Chp 4

Trouble in River(side) City.

Disclaimer: SSDD

Author's note: Thanks so much for your continued reviews. Sorry this took a couple of days. I intended it being two short chapters, and instead it turned into one very long one. I debated breaking it up anyway but in the end I left it alone.

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Shopping sucks. That was the main thought running through Jim's mind that afternoon. He was having absolutely no luck at all. Not only was he failing to find the perfect present for his mother, but he had no idea what to get Spock either. He'd picked out a few small things for both of them, but nothing meaningful.

Art supplies for a mother who wasn't using them, and candles and incense for a man that would probably prefer to pick out himself. That just wasn't going to do it. He did find a sweater that he thought Spock would like, and an added bonus for Jim was that he would sure it would bring out the Vulcan's eyes.

To top everything off and make the whole shopping experience even more miserable, Spock had regained his stiff and proper Vulcan demeanor the minute they got close to town, and public. When Jim tried to talk to him he mostly got short answers, or slight nods. The answers that were longer were exceedingly cool and emotionless. He got more genuine responses from his First Officer when they were on duty on the bridge of the Enterprise. He knew Spock was just acting this way because they were in public out of a sense of discretion to their relationship. He was probably feeling a good deal of guilt for having been so blatantly free with his emotions this morning as well, but his coldness still hurt Jim just a little.

Jim was all for discretion, but being totally frozen out was a bit too much. He wasn't ready to act like a couple in public either, but in this social situation, he missed having the companionship of a friend. Shopping with Bone's incessant complaining would have been a welcome alternative. He made several more attempts at engaging Spock in the activity and get him to loosen up a bit.

Spock was standing stiffly, hands clasped behind his back, by the railing, watching the people below mill through the recreation area in the middle of the shopping center. Jim came up beside him leaning on the railing with his forearms and smiled brightly at the Vulcan.

"I always loved coming here at Christmas time when I was younger. Its just so, I don't know, kind of, magical I guess. Everyone is so happy and friendly. I love the lights, the music,the gigantic Christmas tree, and the skating rink they put in over by Santa's village. Really puts you in the Christmas spirit eh Spock?"

"I would not know Jim."

"Aw come on. You told me your mom did what she could to make Christmas special when you were a kid. She even read you stories. What were they?"

"She read me Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol' and a poem entitled 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. She would also tell me the story of Jesus from your Bible, and about a red nosed reindeer named Rudolph that could apparently talk. I found that highly illogical." Spock's eyes took on a far away look before he continued.

"I also enjoyed her retelling of the story of The Nutcracker. She took ballet as a child and performed several of the dances from it for me as she would play the music of Tchaikovsky. I loved to watch her dance..." Spock's eyes softened as he reminisced. "I was fortunate enough while at the Academy to have my parents visit once Christmas break. My mother and I attended a performance of The Nutcracker by the San Francisco Ballet Company. It was...marvelous."

As Jim watched Spock recounting the tale, he could tell that Spock was deeply involved in reliving the precious memory of attending the ballet with his mother. He watched Spock's eyes moisten and he hoped this would be the turning tide in their afternoon and that after sharing such a tender memory with Jim, Spock would soften towards him. Unfortunately Spock seemed to snap back to reality suddenly and with an even more firm rigidity to his stance. His nostrils flared and his eyes became dark and sullen. Jim could tell that Spock was angry with himself.

"Spock, that was a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing it with me," he tried, smiling with all the love he could muster. He moved in a bit closer and reached discreetly towards the man he loved with his two forefingers, hoping that Spock would catch on and discreetly return the gesture. "It means a lot to me when you open up to me like that."

Spock just glared at Jim as if Jim had done something wrong. He glanced down at Jim's hand and kept his own hand clasped tightly behind his back, refusing to return the kiss. It stung. Jim felt as if he'd been slapped. He stiffened and averted his eyes, pretending to watch the shoppers so that Spock wouldn't see the moisture forming his own eyes that he was struggling to choke back.

"Have you completed your purchases Captain?" Spock asked coldly with a furrowed brow.

Jim didn't miss the Captain, or the iciness of his first officer's voice. He wanted to tell him to fuck off, but since he didn't understand what he could possibly have done wrong he tried to reach out to Spock one more time.

"No. Not yet. I'm, having a hard time finding what I'm looking for. I got mom some art supplies earlier and found her this sweater," he said reaching into one of the shopping bags and pulling it out. "What do you think?"

"I think it is a sweater."

"...But do you think she'll like it, I mean, do you think this is good enough?"

"No I do not. You stated that you felt you needed to find a gift worth of the mother of the youngest Captain in Starfleet history, given those parameters, a sweater, would hardly fulfill the requirement."

Okay now he was just being an ass and Jim was getting pissed. "What the fuck is your problem?" he demanded.

"I have no problems at this time that I wish to discuss with you, Captain."

"Fine."

"Indeed."

They stood there fuming in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Spock spoke. "I too am having difficulty finding an appropriate gift for your mother. Perhaps we should continue our shopping endeavors."

"Fine." Jim said again realizing that the Vulcan's voice had softened. "Where to?"

"I do not know."

"Just pick a shop."

"As I do not know what I am looking for, I cannot possibly know to which shop I would like to go."

"Fine, I'll pick. Let's go Bergin's, its an antique book store."

"No."

"No? What do you mean no?"

"I do not know what kind of literature Winona enjoys, therefore I cannot possibly hope to find anything she would like there."

"Well I was going to enlighten you, but if you are going to continue to be such a pain in the ass, forget it. You are on your own! In fact, I think it would be better if we went our separate ways for a couple of hours."

"I agree."

"Fine!"

Jim was hurt. Jim was pissed. Jim was confused. He swallowed hard and stared at Spock expecting to see the same cold and anger that had been there before. Instead he saw the same hurt and confusion. He didn't know what to think. How was he supposed to read Spock's damned Vulcan mind?

"Look just..., you see that bench down in the courtyard, just between the skating rink and Santa's village?" Jim said leaning against the railing and pointing through the glass.

"Yes Jim, I do." Spock acknowledged in a softer tone of voice.

"Meet me there in two hours okay?"

Spock nodded his agreement and whirled around taking what packages he'd collected thus far with him, leaving Jim standing there alone and bewildered.

Not knowing what he'd done, or what to do, or where to go next Jim started wandering aimlessly. Before long he found he'd wandered downstairs and out into the courtyard. It was colder down here because of the skating rink, but the place was domed so it wasn't too cold. He found his way to the bench where he intended to meet Spock, not sure if he even wanted to continue shopping or not. He sat there trying to figure out what on Earth had come over his friend, his soon to be lover, his boyfriend, not of those descriptions seemed to be appropriate. What could he have done that had angered Spock so much that he lashed out so viciously?

