Three years. For three years there was nothing. There were no leads, or suspects, or clues, or any shred of evidence and then one day he just reappears. There was no buildup or trail to follow. He just showed up bloody and beaten on the side of the road in a Podunk town in the middle of nowhere. And now here he was, here they are.
It took Kate two hours to get up the courage to actually go into his room and another ten minutes to take his hand after she had sat down in the chair beside him. She just couldn't believe that it was really Rick. Her Rick. She was afraid that as soon as she touched him he would disappear. That this was all a nightmare and she would wake up alone and wanting.
She tried to be strong and hold it together, but there were just too many emotions swirling. Relief, confusion, joy, sadness, and regret all tangling together and causing a riot in her head. She finally broke down when she touched his hand.
He was there. He was real and he wasn't just going to disappear again, not if she had any say in the matter. She let out an unbridled sob in that moment. Letting her head fall to the bed and simply letting go. All the lonely nights, nightmares, wishes, regrets, milestones missed, and birthdays passed melted away. He was her rock, even in his unconscious state.
He was in a coma the doctor had told her. Medically induced in order to give his body time to heal and his mind time to rest. He had been beaten and cut severely. The worst of which were the two cracked ribs on his right side and a nasty gash on his thigh. He had many other injuries some as old as a few years and the newest within the last twelve hours. She didn't remember the list, she had been half-listening to the doctor as she and the boys stood outside his door the hour before. She made a mental note to ask them about it later.
The boys had gone to get Alexis. Kate had waited to call her and left a nondescript message on her cell when she didn't answer. It wasn't uncommon for Alexis not to answer. She had some pretty important exams coming up and she had been splitting all of her time in between the loft and the library. She couldn't bear to leave such a message for Alexis to find when she had finished studying. She also couldn't bear to let Castle out of her sight. The boys volunteered to collect Alexis.
She hadn't decided what to tell Alexis. She had asked the boys to keep it vague. Assure Alexis that everything was fine and let Kate tell her about her father in person.
She only allowed herself a few minutes to let go before she got herself together. She didn't want anyone to see her this way. She knew that no matter what she would need to be the rock here. Alexis and Martha would be emotional and little Joey would be so confused. There was no telling what the next few weeks would hold in store for Rick. She was the only one left and she had done this before with her mother.
She could box up her emotions and put up a temporary wall to get through this. She would allow herself to break only after she personally saw to it that everyone else was okay.
She had just pulled herself together when her heart was broken for the second time that day.
"MOM!" Alexis' broken voice practically sobbed from the door. Kate mentally punched herself for letting Alexis see before she had time to prepare herself.
A few steps each and they were in each other's arms. She felt Alexis break in her arms as she buried her head in Beckett's neck.
Alexis had never called her mom before and she doubted that it would ever happen again. It was a plea more than a moniker.
Sure Alexis had called her mommy in front of Johanna, but only while referring to her as the baby's mother. They didn't want to confuse the girl with Kate and Beckett and Mommy being thrown around, but Alexis already had a mom and Kate was significantly younger than said mother. In the past three years they had become very close…friends…confidants…family. There was nothing Kate wouldn't do for Alexis, but Alexis had never gone so far as to call her a mother.
Nevertheless, Kate considered Alexis her daughter. She thought of her and Jo on the same level. Her home was not complete without both girls safe at home. Even now Kate never went to sleep until Alexis was safely tucked away upstairs no matter how early into the morning it was. And after a stressful day there was nothing better than coming home to her two girls snuggled up on the couch warm and waiting to snuggle with a Disney movie playing.
Kate let Alexis have a minute and as she felt the cries weaken she pulled away slightly and quickly ushered Alexis out the door with her still encased in her arms. After the door had been shut, Kate tightened her arms again.
"It's alright, Lex." Kate whispered into her ear. "We are all okay. I love you and we will get through this."
She saw the boy's coming to a stop a few feet away. They put their hands up and shook their heads as if to say 'we tried to stop her but...' Beckett just waved them away and signaled that she would call later, after everything had calmed down a bit.
"Gram?" Alexis unintelligibly mumbled into Kate's hair.
"I already called your grandmother and she is hopping on the next flight back from Paris." Martha had taken a trip to France with some old acting friends to go to some fashion shows and tour the country. She had been gone for a week and was scheduled to be there for a few more weeks. Kate had called and Martha, panicking, made arrangements to be home within the next two days.
