Author's note: This chapter is a bit odd, but I hope you like it...please review.

--Present—

I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next several hours without Derek, but I knew that I would go crazy in the hospital not being able to work. So I did the next best thing—I went to the local bar.

--Flashback—

(Same day, Gotham Bar)

"ADDISON!" I spun around on my bar stool, nearly falling off of it. I was very, very drunk. I knew that I shouldn't have done what I did, but it was the only thing that I knew for sure would help. Derek was furious, I could tell simply from his tone of voice, and honestly, I was frightened. "Addison, what the hell were you thinking?" When I cowered, he adjusted his tone. "Addie, I was going out of my mind worrying about you. I couldn't find you anywhere and I was afraid that you had done something…" he shuddered, not wanting to acknowledge the possibility.

"I'm sorry, Derek baby…" I slurred drunkenly, slipping my arms around him. I kissed him passionately, sloppily. He pushed me away.

"Addison, stop. You're drunk. Let's just go home. We'll get your car in the morning." Without warning, my eyes filled with tears and I began sobbing in his arms, mutter incoherently. He simply picked me up, bridal style, grabbed my coat and purse and carried me out of the bar, putting me down in the passenger seat of his car.

(Next morning, Shepherd Residence)

Derek wasn't in the bed when I awoke the following morning, which made sense. He had probably gone back to the hospital after bringing me home. I felt like shit, obviously, and regretted even going to the bar at all.

I was suddenly nauseous and ran to the bathroom. When I had finished expelling the contents of my stomach, I fell back miserably on the floor. There was a soft knock on the door, which prompted me to hold my head.

Derek entered slowly and offered me a cup of coffee, which I took gratefully after another round of vomiting. He kneeled before me and pushed my sweaty hair back from my face gently. He looked deep into my eyes.

"Addison, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you." I cocked my head in confusion.

"For what?"

"I knew that you needed to talk, but I let you get away with leaving. I could have lost you last night." His expression was sober and pained. I squirmed uncomfortably, brushing him off.

"Don't be such a drama queen. I'm fine." He put hand on my shoulder.

"Addison, what would have happened if you had gotten in that car last night?" He asked, tears brimming in his eyes and threatening to spill over. "You could have died, Addie, and that would have been on me."

"But you came, Derek, and I'm fine. That's all that matters."

"Addison, you are not fine. Physically you might be fine, but I know you aren't." I had to be sick again. He held my hair back and rubbed my back soothingly. When I finished, he pulled me onto his lap. "You need to talk to me. What's going on?"

"Derek…"

"No, Addison, I'm not letting you out of this. You went to drink yourself into oblivion last night, you need to talk to me." I sighed, defeated.

"It's not a big deal."

"You were raped."

"I think I've dealt with it."

"Well, I think you need to talk. So do it."

"Fine…" I relented, "I was fourteen, when…you know." He nodded.

"It's okay, go on. I'm right here." I got sick again, just thinking about what had happened. He handed me a glass of water that he had placed beside the sink when he had entered the room.

"Um, the uh…the guy that did it was eighteen. He was huge." I shuddered, and he held me tight. "He came over to my house, well, he had been telling me that he loved me and…" I vomited, "I believed him. I told him I didn't want to do it, but he ruffied me. In my own house. My parents were away, again, on business, and my aunt was supposed to be looking after me, but…lord knows where she was. When I woke up…the sheets were bloody and my body was sore and bruised. I couldn't walk, and I didn't leave my bed for a week, except to be sick."

"Oh, Addie…"

"I never reported the guy. I never told anyone. I thought I could get over it on my own. I thought I was stronger than those other girls…" I sobbed into his shoulder. "I thought I was over it."

"Addison…you know how it is with rape victims…" I glared.

"I was convinced I wasn't like them, even when I was learning about it, learning how to care for rape victims."

"You were in denial." He stated plainly. I nodded.

"There's…there's one other thing." I said. He looked at me reassuringly. "I…got pregnant." He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and I got scared. "I'm sorry Derek…I…I…" He raised his index finger to my lips.

"Shh, I don't care. It's okay. What happened then? Did you take it to term?"

"I was going to." He looked at me inquisitively, urging me to go on.

"But…"

"But I told the guy."

"And? Did he convince you to abort?" I shook my head and let out a shaky breath.

"He attacked me. You know those scars I have?" He nodded, in a state of shock. "Well…you probably don't want to hear it, but he was…"

"He was what, sweetie? It's okay, you can tell me."

"He was psychotic. He locked me in his closet for weeks; he was crazed. He told me it was all my fault, that I was worthless. He came back…he abused me. Then one night I tried to get away, I got all the way to my house, and he tried to kill me. Thank God my dad actually came home that night. He saved my life…but he never knew about the guy, he never knew what happened." I was a complete mess by now, sobbing so hard that I couldn't breathe, starting to hyperventilate.

"Addie, Addie you need to calm down. Shhh, Addison, you need to breathe. Come one, deep breaths, baby…" He had seen my through panic attacks before, but never like this. Derek turned on the cold-water faucet in the shower and held me up, propping me so that the jet stream washed over my face. It left me shivering, but solved the problem after a few minutes. I was completely exhausted and let myself lie limply in his arms, just focusing on breathing. I was still slightly shaky, but overall okay. He carried me and dried me off before changing me into dry clothes and gently tucking me into the bed.

When I looked at him, he was soaked to the bone and freezing, his concern displayed prominently on his face. I smiled gratefully at him. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Get some rest, Addie, you need it." I looked up at him, panicked.

"Derek, don't leave me!" I reached out, employing a death grip on his hand. I saw him wince. "Sorry, I…"

"I'm not leaving, Add, I promise, and I will be here when you wake up, I promise."

"Hold me, Derek." I pleaded. He nodded.

"Okay. Just…let me get changed, okay?" He was shivering. I blushed.

"I'm sorry…"

"Addison, stop apologizing!" he said playfully, his eyes smiling.

"I'm sorry…shit, I did it again, didn't I?" he laughed softly and kissed me again, then changed out of his wet clothes. He slid into the bed behind me, wrapping his arms around me such that we were spooning. The contact with his body calmed me instantaneously, and I was out within moments.