Disclaimer: Do you like waffles? Yeah we like waffles. Do you like pancakes? Yeah we like pancakes? Do you own Nintendo? Heck no, we don't. Doo doo doo doo; can't wait to get a mouthful! WAFFLES! WAFFLES!! WAFFLES!! Doo doo doo doo; can't wait to get a mouthful!
The Giant, Radioactive Turnabout(Investigation, day 2)
-Boston Detention Center. 5/21. 2:00 pm.
"AndyAndyAndyAndyAndyAndyAndy guess what?" Cassandra yelled as she burst into the detention center's visiting room.
"…" was the man's reply.
"Fine, be that way!" said Cassie. "I'll just do it again!"
Ne' Chrome's eyes widened. "No, really, that's o…" but she was already gone.
-Boston Detention Center. 5/21. 2:01 pm.
"AndyAndyAndyAndyAndyAndyAndy guess what?" Cassandra yelled as she burst into the detention center's visiting room.
"…What?" Andre' asked weakly.
"Better" said Cassie; satisfied. "And now I can tell you what happened! Chancellor actually did something nice for you!"
"…That's not…completely out of character for him… is it?" Andre' asked; confused.
"Well, no, not completely," Cassie admitted. "But this time, he's gone beyond the call of duty. He's done something so incredibly humanitarian, so outrageously benevolent, so amaxingly selfless that it calls to question whether he's actually a human being!"
"Tell me…Mr. Moore…" Andre' asked as Chance walked into the room. "What did you do?"
Chancellor said nothing, but simply slid a small book under the glass to Andre'. Ne' Chrome picked it up and read the title. 'Tales from the Crypt: The Graphic Novel'. "I also sent in your picture," Chancellor told Andre', "for use as a model in the next edition."
Ne' Chrome's eyes quickly welled with tears, and he began to heave heavily. "This… is… the nicest… thing… anyone…" His voice caught in his throat, and he waved his hand, motioning for Cassie and Chance to leave him alone to work his joy out.
Cassie looked at Chance with the greatest sense of admiration she had ever felt for him. Chance smiled internally. Just as I thought. Fanatic.
"You must really like that show, Mr. Ne' Chrome" said Chance.
"Oh…yes…" Andre' said between sobs. "Whenever I watch it… it just gives me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside…"
"You wouldn't miss it for the world, would you?"
"No" Andre' gasped. "For nothing… I wouldn't miss that show for anything…"
"Really now?" asked Chancellor, feigning surprise. Is that why you always make sure you leave work at 5:00?"
"That's right" Andre' nodded, his eyes still teary. "I leave at 5:00 every day so I can get home at 5:30 to watch it."
"Then why didn't you do that on the day of the crime?"
Andre' gave a sudden gulp, and his eyes widened quickly. "I… I told you… I left the plant at 5:00…"
"Yet Ms. Scrubbs claims you left at 5:30."
Ne' Chrome' avoided Chance's eyes and again gulped heavily. "Well… she must be… mistaken," he warbled.
"Alright then" Chancellor conceded, rising from his seat an inch, "let's say, for a minute, that I believed that you left at 5:00 like you say. You still didn't drive straight home."
"But… I…"
"This video footage proves it!" Chancellor told him, grasping the edge of the window with his hands. "The timestamp on the tape shows that you didn't arrive at Posheton Estates until 6:35, more than an hour after your beloved show begins. Care to explain?"
"Well… you see…" Andre began. He looked furtively over at Cassie, but she shook her head. There was no way out.
"Maybe I can piece together what you were doing" Chance said after seeing that Andre wasn't going to try and answer. "In the video footage, we catch a brief glimpse of the inside of your car. You can see a package in there, as well as an enormous bag from a restaurant that looks too big for even me to finish all by myself." Chance leaned towards the glass, relishing the fact that he was doing the scaring for a change. "You were expecting someone, weren't you?" he whispered.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…Unh!" Andre grunted after a long silence. (Unlock complete).
Nailed it, Chance thought with satisfaction, clenching his fist in triumph.
"You got me, Mr. Moore" Andre chuckled sadly. "You see… Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me…"
"Fiona?" asked Cassie. "Who do we know named Fiona?"
"Oh…" Ne Chrome explained sadly. "That… that was my name for Ashley…"
There was a short silence. Chance gulped. He hadn't expected this. "So…" he ventured on, "you and Ms. Nook… were…"
"Yes" Ne' Chrome nodded solemnly. "We were… in love… I suppose you could say that."
Cassie was, amazingly, struck silent as well. "Why… why did you call her Fiona?" she finally managed.
