The Link Life
Links "Day 3" Memory: Our Hero Link's world has now been crushed. Peace is shrouding Hyrule, Hyrule no longer looks at him as a Hero, he ditched Malon for Zelda, Zelda is cheating on him with Mr. Ingo, Epona died because Link rode him to death to Lake Hylia because he wanted to eagerly fish, and why the hell are all these people still young 80 years after Ocarina of Time?
Link:(scratching his head) Good question…
Don't think too hard about it, Link. Just go with the flow. This strange and unusual story now continues…
Day 4
"I feel a change comin' on"
(Kokiri Forest) Hyrule Local Time: 6:30 A.M.
(Link's Hut)
Setting: It was a new start for Link. He knew that his past worries were bringing him down so he just decided to let life take it's natural course like the normal folkes do. Link rested in his house in Kokiri Forest and his mind so eagerly wanted to wake and get the day started!
::Link wakes up and stretches::
::A little blue bird lands on his windowsill and chirps::
Link: Today will be a good day. Forget the past.
::A dark shadow moves over Link's hut::
::Link starts to shiver::
Link: Hmmm…
(Kakariko Village) Hyrule Local Time: 7:17 A.M.
(Potion Shop)
Store Owner: Hello.
Link: I'd like a three green potions and a red one please.
Store Owner: Right then. That'll three hundred rupees.
Link: Three hundred?
Store Owner: Forced charity for blind kids.
Link: Hmmm…
::Link pays up::
Store Owner: Have a good day.
Link: Thanks
::Link leaves::
Store Owner: (counting the rupees) Haha… stupid fuck.
(Hyrule Field) Hyrule Local Time: 7:19 A.M.
(Outside of Kakariko Village)
Link: Man oh man. I wish Epona was here right now. My legs are getting tired.
::Epona neighs::
Link: What?
::Epona rides up::
Link: Epona! Your alive!
::Link pets her softly and jumps on her::
Link: Yeah girl! Gide up!
(Hyrule Castle) Hyrule Local Time: 7:30 A.M.
(Castle Town)
(Purlo's Star Circus)
::Link plays the star game::
::He collects all of the orbs in the time period::
Game Owner: Well congratulations! You won the prize!
Link: Yes!
::The Owner gives Link three thousand rupees::
Link: Wow. I'm set now.
Game Owner: Your real lucky, kid.
::Everything seemed to be going Link's way::
(Castle Town) Hyrule Local Time: 7:45 A.M.
::Link was trying to find a safe spot to put his rupees::
::Suddenly, an overwhelming sensation of darkness sweeps his body::
::A white fog moves over top of the town::
Link: (panic) Twilight Realm! Twilight Realm!
::Link starts to roar::
Link: I'm a wolf again! I must save the people of this town!
::Link runs up to a random guard::
Link: Help me! We need to get these people out of here! They're going to be trapped!
Guard: Ok, calm down buddy.
Link: You don't understand, we need to get them out of here now!
Guard: (angrily) Hey, I said calm down.
Link: Did you not hear me you asshole! I said we're all going to die!
::Another guard walks over::
Guard #2: Is there a problem here?
Link: Yes, as you can see I have turned into a wolf, and I'm getting angry. You all are going to be trapped in darkness. The Twilight Realm is back people!
::The two guard whisper to each other::
::One of them smiles::
::Guard #2 walks behind Link and injects him with a sleeping potion::
::Link whales in panic then everything goes black::
(Hyrule Castle) Hyrule Local Time: 9:00 A.M.
::Link slowly wakes up::
::He finds himself upside down::
::Far beneath him was the gully to Zelda's Castle::
::He was being hung upside down off the edge of the castle by the two Castle Town guards::
Guard #1: Who are you? No slip ups buddy.
Link: I'm Link. I used to be a guard for Castle Town.
Guard #2: Oh yeah. The Hero of Time and the savior of the Twilight Realm right?
Link: Yes!
Guard #2: You're the guy Princess Zelda says has a small penis.
Link: She said what?
::The two guards laugh and throw Link off the edge::
::Link falls down the side of the castle and smacks into the ground::
::Everything goes black::
(Hyrule Castle) Hyrule Local Time: 1:32 P.M.
::Link awakens by licks from Epona::
::He had a huge headache, his body ached from head to toe and all of his rupees were taken::
::He pets Epona::
Link: Least I have you buddy. People in this town just don't know how to treat a Hero.
::Link looks up at the castle::
Link: Small penis huh? I'll show her.
(Zelda's Room) Hyrule Local Time: 1:45 P.M.
::A knock was hard at the door::
::Zelda answers::
::Link was outside with his pants to the floor::
Zelda: Link? But I told you I'm with-
::Link grabs Zelda and starts making out with her::
::Zelda resists at first but then starts to like it and gives in::
::Link and Zelda fall on the Master Master bed::
::Mr. Ingo walks out of Zelda's bathroom wearing a sparkling thong and a long black haired wig with a forced on tan::
Mr. Ingo: (sensually) I'm ready for my close up Mrs. Deville.
::Ingo spots Zelda and Link::
Mr. Ingo: Hmmm…
::Ingo walks out::
::Link rips Zelda's purple dress off::
::Zelda was ready for action::
::Suddenly, a black shadow overwhelms Link::
::It surrounds him::
::Link starts to sniff Zelda up and down like an animal::
Zelda: OooOOh Link! You're an animal!
Link: (freaking out) The Twilight Realm! It's back!
Zelda: What?
::Link punches Zelda as hard as he can::
::Zelda passes out::
Link: We gotta get out of here! This place is evil!
::Link grabs a nearby candle and starts setting the place on fire::
::Nearby guards quickly smell the flames and storm Zelda's room::
::Link is seen standing near the window, his body halfway outside::
Guards: Sieze that boy!
::Link tries to retrieve Zelda but the guards rush him::
::He swings his shield to the front of him and knocks one of the threatening guards to the ground. He didn't want to hurt any of them::
::The other two guards rush Link::
::Link shields their attacks and quickly swipes in front of them with his sword as means of intimidation::
::More guard rush the room::
::The room fills with smoke and fire::
::Link couldnt fend off the guards without getting killed or captured so he makes a quick U-turn, whistles for Epona, and jumps out of the window, landing directly on Epona::
Link: Go Epona! Go!
::Link and Epona ride off::
(Kokiri Forest) Hyrule Local Time: 2:15 P.M.
(Link's Hut)
Link: There's no Twilight Realm is there Epona?
::Epona neighs::
Link: I must be losin' it. I embarrassed myself at the town and the castle. There's no more for me.
::Link takes out all of his weapons and hides them away, far and deep away::
Kokirian Lady: (behind Link) Your giving up?
Link: Yes.
Kokirian Lady: But there's more to be done.
Link: No. That's it for me. I'm getting a job and living like a normal person. I will find a beautiful woman and have sex with her. We will have a boy and a girl. The boy will be a mute. The girl will be a flower girl. Each will have their own fairies. This woman and I will live happily ever after.
Kokirian Lady: May I be this woman?
::Link turns around::
Link: (passionately) Yes.
::Link runs his fingers gallantly through this random and quite frankly, not heard of until now woman from Kokiri forest's hair::
::The two start to kiss::
::The rest of the day was completing the road to destiny…::
::The newspaper for the prostitution still laid on Link's table::
::Maybe still a possible interest?
::Navi nor Epona had entrance rights for the rest of the day::
::However, Link's cow got lucky and got to watch::