She pulled back and looked into Alexis' face. "Alexis, I know this is hard. I know that this is huge and a lot to process and I am still getting a handle on it myself, but I need you to trust me. We are going to be okay and he is going to be okay and I am so so sorry. You and Johanna are my first priority and I want you to understand that."
"I just.. I don't know what…. Just tell me what I am supposed to do. "Before Kate could form a response Alexis was off again. "He was dead. We were so sure. There was nothing and, Oh God! Oh my God is he okay. I mean will he be okay. What happened? What did they do to him? Who are they? What about Johanna? What are we going to tell her? And…"
Beckett couldn't take the pain and confusion on Alexis' face any longer. He sat down on the cold hard hospital floor and pulled Alexis into her side. Alexis immediately curled into her side as if she were Jo's age again.
"Alexis your father is fine. He's banged up, I won't lie to you. But with a few weeks he will be good as new. They did preliminary scans and they saw no reason to be worried about any serious brain damage. A few cracked ribs and some stitches are the worst of it.
"As to what happened I don't have the answers. I have no idea who we are dealing with or what he went through. Believe me it is killing me right now. But I promise you that we will get answers. The boy's are on it as we speak along with what I am sure is an entire team of FBI agents."
Kate could have sworn she heard what sounded like "A lot of good that did the first time." Come from Alexis. She huffed out the closest thing to a laugh she could manage before continuing.
"As for Johanna you have no need to worry. She will be confused I am sure. I am not really sure how she will react, but I am going to protect her and your father. She is only three and we will figure out exactly how much to tell her and when later on. Right now we just need to be patient, honey.
"It's all going to be okay."
They both let out a sigh and let that sink in. They both wanted to believe those simple words, but neither one was completely convinced. They sat in silence for a while, taking comfort in the safety of each other's arms.
Finally, Alexis looked up into Kate's eyes. Ocean blue locked on deep green and they both let out a chuckle at the tension between them.
"Can I see him now?"
They spent hours sharing the silence that encompassed the hospital room. One on each side of Castle, and each lost in their own thoughts. Kate's mind was on overdrive. Her heart was thumping. Rick was here. He was right here in the bed beside her and she was holding his hand. It felt like a dream. A wonderful and crazy dream that she never wanted to wake from. She loved him more than anything else in the world. But he was hurt and he was scared, and not just physically. She knew this was bad. She knew it wouldn't be easy for their family to get past. Three years was a lifetime and they were all on completely separate pages. She just hoped that their love was enough.
They only left the room for his hourly check-ups.
Kate didn't want Alexis to see any of the damage done and told herself that it would be easier to follow her out so Alexis wouldn't think about arguing. Truthfully, she knew she wasn't ready to see the full extent of what Castle had been through.
At three o'clock Kate took advantage of their time outside the room to call her father and check in on Johanna. She had sent her father text updates and made it clear that she was not ready to talk about it. She knew he would be unhappy with this arrangement, but she just couldn't bear to go through that conversation again.
"Tell me you're okay, Katie?" Her very upset father greeted her.
"I'm a mess, but I will be okay. It's been a rough morning. How is she?" The question was just for show. Kate could hear her Baby crying in the background. Jo hated being away from her mother for so long. On any other normal school day Kate picked her up from the school or from her Grandpa Jim's place an hour after. It broke her heart to hear the crying. It was one of the only sounds Johanna made.
She knew she had to stay at the hospital. There was no way she could leave Alexis and she wasn't ready to let go of the sight of Rick just yet. But her baby needed her. Once she started crying there were very few people who could calm her. Both of which were currently at the hospital.
"Katie, she needs you." Jim sounded resigned on the phone. He knew that her heart was literally in torn in two.
"Alright put her on and I will figure something out." She heard the phone being passed and the crying got significantly louder. "Hey baby!"
Kate tried her best to sound as cheerful as she could. "Hey, you have gotta stop crying. You are making Grandpa and Mommy very sad. Can you do that, Sweetheart?"
"There you go," she cooed as the cries turned into sniffles and hard breathing. "That's better. Did you have a good day at school?" She rarely talked to her daughter on the phone. If they were apart and Jo got upset they would set up skype on her work computer or her phone until she could get to wherever her daughter was. Without seeing her face it was almost impossible to have any type of two way communication.