"Well… you see, I've always been a bit… dirty, unattractive, yet she still…" he gave another heave, this time out of sadness. "She still found room to love me anyway… She would call me her Shrek, and so I would call her my Fiona…"
"She was the person you were expecting, then?" Chance asked.
Andre nodded sadly. "Yes…"
"Andy! Why did you hide that from us?" Cassie asked. "Do you know how much that does for your defense if you were expecting someone to come that night? The victim no less! Why we could have gotten you acquitted quicker than a Chop Wizard makes salad! Faster than a racing car on the German Audubon drive by Mario Andretti! More rapidly than a…"
"There are… regulations…" Andre explained, not allowing Cassie to finish. "At Safeguard, there's a strict policy against manager-employee relationships… If anyone were to find out… even now… we both… well" he chuckled slightly at his error "I could be fired without notice." He looked up at Chancellor imploringly. "As innocent as this makes me seem… would you mind… not bringing it up?" He glanced away. "I'd much rather… go to jail… than break my promise to her…never to tell…"
Chancellor nodded solemnly. "I understand, Mr. Ne Chrome. I won't say a word of this to anyone."
Ne Chrome smiled sadly. "Thank you… friend…" he warbled.
Chancellor nodded and left, congratulating himself on keeping under control for the entire conversation.
-Safeguard Nuclear Plant. 5/21. 2:45 pm.
"NO, NO, NO!" yelled Abraham Streng, bouncing up and down furiously as Chance and Cassie walked towards the plant. "Absolutely, under no circumstances am I letting you in today! Did you honestly think you could just walk right up here, after accusing me of murder in front of hundreds of people, and expect to be let in? NO! Even if you hadn't accused me, I still wouldn't let you in, so TAKE A HIKE!"
"First of all" Chancellor retaliated, pointing a finger accusingly. "I only said that you lied about where you were on the day of the crime, not that you were the murderer, even if it does seem likely at the moment. Second of all, you don't have a choice, you have to let us in."
"What on earth makes you think I'd go back on my word, not to mention my newfound strict hatred of lawyers, and let you in?" Streng challenged in an'oh yeah?' tone.
Chance gave a short, angry chuckle and began to explain. "Yesterday, Mr. Streng, you said this…"
-Flashback-
"Could we take a look around inside now?" Chancellor asked.
"Of course!" Streng smiled through clenched teeth. "Anytime! Come on in!"
-End Flashback-
"You may not know it," Chancellor continued, "but that constituted a verbal contract. You said yesterday that we could look around inside 'anytime'. If you refuse to let us in today, we have grounds to sue you for contract violation and fraud, and I'm sure you don't want that." He looked at Streng strictly… er, sternly.
Streng held his ground for a minute, and then slumped over. "Fine. I'll let you in. But I refuse to answer any questions you may ask!"
"Which way is it to the little girls room?" Cassie asked.
"Third door on your le-… DAMN IT!"
-Safeguard Nuclear, DETOX department. 3:00 pm.
Cassie got to the door first. True to form, she burst right through, raring to go. Chancellor, following a few steps behind, glanced at the door. He gasped as he saw a sign:
In case of non-emergency, do not open without knocking.
"HURRY! HURRY!"
Four sets of hands covered with HAZMAT suits quickly grabbed Cassie. Despite her long, winding protests, they quickly shoved her into a 'power shower' and pulled the lever. Hot water was blasted from all four walls, and gallons of said hot water splashed down from above. When it was finally over, Cassie stepped from the shower, right eye twitching like a madman, and let out a small whine.
"Quick, get those clothes off!" yelled one of them.
"DO IT AND YOU DIE PERVERT!" Cassie screamed, violently lurching herself away from the workers.
"Ahem." Chancellor cleared his throat. "There's… no need for that, guys, she's with me… and she's not nuclear in the slightest."
"Oh, seriously?" said the man at the shower controls. "Gosh, I'm sorry Ma'… am?" He stopped, looking over Chancellor for a minute. He let out a squeaky laugh, and then whipped back his hood, revealing a set of green Liberty Spikes, a chain, and a dog collar with spikes on it. "Hey guys! Look! It's seriously that lawyer dude I was telling you about!"
Good Gravy… why?
"Yup!" Liam Sirius said after inspecting Chancellor closely. "Seriously, it's him! Chancellor Moore, the modern day Mrs. Doubtfire!"
"Are you serious, Sirius? That's a guy? He looks like a hot girl to me!" exclaimed a random, unnamed DETOX employee.
"Yup, seriously!" Liam nodded. "Go on Mr. Moore! Seriously, show them!"
"I'd rather not" Chancellor replied. "Indecent exposure isn't my thing."
"Oh, c'mon, seriously. You think I meant that? Seriously, just lift up your shirt and show them that you seriously don't have any…"
"NO!" cried Chancellor. "I'm not doing anything along those lines! Isn't my voice enough?"