As he sat watching the skaters he couldn't find the answers he was looking for. Happy couples skated around in circles, arm in arm and a twinge of jealousy tugged at his heartstrings. He felt the sting of the tears that had choked back earlier surface again, but he refused to let them fall. He'd be damned if he'd act like a lovestruck teenage girl having a spat with her boyfriend. After dinner that night, or maybe the next day, he'd corner Spock and have it out with him. He just wished that things could go back to the way they'd been just a few hours ago. Gawd he'd loved that. Loved the teasing and the fun they'd had. Loved seeing Spock like that. Loved holding Spock like that. Loved Spock.

He'd finally faced the reality that his feelings for Spock had been growing slowly over the last few months, he had just not been acknowledging them. At least not fully. Denial is a powerful thing.

What am I doing sitting here brooding? So we had a fight, so what. He'll talk to me, once we have a chance to be alone, and whatever I did, or didn't do, we'll figure it out later. I'm still Pissed as Hell, but I also still love that damn green blooded bastard. There I admitted it. I love him...... I do.....I love him, but I'm James T. fucking Kirk, and I don't believe in no win scenarios. This is one fight I'm going to win, eventually! So its time to quit moping and start moving.

Jim made his way to Bergin's and looked over the rows and rows of antique hardback books. It smelled of leather bindings and yellowing paper. His mom would love it in here. She loved books nearly as much as she loved her art, but she never seemed to be able to find the time to read. That's why he'd wanted to bring Spock here in the first place. He wanted to share that with him, but that damned stubborn overgrown elf didn't seem to know how to cooperate today.

He ended up finding several things he knew his mom would love. She'd had quite and extensive collection when he'd been a kid. The guest room downstairs had once been a study lined with bookshelves filled with ancient novels. Then came the day Jim had driven his dad's car off the cliff into the quarry. The same day Sam had tried to run away. The same day that the police called his mom back from offworld even though Frank had told them not to. The same day that Winona had come home early and found Jim bleeding and cowering in one corner and Frank and Sam beating the shit out of each other in the other.

She'd thrown Frank out and pressed charges. He'd sat in a jail cell for two days and then came back out to the house for his things. When he found Jim, Winona and Sam gone for the day, he'd taken all of Winona's precious books, most of which had been given to her by Jim's father, out into the barnyard. He'd thrown them in a pile, soaked them with gasoline, and lit them on fire.

By the time Jim, Sam, and his mom got home, they'd been reduced to a pile of ashes. They'd never seen Frank again, but him mom had bought a watchdog just in case he came back. He'd still been a pup when they got him, but he'd turned into a good dog, and he'd been with them until a year or so after Jim entered the Academy. His name had been Whiskey and he was old when he died. Jim missed that dog.

His mother had been heartbroken at the loss of the books. She'd lost another piece of their father with them and with the car. She never really got over it. She'd walled in the study, turned it into a guest bedroom and never said another word about it. The built in bookcases in the living room filled with gaudy knick knacks that people gave her as extra thank you gifts in return for the portraits she did for them instead of books. Jim wasn't sure why he or Sam had never tried to replace the books. He guessed that they both felt kind of guilty, like them causing trouble was what caused Frank to burn them in the first place.

It was high time he made up for it. As his fingers danced over the titles, "Pride and Prejudice", "Jane Eyre", "Wuthering Heights", the works of Shakespeare, "The Secret Garden", he formed a wonderful plan in his head. He would bring Spock back here, kicking and screaming if he had to. He'd tell him the story, and the two of them would buy the shit out of this store. Then on Christmas Eve, they would sneak down to the living room, box up all those gaudy worthless knick knacks that his mom only kept out of some sense of obligation, and replace them with these beautiful leather bound books.

He saw a full set of L. Frank Baum's Oz series on a top shelf. They were all there, the entire Oz series and the Little Wizard stories. His mom loved those and hadn't had a complete set before. Jim felt excitement creeping back into him. He couldn't leave here without these. The rest they could come back and get, or maybe have the shop keeper hold for him, but these had to come with him now, before someone else found them.

He quickly found the shop keeper and she helped him take the books to the register, remarking that they had just come into the shop that morning and she'd known they wouldn't last long. He told her his plan and she gave him a datapad and told him to go around the shop and make a list of any other books he wanted and she'd pull them that day and set them aside for him. Happily he browsed the shelves feeling proud of himself for finding a gift that would fulfill all the requirements he had given his first officer for his mother's Christmas present.

As he browsed he came across a beautiful set of Charles Dickens compilations. "A Christmas Carol" was the first story in the first book. These he also took off the shelf, but not for his mother. He asked the shopkeeper if she had any copies of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. She showed him the two she had. One was a version of just the poem, included in a book of similar poetry. The other was an illustrated version. It was meant to be a children's book, but the binding was hand tooled leather with intricate designs, the artwork was gorgeous, and the pages were gilded in gold. It was perfect.

After determining that there was no way he could carry all of the Oz books by himself, he relented to leaving them there until the next day, adding them to the order he had compiled on the datapad. He settled for taking with him his gifts for Spock, wishing that he could find his love, and bring him here and tell him of his plan now, but that would have to wait. Despite his enthusiasm for his plans and his delight in finding a gift for Spock as well, he was still hurting and angry over the earlier fight and wasn't sure he was ready to let Spock off the hook. He loved him, but they would have to work things out before Jim shared this secret with him.

He did however have one more thing he wanted to purchase before meeting Spock. He headed for a store that sold music and movie vid discs to find what he wanted. Luckily they had what he was looking for. The disc was so small it fit in the palm of his hand but it was a professional recording of the San Francisco Ballet Company's performance of The Nutcracker, complete with Tchaikovsky's full musical score. Spock could watch it, or just listen to it anytime he wanted in the privacy of his own quarters. He hoped he wasn't overstepping his bounds. He had a sneaking suspicion that the angered wrath he'd received earlier had more to do with him inadvertently causing Spock to relive painful memories of his lost mother, than something he'd actually done to directly anger the Vulcan.

Feeling a mixture of pride and accomplishment accompanied by a growing feeling of apprehension and tension, he gathered his parcels together and went to find Spock. He had no idea what kind of mood he would find the Vulcan in, but he knew it was very unlikely to be pleasant and he wasn't looking forward to it. If they could just get through dinner, maybe they'd have a chance to talk later. That's the thought he comforted himself with as he made his way to the courtyard.

* * *

Spock sat on the bench waiting for Jim. He'd been there since Jim himself had left. He'd watched as Jim sat there stewing from a vantage point where he knew he could go undetected. He saw the tears brim in his T'hy'la's eyes and it had broken his heart. He had nearly gone to Jim then, but this had been neither the time nor the place for apologies. He was still dealing with his own pain and not in the mood for discussions. He waited for Jim to leave and then crossed to the bench to wait for his return. He had been there the entire time, chastising himself internally for lashing out so viciously at his soul mate. Jim could not have known how much pain it had caused Spock to recount and remember such intimate times with his mother. Spock had not known himself how devastating it would be.

What he'd wanted to do and what he was able to do were two different things. At experiencing such grief over reliving memories he'd not known he was even repressing, all he wanted to do was to go to Jim and allow himself to be wrapped in his embrace so that he could mourn in the private and comfort of his love's arms, but they were in public.

