A/N- Hiii, thanks for reviewing again! Thanks to- vampiregirl1654, fiona, Beesy, MorganCullen1234, Haayleey (:, Twilightlovergirl, caww, kaygirlrach, randomreviewer, and reader*sigh* for your really nice comments

So yeah hope this chapter is okay... I'm in a bit of a rush so this is a bit of a rushed A/N but yeah... please review again, its peoples comments that keeps this story going :) Thank you!

Thinking of you

Chapter four

(Song for the chapter- Michelle Branch, goodbye to you)

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old

Feels like I'm starting all over again

The last three years were just pretend

And I said Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to...

Previously (December 1942)

I sat by the window watching the snowfall, and remembered my last day with Edward. And as I let the images replay in my head for once I didn't cry… I smiled as I thought about our once-in-a-lifetime love.

I knew I was getting better… it was taking a long time but I was now taking the first steps towards accepting his death.

I knew it was real- that he really was gone forever. But I was now coping with that thought.

And as I sat home alone I accepted that this is my life now, and I'll get used to it- the lack of it.

Two years later…

December 1944

Isabella Swan

Another two years without him, 24 months… around 730 days…

And he's still so fresh in my mind.

Every night I dream of him- this dream has been the same since the beginning, and yet every time I still thought it was real, I still wished it was with everything I had in me… well I wished most of it was real, not the end part.

…The sky was blue and bright, but the clouds were covering it fast. They were deep, dark; depressing clouds that could only mean something bad was going to happen.

I could hear the noise of the engines- the fighter planes- roaring in the distance. And as the gun shots and the shouting, and cries of pain began it finally dawned where I was- the battlefield.

I was at the war.

As I heard the screams of the men telling me to duck down or to run for cover I realised I wasn't covered. I was wearing a dress- a white dress, I was barefoot and my hair was down and long swirling around me so I could barely see.

What I was able to make out though was obvious.

People were running past me in blind panics- running to safety. But I only stood, confused- I tried to step forward but I just couldn't move, I was rooted to my spot up on a small grassy hill, looking at the fires and the people lying motionless in the distance.

It was like I was waiting for something or rather someone…

"Bella!"

I turned towards the voice and to my joy I came face to face with him.

…My Edward.

He still looked as handsome as ever even though he looked weak and worn from the war- he was in the full dark green uniform, but wore no helmet, letting his now longer un-cut hair swirl in the breeze.

"Edward…" I breathed.

He stepped towards me so he was only inches apart, he pressed his forehead to my own, closing his eyes while breathing deeply.

He intertwined our fingers, holding onto my hands gently.

"I miss you" he whispered.

I noticed that he didn't use the past tense… only the present. At first it seemed unusual- was he confused? But then it dawned on me. This was only a dream, he was referring to reality- because in real life we're so far apart even though in my mind we were together like this.

"Me too" I breathed. "Can't you come back home, to me, now?"

He shook his head, his forehead still against mine.

His next words surprised me though as he murmured- "Not yet, love"

"Please…" I begged him; I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself to him.

He wrapped his arms around me- I could see he had- but I didn't feel them substantially.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, breathing cold, sweet breaths against my skin.

And then he said the words that broke my heart- "No… I'm sorry…but don't forget me."

And slowly in front of my own eyes, he faded away… the scenery also changed- the hills and metal fences became tall brick buildings, the sky turned from blue and cloudy to a dull grey, the people running and panicking turned into people who I knew standing all around me.

It stung once again to see that the one person I wanted to see more then anyone was not there… he never would be.

Everyone was wearing identical masks of sympathy, the crowd broke apart and my family and Alice and Jasper walked through.

I was stuck on the spot again. Together, like a chant they repeated the same sentence, whispering- "he's not coming back Bella…"

And then slowly, sadly… real life came back to me.

Yes, that dream had been the same for two years, ever since the first time I spoke to Jasper about Edward. From that night onwards not one night has gone by without it, it almost makes me look forward to sleeping… even if I only see Edward's face for a short while. It is always so vivid and so real, so convincing…

However, time to go back to reality- the truth is things have gotten a lot better as time has passed, for other people as well as me.

For instance- Alice and Jasper recently got married a couple of months ago in a beautiful ceremony… ever since they first met they have been inseparable and it is wonderful to see. Everyone predicted that they would get married towards at the beginning of their relationship.

We were all right.

I was a bridesmaid at their wedding, as was Emmett's wife Rosalie.

