"Did you run and hide like a scared little boy?" Forever & Always – Taylor Swift.
Chapter 4
Teach Me Tonight
You look at the curly hair of a boy you never thought you'd actually meet. Then again, you never pictured meeting Shane Gray, and you're sleeping with him. You furrow your eyebrows when Shane says, "This is not what it looks like!" to Nate. You see Nate raise his eyebrows questioningly, and you know what you have to do. So, you jump up and scream.
They both look at you surprised; Shane actually gasps, but you don't let it distract you. "Oh my God! You're Nate! You're Nate! Oh my God! I love you so much. Oh my God!" you freak out, and you see a flash of recognition fly through Nate's eyes. In the corner of your eye, you see Shane blink at you. You wipe at your eyes dramatically. "Oh my God! I know everything about you. Oh my God! I know everyone of your song. Sorry is just about my favorite song ever!" you say as fast as you can, and you know both Nate and Shane are left in a daze. You stop suddenly and take a deep breath. "Oh my God." You whisper one more time. "I can't believe I met the both of you." You bite your lip, smiling brightly.
Nate smiles softly, but you can see the lies hidden behind it. "Thanks. I guess you're a fan." He says briefly, before turning to Shane, an eyebrow raised. You sigh softly, as you recognize the look in the younger boy's eyes. He thinks you are crazy. Well, better than thinking anything else. You turn back to Shane immediately, and you notice both of them looking at your strangely. Suddenly, Nate grins. "Oh, wow! This is not what it looks like?" he repeats in the same way Shane did minutes ago. For a second, your whole world stops as Nate laughs and looks down. You and Shane share a scared look, when Nate looks back to Shane. "So let me guess." He continues amused. "Even though you almost killed Jay when he walked on you working, you let a big fan of ours to see you." Nate says mockingly. "Aw, how sweet."
Shane blinks at him again, and rolls his eyes. "Oh, you caught me." He responds deadpanned. You shoot him a glare to shut him up. Nate laughs again and shakes his head, giving you a smirk, and Shane turns to you with a sharp glare. "Don't tell anyone that I let you listen to part of the song or you'll regret it." He says darkly to you, so you gulp and nod. You allow some more tears to fall down your face.
"I won't tell anyone." You say breathlessly, staring dazedly at him. "Shane." You blow out his name softly and look back at the curly haired boy. "I love you." You tell him, and Nate looks to the floor, a smirk fully on his face. Shane raises his eyebrow at you and sighs.
"Okay, anyways…" Nate interrupts the awkwardness you are creating, still chuckling. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out with us, but I can see that you two are busy." Nate says, biting his lip to stop the laughter. Shane glares at him, and goes to push you out the door, but Nate beats you out the door. You continue looking at Shane loving, and Nate leaves the two of you. But before he does, you notice him look at your neck bewildered, before the door closed. As soon as he disappears, you breathe out a sigh of relief, rolling your eyes, and turn to Shane. He has a slight glare in his eyes and looks hurt, so you furrow your eyebrows. You softly run your hand across his cheek tenderly, giving him a confused look.
"Did you like my performance?" when he doesn't answer, a worried look goes onto your face. "What's wrong?" you say at his pain, and he shakes his head dismissively. He gives you a sad smile and turns away from you. You watch him as he goes to the bed and grab a sweatshirt, putting it on. You stay quiet for awhile, but sigh. "Thank you for the song, Shane. It was amazing." You say going to him, running a hand through his thick hair. He gives you another sad grin, but his eyes are gone from you. You groan angrily. "Shane!" you say sternly, putting a hand to your waist.
He rolls his eyes and grabs your wrists, pulling you close to him. He kisses your lips roughly and you moan surprised, as he wraps his arms around your body. He bits your bottom lip before sucking it between his skillfully, and pulls the hem of your shirt up. You shiver as his hot hands warm your flat stomach, before reaching your full breasts. Through the bra, he twists your hardening nipples, rubbing your tongue forcefully with his. You can feel your control slipping as another throaty groan escapes your lips, but you pull away from him with all your might. "Shane, tell me what's wrong." You say breathlessly, shivers running up and down your body.
He groans and closes his eyes, before running a hand through his hair nervously. "Do you really love me? Or would you love Nate if he'd gotten to you first?" he says opening his eyes, and you see an angry vulnerability shining in his eyes. You scoff and shake your head, already rolling your eyes. You put your hand back on his cheek, bringing him close, kissing him on his lips briefly. You look him straight in his eyes.
"So I have a lot of friends that love Connect 3. I mean, like four walls wallpapered with your posters. They know every lyric and beat, but you wanna know the difference between them and me? They saw a song as something to dance to. I saw the song as a window of who you are. Who you are! Because honestly I knew without even looking what songs you wrote. I could see the pain behind every single cookie cutter pop song. I could see you. Not Nate or Jason. You." You promise him exasperatedly, looking at him fiercely. Shane doesn't answer, but instead averts his eyes as if you're too harsh to look at. You sigh and bring you hands down, and start to leave.
