Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana but I do own a puppy named Remy:D Sorry for the delay but time got the better of me, what else can I say?
Last Resort, First Relief
Ugh, school started. It's pretty cool...as far as school goes, lol. Oliver, Lilly, Jake(obviously), and I were automatically accepted into the "popular" group but we don't really count ourselves as part of them. We just hang around with each other and talk to anyone we want, which Samantha(popular bitch) doesn't approve of because she says we should only talk to people like her and her BF Richard(bastard). We just dissed her and walked away. It was slightly funny because on the first and second day of school everybody(and I mean EVERYBODY, even seniors) tried to talk to Jake and the girls were all flirting with him. I let them for those two days but then when he was surrounded by pretty much every girl(and gay guy) in then school I walked up to him and gave him a huge kiss in front of them all. Everybody was in a shocked silence because they thought I was some random girl that kissed Jake without his consent. One girl even told me to get away from him. I turned to her and said why should I if he was my boyfriend? Everyone's eyes bugged out as me and Jake walked away laughing.
Life...has not been good this past month. I keep having a lot of nightmares and I think I know why. It was 4 years ago this month that my Mom died. 4 years ago my life fell apart. For the most part I've been able to keep it together enough so that I could live(mostly) normal. But the thing is that these dreams are different, there's the usual dreams about my Mom being dead but there are new ones that are so terrifying all I can do is sit up in bed with the light on and tremble. What I hate the most is that I can't remember a damn thing about those dreams! All I know is how much they affect me. Once I even woke up screaming. That scared the hell out of my Dad and Jackson...and me. Anyways, I gotta go.
I closed my journal and went downstairs. I opened the fridge and basically stuck my head inside. God, could California weather get any hotter? I pulled out a coke and closed the fridge. I pulled the tabs and took a long drink from it. It felt so fresh and bubbly going down my throat. Jackson came downstairs.
"Hey Dork," Was my greeting to him. Wow, he looked really dressed up, like if he was ready for a date..." What're you so dressed up for?" I asked. He gave me a quick look.
"I...have a date..." I knew it. Wait, didn't Lilly tell me she had a date today too? I eyed Jackson.
"Who are you going with?" He looked away.
"A girl..." Obviously. "Anyways, I don't wanna be late. Bye Miles!" He said as he grabbed his car keys and ran out the door. Ew, Jackson and Lilly. They could at least tell me about it!...if they are going together. I plopped myself on the couch and got ready for a relaxing hour or so of tv, but that didn't happen. My Dad came downstairs and told me to clean my room. Ugh. Lately he's been so obsessed about cleaning. Even if me and Jackson can't tell it's dirty, we still have to clean it. I gurgdingly walked up the stairs and went to my room. It wasn't even dirty! The most was that there were a few out of place papers and CDs on the computer desk. I put those back and everything looked clean again. I stayed in my room though, I didn't feel like watching tv anymore. I decided to finally start on my geometry homework that I'd been ignoring all weekend. I'm good at math but that doesn't mean I like it.(A/n: I actually do geometry and I'm in 8th grade! I'm a year ahead and next year I'll have to do algebra II. Ew.)
I opened my math book to page 198 and picked up where I left off in class. Let's see, find the angle measures and classify the triangle. 66 plus 33 equals 99, 180 subtract 99 equals 81 so the triangle is acute. I continued on with the rest of my homework for about half an hour. When I was finally done I closed my books and put everything into my backpack so I wouldn't forget in the morning. I got out my iPod and listened to it. I'd only gotten through one song when it died. I glared at it then turned on the compy so I could charge it. I decided might as well use the computer since it's on.
I signed on to my messenger. I noticed Jake, Oliver, and...Lilly were on. Wasn't Lils' supposed to be on her date? I PMed her but didn't get a reply. She must've left herself signed on. I took myself off invisible.
rockerchic has signed on
rockerchic: hey guys
doughnutman: hey Miles
slayinhottie: sup Mileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YIPPPPPEEEE!!!! Hey! That rhymed
rockerchic: what the hell r u on boy?
slayinhottie: SUGER!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
slayinhottie: sugar...misspelled it...
doughnutman: riiiiight...not that this isn't entertaining but can we get a solid topic goin?
rockerchic: lets talk about history!
doughnutman: ...NO...F-ING...WAY...
slayinhottie: dude, my sugar rush like totally dropped when you said that :-(
rockerchic: lol, I was JOKING ew, no way I'd talk about school-related stuff outside of school and HM
slayinhottie: GASP-O! I need to do my homework!