"Not really" said random DETOX guy. "I've met women with deeper voices than you… heck, I think Patrick Stump has a deeper voice than you."
'OBJE- "Wait, his older voice, or his more recent one?"
"The old one."
'OBJECTION!' "OK, That's just going too far!"
Liam laughed. "See? I seriously told you guys! Chancellor Moore, seriously the only attorney in that world that sings 'objection!'"
There were murmurs of agreement and contentment from the DETOX employees, and they gradually went back to work one by one. "SO!" Liam said, turning back to face the attorney. "What can I do you for, Mr. Moore?"
"First of all, why are you here? Last time I saw you…"
"Yeah, well, the whole 'murder on the turnpike' thing seriously ruined the job for me." He frowned, but his face quickly reverted to a smile. "So I applied here, and they let me work the power shower!"
"That's all you do?"
"Seriously."
"Um…" Cassie ventured. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but you do know that a murder happened here two days ago, right?"
Sirius' eyes bulged out. "WHAT? Seriously? Where?"
"Well, not here per se" Chancellor comforted. "The victim, Ms. Nook, was found in Mr. Ne' Chrome's house…"
"But they think the murder occurred here, remember Chance?" said Cassie.
Sirius went pale, and sat down. "Gosh…" he said, wiping his glasses free of sweat. "Everywhere I go… someone dies… seriously…"
"I'm sure it's just a coincidence!" Chance assured. "And even if it's not, I still need your help, so snap out of the self-pity thing, ok?"
"Ok" said Sirius, and he snapped out of the self-pity thing.
Chancellor blinked. Wow… that was fast.
"So, Liam!" began Cassie.
"Ahpupup!" said Liam, holding up a hand. "Seriously! That's 'Mr. Sirius' to you, young lady."
Cassandra's eyes narrowed. "I highly doubt you're any older than I am, Sirius."
"Seventeen, seriously born in June."
"Seventeen, born a week from now."
"Oh, seriously? Damn it, that means you're older than I am, Ms…"
"She refuses to give her last name" Chancellor warned him. "Something about spoiling a future plot twist."
"Mhm!" Cassis nodded. "So, Liam!" she began again. "Were you working here on the day of the murder, by Chance?"
"Yup!" he squeaked. "I was seriously here, putting in my nine to five, even if it was seriously ten to six…"
"Don't you go to school?" Chance asked. "Actually, scratch that." He moved his body so he faced both Cassie and Liam simultaneously. "Don't either of you go to school?"
Cassie looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Please, Chancellor, I'm trying to do my job here, we can talk about such things later."
"Yeah! Seriously!" Sirius chimed in.
"Fine, fine" Chance dismissed. "So, Mr. Sirius, did anybody come into DETOX on the day of the crime?"
"Seriously did!" Liam nodded. "The general Manager, Mr. Streng was here, he seriously fell into the waste pit!"
"What time was he let out?" Chance baited.
"Well, Mr. Streng makes us follow all these seriously strict regulations, there's a seriously huge amount of paperwork and procedures and other stuff like that, so we didn't release him until 6:00!"
"Do you have any idea why Mr. Streng is having you lie about that?"
"Seriously? I don't have a clue," Liam admitted, shaking his head. "All I know is that I have to tell you he got out at six, otherwise I'll get in serious trouble." He scratched his head for a minute, fiddling with his glasses with the other hand. "Though… if I had to guess…" he lowered his voice to a whisper. "I seriously think Mr. Streng has a girlfriend that works under him."
"Eh?" Chancellor asked, surprised to hear the same subject come up twice in one day. "Why do you think that?"
"Well… when Mr. Streng was pulled out of the pit, he was seriously clutching a bunch of wilted flowers for dear life. I mean, seriously. He was also grumbling about how 'inconvenient' this was, and how 'someone was going to seriously pay for interrupting…' well, you get the idea."
"He got flowers for someone?" Cassandra sighed. "Man, people are getting so unoriginal these days! 'If you want to win a woman over, get her flowers and chocolates'. 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach'. What ever happened to witty, spontaneous shows of affection? Why on earth does our society think that love can be bought with pre-wrapped gifts that anyone and everyone can get their hands on? Even something from Create-A-Cow workshop would be more original than flowers!"
Chance raised his hand shyly. "Um… Cassie? I… I like flowers, actually…"
"Well, you're not a woman now, are you Chancellor?" Cassie tutted.
"What does that have to…" he stopped. "Whoa. Deja vu. And actually, I can see why not being a woman would have something to do with that. "
"Well there we go then" Cassie nodded, satisfied.
