You can't fill your cup until you empty all it has
You can't understand what lays ahead
If you don't understand the past
You'll never learn to fly now
Till you're standing at the cliff…
Steve was content. Rain pattered at the windows and grey clouds leaned against the glass; he was buried deep within his covers, half asleep, but there was no reason he had to wake up yet. No villain to fight, no one who needed his help, nothing. Hugging his pillow closer, he let his mind drift off again, and started to slip back to sleep, when he felt a hand on his hip.
"W—what?" Steve's mind jerked awake and he tried to pull away, but the hand's grip was steadfast.
Before he could figure out another plan, a silky voice whispered quietly, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
The voice clicked. Steve went very still, his eyes widening. "Loki?" he asked hoarsely, trying to turn his head towards him. The dregs of sleep were still clouding his mind, and he was confused. He was pretty sure he was alone when he fell asleep last night.
Steve could feel Loki's lips ghosting past his ear, and the hand on his hip tightened. "I'm trying to enjoy something here." Loki's grin was evident even though Steve couldn't see his face. "It would be unwise to ruin the moment we're having."
Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't get the invitation." Shifting one of his legs to hook it on Loki's own, he twisted out of the grip and shifted Loki, managing to sit upright, practically straddling him. "And I'm truly sorry if that's what you define as a 'moment'."
Undeterred, Loki's grin did not fade. In fact, he might have been smiling even wider. "It's a nice moment on this side," he said, gesturing to how Steve was sitting.
Steve looked down, and realizing what he was referring to, rolled off Loki to the other side of the bed. He hoped the darkness of the room could hide how red his face was. Loki's smirk though told him that his eyes didn't have much trouble seeing in the dim light.
"What was that about?" Steve asked after a moment, trying to compose himself.
Loki just looked at him, starting to laugh.
Steve was frustrated, but Loki's laugh was contagious, the way his entire body shook with mirth, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and his eyes were warm and inviting.
And he couldn't help but join in, his confusion and annoyance melting away.
It started to get lighter in the room, as the clouds had begun to clear up.
As the room started to get lighter, Steve was able to really study Loki's face like he always did every time he came to visit. It really told him a lot about Loki's current mental state, something that was endlessly helpful. He looked tired, but that was nothing new. Loki messing around, laughing, was always a good sign. He loved seeing Loki like that.
Smiling shyly, Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder. "How's it going, Loki?"
Four weeks and many visits had passed since Loki had finally opened up to Steve.
Loki shrugged. "I've fared worse. I just chose to call on you. As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't stopped by in several days. I do apologize for that."
Steve got up, stretching. It was nearly 10 now and the sky was starting to show signs of completely clearing up. "You were missed."
In the absence of any retort, Steve turned around perturbed. Loki had an odd expression on his face, which had lost the glee of just moments ago, and almost looked upset.
He walked around to the other side of the bed where Loki was still sitting. "What's wrong?"
Loki looked up, attempting to look cheerful again. "Nothing." He slid off the bed and started walking away.
Steve caught his arm as he walked past. "Hey."
Loki looked down at the hand on his arm and then back up at Steve, raising an eyebrow, his eyes challenging. "Yes?"
"Why don't we go out today?"
"Go… out?" A smile flickered on Loki's face again. As surprised as he was by Steve's suggestion, it also clearly pleased him. Steve was changing the subject, but not rejecting him. "What do you suggest? You know Midgard better than me."
Steve looked thoughtful. "Have you ever been to Coney Island?" He shook his head, amused. "I guess you haven't. Well, Loki, you're in for a treat."
Loki narrowed his eyes. "Treat? What sort of treat?"
"Oh, just you wait." Steve could barely hold back a grin. He looked Loki up and down. He was wearing his more casual leather and armor, all green, black and gold. "You might need to change though. And no suit either. Can you change into more casual, um, Midgard clothes?"
"Hmm. Let's see." Loki closed his eyes and yellow light began to emanate from him, shimmering across his body. Shortly after, it faded. He was now wearing fitted dark jeans, a plain dark blue t-shirt, and tennis shoes. All of it seemed ordinary, like what a teenager would throw on before running to school, but Loki made it work for him, in a very good way. Seeing Loki wearing these clothes had temporarily short-circuited Steve's brain.
