"I'll read," remarked Ginny, reaching for the book.
"Chapter Three," Ginny read, giving the subject of the novel a searching look. "Does that mean Hogwarts?" she asked.
Harry shrugged. "Read and find out."
…
"That is not an exaggeration," Arabella sighed. "I was beginning to get quite worried when I hadn't seen you, dear."
…
"SUMMER HOLIDAYS!" shouted Mrs. Weasley, pointing her wand threateningly at Dumbledore.
…
McGonagall patted Arabella on the arm.
…
"Congratulations, that's quite an award" applauded Fred. Harry laughed.
…
"Anyone want to go on a Dudley hunt?" Sirius growled.
"We'll do it next full moon!" snarled Remus, putting an arm around his nephew, who tried not to shrink away at the man's tone.
…
"Hogwarts," Sirius and Remus cheered.
…
"Hilarious," Ron snarled. "Brilliant sense of humor he has."
…
"There is no danger of that happening, Harry," George assured the boy, as he picked himself up from the floor, where Fred, Ron, Remus, Tonks, and Ginny were still rolling around in hysterics.
"Um, Sirius?" smirked Hermione, looking into the empty two-way.
"Still here!" The man eased himself into an upright position, clutching his side
….
"I've seen a visitellion," said Arthur, excited. "The use plugs, don't they, Harry?"
"Read, Ginny," instructed Molly. "Before your father really gets going."
…
"That is a crime against chocolate."
"Indeed, Remus," Dumbledore nodded.
…
"That uniform's just hideous!" Tonks shivered.
…
Hermione looked thoughtful. "Well, if you think about it, we train with wands, which are essentially carved sticks of wood."
"But wands are so much cooler," whined Sirius.
…
"Correction, that nickname's hideous," giggled Tonks.
…
No one at the reading had such restraints as Book Harry did. Everyone burst out laughing.
…
"I doubt that," laughed Remus.
…
Remus smiled at the boy.
…
"We should male a stop in Diagon Alley!" Mrs. Weasley stated. "You need clothing that fits you properly."
Tonks's hair turned a sunny blonde. "Yes! A shopping trip!"
"This is where you run, pup," Sirius advised, eyeing his cousin dubiously.
"Yeah, nice knowing you, mate," chuckled Ron. Ginny whacked him with the book.
"Oi! You didn't hit Sirius!"
"Profess—Remus said the mirror was solid, idiot!" his sister reminded him.
"And besides, who would want to ruin my beautiful face!"
"Don't test your luck with my Ginny," Arthur replied. "She has the Prewett…" Molly glared at her husband, "…nose."
…
"Merlin's pants," cried Ginny. "He's making the lump do something!"
"Next line," Harry grumbled.
…
"And the world is back to normal," Remus sighed.
…
"Do it, Dudley," Sirius threatened. "Just try, I dare you."
…
"Don't gawk, open it Harry!"
"Thank you so much, Professor," Harry saluted Remus, receiving a poke in the ribs.
"Never get cheeky with a Marauder, cub," Remus whispered, so that only Harry and Hermione heard him. "Not unless you are willing to take the consequences."
…
"Ginny used to write you all the time," George snickered, "And, come to think of it so did Ronniekins,"
Ron's ears went scarlet. "Neville said he did, and Seamus wrote too. Dean's Muggle-born so…"
Ginny cleared her throat.
…
"Ouch, mate, that hurts."
"I didn't know you yet, Ron,"
…
"Relatives and a family are not necessarily the same thing, pup."
"I know that now."
…
"Wish they would've let me join the library." Hermione beamed at Harry. "It was the one place in the primary school Dudley never looked for me," he explained, warding off the offended looks from Sirius and the twins. It worked, and if the synchronized scribbling was any clue, they were now directing all fury at the Dursleys.
That was better.
"Ginny?"
…
Mrs. Figg, having never gotten a Hogwarts letter, was confused. "Are they all that accurate?"
"Yes," answered Remus, glaring again at his former headmaster.
"But they are written with the aid of a Self-Addressing Quill," added Dumbledore ignoring the werewolf's gaze. Harry thought this was rather cowardly of the "greatest wizard of the age".
"I assure you, Remus, Sirius, that the Quill will be better supervised in the future," promised McGonagall. "I will attend to it personally."
…
"Muggle postmen won't deliver letters without stamps," explained Hermione, seeing Arthur's confusion.
"Ah! I suppose we'll have to remember that when we write to his aunt and uncle, Molly."
"It would be prudent," Mrs. Weasley agreed,
"Why would you write to them?'