Good gravy… Chance whispered under his breath. "Anyway, what time was Mr. Streng actually released?"
"Still seriously scattered-brained, I see" said Sirius. "I just told you, if I tell you, I'd get told off, and probably fired!"
"That's blackmail" Chancellor informed him. "It's illegal, and you don't have to follow it. Besides…" he smirked. "If you do get fired, you can always come see me. Something about Abraham Streng is just begging for a lawsuit."
Liam thought for a minute, and then nodded slightly. "Four O' Clock. He came in at 12:30, and he got out at 4:00."
"A full hour before the murder happened" Cassie noted. "He could have done anything in that time."
"Did you see him at all after that?" Chance asked.
"Seriously, I did!" Liam said excitedly. "I seriously took a bathroom break at around... 5:30, and I saw him coming back in from the parking lot, looking seriously flushed and nervous…" His voice trailed off. "Have I been helpful at all?"
"Yes, you have" Chance affirmed. "Seriously."
"Do you think I should write a… oh, I seriously just forgot the word… a paper that says I'm seriously serious about what I'm saying?"
Chancellor thought over the description for a minute, and a light bulb went off. "Oh! You mean an affidavit! Sure, if you like."
Sirius' seriously serious affidavit: 'Mr. Streng was seriously released from DETOX at 4:00 pm on 5/19. I saw him again at 5:30; he was coming into the plant, and he was seriously flushed and seemed nervous.
Wilted Flowers: Proof of Mr. Streng's secret love affair??
"Glad I could help!" Liam smiled. He turned to Cassie. "Oh, and I'm seriously sorry about the whole 'power shower' thing…" he put a hand behind his head. "Though, I have to admit, I'm seriously enjoying the consequences…"
SLAP!
Liam lay on the floor, groaning. Cassie chuckled. "Unfortunately for you, Liam, I'm not wearing white. Bye now."
For the third time in several years, Chancellor feared for his life.
-Safeguard Nuclear Plant, Front Entrance. 5/21. 4:00 pm.
"So Chance" asked Cassie in a teasing tone. "What are you planning to do on your big date?"
"Well" Chancellor explained. "I plan to meet a girl at a place, eat some sort of food at said place, and quite possibly engage said girl in conversation while eating said food in said place. The object being, of course, that said conversation and said food in said place will lead to things being said by said girl that will make me less sad. Savvy?"
Cassie moved her fingers through the air, taking apart the paragraph word by word, until she finally clutched her head in migraine. "Ow… my head…"
"Now you know how I feel around you," Chancellor teased.
Cassie was about to punch Chancellor in the arm when just then; a bottle of Mega Strength Ache-Be-Gone fell at Cassie's feet. A few seconds later, Christine Scrubbs rounded the corner. "I knew someone was in pain back here!" she declared. "My spider… er, my grandma sense was a-tingling!"
"Wow" said Cassie, opening the bottle and taking the correct dosage. "This is even the specialized formula for my size and weight! Ms. Scrubbs, how do you do it?"
The older woman gave a long belly laugh. "Aw, honey when you've been around as long as I have, these things come naturally." She lowered her voice. "For example, I'd suggest you take a good look at that psychiatrist's report again."
Chancellor cocked his head in interest. "Why do you say that, Ms. Scrubbs? I thought you suspected Andre."
"I do," she confirmed. "But I pride myself on being a pretty good judge of character, Chancy, and Mr. Ne' Chrome…" she lowered her voice even further. "Well, he seems to me like the kind of person who fears the dead."
He looks like a dead person; he chuckles every time he forgets that Ms. Nook is dead; his favorite show is 'Tales from the Crypt'… I don't know, that doesn't add up to a fear of the dead to me. "I'll be sure to take that into consideration" Chancellor placated.
"You do that honey" Scrubbs smiled. "Oh, and before I forget" she reached into her pocket, pulling out a box of chocolate-covered strawberries. "I knew you'd be back again today, so I went out to the store and got these for you. Can't let you waste away now, honey!"
"You know, Ms. Scrubbs, that marriage proposal still stands…"
"Oh, hush" she laughed. Suddenly her head jolted upward and she sniffed the air. "Grandma senses…a-tingling…" she muttered. Suddenly, she turned around and yelled "Detective Spade! They're up here!"
A minute passed, then Tracy Spade rounded the corner. "I was two floors down and around a corner!" he exclaimed. "How did you know I was coming, let alone who I was looking for?"
"Comes with age, Hon" she said, patting him on the back "Comes with age." She turned around looking satisfied with herself, and left.
Tracy Spade looked after her for a minute in wonder, and then turned to face Chance and Cassie. "Boy, we could use someone like her on the force" he muttered. He threw his voice in a perfect imitation of Christine. "Hey Hons! Is this the decisive evidence you were looking for? Aw, weren't nothing to it, I'm only here to please after all!"