He had made a solemn vow with himself on the way to the city that he would do nothing untoward while in Jim's company. He would show nothing but a firm emotionless and logical Vulcan exterior. They were public persons now with the publicity of the Nero incident and he would do nothing to compromise his Captain's career. He would purvey the epitome of a professional Vulcan Science officer, Commander, and his Captain's first officer on the U.S.S. Enterprise. He would not allow his emotions to compromise himself or lead to any compromise of the Captain's character. He loved Jim too much to risk endangering his career.

In retrospect he should have discussed this with Jim before entering the shopping center, however he had underestimated the vast amount of people who would be within earshot, as well as the number of those who would recognize and approach them. It had soon become clear that he would have no chance to explain. Not only was not being able to explain his abrupt demeanor becoming daunting, but people continuously recognized the duo and approached them to talk, introduce themselves, wish them Merry Christmas, thank them, or ask for autographs. All of these people insisted on touching the pair. This might be fine for Jim, the hand shaking and shoulder touching, and appreciative hugging, and cheek kissing from little old ladies. It was not fine for a touch telepath.

Spock had to throw up every emotional barrier he knew. He had to block every ounce of emotion, and every ounce of telepathy so that he would not pick up or send any emotions. It had proved exceedingly difficult and had taken a toll on him. By the time Jim had approached him by the railing, the Vulcan was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, and in dire need of meditation.

This combined with the grief and loss he'd felt reliving the precious memories with his mother had proven to be too much for the Vulcan to handle. It had already been a very unexpected and emotionally taxing day. In his exhausted state he had irrationally lashed out at his love, taking out all of the hurt, frustration, and exhaustion on Jim. Though he hoped he would find a way to talk to Jim and explain all of this, his hope did nothing to quell the fear inside of him that he had truly, 'fucked things up for good'. Jim had been very angry, and obviously hurt, and he knew it was his blatant rejection of Jim's attempt to reach out to him and connect with him through a touch kiss that had hurt Jim the most. He had not missed the moisture that had formed in Jim's eyes then either.

He knew he must find a way to explain to Jim that even a discreet touch in public could devastate Jim's career and he would not, could not, let that happen. Jim was too important to Starfleet, and his Captaincy was too new. Whether Jim realized it or not, because of the circumstances surrounding his appointment to Captaincy before even formally graduating from the Academy, Jim was under a great deal of scrutiny. There were those in both higher and lower chains of command looking for any reason, no matter how small, to discredit Jim and have his Captaincy revoked. Spock and the other bridge crew officers, along with McCoy and Mr. Scott, were doing their utmost to keep those rumors and attempts from their Captain so that he could continue doing his job without the excess pressure and undo stress. Spock would not allow himself to give any of those persons reason to discredit Jim. He would resign his commission and return to teaching if it came to that. He hoped Jim would understand that, but it did not excuse the fact that his rejection of the gesture had been tinged with anger and pain that should not have been directed towards his T'hy'la. He had no idea how to make this up to Jim, and this was the thought that made him feel as if his heart truly were breaking.

* * *

As Jim walked into the courtyard he saw Spock sitting patiently on the bench waiting for him. Seeing the Vulcan sitting there stiffly immediately brought back the sting of rejection Jim had felt earlier and he winced at the memory. Suddenly he was mad all over again. Even if he did suspect that Spock had been lashing out because the memory of his mother had caused him pain, that hadn't given Spock the right to take it out on him.

He glared in Spock's direction just as the Vulcan caught his eye. He saw that the glare he was shooting Spock hit home as a look of pain and rejection flashed over the Vulcan's eyes. Spock lowered his head a bit and looked very apologetically at Jim through his eye lashes. It took every ounce of resolve Jim had to stay mad. He nearly let his guard down and just forgave him, just because he gave him the 'I'm sorry' look.

No way! You know what? NO, you pointy eared bastard! This is a fight I'm going to win and you don't get to just flash those big brown puppy dog eyes at me and get your way. I don't care how sorry you are, or how hurt you look because I'm still mad. I don't care how brown and inviting those eyes are, or how luscious that little pouty bottom lip is....Crap...

NO! I'm still mad....dammit...

I am... okay maybe not so much as before but gosh dammit Spock, that bullshit earlier hurt me, and I'm gonna make you pay for it. Or at least give me one hell of an explanation before I admit that I'm ready to forgive you. You don't just get to manipulate me and win with no explanation because I caved to cuteness. Not this time.

"You get your shopping done?"

"No, I did not," Spock said dejectedly rising to his feet. "Jim, I..."

"Save it," Jim said cutting him off. "I'm not really in the mood for conversations right now. But just so you know, when I am, you better have a damn good explanation!"

He was in the Vulcan's face, nostrils flaring, overacting, trying to make his point. He could tell by Spock's reaction that he'd made it. His love seemed to wither from the inside out. Okay maybe he was being a tad too hard on the guy. He probably did have a good explanation, but Jim really wasn't ready to hear it yet.

"I assure you I do Jim and I'm truly.."

Jim cut him off once more. "I said save it! This is neither the time nor the place. Let's just get home, and get through this damn dinner with Wayne, and then maybe you and I will have a chance to talk. As for your shopping, your damn lucky you've got such a brilliant ... " he trailed off leaned in a bit closer and lowered his voice before continuing, trying his hand at being discreet for Spock's benefit, "boyfriend. I hate that word by the way, there has to be another word for whatever this...thing..is. Anyway my point is, I did your shopping for you. I found something perfect, that we can get mom from the both of us. I'll bring you back over here tomorrow and explain."

"Jim I don't think...

"Hey, I'm not listening to any arguments. Its the perfect gift. You'll love it. She'll love it, and it has to be from both of us. Can you just trust me for once in your damned obstinate holier than thou life?"

"Yes Jim, I can, and I will," the Vulcan said with so much sincerity and softness that Jim started to feel bad for holding on to his anger.

Damn, why did he make it so hard to stay mad at him? This was going to be impossible. Jim made a point of walking at least two steps ahead of Spock the entire way out to his Jeep, stomping as he went. He'd given his motorcycle away when he enlisted in the Academy, but his mom had kept his old Jeep. It was a beast, but he loved it. He and Sam had resurrected the thing from the dead when they were in high school. Those were good times.

Once inside he could see Spock shivering so he blasted the heat and turned all of the vents towards Spock, resisting the urge to reach out and help warm him up by rubbing his hands or arms.

"That any better?" he asked as he drove

"Yes Jim. Thank you....." he cast an anxious and love filled glance sideways at Jim, "...T'hy'la."

"Tuh high la? What does that mean?"

"T'hy'la."

"T'hy'la.." Jim repeated.

"Yes. It is a Vulcan word. It means friend, brother, and lover. It is similar in meaning to that of your human phrase, kindred spirit, or soul mate. A much more appropriate term than...boyfriend?"

