I feel the breath leave my lungs in surprise. His eyes are as surprised to see me as I am him, I have never realized how expressive Tobias' eyes are, even though his voice is dark and hard. "Why, Candor, Did you think bringing a stiff to this meeting would be a good idea?" I didn't like that tone of voice. I don't like this side of Tobias, I decide easily. The other, older Dauntless just watch as he verbally attacks Christina like it is nothing they haven't seen before. Who is this person? Will makes a move to defend Christina but I get to her first, stepping between them and putting my hands on his chest to push him away. My palms tingle with the heat he is radiating. He really is mad.
"I followed her." I state in my boldest voice giving him a shove. I don't remember deciding to push him but when I did, I gasped at myself. "Leave her alone." I've never stood up to someone before, of all the times I had actually wanted to stand up to people from other factions for picking on us, it was a member of my own faction I was defending someone against. Chuckles filled the air around me and I frown. Why are people laughing? Tobias gives me a strange look, not anger, and turns to walk away when his friend, an older boy with dark skin and dark hair, tugs on his arm.
"Come on Four, she's not worth it. Who knows maybe we have a future dauntless in our midst when she comes of age." They don't think I am old enough to be an initiate? Normally I would be irritated, but tonight I think I can work with this. The name the boy calls Tobias, Four, confuses me. Why are people calling him a number instead of his name? "Initiates, back to the train!" The dark skinned boy yells and it only takes that one yell to set the Dauntless into motion. Christina gives me a smile and waves before leaping onto another building and climbing her way down with the foot holds identical to the ones that make up my home.
Once the other Dauntless are gone I stand in silence. I have questions and I expect answers for them. Tobias says good bye to the other male, Zeke he was called, before turning to me. The expression on his face is a mix of confusion, fear, and anger. Setting his hands roughly on my shoulders, he turns and marches me over to the edge of the building. I fear he's going to throw me over the edge but his voice is a low growl in my ear, "Down." and I'm afraid. I turn and search his eyes once more time before I obey and climb down. Fear is a new sensation to me, different than the nightmares I had as a child, and even different from the fear of Choosing Day. This was a painful hollow feeling in my stomach - like when Caleb chose Erudite - like I was getting ready to lose the only ally I have in Abnegation that is close to my age.
I try to swallow but my mouth and throat are too dry and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I look up with a glare daring to be defiant against this boy - no man - in front of me. Dressed like this, all in black with a Dauntless demeanor, Tobias no longer looks like the eighteen year-old boy from Abnegation that I thought I knew. With his arms crossed over his chest, he frowns down at me. "Go home, Beatrice."
"No." My voice sounds braver than I feel, and for that I'm thankful. "I think you owe me some answers." I try to keep the brave front but my bottom lip quivers. It's cold - the wind whips through me and I shiver realizing I'm still in just my robe and pajamas, suddenly feeling self conscious.
"Well, you're not going to get any. Go Home." His voice darkens and I know he's trying to scare me.
"Why are you pretending to be Dauntless?" I ask, ignoring him. I know he probably wouldn't answer but I remembered what the old lady said almost a week ago and frowned. "Is it because you're..." I look around and Tobias' eyes furrow in suspicion and confusion.
"Because I'm what?"
"The... The lady... when she died she told me something silly and I think it's messing with me." I shake my head again but raise my eyes to his again. Curiosity definitely lingered in his eyes. I look around again, feeling paranoid. "She told me that neither you, nor I, nor she belonged here because we were..." Tori said I wasn't supposed to say anything to anyone about my inconclusive result on the aptitude test but now, more than ever, I want to know more about Tobias, this man in front of me who seems to be leading two different lives.
Taking me by the elbow, Tobias pulls me into an alley, out of the open area of the street. He leans over me, my back pressed to the wall and his palms resting on the concrete next to my head, and catches my eyes with his. "What were your test results?" he asks. My stomach drops. What if he is one of the reasons I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
"Abnegation." I state, keeping my eyes locked on his as I reply. He frowns and shakes his head before looking me over.
"I think you're lying to me" he states and I can't quite tell what the emotion in his voice is.