Steve opened his mouth, and immediately closed it again. He looked away and immediately stole a glance back. Loki pretended not to notice anything, a smirk on his face. "Will this be appropriate, Steven?"
Steve couldn't trust himself to talk, choosing to just nod instead.
"Excellent." He held out his hand. "Shall we be off? To this Coney Island you have chosen for our adventure?"
"Um. Yeah. I assume you can make us appear there? So no one in the tower sees us?"
"Of course. We wouldn't wish for anyone catching us." He looked down at his outstretched arm and then back up at Steve. "Are we departing, or not?"
Steve took his hand, and in an instant they disappeared from Stark Tower.
Seconds later, they reappeared across the city, in Brooklyn. Even though Steve had attempted to visit all the places he frequented 70 years ago after he had woken up, seeing them now still made him slightly uneasy, but also contradictorily comfortable. At least places like this still stood, the familiar and not forgotten. The world could age without him, but he could always rely on places like Coney Island and his old apartment building, even when all the meat markets, his favorite deli, and the bar he and Bucky frequented were long gone.
Still holding Loki's hand, Steve guided him down a familiar, but greatly changed street. Even after all this time, he knew the city like the back of his hand. It was, and would always be, his home.
"Here we go," Steve said softly, letting the nostalgia wash over him. Screams could be heard, but they were only of people riding roller coasters. Lights flashed from all directions, from stalls selling cotton candy and hot dogs to arcade games trying to attract customers. Coney Island was a boardwalk heaven in Brooklyn, and he soaked it in. After a second, he glanced at Loki, who was obviously not similarly affected.
"What type of place is this exactly?" He was glancing around looking slightly uncomfortable and overwhelmed. "A fair of sorts?"
"You could call it that," Steve replied uncertainly. "But it will be fun. I promise." He squeezed Loki's hand reassuringly. "Come on!"
He walked to the nearest food stand, pulling a very reluctant Loki the whole way. As they stood in line, Steve nudged him in his side with his elbow, giving him a small smile. Loki looked over for a fraction of a second, giving the faintest of smiles back, before looking away to the crowd that completely surrounded them.
"They have the best hot dogs here, well, they did at least. You need to try one. Loki?" Loki was busy shooting daggered glances at the ruckus around them.
Steve put his other hand on his arm, shifting Loki to face him. "They're just people. Regular people. And I'm one of them," Steve said resolutely, guessing where his discomfort originated. "Loki? Do you hear me? Regular people. The only difference from them and you is that you're immortal. Okay?"
Loki looked away again, his face set like a stubborn child. "The only difference?" he asked, glaring at an older man walking with two children, each holding brightly colored cotton candy.
"They're not perfect, but neither are those where you come from. They lie, they cheat, they steal, but they also care, they help others, they love. Humans are flawed, but have the potential to be great. Maybe we aspire to be gods, but I think you gods aspire to be like us as well. Why else do you all keep coming here?"
Loki didn't respond for several moments. Looking back to Steve, he opened his mouth to say something, but was immediately interrupted.
"Your order, you two? What'd be fo' ya?" Steve stepped forward to order two hot dogs for them, which were promptly served. He let go of Loki's hand to pick up the food.
"This way," Steve said, pointing to the right where there was an empty bench.
"Here." He handed Loki one of the hot dogs, which Loki took cautiously. "They're good. I promise."
Loki sniffed it and, after looking back up at Steve almost accusingly, took a small bite.
"Not bad right?" Steve grinned.
"I've had worse," Loki sneered contemptuously, but his left hand moved to between them, grabbing Steve's hand and threading their fingers together.
"Of course you have." Steve's smile grew even wider, and unconsciously he shifted closer to Loki.
The racket around them became a drone of noise as they sat there enjoying their meal together. The sun had chased away all traces of the storm from earlier that morning. Loki blinked up into the light, which made his pale skin appear even whiter, but his green eyes almost sparkled.
"Let's go ride the Cyclone."