Jim tried to stop himself from smiling but he was sure that it showed a little. "T'hy'la huh? I like it. I like it a lot." He stopped himself from looking at Spock because he knew that if he did he was done for. Instead he looked at the road and out the driver's side window at the passing scenery. Who was he kidding, he was already done for. At least he was irritated with himself now for being such a push over. Hopefully the irritation would show and Spock would assume that he was still mad.

Internally he was grinning. T'hy'la. Its a beautiful word. It really does describe what I feel for him. He's my soul mate, my T'hy'la. Yeah, I like that. I can't wait to whisper it to him later. I think I'll include it in an inscription in the books I bought him. He'll like that. He occupied his thoughts for the rest of the drive with what he would write.

As the came up the road he could see that another vehicle was parked where he usually parked the Jeep when he was home so he swung into the side road and turned in to the barnyard from the opposite side of the house and parked the Jeep under the carport on the far side of the barn.

"Looks like Wayne has already arrived so we'll park out here. I want to check the animals real quick before we go in anyway if that's okay?"

"Of course Jim, would you like me to gather the packages?"

"No you keep your damn hands off the packages."

"Why? Is there something in them you don't want me to see?"

"Damn straight." He said trying really hard not to smile, and failing miserably. "I'll tell you what, I'll check the chickens, you check Lizzie, since you are the cow masturbation expert."

Spock smirked and nodded his agreement. Jim came back into the barn a moment later. "Chickens are fed, how's everything in here?"

"Lizzie has been fed and milked again, and the pail of milk we inadvertently left in here earlier has been emptied and cleaned."

"Good." Jim said following Spock to the Jeep, turning out the barn lights and grabbing his bags out of the vehicle. Spock grabbed what few things he had bought before their argument and they both walked in comfortable silence to the house. Jim was just thinking to himself that maybe this morning had been a fluke. Obviously his mother was her usual on the ball self this afternoon and everything was in ship shape.

His assuredness dissipated once they got to the porch steps however. They heard a shatter and loud shouting coming from inside the house.

"Dammit Winona, where are those two losers! I've been at work all damn day and you know that I like my dinner on the table precisely at 6 o'clock. I'm hungry and I'm not about to wait another minute for that former delinquent son of yours and his little half breed friend to finally show up while my food is getting cold!"

"I'm so sorry Wayne," came Winona's timid response. "I know I told the boys six o'clock. It's only ten after. I'm sure they'll be here soon. You go ahead and sit down honey and I'll get your plate ready. Here have a beer, I'll be just a minute."

"You better be just a minute! Because that's all the time you've got!" the menacing voice boomed threateningly.

Jim heard a growl behind his ear, and although he himself wanted to barge into the kitchen and toss Wayne through a window, he'd immediately entered Captain mode upon hearing the harsh tones coming from his house. He was in the zone. Full on Captain Kirk modus operandi and his diplomacy skills were reigning in his need to hurt the man yelling at his mother. He wanted to further assess the situation before killing the bastard, or better yet, just stepping aside and letting his 'half breed friend' do the job for him.

He turned slightly to Spock raising his hand in a 'hold on a second' gesture and giving him a knowing nod. Spock relaxed the tension in his shoulders just enough and followed Jim's lead. They burst into the living room suddenly. "What the hell is going on?" Jim demanded calmly and decisively, as he watched his mother bending over to pick up porcelain shards off of the kitchen floor.

"Oh, Jim! Spock! You're back. Good. I ...I didn't hear you drive up. Clumsy me I dropped a plate and broke it." Winona said in an obviously surprised tone.

" I parked on the other side of the barn Mom. What's going on?" He demanded again.

"Oh uh, we were just getting the table set for dinner dear. Honey this is Wayne Carver. Wayne this is...

"Oh there's no need for introductions sweetheart. Captain James T. Kirk." Wayne declared all smiles and charm, coming over to shake Jim's hand as if he hadn't just been shouting at Jim's mother and calling Jim and Spock names. "It is truly an honor to finally meet you son. Truly an honor. You've come a long ways from your troublesome days of youth son and you've surely done Riverside proud. Youngest Starfleet Captain in history, saved the entire planet. Its just all so overwhelming isn't it. And to believe I have found myself lucky enough to be dating your wonderful sweet mother. It really is an unbelievable pleasure to finally meet you son.

And this must be Commander Spock! Your first officer, and the first Vulcan/Human officer Starfleet has ever had. You two are quite a duo. Everyone around here has been so excited that you are visiting for Christmas. I hope you'll come down to the bank this week and sign some autographs for the some of the members children. I've been getting so many requests. Of course I didn't make any promises on your behalf but it sure would be appreciated, especially at this time of year."

Wayne said all this smiling and sincere, shaking their hands as if he was truly awestruck by their presence. It was more than unnerving and extremely suspicious. Had they been hearing things, or was he suffering from Duel Identity Disorder? Jim shot his First Officer the look that said, 'we need to conference', which Spock subtly acknowledged with a slight nod.

When it came to their working relationship, Spock did subtle, and he did it very well. Jim and Spock had developed a communication that was unsurpassed. It really was if they were communicating telepathically at times. They anticipated each others tactics and moves and seemed to know what the other was thinking and had developed a sort of non-verbal communication through slight hand signals, nods and looks, that did most of their communicating for them when faced with hostile situations. It came in very handy during diplomatic situations, but made for a rather unnerving and frustrating game of chess.

All Jim could think to say in response to the bombardment from the smarmy bastard in front of him was to apologize to his mother for being late. "Something came up. Sorry about leaving the milk in the barn earlier too."

"Oh Jimmy its no problem, is it Wayne?"

"Of course not. Hell we wouldn't be here to have dinner if it wasn't for our two heroes here. I'm just grateful for a chance to get to know you both."

Wow, what a piece of work!

"Well we'll just get our coats put away and find somewhere to put these packages and we'll be right there mom."

They both went into the guest room and Jim threw Spock a look that said 'don't get into those' as he place his packages in a chair in the corner and threw his coat on top of them. Spock shot back an annoyed raise eyebrow that said, 'we have more important things to think about at this time Jim'.

"What the hell do you suppose that was all about?"

"I do not know..."

Jim paced angrily and quickly, wondering what to do. "I'm not sure whether I want to just toss him out on his ass now, or investigate this further and try to find out what exactly his agenda is here."

"His unctuous behavior is excessively aggravating, and as much as I would like to cause him bodily harm at this time, I believe the more logical course would indeed be to further assess his motives, in order to determine the correct course of action to take."

"I agree. Game face on Mr. Spock?"

"Indeed Captain."

"After you Commander." Jim said cooly and professionally gesturing towards the door. He felt as though he ought to be going upstairs to put on his uniform before returning to the dinner table. He'd ensure that he was just as intimidating without it during the course of the meal. As would his First Officer. Wayne had no idea what he was in for.

