Luan had been sitting in the living room one day after school, not long after the district competition. Her siblings had all scattered to their rooms in order to accomplish at least some of their homework not long beforehand. She was relaxing on the couch, playing Algebra Dash on her phone. It was abnormally quiet in the Loud house.
Hearing the sound of footsteps, she looked up and saw her mother and father both enter the room. Her mother sat down next to her on the couch, while her father sat in the chair across from it. They both looked concerned.
Luan's icon smashed itself to pieces against a block.
Luan turned off the game. "What's up?" she asked.
Mrs. Loud looked intently at her. "Put away your phone. We have a question for you."
Luan wondered what on earth her parents could be talking about. Was it the fact that she didn't turn in her health posterboard?
Was it the self-harm?
No. It couldn't have been. Maggie had promised not to tell.
She wouldn't have told. She couldn't have told.
Right?
Mrs. Loud said, "We got a call from Maggie a little while ago."
Luan remained calm externally.
Internally, she freaked out.
How could her parents know?
They shouldn't know.
They couldn't know.
They wouldn't find out.
"She says that you cut yourself."
It looked like her mother was trying to gaze straight into her soul.
Luan allowed her confusion and disbelief to spread to her face.
She would lie her way out of this one.
"What?"
Luan's mother continued, "She says you did it on your side, so that nobody could see it."
"Wha-what are you talking about?"
Luan's father asked, an edge to his voice, "Did you do it?"
"Wha- No! No! I didn't! Why would you think so?"
Luan hated lying.
She wished she didn't have to.
But she had no other choice.
She needed to.
"Maggie says you talked to her last Thursday, after the first day of the improv competition."
Luan knew she had the perfect alibi.
"What? I-I was calling you then! You remember, right?"
Her mother nodded.
Luan's dad added, "They could have talked at a different time, though."
Luan directed her gaze away from her parents, staring at her lap, trying to look as though she were making sense of the whole matter.
They all sat in silence for some time.
Her mother finally asked, "May I please see your phone for a second? I want to see if Maggie has texted you about this or anything."
Luan had texted Maggie to thank her for their talk. She couldn't let them see the message.
It had been the polite thing to do. And now...
Her politeness had ruined everything.
Luan frowned. "What for?"
"I just want to look."
Maybe her mother would overlook the message.
Maybe she would consider it irrelevant.
Could Luan delete it without delaying for too long?
She would just have to be obedient.
Luan reluctantly pulled out her phone and opened up her text history with Maggie. Her mother took the phone and scrolled through it.
She read out loud from the phone, "Apparently, you said on Thursday, quote, 'Thank you so much for talking to me. If you need to talk to anyone, just let me know, and I'll be happy to help.' End quote."
Luan stammered, "I... No... That's..." before finally falling silent.
Her act of courtesy had just destroyed her.
But if she kept up the deception...
Would Maggie get in trouble for lying?
Her mother said something about the content of the text being suspicious, but it flew right over Luan's head.
She didn't want Maggie to be punished for doing the right thing.
But, at the same time, she needed to protect herself and her privacy.
Why would Maggie do such a thing?
Why would Luan be so ungrateful for Maggie's misplaced attempt at helping?
Luan knew that she had to own up to what she'd done.
She sighed in defeat.
"Mom, Dad... If I were you...
She hung her head, too ashamed with herself to so much as look at her parents. "I know that I have an alibi and all... but, based on the text, and... also the way I've been acting... you know, I've been looking worried and all...
"I wouldn't believe me if I were you."
Her parents watched her, hanging on her every word.
Luan paused, taking a long, shuddering breath while she tried to gather the courage to say what she needed to say.
It was for Maggie.
This was something she could do to repay her.
"And you would be right."
Luan glanced up momentarily, worrying about how her parents would respond.
Sure enough, they both bore expressions of concern. She dropped her head again.
Luan's voice shook as she continued. "I didn't want to tell you... but I didn't wanna get Maggie in trouble for lying. I just..."
She couldn't continue. She blinked to try and suppress the tears.
Mrs. Loud reached out her arm to comfort her child, but Luan shied away, curling up into a ball.
"H-how much d-did Maggie tell you guys?" Luan finally asked, hiding her face to spite her tears, sniffling as her nose began to run.
"All of it... I think," said her father. "But... why? Why did you do that?"
Luan peeked her face out from behind her hands, looking at her living room. While it normally appeared warm and comforting, it felt cold now, unwelcoming and distant.