He immediately looks at you alarmed. "Where are you going?" he asks, his voice clear with disbelief. You look back at him and notice his dark expression, his angry expression. You shake your head and close your eyes sadly. He grabs you from behind roughly, and pulls you in a strong embrace. "Mitchie, where are you going?" he asks again, hurt evident. You don't answer as he wraps his arms tightly around you. "You can't just leave." He says intensely, shaking softly. You finally turn to him, a depressed look still in your eyes. His eyes soften and for a second he lets the walls down. "Please?" he whispers softly, bringing his hand to your hair.
He gently brushes your hair back, but you cannot bring yourself to smile. He breathes out slowly, and he suddenly laughs humorlessly. "God, we're so fucked up." He groans, shaking his head but not letting you go. You're internally really glad; you never want him to let you go. He nuzzles your neck gently, burying his head in the nook. "I'm sorry." He says, pressed against your body, and you wrap your arms around him tightly. "It's just… I never know when people actually love me for who I am, or just care about everything else. I wish…" he trails off, closing his eyes. When he opens them, you notice the wetness gathering up there and you immediately hug him harder. "I wish I never became famous." He confesses to you and you freeze.
You grab his face in your hands. "Don't say that Shane. You're amazing, and I'm so proud of you. Plus, if you weren't famous, we never would have met." You point out the obvious and he nods, pulling away from you. You groan angrily when you see the wall go back up around his heart and eyes. It was the wrong thing to say apparently. You see his detachment come back, and most importantly, you see Celebrity Shane come back. He bits his lip and reaches for your button up shirt, already undoing button after button. You shiver as his fingers graze your skin on your stomach. His touch leaves a fire within your body and you love the way it feels. But, he already proved to you that he loves you with the song. This time, you want to be the one proving it.
So, you rip away from his touch, as painful as it is. He looks at you surprised, and for a second, you cannot tell if his ego is hurt or his feelings. You look up at him with ironic pure eyes, and caress his cheek softly. "Let me be in control?" you ask, unsure of yourself. He raises an eyebrow, appalled, and you take advantage of his momentary shock by pushing him on the bed gently. He sighs but allows you to continue pushing down on him to the point where you are now straddling him. He looks up at you with darkened eyes, but you can tell he's still hiding parts of himself. Inside, butterflies are fluttering like crazy, and you're not so sure you want to have sex. You're not sure it gonna fix anything.
You can feel the wind from the open window hurt your exposed upper body, but you finish taking off your shirt, never breaking eye contact. He breathes in as he traces your confided breasts with his eyes before bringing his hand up to your hip. You moan and shake your head, tilting it to one side with a growing smirk. "Let me be in control." You do not ask this time, but say it with the authority he usually possesses. You softly grab his hands as he stares at you in wordless disbelief, and bring them up to your mouth. You kiss the palm of one hand, again never breaking eye contact. The room feels as if it will explode from the tension of the two of you, but you do not quicken your pace.
Suddenly, you drop his hands and reach around his neck to take off the bright tie he is wearing. You slowly undo it and he sighs. "Mitchie." He whispers, his hands now gripping your legs that are on either side of him. You smile shyly at him, and go back to his hands, grabbing them tightly along with the tie. Shane smirks at you. "You gonna tie me up?" he asks mockingly, but his eyes do not match. You roll your eyes and throw the tie to the floor, and go back to his chest. You trace down the shirt until you reach the hem, as sadness creeps inside you. You breathe in softly, before pulling the shirt up and over his head. Your eyes catch his, and the two of you stare at each other for a while. The mood abruptly changes. You can see him struggling, all traces of humor gone. He's scared and vulnerable, and so are you. The depression mirrors brightly in both your eyes.
Your eyes are bright and glued to his, while his are dark and dangerous. His hands squeeze your thighs, and he nods towards your breast. In a flash, you unclasp the bra and throw it to the floor, letting your breast bounce free. His eyes follow every curve and he sucks in a breath. Your hands involuntarily go down his hard chest, his shirt now on the floor. Never breaking eye contact, your hands dip down under the waistband of his tight jeans. His mouth opens slightly and his eyes intensify. You fumble with the belt buckle and the zipper as you do not want to risk looking away from Shane. Your hands stop because you can hardly breathe from the passion between the two of you. You can no longer feel the wind. You can no longer think of your mom or Caitlyn or Nate. You can no longer remember anything else, but him.