Dinner was a tense game of verbal ping pong in which Wayne was outnumbered two to one. While Spock and Jim were nothing but tactful, diplomatic, cordial, and polite, they were far from warm and inviting. Wayne tried to win them over with his charm but could tell he was engaged in a battle of wits. He tried subversively insult them with subtle put downs wrapped in false compliments. When the loquacious pair managed to volley each veiled insult back with erudite ease, he turned his negative comments towards Winona, undoubtedly trying to ruffle the boys' feathers and throw them off their game.

Unfortunately for Wayne, for each veiled insult he flung, Jim or Spock had a contradictory and sincere compliment at the ready. Wayne soon tired of this tactic and instead turned to grandiose story telling in effort to win the boys back over by impressing them with his exploits. His stories however were so far fetched that they contained serious flaws in logic and conflicting information. Spock was quick to point out each misstep with extreme care, taking time to fully explain to Wayne the error in his logic and therefore disprove his grandiose claims. That he did it all with such a polite and seemingly apologetic demeanor seemed to make Wayne all the more angry.

Jim was enjoying the banter given that Spock had clearly gained the upper hand and was making Wayne look like a fool when he finally glanced over at his mother. He saw Wayne shoot a look of anger in her direction and did not miss the look of dread and fear that immediately crossed her eyes when he did so. When she saw Jim looking at her she averted her eyes and tried to cover with a polite smile but it was too late. He caught Spock's attention and gave him a small tapping signal with his two front forefingers that meant to stand down, and quickly shot a glance in Winona's direction.

Spock read all of this with rapid ease and conceded his last point to Wayne, letting Wayne think that he was successful in making this last conjecture believable.

They concluded dinner and as Jim and Spock were clearing the table Wayne pulled Winona into the foyer and they could hear a murmured and plaintive argument. "Oh come now Winona, after you spent all afternoon preparing this wonderful meal, I'm sure the boys would be more than willing to take care of the dishes for you. I'd hoped that we could spend some time together tonight and you know I need help with the Christmas decorations at my house. Won't you come over for just a little while. The boys won't mind, will you boys?"

Both Spock and Jim shot him a glare, and if it hadn't been for Winona's pleading look they would have very diplomatically told him where to go. Instead Spock reassured her that they would be more than happy to take care of the dishes, but politely reminded her that she had promised to spend the evening with them as well, and urged her to hurry back.

"Well played." Jim mused after the two had left.

Spock just shrugged indignantly.

"Indeed." Jim countered, borrowing Spock's usual turn of phrase and sighing in frustration himself. "I don't like it. I don't like it at all. He's some piece of work."

"If by that you mean dangerous and possibly psychotic, then I agree. I do not like the idea of Winona being alone in his company."

"I think its time to give my brother a call." Jim said walking over to the vid phone. His sister-in-law Aurelan came in to view first.

"JIM! We were wondering when we would get a call. How are you doing and who is that handsome Vulcan standing next to you? That wouldn't happen to be Commander Spock would it?"

"It would indeed. Spock didn't have any plans for Christmas so he's spending it with Mom and I and then we are taking the week after Christmas and going on an old fashioned Road Trip with the Enterprise boys to show him around our fair planet."

"Are you going to stop by – you know Sam's put in for transfers to Earth Colony II and Deneva, we may not be on Earth much longer, and your nephew's miss you. Especially Peter."

"Oh Aurelan, you're making me feel guilty all over, but A – I think Portland, Oregon is a little too far out of our way, and B- I just met the whole reason I declined your first invitation to come visit."

"Oh how FUN for you Jimmy," Aurelan exclaimed sarcastically. "Ugh that man is such a Wayner!"

"A Wayner?" is that a colorful metaphor that I have not yet heard Jim?

"You're funny Mr. Spock." Aurelan winked. "Actually I prefer the term Fucker, or Fucking asshole, but you know I don't like to swear in front of the children. I assume you've heard those colorful metaphor's Spock?" He nodded in affirmation. "Anyway, we decided to coin the phrase 'Wayner' in his honor, but it means the same thing as the explative."

Aurelan turned to someone off-screen who was obviously in another room an shouted. "Oh George! You're brother's on the vid and just had the ardent pleasure of meeting Wayne!"

Spock had shot Jim a slightly confused look at the name George. "I'm the only one who calls him Sam." he said in explanation, to which Spock raised an eyebrow in question. "I don't know, its something we started when we were kids. He tried calling me Tiberius for a while but it was too big a mouthful so he went back to Jimmy, but Sam stuck." he said shrugging. Spock gave another conceding and knowing nod.

"Do you guys always do that?" Aurelan asked.

"Do what?" "To what are you referring" they spoke simultaneously.

"Talk without talking?"

"What do you mean?" "Please explain." they said in unison again.

"Do you always do that too."

"No" they both stated emphatically.

"Uh huh, sure, and I was talking about that little conversation you had where Jim was giving you answers Spock, but you weren't asking any questions. About the whole George/Sam thing."

"What are you talking about? He asked me why you called him George when I called him Sam and when I said I was they only one who called him Sam he asked me why...... Didn't he?"

"No" she said giggling.

"I did not actually verbalize my communication Jim."

"Oh, well, we are still in 'work mode' after our very enlightening dinner with Wayne." Jim stated as if that was supposed to explain everything to Aurelan. Sam had appeared in the background in the vid screen when they'd started talking in unison, so he'd heard the banter between them and Aurelan and the fact that they'd suffered through an entire dinner with the Wayner.

"Well whatever it is its cute Jimmy. Do you finish each other's sentences too?"

"No.." / "We do not." they shot each other a knowing look.

"Well, okay maybe.." / "On occasion."

"But you know we don't do it..." Jim trailed off shrugging.

"On a frequent or consistent basis." Spock picked up nodding at Jim in agreement.

"What he said." Jim finished.

"Creepy..." Sam chimed in. "You gonna buy him an engagement ring for Christmas Jimmy?" he teased unknowingly and somehow missed the slight blush that came over both of them. "So dinner with the Wayner huh? I'd feel sorry for you but I have an entire week of that to look forward to. How'd it go?"

"I don't know. That's primarily why we called. I'm getting a very creepy read on this guy. He's more than just an asshole. We handled him pretty well. His veiled little insults didn't get past us and when he started his story-telling rant Spock put him in his place and called him on his lies several times. You would have enjoyed it, but there was something about Mom's behavior that struck me wrong. Way wrong. Plus, things around here aren't right. She's not doing her art, the studio is empty."

"What! You've got to be kidding me?" Sam sputtered. "Empty?"

"Yes, empty. Her supplies are there but no projects, plus the roof and the chicken coop needed repairs and the animals went unfed this morning because she had to run off and do errands for him, and she left without plowing or doing the dishes. That's not like our anal retentive mother."

"No its not. What'd she say about the art?"

"She gave me some lame excuse at dinner. Said she'd finished her sculptures for an art show in November, and had a lot of commissioned portraits for Christmas that she'd finished last week so that they could be wrapped and delivered in time, and just hadn't had time to start any more projects, but it was the way she said it. It was an excuse. Something else is up."

"I agree. Although her explanation was logically sound, it lacked sincerity."