Cassie laughed. "Detective Spade, that was really good! Where'd you learn to do that?"
"Oh, that?" Spade laughed. "I'm a ventriloquist! I do kid's birthday parties in my spare time to reel in some extra dough!" He got on one knee, held his hand up, and opened and closed it to make it look like it was talking. "I say there, young lady," he said in a perfect imitation of Judge Scotty's voice. "Do you or this lady here know where I can find Mr. Moore?"
"Detective Spade!" Chancellor said emphatically, stomping his foot.
"Detective Spade!" the hand-man echoed back in perfect similarity. He stood up. "Sorry about that again, Mr. Moore. I come from a time when…"
"Men were men, women were women, nickels were made of nickel, right, I've heard this before" Chancellor interrupted. "Why did you want to see me, Spade?"
"I just thought you might want to know" Spade said, flipping through a folder and pulling out a slip of paper, "that the tests from the trunk of Mr. Ne' Chrome's car have been completed."
"Right' Cassie nodded. "We got those results in court today, remember?"
Spade simply smiled and shook his head. "These results are in further detail, and I'm sure you'll find something in there to work with."
Updated Forensics Report: Patch of blood towards back of trunk confirmed to be Ms. Ashley Nook's blood. Blood on latch does not match.
"Do you like how that last sentence has a rhyme in it?" Spade smiled.
"Detective Spade, this is serious!" Chancellor yelled. "Someone else's blood? This blows the prosecution's entire case out of the water!" He looked at him suspiciously. "Why on earth are you giving this to me?"
"I told you, our policy is 'fight fair'" Spade explained. "Besides, the prosecution can easily argue that it belongs to someone who's come into contact with the car recently." He smirked. "It doesn't take much to get this kind of blip dismissed, I've seen it happen. Ms. Krasivaya is a genius after all." His eyes lit up, as if just remembering something. "Hey! That's right! I just remembered something!" (See?) "You and Ms. Krasivaya! You're not really…"
"Well, actually, yes, he is." Cassie informed him. "And what's wrong with that? Should what a person does affect how they treat other people? Should the profession you choose to contribute to govern your interactions with other people? Do attorneys and prosecutors have to be enemies at all times? No! My dad says that all lawyers are bottom-feeding scum, so attorneys and prosecutors are actually kindred spirits!"
"Remind me to meet your dad one of these days" Chancellor said sarcastically, "He seems like a great guy."
"I tried telling him that you're actually OK, but he wouldn't believe me," Cassie explained. "So sorry, but you're not coming over any time soon."
"The tragedy of it all" Chancellor replied, rolling his eyes.
"Hey!" barked Spade. "Stop trying to dodge the subject buddy!" Chancellor jolted up straight, crying 'yes sir!' Spade smirked again. "Good. Now answer me one thing, buddy, are you really interested in Ms. Krasivaya?"
Chancellor blinked. "What do you mean?"
"It's just that, she's been running all over the place, getting you clearance to see Safeguard's files and all that..." he eyed Chance suspiciously. "It kind of seems to me that you're doing this for information… and if that's true, I'll arrest you right here!"
"For what?" asked Chance.
"For… waste of a police officer's time!"
"Is that actually a crime?" Cassie asked Chance.
"They could bill it as an 'obstruction of justice' I suppose" Chance answered. He looked Spade in the eye. "You have my word as an attorney… wait, scratch that. You have my word as a man that I'm doing this one-hundred percent out of interest for Tanya." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I only asked for the file so she'd have a reason to come and still call it work."
Spade blinked. "Tanya's her first name?" He frowned. "She never told me her first name," he grumbled. "Even after seven long years of working together…" he put on a smile. "Well, I guess you've allayed my fears. Good luck tonight Chance! And tomorrow I suppose…" he lowered his voice to a rasping whisper. "Oh. And be sure to comment on her shoes. Chicks love it when you comment on their shoes."
Chance smiled appreciatively. "Thanks… I'll keep that in mind." Now it's in my mind… and now its not.
"Glad I could help!" Spade barked, and with a wave he was out the door.
-Thenue and Noble Law Offices. 5/21. 6:00 pm.
"AAAAAAAAGH!"
"Hold… hold still, will you Chance?" Cassie demanded, frustrated.
"It hurts!" Chance protested.
"Well then comb your hair more often!" Cassie yelled back, digging in with a comb and pulling out a knot of hair. Chancellor gritted his teeth and let out a grunt. "This isn't any easier on me you know!" she continued. "I'm a little girl! My arms aren't built for this much manual labor!"