Speaking of which… only 6 months ago Emmett and Rosalie had their first child- a girl called Lillian (Lilly for short). She was born in the June, exactly two weeks before what would been Edward's 23rd birthday.

Lilly is- and always has been since she was born- so beautiful with Emmett's dark hair and Rosalies sky blue eyes.

Emmett and Rosalie had surprisingly become good friends of mine over the months. For the first few months Emmett wasn't as happy as he is now… it was his own way of coping. Both of us helped each other cope with our grief, talking about Edward… after all he meant a lot to both of us.

As for Rosalie… well at first she did seem tough and unfriendly, but one day that seemed to shift. The hard exterior she had faded into a softer one and she quickly became one of my best friends.

She told me that when she found out she was pregnant it was the happiest moment of her life- she had always dreamed of a family since she was young.

Once Emmett had found out about the pregnancy, it bought life back into him… and now he is the funny, happy guy that you can't help but be thrilled to be around.

It's only sometimes, on rare occasions that I see that sadness come back to him- the sadness that comes from missing his brother.

And me…?

Well, I was still upset a lot, and overly emotional sometimes. But somehow through my friends, my family and my job, which I had recently got, I found it so much easier to be happy.

And now I was twenty years old, I felt so much older… probably because I'm no longer a teenager.

In my job down the book/coffee shop I was fortunate to get the same hours as Angela and Jacob… I found that Angela was a lot like me, and we quickly became good friends.

But it was Jacob became my best friend alongside Alice.

He always managed to make me feel a lot happier, with his warm smile, big hugs and good jokes. He was my brightness through the darkest period of my life.

He knew everything about Edward, and always told me he was willing to listen to me talking about my relationship with Edward.

Which I must admit was nice.

And slowly as time passed during these two years, I found myself talking about Edward less. It didn't mean that my love for him weakened- no. Instead, I kept all my thoughts of him to myself; I never went a day without thinking about him.

I was either thinking about memories of us, imagining what he would look like now if he was alive- would his hair be longer, or neater? Would his eyes still be so green? …I also wondered whether we would have our first child yet or still be travelling, seeing the world together…

Anyway… like I said… back to the present.

Today it was a daytime shift at work- the only day I had with just Jacob, it was Angela's day off. The hours seemed to pass quickly and before I knew it our shift was over and we were on our 10-minute walk home.

We were in a casual conversation, talking about our parents when Jacob surprised me with his comment.

"…You look really nice today by the way, really… beautiful" Jacob blurted out randomly, his voice soft.

I was taken back by his comment- he thought I was beautiful?

There was only ever one person who had called me that… I thought no one else would ever think it, simply because it wasn't true.

"Oh, thanks… where did that come from?" I asked, smiling up at him.

He shrugged, "Just felt like telling the truth" he mumbled, looking embarrassed.

I blushed at his obvious compliment- I never got them after all.

As I felt my face get hotter I pulled my hair in front of my face in an attempt to hide it. But a sudden noise made me freeze in my actions- it sounded like a growl.

I froze in my spot- and began looking all around me… but I saw nothing but the ordinary sidewalk and the rush of people walking past us.

But I could have sworn that I heard…

A warm hand grabbed mine; while another one reached up to push the hair from my face soothingly.

"Hey, hey… what's wrong?" Jacob asked worriedly, his eyes trying to make contact with my own.

I couldn't stop looking around us though despite his hold,

"I just…" I whispered, my voice shaking out of surprise. I was about to tell him, but then I froze- he clearly hadn't heard it, he probably would think of me as insane if I mentioned what it was.

I finally replied- "Never mind… I just thought I heard something that all" I murmured.

When we began walking again Jacob kept asking if I was okay and I kept insisting I was. After all it was true- I was just a little spooked.

I couldn't shake off the feeling that someone was watching me- I looked up at Jacob but he was looking ahead, a small smile playing on his lips.

He began asking what I was doing this evening, I replied with an off-hand comment- "same as always- nothing."

He continued talking, but as awful as it sounds- I wasn't listening. There was something that was drawing me to look over to the other side of the street. I blinked once and then suddenly I saw something familiar in the crowd of people, that same shade and style of bronze hair… my heart literally felt like it had stopped.

My breath came in a gasp, and everything seemed silent, I was oblivious to everything around me… I kept my eyes locked on the beautiful colour.

I didn't even want to blink.

Jacob's voice was beside me…

"Bella?"

"Bella, what is it?"

But one velvet voice floated through my mind…

"Bella, love…"

My eyes felt sore, open wide and staring, I couldn't keep them open any longer… I quickly saw black as I blinked, before focusing my eyes again… but it was gone.