"Look Jim, I wasn't gonna say anything because I wasn't sure..." Sam said shooting a conspiratorial look at his wife. "but Mom returned a call to us a couple of weeks ago and wouldn't turn on the vid screen. She kept pretending she thought it was on. We called back the next day and put the kids on so she'd turn it on, and there was bruising around her eye. When I confronted her she said she walked into a door."

"And you weren't going to say anything WHY!" Jim screamed furiously, Spock fuming with anger behind him but putting his hands on Jim's shoulders in an attempt to calm him.

"Jim, calm down, I talked him out of it. We don't know what happened for sure, and until you were able to spend some time around the guy, and we were able to spend some more time around the guy, we didn't want to jump to conclusions." Aurelan explained. "Have you had any indication that, well, that it was him and not a door?"

"Yes as a matter of fact. When we got home this afternoon we heard a plate braking, she said she dropped it, but he was shouting at her at the time, then he pretended it didn't happen. I think they were both hoping we hadn't heard, and we didn't really let on that we did, but you combine the two incidents and I see probable cause here. The question is, what the hell do we do?"

"I don't know. She's a grown woman, but if this guy is hurting her.... I don't know Jim." Sam said sounding just as perplexed as Jim felt.

"We will endeavor to talk with Winona tomorrow and find out what is going on" Spock offered.

"She's just going to lie about it Spock. So aside from catching the bastard, or threatening him if he doesn't leave her alone. I don't know what we can do."

"Just talk to her anyway." prompted Aurelan.

"And if anyone is going to do any threatening, let it be me. I know you are a big shot Starfleet Captain and everything, but I've been hearing rumors Jimmy. You don't want it getting back to your superiors that you were threatening a civilian."

"What are you talking about" Jim queried and noticed that his First Officer stiffened beside him. Jim just glared at him letting him know he'd want an explanation later.

"Jim, I don't know how to tell you this but there are people, above you and below you, that are not happy with you receiving a full Captaincy Commission. Its just jealously, but jealousy fuels a lot of hatred. All of those people are looking for any little thing they can get their hands on to discredit you. They've already tried. Admiral Pike in particular has been a very combative advocate of yours."

"And just how do you know this? You aren't in Starfleet. You're a research biologist."

"Yes but I'm a research biologist who works off planet half the year with scientists who work in Starfleet. One of the primary stations I'm in charge of right now is being overseen by Admiral Pike. He's a good guy, we talk. I like him. He likes you Jim. He let me know that he was in your corner, and that you had a lot of other good people in your corner as well, " he explained shooting Spock an acknowledging nod of thanks. Spock garnished another look of anger and annoyance at this from Jim.

"Pike also wanted me to know this so that if anything like this came up in the future, I could warn you to be extra careful to mind your p's and q's. Do me a favor and do that okay Jim. If it comes to it, do whatever you can behind the scenes. Pull strings, use your rank, but don't jeopardize your career."

"Please Jim, listen to your brother. If for any reason threats or violence become necessary before ...George... can take care of the situation, I hope you will allow me to make that sacrifice. I am more than willing to put my own career on the line in order to preserve yours."

"Thanks Spock, and you can call me Sam if you'd like." Sam said with a wink.

"You know, as much as I appreciate you both going around behind my back protecting me like I'm some sort of infant who needs his diaper changed, I'm finding it prudent to point out to you both that I'm a grown man who's perfectly capable of taking care of myself AND my career, thank you very much.

I'm well aware of the rumors and of the certain individuals who are out to get me, and I've been watching my 'p's and q's just fine. However, my mother's safety and well being are far more important than some damned Starfleet Commission. In case you both were unaware, I'm a fucking genius, or so they tell me, and I just saved the fucking planet about 10 months back. I'm pretty sure that if I lose my commission, I can find a job elsewhere.

And as for you, mister, 'I'm more than willing to sacrifice my own career in order to preserve yours'...That's pretty high and mighty coming from a guy who would barely acknowledge me when we were in public earlier today. You are just fine with showing your affection towards me when we are alone, or even in front of Mom, but in public you reject me like I'm some kind of leper? Or was that just some noble sacrifice on your part as well? 'Jim can't possibly be trusted to make his own decisions about who he chooses to spend his personal time with, or show his affection and devotion towards, and he might "jeopardize his career", so I'll make all his decisions for him and be an asshole to him in the process'. Is that what that was all about?"

Spock just looked down at the floor in defeat while Aurelan and Sam tried to fade into the vid screen background.

"Uh huh, I thought so. Well you know what, you can both go fuck yourselves! Jim shouted at both Spock and Sam. "I'm going to bed!"

As Jim whirled and stomped out of the room and pounded up the stairs, Spock was left standing devastated in front of the vid screen.

"Spock I'm so sorry, I had no idea cluing Jim into the fact that you were trying to protect him from the rumors and attempts to discredit him would make him react that way. I guess I wasn't thinking. I was just trying to warn him and let him know that we were in his corner. I didn't expect it to backfire like that."

"Its quite alright ...Sam.. I am sure Jim will get over it, in time. It has been an unusually emotionally taxing and exhausting day, for both of us. Our tempers have been high more than once already, I am sure this only added 'fuel to the fire' as they say. Most of his anger is indeed directed at Mr. Carver at the moment to be sure. He is quite concerned about Winona, as am I. I will do whatever I can over the next several days to attempt to alleviate the situation."

"In the meantime I'm really glad Jim has you in his corner, whether he is at the moment or not." Aurelan assured him. "I really hope you guys can work things out."

"Thank you Aurelan, I am confident that we shall. I have made some grave errors today, that I will have to endeavor to make up for, but I care for Jim a great deal, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things right."

"Don't let Jimmy's temper get to you Spock, he's always been a hothead. He cools down fast. It's pretty obvious he cares a lot about you too. I was only half joking earlier with the ring comment, and I saw you both blushing, I just pretended not to. He wouldn't have blushed if he didn't care."

"He loves you Spock, otherwise it wouldn't have hurt him that you rejected him in public, whatever that meant, and I can see by your reaction that you love him too. Just give him time. He'll come around. If he doesn't, I'll hurt him." Aurelan smiled at him.

"Thank you both for your kind words." Spock said giving them a shy smile. I too am very tired and feel that it would be prudent to retire for the evening. We will keep you updated should anything else transpire. Good night."

They bid him goodnight and Spock turned off the vid screen and then collapsed against the kitchen wall. He stood there letting the wall shoulder his weight for quite some time. He had told Sam and Aurelan that he was confident that he and Jim would work things out, but he wasn't at all sure that this was true. Having Aurelan point out to him that it was obvious how much they both loved each other didn't help. His feelings, his love for Jim, had been one sided for so long, nearly all of the last 10 months, that he'd grown used to it. Knowing that Jim finally loved him back, and he had most likely ruined any chance he had at retaining that love was devastating. He felt numb. Numb and heartbroken all over again.