"I'll do it then" came a voice from the hallway.
Chance whipped around, causing the comb to tear through another knot of hair. "NO!" He screamed, half out of pain and half out of fear. "Cassie, do whatever you want, just please, please don't let Mr. Thenue comb my hair! He'll try to kill me!"
"With a comb?" Cassie asked, unbelieving.
"YES!"
She sighed. "That's alright, Morage, I've got it. I need to style it after I'm done anyway."
"Glad I could help" the veteran attorney chuckled.
-6:30 pm.
Cassie stepped back, amazed at what she saw. Chancellor stood there, wearing a neatly pressed suit coat, pants, and polished black shoes. His chain sparkled and gave off light like a one-colored disco ball, and his hair was neatly combed back, styled to match the hairstyle of a GQ cover guy. "You look… dare I say," she whispered. "…Masculine."
"Is that what it is?" Morage asked from the hallway. "It doesn't really suit him, does it?"
"Mr. Thenue, don't you have work you can be doing right now?" Chance asked, irritated.
"I'm off work right now" he explained, taking a few steps into the room. "I live in the building, remember?"
"How could I forget?" Chance muttered. "You're always banging on the ceiling, yelling up at me to keep it down…"
"What can I say? You're taste in music is atrocious."
"Mr. Thenue, really, can't you go somewhere else?"
"One of my employees is going out with a prosecutor," he said sternly. "Don't you think I should be the least bit concerned? Why, if we were at war, this would equate to 'fraternizing with the enemy!' I could have you shot."
"Well we're not at war," Chance stressed, afraid Mr. Thenue might try it. "Besides, I thought all was fair in love and war anyway."
"Obviously not, seeing as there are so many different kinds of court-martials."
"… Fair enough" Chance conceded. "But don't you think you're treating me like a little kid here?"
"Well, that was my intention" Morage said, as if he had assumed everyone had known that.
"Do you always have to…"
Morage held up a hand. "Moore, in all seriousness, be careful about this." Chancellor gave him a puzzled look. "I know it may seem a bit like stereotyping… but attorneys and prosecutors really don't get along all that often… as they shouldn't." Chancellor began to object, but Thenue waved him down. "You can be as high-minded as you like, saying that what a person does for a living shouldn't affect their lives… the truth is, it does." He cleared his throat, looking down at the ground. "I'm just afraid… and mark this moment, because its one of few such sentiments you'll ever get from me, Moore… I'm afraid you'll get hurt."
Cassie sniffed back a tear. Chance looked at Thenue for a moment, then smiled. "Are you sick or something? This is the second time you've helped me today."
"Now that you mention it…" Morage coughed. "I do have a slight fever, yeah."
"Well get better" Chance commanded. "If I actually start liking my boss, I won't be a real American."
Morage actually laughed. "Fair enough."
-Fondue Stew's. 5/21. 7:15 pm.
I knew he'd be late. Why did I get here on time?
Tanya Krasivaya sat on a bench outside Fondue Stew's, playing absentmindedly with her pearls. She sighed. Why am I still waiting here? I have absolutely no tolerance for this kind of thing, this lackadaisical tardiness that seems to follow that man wherever he goes.
Yet, I suppose he might just be stuck in traffic…
That doesn't matter! He should have known there'd be traffic and planned accordingly!
But then, he wouldn't get the evidence he wants… besides; he might have tried combing his hair… that could have taken ages…argh!
She clutched her head. Arguing with yourself does tend to give you a headache.
"Um… are you ok?" came a voice from the street.
Tanya looked up and saw Chancellor getting out of his car. She looked at the vehicle for a minute, and smiled.
"So… you kept the Corvette for yourself."
"I bought it at police auction, actually" said Chancellor. "Besides, it's a nice car! Even if it is green…" He stopped for a minute, unsure of what to say next. "Erm… nice shoes!" he said, glancing down.
"They're the same shoes I've been wearing all day, Chancellor," she told him.
"And they go so well with that chocolate brown backless dress" he recovered.
"My dress is black, Chancellor" she frowned "and I haven't turned around yet, so you can't possibly know whether its backless or not."
"He he…" he laughed nervously. Oh shoot… how do I make this right? "Aha!" he burst out suddenly. "Caught me in a contradiction I see," he smiled. "Doesn't that feel great?"
She nodded slightly. Oh… I get it! He meant to mess it up! Well, probably not, but it was a nice save anyway. She smiled. "You know, it seriously does."
"Please don't use the word seriously." He requested, eyes closed, headache coming on.
"Why not?"
"Just… don't. Please. I'll tell you at the table."
She shook her head in wonder. "You are without doubt the strangest person I have ever met, Chancellor."