"Mommy is going to see you very soon, alright. But until then I need you to be a very good girl. No more crying and making it hard for Grandpa, deal?" Kate hated the fact that Johanna was not closer to their extended family. She had therapy three times a week and Beckett could see improvement every day. It was still a very hard situation.
"I love you, baby girl. Everything is perfectly fine okay. I'll see you in a few hours. Can you give the phone back to Grandpa?" She heard a little huff and then her Dad was back.
"Hey, I am so sorry about her. We had a bad morning and I can only imagine how she was at preschool. She knows something is wrong. She is way too smart for us." She let out a genuine laugh at that. The first one she had in a few hours. "Can you bring her by the hospital and then take her back to the loft? I need to see her and she needs to know that everything is okay."
"Sure, Katie. Anything I can do. You know I am here for you. And we are going to talk about this after everything settles."
"I promise, Dad. Thank you so much. I will meet you in the lobby in an hour."
After she put the phone down she went to talk to Alexis. She met the nurses and a doctor in the hallway and came to stand beside Alexis waiting for their report.
"We're ready to start weaning him off the medication now. Under normal circumstances we would keep him under for a bit longer, however, in this case we feel it would be best to let him wake up and make sure there is no other unexpected surprises. If we can find out more about what has happened we can treat him more effectively. We don't know if he has been drugged or given anything that has damaging reactions with other medications.
"It's not immediate but he should be awake before tomorrow morning for sure."
"Thank you." Kate said. She shook the doctor's hand, and tried to remember what his name was, before giving up and following Alexis inside.
She had intended to convince Alexis to come down and see Johanna when she came, but she knew Alexis would never leave after hearing that her father would wake up. Kate herself didn't want to leave his side. Rationally she knew it would most likely be a few hours before he actually awoke, but she was still reluctant to leave.
She sat for a while and made small talk with an increasingly agitated Alexis. After about 45 minutes she got up and told Alexis she would be back as soon as she was done with her visit.
Kate took the opportunity to calm her nerves with a coffee from one of the stands on the ground floor before coming to wait by the front door.
Her father arrived a few minutes later with a pathetic looking Jo. Upon seeing her mother, Johanna squeezed her hand out of her grandfather's and flew to her. Kate was already on her knees with her arms open.
"Joey! I am so happy to see you." Kate didn't realize just how much she needed her little girl until she had her. "Oh, I missed you so much today." Johanna had her arms around her mother's neck as if her life depended on it. Kate hated that she had caused her little girl to worry and stress. She knew it just made her attachment and anxiety problems much worse.
"Come on," she said to her Dad "Let's go somewhere more open to sit down and talk."
They walked out of the hospital and down the sidewalk a ways before turning into the gardens of the hospital. Kate walked until they were immersed in the flowers before picking a bench to sit down on. She sighed and situated Jo on her lap more comfortably.
She didn't need to talk just being with each other was enough for the both of them. Jim sat down beside them and Kate leaned into his side and put her head on her shoulder.
In that moment she truly believed the words she had told Alexis all those hours ago. They were going to be okay. They were a family, they had been for years. And now her family was whole. The love of her life was waiting for her upstairs. He was going to wake up and he was going to meet his little girl and they were going to get married.
Obviously it would not all happen right away. But in that moment she had hope. In that moment it was as if everything clicked into place and she saw her future. Her baby would be able to grow up with a father. He would get to see all the memories that she had recorded of Johanna. She could see it now. Their love was everything and they were going to make it through this no matter what was in store for them. She had the proof in her arms.
Her perfect little girl. As sappy and pathetic as it sounded. Johanna was their love. She was a product of their unshakeable love for each other. She was broken, but she was theirs. Johanna was a beautiful and smart little girl and even though she was broken she was healing. She was resilient and she never gave up. She was going to be alright. They were all going to be alright.
Kate finally let out the breath she felt like she had been holding all day and relaxed for two whole minutes before her phone rang.
It was Alexis….
Thank you all so much for reading. This chapter ran away with me, but I promise the next chapter will move a little faster and you will be seeing a lot more of Rick and the rest of the family!
All reviews welcome. Tell me what you think or what you would like to see!