee the outstanding quality of those channels on themes as various as science, social critic, make-up tutorials, history, art, music, feminism, etc. My favorite ones and role models are Sneck, Great Philosopher and Heavy Kong."
The videos all disappear, and the young woman is now standing alone in front of the white background. She smiles and the camera slowly zooms out.
"And now, I'd like to introduce you to what I call the B-rank class, that I, Fubuki, am part of. Every Youtuber on this category counts from ten thousands to 500 000 subscribers."
Dozens of persons come into the video frame to gather around her with smiles full of respect and adoration. Those who know Youtube well will recognize rising stars like Piko, Jet Nice Guy or Tank Top Black Hole."
Very confident, Fubuki puffs out her chest:
"Before I put some order and organized it, the B-rank was tearing itself apart with petty rivalry. But now, thanks to me, we've become a very closely knit network, a big family helping each other and sharing ideas and skills. Together, we film sketches, short movies and web fiction. Go on and click on their channel, you'll find a link for each one of us on the description below."
One of the Youtubers next to her smiles and says cheerfully:
"Fubuki is the best of us, subscribe to her channel, do it!"
"Yes!"
"Do it!"
"Fubuki's videos are awesome!"
Fubuki blushes but remains dignified, and with a hand gesture she tells them to let her continue. They step off screen, and she clears her throat:
"There's only the C-rank left. It represents about 70% of Youtubers! C-rank Youtubers only have from zero to a few thousands subscribers. Some will succeed, some won't ever. We all started at the bottom and we all know how hard it is to stand out from the masses. Unfortunately, talent is often not enough to become famous and succeed. That's why I try to help out some of them who caught my attention, and I hope that one day they'll join my B-rank network! They deserve a chance!"
She snaps her fingers, and a video appears on the left corner. We can see Mumen Rider smiling and helping an old lady crossing the street, giving a sandwich to a homeless person, climbing up a tree to save a stuck cat.
"Maybe you've already heard of Mumen Rider, that altruistic young man who uses his channel to help people. I think he's promising and deserves so much more subscribers, he only has about nine thousands for now! Same goes for Horse-Bone whose videos may not be very subtle, but are fun: he's making parodies of famous movies, while wearing a horse mask. Or Ecolo G who gives ecological advices for the every day life."
Each time, Fubuki snapped her fingers to make extracts appear. Then with a wave of her hand, everything vanishes like smoke.
"Of course, it wouldn't be realistic of me to sum up how Youtube is right now without mentioning the decreasing quality and how mediocre some of the newcomers are. They think all they have to do is post some videos to become famous and rich like a S-rank celebrity. I noticed lately how many of those newcomers have no idea how to write a video or make the montage, and they don't even want to try. In their videos they just talk about their lives like narcissists. They somehow think being a Youtuber is easy and doesn't require any effort or investment… It's an insult to us real Youtubers who work hard for what we get. And they're compromising our image outside the Internet. Because of them, people think we're paid to do nothing!"
Fubuki purses her lips and briefly shows some extracts of low-quality videos, in which Saitama is slumped in front of the tv, or showing his cactus or his manga to the camera.
"Take this one for example. Would you believe he thinks creating a Youtube channel is just a hobby and shamelessly said to his subscribers who complained about the quality that he has no intention of even trying to improve the sound or image. And then he whines because he feels he should have more subscribers and likes."
With a wry sigh, she makes the offending videos disappear and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"Youtube is a chance for humanity, for sharing and creativity. But this kind of videos is lowering the level and cultivates a mentality of mediocrity, narcissism and fame without credit or effort."
The music that ends all of her videos starts, and links to her other works appear.
"I'm all for encouraging and helping beginners who want to improve, so don't hesitate to subscribe to my channel and leave a comment if you need advices. Together, let's create a solid Youtube community and raise the quality level! See you soon!"
Surrounded by the other B-rank Youtubers, Fubuki winks at the camera to end the video.
Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist! DEMONSTRATION BY A GREAT MARTIAL ART MASTER – [3 minutes 40 seconds]
"Are you ready, Master Bang? Let's start!"
Camera's trembling. The image settles on an old man wearing white pants and a black shirt. He's standing in a field, fists clenched, his eyes burning with determination under his bushy eyebrows. Next to him, a thick wall made of bricks.