"And it makes me that much more endearing, doesn't it?" He extended a hand out to her. "Shall we?"
She smiled at the gesture, and was about to take his hand when she stopped. Her face froze, and her eyes widened. "What the… what did you do with your hair?" she asked in a tone that was barely a whisper.
"Me? Nothing." Chancellor admitted. "But Cassie wouldn't let me leave the office until she made it look 'masculine'.
Tanya laughed. "Well, Chancellor" she said, taking his hand. "I'm sorry to say this, but masculine doesn't exactly work for you."
"Then can you hold on for just one more second?" Chancellor asked, taking his hand from hers. He walked briskly down the street and turned into an alley. Three and ½ seconds later he returned, his hair as unkempt and smexy as ever.
Tanya smiled. "Much better." She took his hand, and they entered the restaurant.
-Inside. 7:20 pm.
"CHANcellor MOORaaaaaay!" came an enthusiastic Italian's voice from the back of the restaurant. He was an older man, slightly pudgy around the center, and he had a tendency to accentuate every other syllable when he got excited. "My NUMber ONE CUStomer!" He bounded across the room, wrapping Chancellor in a bear hug. "What can I DO for you, MISter. Moore?"
"Just a table for two, Stew" said Chancellor, turning slightly red from embarrassment.
"For two? Mr. Moore, you mean to say…" but he stopped, just noticing the Russian standing next to Chancellor. The man clutched his heart dramatically, swaying back and forth. "MAma MIa! You MEAN to SAY this SCRUMptious toMAto is with you?" He quickly got down on one knee, performing a grandiose bow and kissing her hand. "Allow me to make myself known to you. I am Stew DeBaker, the proud owner and head chef of this establishment."
"I didn't know fondue was an Italian art," commented Tanya, performing a gracious curtsey.
The Italian got to his feet. "It… is not. It is a Swiss art, though it is known to have been practiced in ancient Greece as well; in fact, the earliest record of fondue can be found in Homer's Iliad! I must confess… I am not skilled with the pasta or the tomato sauce that my ancestors are famous for." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "In truth, I can not even make my own pizza." He shook his head. "MAma MIa, my mother would be so ashamed."
"There's no shame in that" Tanya assured him. "I'm Russian, but I couldn't make a decent borscht to save my life!"
"Yeah!" chimed in Chancellor. "And even though I'm American, I can't make a decent…" he paused for a minute, and a look of puzzlement came over his face. "Um… American… food… thing?"
"You're American, so you can not cook in general?" offered Stew.
"Hey!" Chancellor defended. "I make good ramen!"
Stew sighed, and led the two to their table.
-
"Stew! You really shouldn't have!"
"Oh, I could not resist CHANcellor! It was my pleasure!"
The table Stew to which had led them was in a private dining room that had been built onto a balcony. On the right, the lights of cars on Massachusetts Turnpike flew by. On the left, Boston Harbor glistened from the lights of the city, and far in the distance, the courthouse could be seen. Far off in the distance, only noticeable in complete silence, the Boston Symphony Orchestra could be heard practicing in Symphony Hall.
"Wow…" Tanya gasped, momentarily stunned by the sight. Chancellor and Stew exchanged a brief wink and a smile. Chancellor sat down at the table, and Stew hurried off to bring out the first course. "Chance, this is… beautiful." She turned around and saw him looking straight at her.
"You're right… it is."
She frowned. "Chance…"
He laughed. "I know, I know, it's a terrible line, but I couldn't resist. Forgive me, peejaylstoh."
"Po-jahl-sta" she annunciated. "Chancellor, I'm glad to see you're making an effort but… please stop. It's kind of painful to hear my native language… well, mutilated. I speak English good."
"Well."
"Well what?"
"Well…" he sighed, shaking his head. "Nothing." He turned his attention to the briefcase she was carrying. "Is that…?"
"Hm? Oh, yes!" She said, bringing the case up to the table. "The files. Employment records, behavior reports, notes, memos…. Anything and everything from the past few months."
"You're a lifesaver, Tanya, thanks."He grasped the file gratefully and placed it next to him.
"You're not going to look at it now?" she asked.
"And actually be prepared for the trial tomorrow? Please." He laughed. "In all honesty, I just used the file as an excuse." He smiled. "If I know you like I think I do, you're the type who doesn't believe in taking breaks while a case is going on, am I right?"
She flushed slightly. "Well… yes. How did you guess?"
"It's the exact opposite of the way I act," he explained. "I figured it would at least be close."
She shook her head. "Oh come on, we're not that different, are we?"
"Well let's see…" he mused. "You're a prosecutor; I'm an attorney. You're a woman that men fear; I'm a man that men hit on. You're meticulous; I'm lazy. You're a Russian; I'm an American…"
"Those aren't opposites," protested Tanya.