slayinhottie had signed out
rockerchic: who the hell says gasp-o?
doughnutman has signed out
rockerchic: man...forget you too Ollie-boy
rockerchic had signed out
I got off the computer since it's no fun if you've got nothing to do. Problem was that I had nothing to do off the computer anyway. I went to take a shower. God, the water felt so good and cooling as it hit my skin. I can't wait for the end of the month so fall can come. It's still the beginning of September, about two more weeks and fall comes! I got out of the shower and dried myself off with a towel. I put on my pajamas since it was late already. I heard voices from downstairs and figured Jackson had come home while I was in the shower. I went downstairs and sure enough, there was Jackson talking to my Dad. He immeadiatly shut up as soon as he saw me.
"How was your date?" I asked him. He hesitated for a moment.
"It was...really good," He replied.
"So, are you going to tell me who the girl is?" He got shifty eyes.
"Umm...why do you want to know?" Oh, boy.
"Because," I replied, drawing out the word,"I have a feeling I know this person." He debated with hisself for a moment before giving in.
"It was...Lilly." He looked like he was prepareing for a verbal-or maybe even physical-attack. I laughed loudly. He looked surprised.
"I knew it!" I said as I shot a fist in the air to show my triumph(sp?) Now he looked confused.
"Wait, you're ok with this?" He asked. I gave him a look like he was crazy-which he is.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He looked around.
"Well, she is your best friend...I assumed you wouldn't want me dating her," He said somewhat guiltily.
"I don't own her Jackson, if she likes you and you like her then why should I stop you two?" He sighed in relief.
"Good, I was afraid you would try to stop us," He said. I gave him a look.
"Just make sure you treat her good, Jackson, because if I find out that you hurt her in anyway there won't be a person on this earth that will be able to save you from me," I said. Hell no would he still be alive if he did anything bad to Lilly. He gave me another surprised look as I walked back upstairs.
Next Day...
I woke up with a jolt when my alarm rang the next morning. I quickly shut it off and struggled to get out of bed. I was really shaken up because I had another one of those dreams. Yet again, I could remember nothing! The feeling of terror and loss was still on me but I tried to push it back as I got up and got ready for school. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face. Then I went to get my clothes for the day. I picked out a black long sleeve shirt and a pair of tight jeans with my black low-top Converse. I combed my hair half-ways and put on my make up.
I went to the calendar to cross off yesterday's date. I looked at what today was. Today was September 22, the exact day that my mom died. I knew that today was not going to be a good day. I stared at the day for a long while before finally tearing my eyes away. That's what happened every year, I guess it was my symbolism of moving on with my life and not letting that one tragedy stop me completly.
I was pretty much done with getting ready so I got my backpack and headed downstairs. I was surprised my Dad was up because he usually stayed in late on this day. "Hi Daddy," I said. He nodded his head toward me in acknowledgement.
"You ready for school Bud?" He asked. I nodded and he got his car keys. The car ride to school was silent, it usually was. He dropped me off in front of the school. We said bye to each other and I closed the car door. I turned around and walked into the school. I looked around at everybody in the halls. Most of them were so lucky to have both parents to care for them. I sighed and headed to my locker. I started pulling out the text books and note books for my first three periods. I heard a noise behind me and turned to find Lilly running towards me. Behind her was Oliver.
"LILLY! GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN MUFFIN!" Oliver yelled. I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Oliver to make such a big deal out of a muffin. I watched them run about, it was highly entertaining.
"Oh, is this was you want Ollie?" Lilly taunted as she waved the muffin around in the air. She brought it to her mouth and acted like she was about to take a bite.
"Lilly, don't you DARE eat my muffin!" Oliver yelled as he made a desperate dive for the pastry. Lilly pulled it out of arm's reach. "Come on Lilly! I'm hungry and you know how much I like muffins!" He begged. Lilly sighed and handed him his breakfast. He made a girly squeal of joy and took a monsterous bite out of it. "Bey Mibey," He said as he finally noticed me.
"Swallow first then try to talk," I said to him. He attempted a smile but somehow didn't manage. Gee, I wonder why...I shook my head and turned to Lilly. "So...Lilly," She gave me wary look.
"Yeah...?"
"How was your date with Jackson?" I asked with an innocent smile. She looked surprised that I knew and Oliver...Oliver nearly choked to death on his muffin.
"J-J-Jackson?!" He asked,"Woah, when did this happen?" We both turned to look at Lilly.