I couldn't see the colour anywhere; it was gone from the crowd.

Although there was some instinct telling me it wasn't my imagination, I chose to believe that it was.

It must have been someone else…

I sighed softly, and became aware again that Jacob was still talking. I focused in on what he was saying; he looked really focused on telling me something.

He turned to face me, taking both my hands into his, his cold breath from the air blowing into my face.

"I know you needed a while to get used to Edward's death… which I've been fine with, I understand of course I do…" he whispered, his voice shaking. I wanted to tell him he wasn't making much sense, but instead I let him continue – "but I've got to tell you Bella… I feel that now is the right time… but I love you… I'm in love with you"

Wait, he was telling me he loved me?!

But how could he…? How could someone like him love someone as broken, as secluded as me?!

It… wasn't… possible.

Now would have been the perfect time to say something, to tell him I wasn't sure I felt the same, or tell him what a wonderful friend he is to me.

But I couldn't quite comprehend what he was telling me.

"You… love…. Me?" I gasped out, still utterly frozen in surprise.

He nodded, seeming to gain some confidence; "I always have Bella… your amazing, so strong, so beautiful…"

"I don't know what to say," I admitted, biting my lip.

"You don't have to say anything" he said kindly, "I know you don't feel the same… yet. But just consider this okay? Consider us? I could make you really happy, I would take care of you"

Suddenly Edward's words wrung in my mind, though this time I couldn't hear his voice, just my own thoughts taking me back. - 'Never think that you can't be happy- just do what it takes to make yourself so…'

'Even if I don't come back don't think that you don't deserve happiness.'

Jacob wasn't Edward, and even if I lived forward I would never love another like I loved- love- Edward. However… I cared for Jacob; he did make me happy, and made me feel safe… I would have a good life with him.

But somehow… the thought of being with Jacob felt like a betrayal to my Edward.

"…So what do ya think? Would you like to go out with me some time?" Jacob asked me quietly.

As I considered my answer everything in my life flashed before me in just those few seconds. I took everything into consideration… first of all wondering would it really count as a betrayal?!

I suppose it had been years since Edward had died. Edward would want me to be happy.

I had been so alone and so unhappy for so long after all.

And Jacob really was wonderful; he had been there for me the whole 3 years, always being patient allowing me to grieve my lost love.

What was the harm in going out with him once? To see where it went?

I finally replied, ignoring my instincts that were screaming 'no, don't do this' to me- "yeah, I would love to"

Jacob blinked surprised- like he wasn't expecting my response, "Really?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

I nodded, managing a smile for him.

His face suddenly broke out into a joyful smile. "That's so great Bells… really… I wasn't expecting you to…" he paused, before his smile grew impossibly wider as he asked- "how 'bout tomorrow?"

*~*~*

The night and the day that followed passed quickly, I had a day off work so I spent the day cleaning and cooking. I fell asleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon, seeing the dream version of my Edward once again.

Only, he really isn't my Edward anymore. He hasn't been that in such a long time.

I knew where I wanted to go now.

So just a couple of hours before I went out with Jacob I went out for a walk by myself, and found myself at the same place I have been countless times before.

I went to the cemetery.

I sat by his grave and told myself that I was doing the right thing.

I am… I am… right?

As I sat in peace, thinking of both Edward and Jacob it seemed like things were easier now.

But little did I know what was ahead of me, and how my life was going to be so abruptly altered so soon, and it would be full of heartache, surprise and pain.

I didn't know that the decisions I would have to make soon would be so much tougher then what I've ever faced.

And most importantly… I wasn't aware of who or what was watching me right now.

Next chapter preview(s):

"Jacob... I swear I saw him... he was there- please, you have to believe me..." I begged him, telling him to understand.

Suddenly, I saw a side to Jacob I had never seen before. He looked murderously angry...

"You have to stop this Bella. He's dead remember? Your with me. He's not your fiancee anymore..."

*~*~*

"Get away from her... now."

(Sorry but I haven't started writing the next chapter yet, but what I can say is that something along these lines will happen... this preview is more of a hint this time.) ;)

That wasnt too boring was it? Sorry if people didnt want Jacob to be 'the other guy' ... but it kind of was the plan from the beginning :/ Besides, we all know this is a ExB story... and who will be back soon... ;)

Anyway, the next chapter will be a lot better- im really excited to write it!! Please, please, please review and i'll update as soon as I can... everyones comments are really appreciated :)

Thanks for reading!