"The… what?" Loki looked where he was pointing and his eyes widened. "You cannot be serious, Steve."
"Oh, I am. You've traveled by the Bifrost. What's that to this little thing?" he said, gesturing to the old wooden roller coaster in front of them.
A train of cars flew up and down the track's hills, and the riders' screams could be heard across the park.
Loki sighed, scowling. "If we must."
"Oh shush. You'll like it," Steve admonished.
They ended up riding it several times, and after the fourth time, Steve had to stop Loki from a fifth, opting to walk the beach instead.
They slowly strolled together on the shore at the edge of the water, so that the waves licked their feet and their toes sunk comfortably into the wet sand.
Kids ran past them in and out of the water. It was a warm June day and the water was just starting to become less chilly. The beach was slightly crowded, but no one heeded them a second glance, two men hand in hand leisurely making their way along the shore.
"I've been thinking, Loki," Steve said suddenly, breaking out of his reverie.
"Wonderful. There's hope for you yet."
Steve gave him a hard look, but chose to ignore him. "I was thinking that we should talk to the rest of them about us. You."
Loki stopped. "Them?" he asked, his tone condescending. "Your friends, the Avengers?"
"Yes," Steve said calmly.
"And what would we talk about, pray tell? What is there to share?"
"About you. We could—uh let them know that you…" He gestured to Loki. "You know. You're not what they think."
"That I'm not evil incarnate? Brilliant plan. They'll just recapture me immediately. You do know I'm believed to be in Asgard currently, imprisoned? I am not very interested in shattering that illusion."
"I'll just talk to them and they'll understand," Steve pleaded earnestly.
"Don't you understand? No one. Ever. Listens!" Loki snarled.
"I listened," Steve said in a small voice, face clouded with emotion.
Loki looked at Steve regretfully. "Congratulations. You were the first. And the last."
"It doesn't have to be that way, Loki. Please. Can we just try?"
Loki sighed and stepped closer to the water so that it washed around his ankles. His eyes were downcast as he watched the waves ebb and flow. "Why? Why does it matter? Why do they even matter?"
"There's so much more to you than what everyone thinks. I just want them to know that. The world needs to know it."
Loki smiled sadly. "It's a nice sentiment. But a very idealistic one. You do realize you'll be tarnishing your shining record by revealing you meet with me regularly. They could force you out, disavow you, hate you for this."
Steve took his other hand. "I know. But I can't sit by and do nothing."
Loki let go of Steve's hand, but to Steve's surprise he didn't back away. In fact, he stepped closer, a hand curling through the soft hair on the back of Steve's head, and leaned in, his lips brushing Steve's as if asking for permission.
For a second, Steve just savored their closeness, the intimacy, before accepting the kiss. His lips parted, and the kiss deepened. Loki pulled them even closer, and Steve let go his other hand, placing it on his hip.
After a minute, they parted, both a little breathless.
Steve looked around to see that they were back in his apartment, and his mouth opened in slight shock at the sudden change.
"You should tell me when you're about to do that," he said, lightly hitting Loki on the chest.
"Which part? Traveling? Or this?" He pulled Steve in again, giving him another light kiss, leaving Steve slightly red but pleased.
"No, I don't think you need to warn me about that."
"Good." Loki grinned. "Then I most assuredly won't."
"So will you do this with me? We approach them together? You won't be alone, Loki. That's why this will be different."
Loki's face fell, thinking it over for several moments, his mind clearly racing through what was at stake for him. He took a deep breath. "I will agree to go through this with you."
Steve broke into a grin, and pulled him into another quick kiss. "This is great, Loki! Whatever happens now, we'll do this together. I promise."
Loki still looked pensive, but nodded with a slight smile on his face. "Together. I like the sound of that," he whispered. And for one of the first times since childhood, he let himself hope.
And you can't truly love until you've given up on it
Thank you so much for your lovely comments! The song lyrics at the beginning and end of the chapter are from the song Satellite by Rise Against, which absolutely perfectly fit this story and chapter especially, and needed to be put here. Its my personal Avengers song actually, and I highly recommend it. Thanks for reading! I will most likely start on the next and probably final chapter very soon.