"We need to ask their permission to take you to the Cup," she answered. "I know you're here now, but I wasn't expecting this little gathering, and I still think it would be more polite to let them know."
…
"You could hear a blasted cricket," Sirius scoffed. "Ginny, read it properly."
"Which language would you prefer, Sirius?" the redhead snapped, annoyed at the interruption. "Mermish?"
"All I'm asking for is a little House pride! Now, shall we try this again?"
Ginny grumbled, but complied.
…
"GRYFINNDOR!" shouted Sirius, while the Weasley boys whooped.
Harry smiled indulgently at his godfather, before leaning toward Remus, and whispering, "Is he quite insane?"
The werewolf laughed. "This is normal where Sirius is concerned."
…
"GO PUFFS!" Tonks yelled, grinning as she earned a few winces.
…
"Joke?" gasped Fred, horrified. "What part of that was funny?"
"The part where he wasn't speaking, I expect," replied George
…
The present Harry sighed dramatically, "Before you all say it, I know I should have opened it in the hall, but I was a bit short of common sense at the moment."
"Clearly," snickered Ron.
…
"Keep your mouth shut, you rotten child," hissed Figg.
"Too late," sighed Ginny.
…
"The master seeker at work," Hermione teased.
…
"Must you be so descriptive, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall sighed, as she watched Tonks perform the necessary complexions.
…
"First time he's ever been speechless."
…
""Get your minds of the gutter!" Molly snapped at her identically grinning sons.
"But Mum, we…"
"…didn't say anything,"
"You were about to!"
…
"Like I said, the world doesn't revolve around him," growled Hermione.
"The behavior his parents fostered, dear," said Arabella.
"Yeah, tell him Harry!" cheered Tonks and George.
…
"Good," nodded Sirius, "stand your ground."
"Oh, he will," snorted Ron.
…
"Ladies and gents," said Ron grandly, "I give you…Harry's temper. Good rendition, Ginny."
"Good rend—she nearly destroyed my eardrums. You'll be paying for that, Weasley!"
"Bring it on, Black!" Ginny replied.
The convict blinked, while Harry and Remus looked quite scared, "Ginny, Sirius was kidding. You really don't want to challenge him like that."
"You've forgotten who I live with." Ginny pointed to the twins who attempted to look innocent.
Harry shook his head. If she had never heard of the Marauders, she would soon.
…
"One of the things he inherited from the firecracker known as Lily," McGonagall smiled.
"Mum had a temper?"
"YES!" chorused the Marauders and McGonagall to general laughter.
"Sirius was a favorite target," added Remus chuckling.
…
"Don't you touch him!" Molly and Sirius yelled.
…
"Not to call for the apocalypse or anything," said Tonks, "but I think your uncle just got something right, Harry."
Figg shook her head. "It was Petunia I had to be careful of, not Vernon. Bloke never notices anything."
"Then why—?"
"Paranoia, plain and simple," answered Harry. "He can't even say the word 'wizard' remember?"
…
"You can't ignore it. It doesn't work like that, Dursley," groaned Ron. How thick could these Muggles be?
…
"STAMP OUT!" was the general outcry.
"Does he realize how incredibly dangerous that is?" McGonagall snarled. "Not only for the magical child, but for the people around as well!"
"Are you going to try and defend this too, Albus, you old coot?"
"There is no defense Sirius," said Dumbledore quietly. "Miss Weasley, if you will?"
…
"And by 'Uncle Vernon' it means his head."
…
"Mistake! It had his cupboard on it!" said Ron and Remus, Ron adding, "you son of a Bludger!"
"That is enough language out of you, Ronald Bilius!"
…
"He's never legitimately smiled before?" asked Tonks, flabbergasted.
"It said 'forced', so I'm guessing not," sighed Mr. Weasley.
…
"It had," nodded Harry in agreement.
….
"SECOND BEDROOM!" Molly screamed, "And Harry sleeps where?"
"That's the point, Mrs. Weasley, they're giving the other bedroom to me."
"It was rightfully yours, Mr. Potter!" McGonagall pointed out.
…
"For once…for once I agree with that ludicrous rule," whispered Hermione.
…
"That's horrible," shouted Sirius.
"That was the Dursley boy?" inquired Arabella. "I thought Patches was hit by a car!"
…
Hermione huffed. "Why am I not surprised?"
….
"No, you do not need the room!" snapped the bushy-haired witch.
….
"I don't blame you, Harry," said Tonks sympathetically. "How did you finally get your letter anyway?"