"Uh, well...yesterday was our first date, and that went pretty good. Actually, it went very good. I didn't know Jackson could be such a gentleman," She repiled.
"That's good," I said. Oliver looked very surprised to say the least.
"So, what are you doing after school?" Lilly asked me. I didn't expect her to remember what today was or that my family always went to visit the grave we had set up for my mom here in Malibu. I sighed.
"Going to the cementary," I said in a low voice. Both of them looked like they had just remembered, which they probably did.
"Oh..." They shifted around. Awkward. Fortunatly the bell rang and we were spared from anymore of the awkwardness. We headed towards first period.
At Lunch...
"Finally!" Lilly cried as we came out of our classroom. "Man, I'm so hungry!" She exclaimed. I heard her stomache grumble loudy. We meet up with Oliver and headed to the lunch lines. Once we got our lunch we headed to a table.
"Excuse me but you dorks are at our table," Someone behind us said. I turned around and scowled. Amber and Ashley. Of course they would want this table.
"Oh, don't let us bother you, there's plenty of other tables if you want," I said to them.
"Well, we want this one, so move you damn hillbilly," Amber said. The three of us looked at each other. We were pretty much done eating so we got up.
"Come on, let's go before their horrible fashion sense kills us," I said. Lilly and Oliver laughed at that. Ashley glared at me.
"Don't be talking about fashion when you look like that. Who dresses you? Your Mother?" The three of us stopped laughing.
"Don't talk about my mom," I said in a low, dangerous voice. Ashley smirked, she clearly had no intention of stopping now that she had some ammunition to use against me.
"Why should I? I bet she's just as badly dressed as you, probably even worse." She fired at me. I clenched my fist.
"She's probably too stupid to know how to put on pants the right way," Amber joined in. I tried to ignore it and walk away.
"She's too stupid to do anything, which is good for her because she's so fat she can't even move!" I stopped. I turned to look at Ashley with a burning hatred. She laughed cruely. "She's so fat that..." And that's as far as she got because I tackled her to the ground. I punched her in the face.
"You BITCH!" I hit her again. "Don't you ever talk about my mom like that EVER AGAIN!" I emphasized every other word with a punch. I hit her with as much force and speed as I could. She was crying out for help. Oliver and Lilly each tried to grab me and pull me off of Ashley but somehow they couldn't. I hit a solid punch to Ashley's nose. It made a sickening crunch as blood started gushing from it. I suddenly felt someone pick me off of Ashley and hold on to me. I struggled to break free. I wanted to hurt Ashley as much as possible. I really felt like kicking her in the ribs over and over again. No one has the right to talk about my mom like that! NO ONE!
I stopped struggling when I realised that I couldn't break free. One of the security guards was holding on to me. A few teachers were over by Ashley and checking her nose. The principle came and told us to come to his office. Ashley had a wad of paper towels pressed to her still bleeding nose. We sat down in the chairs in Mr. Caberra's office.
"So what happened?" He asked us. Ashley went first, telling her story so it made her seem like she did nothing wrong and was purly a victim.
"What?! That's not true!" I exclaimed,"Mr. Caberra, she was taunting me! She was saying all these horrible things about my mom!"
"Why didn't you just ignore her then?" He asked. "Why'd you let it get to you so badly?"
"I couldn't ignore her! And it kind of hurt a lot to hear someone talk about my mom like that when she's dead and today is the exact day she died 4 years ago." I said. Ashley's mood changed when I said that.
"I'm very sorry to hear that Miss Stewart but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to suspend you," He said.
"What? What about Ashley? She should get something for insulting my mom like that!" I exclaimed.
"And she will. She's going to get 3 days of SRC." I closed my eyes. This was so unfair. All she got was SRC, ugh! " Now I want you to apologize to each other. Ashley, you first." Mr. Caberra said. Ashley turned to me.
"Miley, I'm really sorry. I didn't know..." She said. I nodded my head once in acknowledgement.
"I'm sorry for hitting you Ashley," I said even though I really wasn't. Once everything else that needed to be done was done, we were dismissed. My Dad was apparently waiting for me at the front of the office. Me and Ashley walked out of Mr. Caberra's office. She looked at me.
"Miley, I really am sorry. I wouldn't have said anything if I..." I cut her off.
"Just back the fuck off Ashley," I said as I walked past her to the front of the office. I walk up to my Dad and he leads me to the car. At first we drive in silence then my Dad speaks up.
"What the heck were you thinking Miley? Don't you know that you're never supposed to use violence to settle issues? Didn't I teach you better than that? What did the principle give you?" His voice was low but his words were sharp.