He changed into his pajamas and tried sleeping but found that he couldn't. He wold back up in the kitchen where he found himself putting things away, washing the table, and finishing the dishes that he and Jim had started to do before their vid conference with Jim's family. He was just finishing up when he heard Winona come in. She looked worse for wear as well, as if it had been a tiring and taxing evening for her too, but she softened and cheered when she saw Spock.

"Where's Jimmy?"

"He....went to bed." Spock stated, not able to meet her gaze as he explained.

"Spock honey, did something happen?"

"We, had a disagreement. Another disagreement. We had one earlier at the shopping center as well." he still would not meet her gaze. He was fighting back his emotions and he was afraid that if he looked at her, he would lose control of them.

She gently took his hand and led him into the living room pulling him down next to her on the couch.

"Tell me what happened."

When he did look at her, he found that he'd been right. This woman seemed to have some power over him that he did not understand. He felt more comfortable and accepted here with her than he'd ever felt with anyone besides his own mother, and then only when he'd been alone with her.

He found himself almost unwillingly explaining everything to her. His resolve to not let his emotional behavior in public jeopardize Jim's career, the fact that he and the other bridge crew and senior officers had been keeping the rumors from him and protecting him from those trying to usurp his command. He shared with her how daunting being in public and being touched by so many strangers had been and how exhausted he'd felt, and how that and reliving the loss of his mother had caused him to lash out and reject Jim. He explained how it had all come up in conversation with Sam and Aurelan, being careful to leave out anything that pertained to Wayne. He wanted to ask her about that and express his concern, but he felt that the time just wasn't right.

"My biggest fear is that I have truly, 'fucked things up' and that he will never forgive me. I love him so. I could not bare it." he admitted letting two small tears escape his eyes.

Winona hugged him to her and rocked him gently. "He's hurting sweetheart. He's never loved anyone before. Its new to him. He's never put himself out there at all. He made a vow to you in that kitchen earlier and then you rejected him. It was like you were rejecting his commitment, not just his touch. Basically this just makes you both even in his book. You lashed out irrationally, so did he. Even score.

Honestly the best thing you could do right now is go to him. Don't let him sleep on it. Don't let him go to sleep angry. Talk to him, explain, make sure he knows about the touching thing at the shopping center. Make sure he knows your intentions were meant well. My guess is he's up there brooding and feeling like an ass right about now. Why don't you go upstairs and find out." she said kissing her newest son on the forehead.

"Thank you...Winona." he said wiping the tears from his cheeks. He'd been so close to calling her Mom, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it yet.

He quickly changed and tentatively stole his way up the stairs and into Jim's bedroom. He could tell by the sound of Jim's breathing that he was still awake. The fact that he said nothing as Spock slowly slipped beneath the covers and into bed beside him told Spock that he was indeed brooding and most likely feeling like an ass, just as his mother had stated.

He spooned up behind Jim, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head in the crook of Jim's neck. He lay there holding him for quite some time before daring to say a word.

Jim had heard Spock enter and when he slipped into the bed with him so silently and tentatively his heart released all the anger he'd been holding on to. If he had heard his mother's words in the living room he would have admitted she was right. In his book, they were even. He wasn't even mad anymore, just sorry he'd been so needlessly hurtful and angry towards Spock, knowing that he'd taken his anger towards Wayne out on Spock and Sam out of spite, Spock more so than Sam. All he'd wanted to do was to give up and go down to Spock's room and do exactly what the Vulcan himself had done, he just hadn't brought himself to do it yet. Spock had beat him to it. He backed up further into the warm embrace, getting as close to his T'hy'la as he could, then he intertwined their finger, feeling that familiar buzz in his brain from the connection as he did. He brought the fingers up to his lips and gently kissed each one murmuring his apologies to his love.

"No Jim, it is I who needs to apologize. My behavior today had been most erratic. It has been indeed an emotional turmoil that I had not anticipated, nor did I know how to deal with."

"Hey I get it. You really let yourself loosen up here with me this morning, and with mom apparently, that alone was probably more that you were prepared to handle, and you were just trying to protect both of our careers by being as discreet as possible in public. In retrospect I can't completely disagree with that, I just wish we'd talked about it before hand." Jim said turning to lie on his other side facing Spock so that he could look into his eyes while they spoke.

"Yes that would have been best. Jim, I know that you are capable of making your own decisions. I was not trying to 'make them for you', I simply place my loyalty to you and the preservation of your Captaincy first and foremost and above any self serving inclinations. It is my duty as First Officer to question any decisions you might make that would inadvertently cause harm or threat to the Enterprise or her crew. Losing you as Captain, would be devastating on both counts. I cannot and will not allow it to happen. I will resign my commission and return to teaching if it comes to that."

"Hey, lets not get ahead of ourselves love. Nobody knows about us outside my family, and if you prefer to keep it that way, then we will. I won't like it, but I'm willing to go along with it, for now. Just know that I can fight my own battles. In case you haven't noticed I'm pretty persuasive in an argument.

My first argument would be that any personal relationship between the two of us would serve to strengthen our partnership as teammates, not hinder it. To that end, we have to make an agreement here and now, that if for any reason it should ever come up, faced with the choice, we both agree to put the Enterprise first. If you should have to choose between saving me, or saving the ship or our crew, the needs of the many have to outweigh the needs of the one, or the two of us, as the case may be. No matter how much it hurts. Same thing goes for me. Its the way it has to be, or we can never stand in front of any review board and justify our relationship should the need arise. We have to present a united front."

"I agree Jim. I do not like it either, but your logic is sound. I also think it would be best to present a completely professional relationship in any and all public circumstances. If we can keep our relationship private for a long enough period of time, the fact that we have would also serve as a definitive argument to the fact that our Command has not been compromised by our personal status."

Spock reached out to touch kiss Jim in the Vulcan fashion by placing their two front forefingers together, grateful as he did so that Jim did not reject him as he himself had done earlier that day. He flooded Jim with senses of love and devotion as he did so and then entwined their fingers once more to preserve that connection.

"I promise you that I will never refuse your touch, or your kiss, human or Vulcan, when we are in private Jim, but I cannot promise you that I will reciprocate in kind in any public setting. Those are difficult for me to begin with, I experience a great deal of personal discomfort in crowds. This discomfort is partially responsible for my lashing out at you earlier Jim. I am sorry for that. My point is, that any reciprocation I show you in public, would have to be of the utmost discretionary fashion. There would have to be a zero percent probability that any emotional response toward you on my part would have any negative affects on you or your Captaincy. Since a zero percent probability in a public setting is unlikely, perhaps we should just agree to maintain a professionally outward appearance during all such engagements."

"I guess I can live with that, for now. Now that I know how you feel, and what you feel is at stake. I would have agreed earlier if you'd just talked to me first. What did you mean by the discomfort in crowds contributing to you lashing out at me?"