"Why would I lie to you?" I ask, watching him curiously - confused.
"I'm going to ask you again," His voice is darker this time and I frown, a shiver running down my spine. "What were your test results?"
"Abnegation." I state, unblinking. I see something flash across his face, irritation then concern, but it is gone as soon as it comes.
"Time to get you home." He is definitely unhappy with me. His hand is on my elbow again and he is leading me through various twists and turns. When we stop, we are at his door - not mine. I look up at him in confusion but he shoves the door open and drags me inside. His home is identical to every other home I've been in: plain furniture, plain floors and walls, plain everything. He points to the couch. "Sit. I'll be right back. You know where the bathroom is if you need it." Before thumping up the stairs. I nod and watch him go. His foot falls are heavier than mine on the stairs and I realize I'm still bare footed when a small jolt of pain seers up my heel.
When I get to the bathroom, I wash my hands and splash water on my face before smoothing back my hair and redoing my bun quickly. I pick up a wash cloth from one of the hangers in the shower and wet it, dabbing at my foot cautiously. It hurts a bit, but it's not bad enough that I can't walk. I didn't hear Tobias' steps but when I look up he's paused in the door way, shirt half buttoned, and looking at me like the sight of me confuses him. I remember thinking that I was sure Tobias was built lean and strong under his shirt and now that I can see the slight definition of the muscles in his stomach and chest my mouth goes dry at realizing I was right. I drop my eyes when I realize I'm staring, my cheeks heating as I tend to the cut on my foot.
I jump when large warm hands take the wash cloth from me. I blink up at him, startled, but he gives me what I would like to think was a smile. He sits on the floor and props my foot up on his knee before gently dabbing at the cut on my small foot. "It's not deep. If we keep it covered it should heal just fine." He has the first aid kit from under the sink open and sprays some antiseptic spray on the cut before covering it with a bandage. This change in demeanor has my head reeling in confusion. With Tobias this close I notice he has a scar that drapes from one side of his shoulder to the other and my brows furrow instantly.
"Did you get that playing Dauntless?" I ask, my voice soft as I touch the scar. At my touch he jerks back, surprised, and turns his attention to the first aid kit and cleaning up his bathroom quickly.
"Something like that." He leaves the room and I am afraid I have upset him again or reminded him that he was upset with me before we got here. He returns after a moment with my bag and I frown. Why did he have my bag? "You left this at the Elderly Home the other night..." He states and I am thankful to realize what this meant. I won't have to walk home barefooted.
"Thank you." I breathe and he nods giving me a small smile.
"Change, I'll be downstairs when you're done." He tells me before pulling the door closed. I hear his heavy foot falls on the stairs and quickly change, my cheeks hot and heart hammering in my chest.
By the time we get back to my house, the sun has started coming up and the sky is a sort of mix between orange-red and purple-blue. It's pretty and I enjoy the colors for a brief moment. That brief moment is up, however , when I notice my mother standing in the doorway with a look of worry on her face. "Beatrice." She breathes, resting her hand on her chest. "I was going to give you fifteen more minutes before telling your father you were gone."
"Mom I-" Tobias cut me off, resting his large hand between my shoulder blades as he stepped forward.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Prior. I usually take some breakfast to a few people I know in the factionless sector, Beatrice saw me walking and offered to help." I blink up at him. He was like me, lying so easily that both of us would have failed out of Candor initiation the first day. "It was very kind of her. When we were finished I remembered I had her belongings she left at the Elderly Home when she had her trip to the hospital." My mother gave him a smile and a nod.
"I appreciate you looking after my daughter so well, Tobias. The doctor said that if you hadn't taken her to the hospital she may have never woken up." I blink from my mother to Tobias and back in confusion. Tobias had taken me to the hospital? I thought he had just called for someone else to take me. A yawn escapes me and my mother frowns. "Lets get you upstairs and back to bed young lady, you aren't supposed to be up and about just yet." I don't argue, the weight of the activity from tonight finally sinking me into exhaustion.
"Thank you for the walk, Tobias." I state softly, dipping my head to him.