"I got suspended." I answered while looking out the window.
"For how long?"
"Two days," (A/N: I don't really know how long you get suspended for fighting since it's never happened to me so that's what it'll be) He sighed.
"I don't know what to say or do. I never thought one of my kids would actually get into a fist fight," He said.
"Dad, you weren't there! You don't know what happened," I said. He looked at me briefly before looking at the road again.
"Then what did happen? Huh, explain to me Miley because I would really like to know," He said in a sharp tone of voice.
"She was insulting my mom! That's the lowest thing anyone could do, especially today! That's the only thing that could make me mad enough to hurt someone." His grip tightened on the steering wheel.
"Even so, you should have ignored her and walked away," He said.
"I tried to Dad but it's not like I can just turn off my hearing," The southern accent in my voice was coming out more.
"Enough, I don't want to talk about this anymore. When we get home I want you to go straight to your room," His accent was becoming more noticeable too.
"I was going there anyway," I muttered. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window. Man, what I'd do for a blade right now. We got home soon after that. I was glad when we pulled into the driveway 'cause I didn't want to be in the car with my Dad for much longer. I waited for him to unlock the front door and as soon as he did I went upstairs. I threw my backpack on the bed and headed straight for my closet. I got my box full of sharp objects and pulled a switch blade out. Don't ask how I got it cause I would never tell you. It was probably the sharpest thing in that box, and that was saying something.
I quickly rolled up my right sleeve and pressed the blade against my skin. I put more and more pressure until it broke the skin and red blood came rushing into view. Then, I slowly slid it down, leaving a crimson trail following behind. It went on to two inches before I moved to make a new cut. This one was on my left arm, really close to the elbow. It went diagonally until it almost touched a vein. I didn't want to cut a vein...not yet. I watched the blood slowly slide down my arm and drip into the box, making a collective pool of dark red that was ever growing. I wanted it to just bleed forever but I eventually had to clean it up.
I didn't feel settled so I went to make another slash across my arm but this time I used a dull razor. It'd cause more pain that way. I narrowed my eyes slightly as I dragged it down half the length of my arm. It was probably the longest scar I've ever made. There, that felt better now. I reached for the cotton swabs and peroxide to clean everything up. I cursed myself as I noticed drops of blood on the carpet. Fuck, those would turn into stains. I tried to get as much out as possible. Once everything was done and the carpet was as clean as I could possibly get it, I put everything away and put the box back into its hiding place.
I headed back into my room and tiredly threw myself on the bed. I felt lightheaded, maybe I let myself bleed too much. I shook the thought off as I difted off into a fitful sleep.
Sometime later...
"Wake up. Miles, get up, we're leaving," Jackson said as he shook me.
"Wha-?" I muttered groggily. He stopped shaking me.
"Get up, we're leaving to the cementary in ten minutes."
"Ok," I said as I sat up. He left my room. I stood up and streched. I took a look at my arms and noticed that a small spot of blood was starting to go though the bandage wrapped around my left arm. I sighed and rolled the sleeve back down. I'd deal with that later. I fixed my hair since it got messed up when I was asleep and headed downstairs. Jackson and I got there at the same time. My Dad turned towards the door and led the way to the car. We all climbed in and drove off in silence. I stared out the window and watched the scenery pass by.
We got to the cementary and my Dad parked the car. All of us got out and headed towards the grave marker.(A/n: Does anyone know what the plaque things are called? You know, the ones that are in the ground and say the person's name and...stuff?) My Dad kneeled down and silently said what he wanted to. Jackson did the same. Then me.
I'm sorry for everything, Mom. For fighting, for cutting, for hating myself at times. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I wish you could've came to Malibu with us. I went on a bit more. When I was done I got up. My Dad put down a single white rose. We all stood there for a long time. Then we finally moved and went back to the car. We drove back to the house. When we got home I went to my room again and let the tears come.
A/N: Ugh, I don't like how the grave scene came out but that's the best I could do. This chapter seems even longer than the last one, I'll have to check on that. I made a song reference a couple paragraphs back, around the part where Miley is about to cut herself. First one to guess can ask me any question about the story and I will answer truthfully...I'll give you a hint:The band that sings the song is listed in my profile. Hope you guys ejoyed this chapter because I wrote about 2/3 of it yesterday. It was like my brain just exploded with ideas to put in here. Please reveiw people.
"Now I'm standing on the roof top ready to fall. I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong."-Rise Against