"Well yeah, but try telling that to anyone alive during the Cold War."
"… Fair enough" she conceded. "But it's not like we have nothing in common… we both desire the truth, we both like chocolate-covered strawberries… we both get hit on by men a whole lot more then we want to be…" she stopped. Chancellor was chuckling to himself. "What's so funny?"
"Well… nothing, it's just…" he leaned in closer. "I'm glad to see you want this to work."
She stared at him for a minute. She held up a finger and pointed at him. "You're a lot more conniving than I ever gave you credit for, you know that?"
Chancellor laughed. "I had to learn to be clever at a young age" he explained. "I was a perverted teenage guy once too, you know. You don't think I took advantage of my situation?"
"You didn't…" she half chuckled, half gasped.
"I've always wondered…" he asked, "why on earth do they have couches in women's bathrooms?"
Tanya laughed. "You wouldn't understand Chancellor. It's a girl thing."
He frowned. "Are you sure I wouldn't understand? I'm pretty in touch with my feminine side… for obvious reasons."
She sighed, looking at him amusedly. "Don't kid yourself," she said. "There's nothing feminine about you." He gave her a funny look, and she laughed again. "Well, besides the obvious, of course."
"You think so?" he asked softly. He smiled broadly. "That's the first time anyone's ever assured me of my masculinity."
"Gosh" said Tanya. "What kind of life have you led up until now?"
He laughed. "You wouldn't be able to imagine," he said cryptically.
She smiled at him. "I'd like to" she said softly.
There was a brief silence as the two of them looked at each other, knowing, yet not knowing what would happen next. Then slowly, at the same moment, they leaned towards each other.
"FONDUE UUUUUP!" screamed Stew. "Ice Cream Sandwich Fondue, perfect for dipping… oh." he stopped. He saw what was happening, and decided it was best for him to step out. Fifteen minutes later, a freshly reheated fondue pot finally graced the table, and the meal continued.
Author's note corner. (If you're only here for the story, stop reading now).
Name Origins! Again! :
Stew DeBaker: 'Stew' and 'Baker' because he cooks at/ owns a restaurant. Run the name together and its Studebaker! That's an old kind of car.
Liam Sirius: Sirius is close to 'serial' as in 'serial killer.' Everywhere he goes… someone dies… seriously. Sirius is also the 'dog star', which refers back to the fact that he wears a dog collar and chain.
Character In-Depth: Liam Sirius
Yes, he's back. The world's most annoying speech pattern has returned. Seriously.
First off, let's start with a little mental exercise. Get a seriously good picture of Liam Sirius in your head. Now, take off the glasses and dog collar, and make his voice deep instead of squeaky.
What do you get? That, my friends, is a rejected design for Chancellor Moore. When first I started thinking up the characters, I built Chancellor from the hair down; obviously, I had to start with spiky hair. He was Chancellor for a while until the whole 'man that looks like a woman' thing crossed my mind. The rest is history, or, more accurately, fan fiction.
Questions never asked… answered anyway:
What's with the speech pattern? : I went through a phase where I would end nearly every sentence with 'I mean, seriously'. I just decided to take that to the next level.
What's he doing back? : What's he not doing back? I decided I liked his character a lot more than I thought I did.
Favorite Color… it's green, right? : Nah, it's orange. He makes sure not to wear any of it though, apparently because it's 'sacred'.
Does he have theme music? : It's Ace Attorney! Everyone has theme music. Liam's is a hard rock version of Ema's theme… at least that's what I hear when I write about him.
Favorite song? : Oh great, you again. He tells people his favorite song is 'We're Not Gonna Take It' by Twisted Sister as it promotes the 'rebel' image he tries (and fails) to pull off. His real favorite song is Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend'. Seriously.
Middle name? : As a tribute to JK Rowling, Liam's middle name is Regulus, effectively giving him both the Black siblings' names. It also refers to the fact that he's serious on a regular basis.
Learn Russian! :
ВСЕРЬЕЗ (pronounced 'vsyer-ez'): Seriously.
КАНЦЛЕР (pronounced 'kahnt-sler'): Chancellor.
АДВОКАТ (pronounced 'ahd-voh-kaht'): Attorney.
ПOЖAЛYЙCTA (pronounced 'po-jahl-sta'): Please.
General Pronunciation: 'Ж' is a symbol sort of pronounced like a j and a g mixed together. The pronunciation for the 'j' in 'Mahjong' is about right.
-
Did I do a good job describing the view from the balcony? I'm kind of worried as to whether that's realistic or not… I've never been to Boston. (So I set the story there…why?) As for why I know they have couches in some women's bathrooms… don't ask.