Author, Cocoa, and V walk into the room.
"HEY EVERYBODY!!" Cocoa yelled.
"What the hell?!" Hana screamed.
"V? Oh my god! V! You're really back!! You're really here!!" Kim said.
Kim reaches out to grab some V booty, but V takes a step back.
"I'd prefer if you didn't…," V said.
"What the hell, Author?! Where have you been?! You haven't updated for months!" Fern demanded.
For you information Fern, V only got out of the hospital yesterday.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was V doing in the hospital??" Kim asked.
I'm glad you asked that, Kim. You see, over the course of the fanfic, I've hit V on the head a lot with many different things. Replica Hawaiian lava rocks, crowbars, baseball bats, human skulls, umbrellas, pirated dvds with segments of the new Watchmen movie, my Honda…
"You hit him with your Honda?" Hana asked.
You remember when he escaped last month? He only got as far as the parking lot before I cut him off. Anyway, it turns out every time I hit him I was hitting him in the exact same place on his head and it gave him a brain aneurysm.
"V had to have a brain operation!" Cocoa said.
"Uh-huh. So why the hell did you take Neil Armstrong with you instead of me?!" Kim demanded.
"Why do you keep calling me Neil Armstrong?!" Cocoa cried.
"Well, because you're spacey." V said.
"V, you are the first person to get that joke! That is why I love you, you're so smart!" Kim said.
"Why did you take Cocoa, Author? You know I'm the one who wants to go into medicine." Asked Fern.
Because Cocoa's the funniest one. She's so nice and spazy and when you get her really confused she starts calling everyone's mom a whore. Also Fern, I've told you before you won't be a doctor. You're to eat raw cookie dough, alienate any boy who shows any interest in you, and write Naruto and Twilight fanfiction.
"Damnit Author! I don't want to live your life!!" Fern screams.
….Ow.
"That was pretty harsh, Fern." Hana says.
"I agree." said V.
"Can we save the theatrics until the end and get this fanfic started?" Kim demanded.
Fine.
V FOR INSANITY: CHAPTER 4!!
We meet Dominic and Finch in a room, having just gone over the surveillance tape. Finch looks at Dominic.
"Those girls really beat the shit out of you." Finch remarked.
"Shut up. One of them kicked you."
"Look at this still frame. He's thinking if he should leave them after they just saved him. And beat the shit out of you." Finch added.
"He's a terrorist. You can't expect him to think about things like you or me. And stop saying those four girls beat the shit out of me!" Dominic bitched.
"Well, looks like for better or worse…he's stuck with them." Finch said.
AT THE SHADOW GALLERY…
We meet our heroes surrounded by darkness.
"Oh, great!!" Hana yelled. "We've been taken to a world where we're stuck in a perpetual loop of going back to the second chapter, and I'll have to relive meeting V over and over and,"—
I was GOING to say you surrounded by darkness in a room filled with books.
"It's worse than I thought!" Hana screamed. "I'm in a world where V took me home and I'll progress further into the movie timeline, probably altering slight things but initially keeping the basic plot the same! And I'll be trapped here until the stupid author exhausts all possible parts of the story that any humor could be milked out of!!"
…Wow, Hana. It's almost as if you know.
"What's going on?" Fern asked.
"I hope you're happy Fern. This is all your fault. If you didn't take us to that anime convention in the fourth grade, we never would have met Kim, and she would never have made us watch V for Vendetta, and we wouldn't be here." Hana said.
"You know, I actually saw V for Vendetta before Kim. She was boycotting it for the first week because Alan Moore disowned it." Fern said.
Whoa, Alan Moore disowned it?
"Yes. Because the movie people ruined League of Extraordinary Gentlemen."
Well, I do admit Extraordinary Gentlemen wasn't top notch, but disowning V? I mean, V for Vendetta was a great adaptation! It's up there with Sin City and The Crow and, um…Transformers.
"I think Alan Moore wanted it to be more like the graphic novel." Fern said.
You know I tried reading the graphic novel, and I could not get into it.
"Well, most people who see the movie first are gonna like the movie better,"—
"OH MY GOD, WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU TWO SHUT UP?!" Hana screamed.
"Ow…where am I?" Evey yawned.
"Oh cool. Evey. I forgot all about you. Hey, where's Kim?" Fern asked.