"Harrykins is smirking," said Fred, gleefully, "Well, come on, read."
…
"Good," Ginny interrupted herself, grinning. "He finally didn't get what he wanted."
…
"What, WHY?"
"Oh, for the love of Godric!"
"You can all hex them later," sighed Harry, impatiently,
"With the utmost pleasure," hissed Hermione.
…
"Somehow, I don't think ' being nice' was his motive, cub."
"That must have been a sight," sniggered George. "What did the neighbors think?"
…
"Oh, damn, he got it."
"Auror Tonks! Not in front of my children."
"Right-o, Molly."
…
"Hopefully this one is better than your Hogsmeade stunt."
"What's Remus talking about, Mr. Potter?"
"I'd like to know that too," added Sirius, in a completely different tone than his old Head of House had used.
Fred and George avoided their mother's eye.
…
"Actually, that plan might work," said Fred thoughtfully.
….
"Good gracious!" Figg cried, as she and McGonagall clutched their chests.
"Miss Weasley, I hereby forbid you from reading any chapter that contains excessive shouting."
"Yes, Professor," Ginny giggled.
…
"Remus, pass me to Harry…" Lupin raised his eyebrows. "The mirror, you dolt, pass him the mirror!"
Harry leaned in curiously. "If you stepped on Vernon, I will Maraud you," Sirius whispered, making his godson grin.
"Something to share with the class, Harrykins?" Fred inquired.
…
"YES!" Sirius bellowed upsetting his chair. The twins had vacated theirs and were prostrated at Harry's feet.
"We're not worthy," George declared.
…
Fred and George returned to their seats, looking murderous.
"That's just rude," said Ginny.
…
"So if you nail this 'mail slot' the post can't come through?" asked Arthur curiously.
"Not now, dear," Molly scolded.
"No, it's all right," replied Harry. "Not in this case, Mr. Weasley, but generally yes."
…
"Listen to your wife," Sirius advised. "Minnie never gives up."
McGonagall scowled.
…
"Cheers to not being like them," toasted Tonks.
…
"Fruitcake is the Muggle equivalent of Cockroach Clusters," Hermione told Ron.
"Scrumptious…"
"That's the point," Harry chuckled. "Nobody likes it, especially Aunt Petunia's. I believe it broke my uncle's tooth actually.
"In that case, all hail the fruitcake!" the redheaded boys shouted.
…
"And he can wave bye-bye to his sanity," smirked Sirius.
"You're talking sanity?'
"Harry, have you met my cousin, Nymphadora?"
"Did you know your godfather's middle name was Orion?"
"Did you know…"
"Enough!" intervened Remus, but he was laughing. "Out after one round, bad form Sirius."
"Well, you know, Azkaban."
…
"Wicked, Professor."
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley. It was certainly one of the more creative deliveries I've come up with."
"I find," beamed Dumbledore at his colleague, "That creativity is like an old cloak, gets rather dusty if it is not employed regularly."
"I have some creative spells I could use on you, for leaving Harry with those idiots," Tonks muttered.
…
"Why is he happy?" muttered Arabella, narrowing her eyes.
…
"Ah." Her face fell slightly. "Yes, that day off is a Muggle custom. They use post carriers as opposed to owls."
"We must talk at break," mused Mr. Weasley.
…
"Come on, Harry," cheered the Weasleys.
"You're bound to get one now," grinned Fred.
"About that…"
…
"Latent seeker instincts," he supplied weakly.
"Nice try, kid," Tonks snorted.
…
"OI!" cried Sirius, "you said he never touched you!"
"I never said that," replied Harry. "Don't put words in my mouth."
"Don't speak to Sirius that way," Remus said, a stern undertone in his voice. He took a breath, then tilted Harry's chin to meet his face. "Harry, did your relatives abuse or harm you in any way, shape, or form?"
"No, I mean you know about the food and the cupboard but other than that…"
"There's nothing else?" Sirius pressed gently.
"No I uh…got spanked a few times as a kid, and I was grounded once but that's it." Harry finished, trying his best not to look at Ron, who was scowling at him over Remus' shoulder.
"Don't you dare!" he tried to telegraph to his friend. Ron sighed, choking back the description of what grounding meant in Harry's case.
…
"Excellent," smirked George evilly. "The git is spooked."
…
"No one wanted to argue with him at that particular moment,"
…
"He had literally ripped out these massive chunks," Harry laughed. "Later, Aunt Petunia told him just how ridiculous he looked. It was so lopsided, she got a razor out of his overnight bag and shaved the rest off."
"Perhaps the razor was dull," growled Sirius, hopefully.