He gently sits up, your legs still wrapped around his thighs. You are too far gone to care about control or anything. You realize the two of you are breathing really hard, and you briefly wonder why. Nothing sexual has even remotely happen yet, so why the intensity? You can see he's confused about the feelings as well, and he brings a hand to your neck. He looks as if he wants to say something, but instead just keeps looking into your eyes, almost exploring you. Your mind is screaming at you to tell him you love him, but you cannot bring yourself to actually break the silence. The air is getting tenser and tenser every second, and it's like the two of you are the only people in the camp, in the world. Both of you keep breathing harshly, your breaths intermixing with each other.
Your lips are centimeters from each other, and it's like you can almost already feel them on you. His hand is still on your neck, and suddenly it's going down softly. For a second, you think he is going to touch your naked breast, before noticing he's fingering the ring that used to be his. You finally look away from his eyes to look at his fingers, and the light catches the cross on the ring. Your hand moves almost on its own accord and grabs his. He intertwines your hands, before bring his lips to your hands. His other hand pulls you closer to him, and he starts kissing your neck swiftly. Your breast and his chest push up against each other, and you bury your head in the nook of his neck. He kisses you one last time on your shoulder, and moves up to you cheek. You moan softly as his arms tighten around your body and his lips find yours.
It's a soft kiss, but it's enough to flip you over so that he is nestled between your legs. You gasp as his weight comes onto you fully, and his mouth traces the curve of your neck. Tears sting your eyes suddenly, and that horrible thought comes back to your head. That thought that he's just using you. He just wants to have sex with you. You try to shake it away, by telling yourself the boy is having sex with you. There are so many girls that he could possibly be sleeping with, and picked you. "Mitchie." He says, making you jump. He is looking at you alarmed. "Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" he asks, terror in his eyes.
You have no idea.
"You're crying baby. What's wrong?" he continues, brushing away tears from your cheek. You gasp and open your mouth to say something, to say anything, but you cannot. You don't know what to say. You don't know what to do. You don't know why you're feeling this way. He brings his body up and over you completely, and wraps his arms around you tightly. He kisses your neck and holds you. "Shh, it's okay." He whispers, as more tears run down your face. Suddenly, you realize he has tears in his eyes also, but you do not know why. He is looking at you like he has never looked at you. He is scared, and that is freaking you out. "Tell me a secret." He begs you, hugging you tightly, so that you are buried against him.
You furrow your eyebrows, and feel more tears fall. "Like what?" you manage to say without your voice breaking.
"Anything." He breathes out heavily. "Something you would never tell anyone. Something huge. Something that change who you are as a person." He keeps begging you. You can see what he really wants; he wants you to confide in him, so he feels better about confiding in you.
You stare at his shoulder for a while, thinking of something besides the first thing that came to your head. Finally, you have no choice but to say it. "I think my dad is cheating on my mom." You wince because it sounds sad even to your own ears. You are still hidden in his shoulder, so you do not notice his expression.
"Why?" he asks simply, but you hear his voice rough with emotions. The tears fall faster and suddenly you are full on sobbing. Shane tightens his hold on you and lets you cry. You cry because you know what you are doing is wrong. You cry because you are giving yourself to a person that you're not sure appreciates it. You cry because he's crying. You cry because you're confused, and because he's even more than you. You cry because you want to believe he loves you like he wants to believe you truly love him. As the tears whine down, he grips you softly. "Why?" he repeats again in your ear softly.
You hiccup softly, but say the truth. "Because my mom wears Chanel. Because I wear Britney Spears. Because he smells of Dior." You choke out, still not looking at him. Shane kisses your shoulder softly, and holds you as you shake. You finally look at him, and notice he seems so depressed. More depressed than ever. You gently run your hands through his hair. "You tell me something." You say, your voice shaky.
He gives a hard look with his tear filled eyes and lets out a soft breath. "What did you hear was the reason that I'm here?" he asks, staring you straight in your eyes.
You bite your lip. "You threw a temper tantrum on set of a music video?" you say, remembering the random news show. Shane chuckles humorlessly, and blows out softly. He then shook his head, and you actually notice a few tears fall down his face.
"Nate found out I tried to commit suicide. He thought going back to my roots would help me out." Shane whispers, his eyes closed. Inside of you, something breaks. Your heart stops beating. Your breath gets caught in your throat. You can feel your face pale harshly. The tears rush back to your eyes.
"Oh, Shane." you breathe out, totally heartbroken. You grab him harder to you, and your naked upper bodies press up against each other. You feel his tears on your shoulder before you hear him, but suddenly, he's the one sobbing. You hold him like he held you. You do not know what else to do. The two of you are just kids; you're not meant for this kind of pressure. You pull away from him to wipe away his tears softly, and he looks at you, his eyes in full struggle.