"Thank you, Beatrice, for accompanying me." He nods to me and then to my mother. "Mrs. Prior. Have a lovely day." It only takes him a moment to disappear from view and when I turn to my mother she has a small knowing smile on her face. I follow my mother into the house and head back up to bed, hardly able to keep my eyes open once the adrenaline finally has worn off.
I don't know how long I slept for, but the smell of banana bread was what woke me up. My mother usually only makes banana bread once a month, when we get the shipment from Amity in so I knew that it was some time on the third Sunday of the month. Getting up, I change into a clean dress, one of my nicer ones since I know we will be going to church later in the evening, and fix my hair which has fallen from it's bun some time during my sleep. Moving downstairs quietly, I smile seeing just my mother in the kitchen. My father and Randolph must be out doing something together.
"Can I help?" I ask, moving to wash my hands in the sink. She smiles and nods giving me a bowl to stir while she wraps loaves of already made bread. On our table are nine loaves of already cooked bread of varying flavors; a tenth in the oven cooking. I wonder briefly if Tobias likes any of these kinds of bread and blush at the thought.
"Do you think Tobias likes banana bread?" My mother asks, startling me from my thoughts as if she had just read them. "Maybe you should bring a loaf to him in thanks for taking such great care of you the last two weeks and making sure you were alright when you hurt yourself." She says and I nod absentmindedly and pour the mix in my bowl into the pan for my mother to put in the oven. She hands me a wrapped loaf of banana bread and I nod.
"I'll be back soon." I state softly and my mother just smiles.
"Take your time, your father and Randolph are helping set up church. There's going to be a wedding, Makayla Smythe and Anthony Palmer are getting married." I'm a bit surprised at this news. Makayla was a year above me in school, she's only seventeen.
"Isn't she young to get married?" I ask as I pull on my shoes.
"Your father and I were married when we were 18. Age is just a number when you're in love." She whispers, a smile curling her lips as she remembers. I've been to quite a few weddings growing up, but I never really realized at what age most people got married here in Abnegation. I know we have strict beliefs of not having sex, I blush at the thought, before you're married, but I never learned about marriage customs. "As long as you're an adult, you're allowed to get married after six months of marriage counseling." My mother tells me and I smile and nod before leaving, a blush heating my cheeks.
When Tobias opens the door, he seems surprised, his hair disheveled and his shirt crooked. "Did I wake you?" I ask, blushing again. "I... Mom... Here." I offer out the loaf of banana bread to him keeping my eyes low. "It's a thank you for helping me during my first weeks of initiation and making sure I got to the hospital when I hurt myself." I tell him without looking up. He steps aside and I blink up at him in confusion.
"Thank you, Beatrice, please, come in." I nod and enter looking around in confusion. The living room is in disarray, couch cushions are in the wrong places and the table is in a different spot than it should be. He shuts the door and takes the loaf of bread from me and into his kitchen. He's quiet, his shoulders slumped. He doesn't stand as tall and proud in Abnegation gray as he does in Dauntless black and I wonder why. He cuts two pieces of the banana bread and returns to me, offering a piece. I shake my head but he frowns. "Take it, please." His voice is soft, different than I've heard him speak before and I'm concerned.
"Are you going to the wedding?" I ask, trying to fill the silence. One shoulder lifts in a shrug as he eats and now I'm even more concerned. "Tobias?" He blinks down at me like he's just seeing me for the first time and the air leaves my lungs in surprise - he looks so broken and tired. "Tobias, what's wrong?" I ask. He swallows and I touch his arm gently, taking his free hand in mine and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"I'm fine, Beatrice." He whispers and I know he's lying but I know better than to pry. "I'll come to the wedding tonight, yeah." I smile at this, at least I'll have someone there that I'd be happy to see. I eat the bread slowly, savoring the taste with a smile. After a few moments I realize, with a blush, that I'm still holding his hand. I give it a squeeze and smile before dropping it. "Thank you for the bread. Tell your mother thank you as well." He leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead but before I can react he's gone, straightening up his living room and I turn to leave feeling light and free for the first time since I was young.