Spock explained to Jim what it had been like to constantly be confronted by strangers and touched. He had already experience a great deal of emotional freedom that morning, something he was not used to, so he was unprepared for the onslaught and his defenses had been down. He explained to Jim how difficult it had been emotionally, mentally, and physically to stave off the onslaught and to bring up his defenses once again. Once they were in place his mind was buzzing as if he had ingested an inordinant amount of stimulants from the contact he'd already subjected himself to, and he was having a difficult time regaining control of his defenses, let alone his emotions. Jim's unknowing prompt that led to him reliving the precious memory of attending the Nutcracker with his mother was the 'proverbial straw that broke the camel's back'. Spock had been slammed with powerful rush of grief and loss that took him back to the very moment on the Enterprise where he'd stood on the transporter looking at the empty space in which his mother should have been beamed up beside him.

"Wow. I had no idea. Why didn't you say anything? I mean.. wow... I'm suddenly having this vivid vision of you picking me up and throwing me over the railing and through the glass and my body being impaled on the spiral at the top of the fountain that was below us in the courtyard.... I think I'm grateful you just rejected my attempt at a discreet Vulcan kiss."

"You have a very vivid imagination Jim. However I was indeed emotionally compromised."

"Yeah and the last time you were emotionally compromised you tried to choke me to death."

"You provoked me, and I did not care for you then as I do now."

"I had to provoke you."

"Indeed."

"So if you didn't care for me as you do now would they be still be washing my blood out of the fountain in the courtyard?" Jim teased.

Spock just rolled his eyes and tweaked his eyebrow in Jim's direction signifying that he was being ridiculous, before continuing. "I of course do not wish you to keep our relationship a secret from Dr. McCoy. I realize the two of you are close. At some point I may wish to confide in Nyota as well. She and I have maintained our friendship, and she is well aware that the primary reason I ended our courtship, were the feelings I had towards you. I do however wish to conduct an experiment on our road trip, to see if it is possible to keep those closest to us in the dark. I would like to determine what level of comfort is acceptable to engage in while in your company. I would then like to determine what interactions may or may not arouse suspicion."

"You want to mess with them?"

"A bit perhaps. It is inevitable that they will find out, being the closest of our fellow crew and officers. I have no doubt that they will support our decision and become our strongest allies, I simply think it would serve a scientific purpose to further investigate how our behavior towards one another may or may not have changed. Although our crew mates are far more aware of our penchant for non-verbal communication skills, thinking in a similar fashion, and finishing each others sentences, than your sister-in-law was, the behavior was obviously suspicious to she and your brother. I would like to gage whether or not our closest friends note any changes, so that we may use that information to better our public interaction in the future."

"So you want to mess with them?"

"Yes."

"Sounds fun to me. Count me in. Scientifically speaking of course." Jim said grinning mischievously as he rolled onto his back and scooted closer to Spock, who allowed himself to be wrapped in Jim's embrace and rested his head against Jim's chest.

"Of course."

"How long?" Jim asked after a few moments of silence, absentmindedly running his fingers through the Vulcan's silky hair.

"To what are you referring Jim?"

"You have been rallying the troupes to protect my integrity for quite some time and you said that you broke things off with Nyota because of your feelings for me, so how long? How long have you known Spock?"

"For quite some time Jim..." Spock stated hesitantly "perhaps as long ago as the Nero incident. I experienced a great deal of relief when you beamed back aboard the Enterprise from Delta Vega. Knowing that my actions had not caused you undo harm or death caused me to feel as if part of the burden I was carrying had been released. I was then immediately angry with myself for feeling any emotion towards you of all people. This was partly why I reacted so savagely when you continued to provoke me and insinuated that I had never loved my mother. The words would not have cut so deep had they come from anyone else, and I knew that even then." As he said this he trailed his fingers lightly over Jim's t-shirted chest enjoying the contact and the feel of the closeness between them, inhaling the scent of fabric softener, Jim's skin and the light hint of aftershave and deodorant that lingered there. He listened to Jim's heart beating and began to feel himself being lulled to sleep by the envelope of comfort he was surrounded by, when Jim spoke.

"So then, when did you know that the relief you felt meant that you had feelings for me?"

"I suppose it was a few weeks later, during meditation. I was meditating on the entire Nero incident, the loss of my mother, everything, trying to sort everything out when I came upon an interesting memory. When you and I were aboard Nero's ship, and I was about to commandeer the Ambassador's vessel, which housed the red matter device I started to ask you to convey a message to Nyota, do you remember?"

"I do."

"I do not know if you noticed, but at that time, I referred to you as Jim, rather than by rank or acting title, or ignoring addressing you all together and skipping to the request. Then I referred to Nyota as Lt. Uhura, rather than by her given name. Although any number of interpretations can account for this small indiscretion, I realized during my meditation that it was my way of admitting to myself, even in the face of certain death, that my feelings toward you both were changing. This was also after having talked with my elder counterpart who pressed upon me the importance of our friendship and what it would mean to Starfleet. It was then that I began to see you in a different light."

"I did notice actually, I thought it was because you weren't about to call me Captain nor were you about to tell my Nyota's first name. It occurred to me that the moment was more personal than that later, and that there must be another reason because you weren't being at all callous or calculating at the time, but I brushed it aside. You started calling me Jim more often after that after all, and I was glad for it. I'm pretty sure that's when my own feelings towards you started to change as well, I just kept denying and suppressing them.

I even remember chastising myself because I was glad when you broke up with Nyota. She and I were becoming friends by then so I told myself that I was only glad because I was still interested in her, but I knew that really wasn't it. I didn't pursue anything after all. Except you. I mean I kept trying to engage you in activities with me and the other guys, telling myself all the while that it was just in the interest of developing our friendship, but I know now that it was more than that."

Jim lay contemplating becoming very sleepy himself. He felt Spocks hand gently snake its way underneath his t-shirt to rest on his bare stomach. It felt nice. Comfortable. He rested his own hand over Spock's and kissed the top of the Vulcan's head lightly before resting his own head against Spock's.

"Knowing that we've both had feelings for each other for that long kind of makes me feel like we've lost a lot of time together..."

"Perhaps Jim...," came the sleepy response. "but I doubt that either one of us would have been ready to admit to any of those feelings before now, and knowing that this relationship has not developed as suddenly as it would seem to an outsider gives me a great deal of comfort. I no longer feel that it is impulsive or reckless, but that it is and was destined to be. We have many many years together in the future to make up for any time lost in these last few months Jim. I intend to use my time wisely and do whatever it takes to make our relationship work and last. You mean more to me than....than I could ever express with words."

Jim hugged his T'hy'la to him happily while slowly slipping off to sleep. "Mmmm, Me too, love, me too, he managed to murmer. G'night love."

"Good night my T'hy'la" Spock returned, kissing Jim's t-shirted chest lightly before drifting off to sleep himself.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note: Thanks to FormerCircusTeapot for pointing out my VERY UNINTENTIONAL...albeit - yes - hilarious typo.... I have now inserted the much needed L - turning PUBIC......into Public...

sorry bout that folks..

Although Pubic interactions.... Wow ...... I laughed for a while over that! LOL. *giggle*