"My dad yelled at me. He told me- he told me that 'how could I have done such a thing?'" Shane stutters out shakily, like he was cold. You nod and make a face that portrays you feel the same way. Shane shakes his head, the tears falling. "He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Do you know how much you're worth? 20 million. You wanna kill yourself? Kill yourself when you're worth a lot less, you son of bitch.'" Shane continues, gulping. The tears make it hard for you to see, but you see Shane bury his head in the pillow. "God, why am I saying this? I shouldn't be saying this. Oh, God." He starts muttering hysterically.
You pull him close again, running a hand through his hair before kissing his head. "Trust me, Shane. I'm here for you." You promise unsteadily, and he looks at you with vulnerable eyes. You move in close to him and kiss him on his lips. He responds feverishly, before pushing you roughly away.
"God, what the fuck am I doing?" he says emotionally, grabbing you violently. He looks at you confused and angrily. "I'm not this person, Mitchie. That talks about his feelings or cries or confesses." He tells you fiercely, almost trying to convince himself. You do not say anything, but just look into his eyes, still crying. Again, the two of you take time just staring at each other, until Shane cannot take it anymore. He falls back on the pillow, eyes shut tightly.
You climb on top of him again, straddling him, before kissing him. Your tears intertwine and your breaths are short, but neither of you care. You need each other, and even though you still do not know whether sex is going to help, it's better than nothing. His hands touch you whole chest, gripping your breast momentarily, before dipping under your pants. You finish what you start before and completely take off his pants. The both of you kick your pants off, and when you're done, Shane flips you over so he is back on top. You do not say anything, but guide him back to your lips. He kisses you slowly, as if he cannot put too much effort, as if all his effort has been used up. You kiss him the same way, almost crying as you do.
His hands hook around the edges of your underwear, before sliding the off. He slowly sits up as he does, and just stares at you. You're too numb or something to blush or care as his bright eyes trace your sex. His fingers gently probe you, and you shiver at his cold fingers. You try to bring him back up to your lips, but he moves away from your hands. Instead, he kisses your right knee, before tenderly kissing his way down your leg to your mound. You bit down on your lip hard as his tongue flicks your sensitive nub.
Another thought comes rushing to your head randomly; you've never reciprocated this. He has touched you and kissed you down there more times than you can count, but you've never gone down on him. You forget it as soon as you think it as he is now sucking roughly on your clitoris, and you almost scream. He does it for a couple more seconds, but then goes back up your body to give you a kiss on your lips again. The salty taste that is all you touches your lips and you moan. You squeeze his hips and pull down his boxers, and he groans in your mouth, kicking them off. His hands spread your legs apart fully so that he can position himself at your entrance.
"Oh, God. Shane." you choke out against his lips, your voice still heavy with emotions. He continues kissing you, his hands now tangled in your hair as he enters into you. He does it gently and slowly, probably gentler than when he took your virginity. He pushes himself inside you until he practically hits your cervix, and you whimper throatily into his mouth. He separates from your lips to catch a breath and leans against your forehead. His hips start moving very slowly against yours as he looks into your eyes. You can see his eyes are still bright and you know yours are still damp.
You feel like laughing at the pure intensity of it all. This has never happened before between the two of you, and you're not sure what triggered it. Nate? The song? Or does he finally trust you? You whimper again, still looking him straight in his eyes, as he thrusts into you again. He gasps softly your tightness clamps around him, and drops his head to the nook of your neck. You moan as he starts kissing you on your neck, both of you breathing hard. His hand suddenly leaves your hair and slides down your body slowly, before going between your legs. As he thrusts inside you again, his hand goes to you clitoris once more and starts to rub it firmly. You cry out, your nails digging into his back as he tries to thrust into you and pleasure you at the same time. "Shane. Shane. Shane. Shane!" you keep repeating his name and he comes back to your mouth to quiet you down a bit.
His hot tongue sweeps into your mouth as he pushes down on you clit harder. The combination of his thrusts, his tongue, and his fingers are driving you over the edge and you start seeing red behind your eyes. He groans hard and his hand grips your hair and pillow roughly as you close around him. "Oh, God! Mitchie." He moans loudly as he rips his mouth away from yours. He meets your eyes again as you open your mouth in a silent scream as your orgasm hits you hard. His pace quickens considerably and he bites down hard on your neck as he starts to lose control. Tears start going down your face again from the pain or from pleasure. You really have no idea.
When he finishes, he leans against your forehead again. His eyes are smoldering and you cannot help but shake against his skin. He is still rocking his hips with yours as he breathes out in exhaustion, and you arch your body up towards him. He kisses your lips once more, before getting out of you gently. You suck in a breath when the cold harsh air hits your exposed body, free of his warmth. He quickly comes back to your side and wraps an arm around body, and you immediately snuggle against him, kissing his neck softly. His arms wrap around you tightly and you turn to face him, your eyes sparkling with tears.
"You were right." You say quietly. "We are so totally fucked up." Shane does not answer you; he just closes his eyes.
XxX