Chapter 4
"It was a mate of mine from school…" explained Danielle, staring at the floor in shame, "When I went back to Telford I was just so lonely, I just didn't fit in anymore….. Next thing I know, I missing, you know my period again…. I just tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away… But I can't anymore…"
"It's ok…" assured Ronnie in a very week voice, indicating to Danielle that her mother did not think it was ok at all, "I'm not barren by the way…" she began hoarsely, as if there was something stuck in her throat, "I'm not, my father was lying… I wouldn't want to take your baby from you…" Ronnie wasn't sure what she her self was even talking about anymore.
Danielle stared at her mother in disbelief and suddenly felt angry….. Why did everything have to be about her, and her crazy problems! "Whatever!" she spat and buried her head into the couch arm in a temper.
Roxy left the room hurriedly, hoping that an explosive argument wasn't about to occur. Perhaps she shouldn't have told Danielle to be rebellious towards Ronnie that one time.
"And what do you mean by that that…" demanded Ronnie in a gentle but irritated voice.
"Just get off my case!" snapped Danielle viciously, "Well….. Maybe you'd prefer a baby rather than me… That's all…. Maybe you'd like a chance to finish off what you started yeh!" she said accusingly, "That's why you had to bring the abortion up! Don't you understand that I can't bare to think about it!" Danielle's temper was rising, and she wasn't even sure why she was reacting this way…..
"Danielle!" exclaimed Ronnie in astonishment, "Where on earth is all this coming from…. I'm just scared for you that's all…. I wouldn't prefer anyone or anything to you, you're my first and only child…. "
"Just like you are Archie's child! And look how he treats you aye!" Danielle said in a hateful voice.
"Why are you being so antagonistic towards me…." asked Ronnie in high pitched voice… She was trying not to loose her temper with Danielle at all costs.
Danielle glared intently at her mother, and then her eyes softened as she saw the hurt in Ronnie's face.
"I'm sorry Ronnie…." she sighed unhappily, "I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about anything anymore….." she folded her arms moodily and turned away… In a way she wanted to slap Ronnie's face, make her furious, see how far she could push her. But she just couldn't, her mother was trying after all.
"Maybe you should eat something…" suggested Ronnie distantly, this mother, daughter thing was extremely difficult to work out, and she was failing miserably again already, "I'll go make you a sandwich…" she got up, but before she left, Ronnie relented, as she noticed Danielle's unhappy expression….. She knelt down and slowly wrapped her arms around her daughter's waist, so it would be harder for the girl to her to push her away if that's what she chose to do, in the temper she was in, Ronnie wouldn't have been surprised, "Don't worry darling," she whispered, "What ever happens I'll look after you…." she wanted to say 'both of you' but decided that it might set her daughter off into a rage again.
Danielle smiled gratefully… Although she had painted graffiti on Ronnie's door, destroyed her house, stolen from her, and burdened her with countless problems, her mother still cared about her. No matter how many years had passed since they had been together as mother and daughter, the love and need still seemed to exist between them. Danielle's need to be looked after and Ronnie's need to care for her baby no matter how hard it was..
Part 2
Denise gave Roxy a funny look as she took the pregnancy test and ran it through the till, "That's eleven pound ninety nine…" she said coyly, "So…" she began in a curiously sly voice, "Who's the father this time…. Jack," she continued, "I mean I don't mean to be rude but…. Is it Sean's." she smiled in fake concern.
Roxy began tapping her nails on the counter in frustration and almost growled at the woman, " What did you say!" she snapped, grabbing the package and glaring at Denise, "Why don't you just keep your nose out aye! I heard that one of your kid's dad is a psycho! doing time for trying to kill his own daughter! You really are better at picking men!" she then made a face at the astounded looking Denise, and dumped the cash in front of her, "Catch yah later…"
"Oh bloody charming!" shouted Denise as she left, "Oh that's' a really nice way to speak to your neighbours…."
When Roxy arrived back at the Vic, she found Danielle crying in Ronnie's arms…. Her face dropped, there had been an argument, she was sure…. And Roxy herself had been on receiving end of Ronnie's temper in the past.
"I've got it!" she announced awkwardly, holding out the package….
An eerily silence fell upon the room, Danielle stopped crying, and Ronnie looked up and said nothing.
"I'll take it now…" stated the girl in a hollow voice, breaking the silence and breaking out of her hug with Ronnie, she grabbed the bag out of Roxy's hand and headed for the bath room.
Ronnie and Roxy waited in silence, neither could speak, which was a first.