…
"Finally, some discipline for the brat!" Ginny hissed. "It's about ruddy time!"
Molly couldn't scold, since she agreed with the sentiment.
…
"Gone round the twist, he has," chuckled Tonks.
…
"Oh, come off it," snarled Ron. "I bet you take Harry's food often enough."
…
" Missed television! How will you go on living?" Hermione wailed sarcastically.
"There, there," said Remus patting her on the back. "They'll call a therapist in the morning."
…
"Thinking about what?" asked Ron.
"The letters, I suspect. I remember being really confused by this point."
…
"That's hardly nutritious," fussed Molly. "Remind me to feed you up, dear."
….
"Watch him mistreat the child, a brilliant idea," Arabella snapped.
…
"Already gone mad," remarked the twins seriously.
…
"Very good, Duddy Doodle," simpered Ginny, with the air of a primary school teacher. "Now, who can tell me what tomorrow is?
"Ooh, ooh! Pick me, Miss Ginny! Pick me!"
Harry was very amused to see Sirius bouncing in his chair. "Kind of like 'Mione used to be, eh, Ron?"
"Shut up!" Hermione mock-glared giving Harry a smack for his trouble before turning to Ginny. "Three Sickles if you keep reading."
"Five if you call the great git 'Duddy Doodle' to his face," Tonks offered, grinning. "And I want a picture of his face afterwards."
"I just may do that," Ginny brightened. "Who'll give me a Galleon to do it, a Galleon anyone?
"One Galleon," chuckled Dumbledore, "and a well-spent one I'm sure. Shall we continue?"
…
"Happy birthday, pup!"
"Happy birthday, cub."
"You two do know you're talking to my eleven-year-old book self, don't you?" Harry chortled.
Sirius shrugged. " Oh, let us have our fun, you. Eleven is an important year!"
…
Remus' features hardened again. "Explain to me where my presents got to, Dumbledore!"
"You brought me…"
"I left one on the Dursleys' doorstep ever year on Christmas, and your birthday, then when you were at Hogwarts I sent them there, though apparently you've never gotten any of them."
"The gigantic box of Honeydukes sweets on my bed Christmas morning, third year…was from you! Thanks."
"You're welcome," Remus beamed, squeezing him in a one-armed hug. "Imagine my surprise when you show up with an International standard broomstick. Sirius still can't stand to be outdone, I see."
"Never!" The animagus grinned, after shooting Dumbledore a scathing look.
…
"Smiling? Oh Merlin, that's not good."
…
"And that's where you spent your birthday?" Tonks shook her head, unbelieving.
…
"And what does the brainless oaf consider rations," sniped Molly to Arabella, who shrugged.
…
Molly performed a Warming Charm with a flick of her wand. "Is that better, dear?"
"I'm not so cold no…" Remus gave him a look. "Yes, thank you."
…
"Should've let Petunia do it," shrugged Sirius. "According to Lily, they camped when they were little."
…
"Why, you hateful beast!" shrieked Minerva.
…
"Don't fret, Mr. Potter, I believe I had sent you an escort by this time. He should be arriving soon."
…
"The roof probably leaked too," hissed Hermione. It had, but Harry thought it would unwise to tell her this.
…
"Let me see that, a minute," said George, taking the book from his youngest sister. "Blimey, it really does say 'most ragged'! To the lists, men!"
…
Molly Weasley chanced a look at her watch, and jumped. " Merlin, it's half-six! How much longer is the chapter, dear?"
"This is the last page," Ginny replied.
"Let's plan to eat after chapter four, shall we? Unless anyone is hungry right now?" The question seemed to be aimed at Ron and Harry in particular.
…
"Stupid question," Harry admonished his past self.
…
"Waiting for word from that your escort had retrieved you, of course," McGonagall answered, as if it was obvious.
…
The Marauders growled. He should never be that cold
…
"That won't be necessary, dear boy." Dumbledore offered him.
"And it would've been far less entertaining," Harry grinned.
…
"Eight!" cheered Fred.
"Seven!" George cried.
"Six!" Harry added, rolling his eyes.
…
"You should wake him up!" Sirius enthused. "You have five perfectly good seconds left…well four now."
…
"Boom?" Tonks repeated.
"Not boom, BOOM!"
"I brought that on myself."
"And the rest of us," Remus chuckled. "Well come on, what happened?"
…
"Well, that's it." Ginny marked her page. "Who wants it next?"
"Is this the chapter I think it is," Hermione asked.
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Yes, I think so."
"I'll take it," she offered, giggling.