She knew the thought was stupid, but it persisted.
"I... I guess... I was feeling really... unhappy with me. I didn't think I deserved to bring home the trophy after the regional competition. I don't deserve anything, honestly... least of all any token of gratitude."
Luan's mom said, "May... may I see the scar?"
Luan shook her head vigorously, curling herself up even more tightly.
She wished that her parents would just leave her alone. This was something she would prefer to face on her own.
It was too late for that now.
Luan continued, "I don't know why I feel like that. I... I know it's stupid. I know I'm loved. I know I'm worth something. I-I just can't believe it."
She dared a glance up at her mother, but immediately regretted it.
Her mom looked sad, certainly, but also bore a certain level of terror.
Why did Luan have to worry her mother so?
She felt even more horrible.
She wished that no one had ever loved her from the start.
"I... I didn't wanna tell you guys because... because I didn't want you to worry. I hate that you're so worried about me. I-I'm just me. I'm nobody special. I'm nothing."
Luan's father spoke up. "Don't think about yourself that way. You mean something to us. You're our daughter, after all. You may be one of eleven, but, but that doesn't diminish how much we love you."
"I... I wish you didn't love me, then."
Nobody spoke for a long while.
Finally, Mrs. Loud broke the silence. "I... we, that is, your father and I, were talking about taking you to therapy at the clinic the next town over."
Luan nodded. "That... that's a good idea. I think... that should help."
"Then I'll call them in a little while and sign you up for an appointment."
Luan smiled wanly. "Okay."
"Uh, what are you guys talking about?" asked Lucy.
Luan and her parents jumped, then turned and saw Lucy standing in the doorway, running a hand through her short black hair. It still seemed weird to look her in the eyes.
"Uh, nothing important," Luan hastily replied. She didn't want all her siblings worrying about her, too; it was bad enough to have her parents know.
Although she did still want to tell Luna...
Luan and her mother shared a meaningful look.
Her mother said to Lucy, "Go back to your room for a little while."
The pale-skinned girl looked about to complain, but she sighed softly and turned away.
"I'll come up and play with you once I'm done!" Luan called after her, trying to infuse her demeanour with some of her typical joviality.
"Okay," replied Lucy as she headed back up the stairs.
Luan looked back at her parents.
"If you don't want to tell your brother and sisters about this, that's your choice," said her father. "They are worried about you, though."
"I don't want to," said Luan with finality.
"Okay."
Without warning, Luan's mother moved over and hugged her. Luan tensed up at first, not expecting the physical contact, but reciprocated.
After a few moments, they broke apart, and Luan's father moved in to hug her.
"Good talk?" he asked.
"Good talk," replied Luan.
They broke apart, and Luan headed up the stairs.
It was over now.
She didn't have to worry about hiding anything from her parents any longer.
She would go to therapy soon enough, which might help her stop hating herself.
She would go do... something with Lucy.
There was a lot to look forward to.
At the same time, there was a lot to be concerned about.
She would have to reveal her feelings to a complete stranger in therapy.
She would have to keep her self-harm a secret from her siblings.
She would have to put up with her parents worrying about her even more than usual.
Luan pushed aside those thoughts, leaving them behind as she ascended. She could deal with them later. Now? She had an obligation to her little sister to attend to.
There was one nagging thought she couldn't shake, however.
She was grateful that Maggie had spoken up.
She was glad for being able to speak with her, to have someone to trust.
Maggie was a good kid, although she hid her true nature deep down beneath her layers of cynicism and grumpiness.
Luan sent up a silent prayer, thanking God for giving her Maggie.
She was a good kid.
Cute, too.
Luan might have lost herself in reminiscing for the entire rest of the afternoon if not for Lynn, who chose that moment to yell, "Think fast!" and hurl a tennis ball at her. It struck her in the gut, and she reeled backwards, falling into the wall.
Luan yelled incoherently and shook a fist in the direction from which the ball came.
She almost felt like her old self again, she thought, turning and walking into Lucy's room.
I'm ending this story prematurely. This is the final chapter. I know that the story doesn't really reach a satisfying conclusion, but I don't have the heart to finish it. It was hitting close to home from the start.
I hoped you liked the story nevertheless. Thank you to all of you who have read it.
…
I'm going to wrap up "The Babysitters", and then I have another LunaxSam fic planned. From there... I'm moving on to other things. Stay tuned.
Hope to see you around!