Ronnie wasn't sure what to hope for, would a new baby, wipe a way all the years of hurt and loneliness, was she old enough to be a grandmother, one of the worlds youngest grannies, perhaps not….. Would a new baby make up for Danielle's abortion, she didn't know… Was a collection of cells really a proper life, that shouldn't have been killed…..
When she herself had been pregnant all those years ago, she had felt scared but extremely protective from the moment she had realised the truth, she had never gone for a test, it was four months down the line until she had finally accepted that she was carrying a child….Her father had went to hit her, he had never been a violent man before, but when he found out that she was pregnant, he had slapped her across the face so hard, that it had almost stopped her heart in fear… Her parents did their best to ignore her after that….. But Ronnie knew what they were thinking, that she was a slapper, and not their little girl anymore.
She couldn't talk to anyone about it, so one day she had pressed her hand up against her stomach, and alone in her room had said, "Baby… What are you doing coming here now…. Don't you know that I'm too young to have you, I'm just a little girl…. I pretend I'm not, but I am… I still have dumb arguments with my mum and sister, I watch Grange hill, and drink cheap cider down the pavilion with my mates, I have a teddy bear, and I'm crap at maths…. How on earth am I going to look after you properly….. I know this girl at school, who's sister's got a kid, she can't control him, he's two and she swears at him constantly, she was fifteen when she had him………. I wonder what you are a boy or a girl, I have a feeling that you're a girl, or maybe that's just what I want you to be….. But don't feel bad if you're a boy, cause I'll love you anyway… Why do I love you so much….. You want to know your name? It's Amy, I think it's pretty, I hope that you like it…… If you're a boy I guess I could call you Ronald… Nah I'd never be that cruel….. How about Joel, after your daddy…..
These were the first of many long one way conversations with her daughter, ones that she would remember always. The following was the last, because after Amy was born, Ronnie had hardly been able two words for long time afterwards.
"Well… You're due in a few days…. And dad says that I can't keep you Amy no matter how much I beg…. When you go to this other family, Don't, don't forget me….. I've bought a locket for you….. Mum said it would be a good Idea… I reckon she got it from the film Annie, but it's still a good idea, it'll be something for you to keep, so that you'll know my face as you grow up… I've got one to, I'll put your picture inside it…. Don't be sad about this Amy… You'll have a good life, with a real grown up mum and dad who know what their doing, they'll pick super rich people for you….. Please don't hurt me to much when you're born…. Oh can I really let you go away, no matter how much you hurt me…… God I hate him baby! I hate him and mum, I just want to run away, so that we can be together, you me and your dad….. You aren't a toy or something that he can just confiscate, he's ripping out my heart…" The young Ronnie turned on the radio and threw herself back on the bed, wrapping her arms tightly around her swollen stomach.
How I long to be thereWith Marie who's waiting for me thereEvery lonely cityWhere i hang my hatAin't as half as pretty, As where my baby's atIs this the way to Amarillo?Every night ive been hugging my pillowDreaming dreams of AmarilloAnd sweet Marie who waits for meShow me the way to AmarilloIve been weeping like a willowCrying over Amarillo And sweet Marie who waits for meSha la la la la la la Sha la la la la la la Sha la la la la la la And Marie who waits for me……
"Well…. It makes a change from that dreadful cher song, don't you agree…" laughed Ronnie, stroking her belly lovingly, "We'll always find each other right, you and me, no matter how many years pass between us… You'll wait for me, I'm your mum, look after yourself Amy, because I can't…. Be a good girl, or boy, whatever bits you happen to have….. Dad says that I get to hold you, and then say goodbye, and that might be the last and only time we ever see each other…" The fourteen year old Ronnie began to cry bitterly, "Don't ever come out baby… stay in here for ever….. I don't mind, even if I become the size of house, if it only means I can keep you… Why Can't I keep you!"
"Stop talking to yourself V! Archie had yelled, from the hallway…. He had nasty habit of listening at her door, encase she was phoning Joel.
The grown up Ronnie snapped back to reality as she realised that Danielle was standing in front of her, holding the white stick… And she had and ancient look in her young eyes.
"I'm pregnant…" she said simply, seeming neither happy or disappointed.
"How do you feel…." asked Ronnie nervously.
"Like a mother…" replied Danielle resolutely, the three most honest words she had ever spoken, "Now I have you… I think I can do anything.."
Author's notes
Please review…. I'm thinking about writing more, involving Archie's revenge, or do you think I should leave it here….