"I'm ready, Charanko. You can start recording."
"Er… it's already recording!"
The man frowns and straightens his back, clearing his throat. He's staring hard at the camera and a drop of sweat is sliding down his forehead.
"Right. I will show you the special move I teach in my dojo. The water stream rock smashing fist!"
He shouts those words vigorously and his body shifts into an attack posture. Knees flexed, he faces the wall and starts moving, fluid and fast as the stream of a river. It only takes a few seconds, and when his fist smashes into the wall, the bricks explode easily. The viewers may have to look several times at those few seconds to understand how subtle and complex were the movements he made.
Bang turns back to look sharply at the camera as he dusts off his fist the bricks turned into powder.
"This is only a tiny preview of what I could teach you if you join my dojo and become my student."
Charanko's voice chirps in:
"You'll find the informations and prices in the video's description. Join the dojo, and subscribe so you won't miss the next lesson of the great Master Bang! See you next time!"
The image moves upside down. The camera is now filming feet walking on the grass.
"How was I?"
"You were perfect, Master! I'm sure the video will be very successful!"
Obviously, Charanko failed to turn off the camera correctly. The image is shaky and it's hard to hear the voices.
"If you say so. You really think your Youtube thingy will bring me new students? That's what young people enjoy this days?"
We won't hear what Charanko has to answer, because the video cuts right here.
New start – [8 minutes 7 seconds]
With high-quality image and sound, Genos's head and bust appear. He's sitting on a desk chair, headphones on his ears and a very professional-looking microphone set up under his chin. We can see a keyboard on the desk.
"Hi everyone."
His voice is calm, and his eyes are burning with an intensity we never witnessed before, in any of his previous videos. He's handsome as always, but some shadows under his eyes suggest he hasn't been sleeping enough lately.
For the fans who have been following him for years, it's really weird to see him sitting down in a closed place, since usually he's always outside in postal card like landscapes. We can't see much of what's behind him, but it looks like he's in a basement. The light is artificial and there are computers and electrical cabinets in the background.
"I'll go straight to the point. I made an important decision. I'm going to delete my travel channel I've been doing for five years, and I'll start a new one, very different. It'll be a scientific study and philosophical reflection channel."
He puts his elbows on the desk, eyebrows furrowed. He stares at the camera with his luminous green eyes. His blond hair bangs fall here and there on his forehead, and it makes him look mysterious and intense.
"My subject of study will focus on a Youtuber I discovered recently. His name is…"
Genos lowered his eyes, his eyelashes barely hiding the strong emotion there. He moistens his lips and swallows hard:
"… Saitama." he breathes with passion bordering on idolatry.
He takes a deep breath and looks up sharply, raising his voice:
"It only took him a few videos to turn my world and my convictions upside down. He made me realize it's not the number of subscribers, the fame, the money or the popularity that matter. I now see clearly how much I've been lost, trying to satisfy everybody's expectations, chasing glory on Youtube, and forgetting what I really want, and the reason why I started filming videos to begin with! I forgot the simple joy of sharing my passion without expecting anything in return!"
He regains his composure, and continues more calmly:
"From now on I intend to dedicate myself to his videos' deep message and try my best to follow his teachings. I can feel in him a wisdom far beyond my reach, but I'll do everything to understand, even if it's just a little bit. My new channel will focus on analyzing his videos, and you can join me to learn his life philosophy."
"Well, well, Genos, I see you've made yourself at home! There, I brought you a little something to eat. Oh, are you recording?"
Genos nods while the old man with a bowl hairstyle appears in the frame and puts down a tray with tea and biscuits on the desk.
"Let me introduce my uncle Kuseno who lives in Japan. I'm staying at his place for now, and he's letting me use his laboratory so I can record my scientific videos."
"You know you're welcome to stay in my house as long as you want, Genos-kun ! Hello, Internet!"
Kuseno smiles and waves at the camera before stepping off camera. Genos slowly sips his tea and puts down the cup, all of this while staring at the camera.
"I'll proceed methodically to solve the enigma that is Saitama-sensei. I'll study his habits, his personality and his videos with a scientific and philosophic approach. And I'll share everything I learn with you. I'll start in the next video. See you soon."