"Evey knocked me off the bed in her sleep with her long legs, and now I'm stuck on the floor because I got all tangled up in the blanket and my foot fell asleep." Kim said cheerfully.
"You seem to be taking it well." Fern remarked.
"Oh, Fern. Nothing can dampen my mood. I'm in the Shadow Gallery. At least I think I am. We went on a train and got taken to a world where V is real, right?"
"Right-O." says Fern.
"Great. Now that my suspicions are confirmed that this is indeed V's blanket, It won't be creepy if I do this."
Kim pulls the blanket up to her face and inhales and makes a creepy Hannibal Lecter noise that Hannibal used when he was talking about people liver.
"No Kim. It's still pretty creepy." Fern said.
"I don't care. It smells sooooo good." Kim mumbled.
"Wasn't there another girl with you?" asked Evey.
"Cocoa!! What happened to Cocoa?!"
"I'm behind this wall of books!" Cocoa called.
"How did you get back there?" asked Hana.
"I dropped my cellphone behind it."
"How did you DROP your cellphone behind it?" asked Kim.
"Idunno. I woke up and it was ringing, and I followed the rings." said Cocoa.
"Whatever. We're gonna go find V." Kim said.
"WAIT!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!"
IN THE OUTER AREA OF THE SHADOW GALLERY…
Our Heroes and Evey walk up to the jukebox. Evey turns around and sees V.
"OH! You scared me." She says.
"My apologies." V says.
"You didn't scare me."
V turns around slowly, and sees that Kim is standing very close to him.
"Did I frighten you?" Kim asks.
"…No." V says.
"Do you want me to?" Kim offered.
"Kim, for the love of Frank Miller, show some restraint!" Fern nerded.
"I am, believe me. This whole situation would be way more kinky if my foot wasn't still asleep." Kim said.
"Um…what is this place?" Evey asked.
"It's my home,"—
"He calls it the Shadow Gallery." Fern said.
"I probably would have given it a name that implied sexual innuendo, like The Jungle or Tornado Alley. V, which way is your bedroom?" Kim asked.
V silently pointed down the hall.
"Okay. Your bedrooms new name is Tornado Alley." Kim declared.
"Um, I don't mean to interrupt, but…where did you get all this stuff?" Evey asked, looking at the paintings.
"He stole it." Hana said.
"You stole it?!" Evey asked.
"They were confiscated from civilians and museums by the government. Stealing implies ownership. You can't steal from the censor, I merely reclaimed them." V argued.
" God, if they ever find this place…" Evey said.
"The only way they could find this place is if they followed your whiney voice, ya fucken English-muffin." Kim said.
"I beg your pardon?!" Evey said.
"Don't act so innocent, Evey. You know why you're here." Fern yawned.
"The detective hit me…Oh god. I maced that detective." Evey remembered.
"Big deal. I probably gave him testicular disproportion." Said Kim.
"I must have been out of my mind…" Evey said.
"Is that what you think, or is that what they'd want you to think?" V asked.
"I…I think I should go." Evey said.
Evey started to walk away.
"Evey, if they know where you work, don't you think they would know where you live?" Fern asked.
"I've got friends, I could stay with them." Evey argued.
"I'm afraid that won't work. I didn't want this for any of us, but you were unconscious, and I had to make a decision. I couldn't leave you after what you did. So I took you to the only place I knew you'd be safe." V said.
"I would have left you." Kim said.
"Here's a question." Hana said. "How the hell did V carry all of us here? Especially with Miss I-Eat-Panda-Express-For-Every-Meal-Of-The-Day!"
"I like restaurants with a little culture!" Fern cried. "Is that so wrong?!"
"There's more culture in a burrito from Taco Bell. And more flavor."
"I won't tell anyone, V. You know you can trust me. I…I don't even know where we are right now!" Evey insisted.
"You know we're underground, you know the color of the stone." V pointed out.
"Not me. I'm colorblind." Kim said.
Kim started to fondle V.
"WHOA, what am I touching?! Is this that stone you were talking about, V?" Kim asked.
"Colorblind means you see in black and white, Kim." Fern said.
"OH, NO! Now I'm blind, and I'm deaf!! V, you'll have to be my eyes! Quick, guide me to Tornado Alley!" Kim said.
V takes a step back, and Kim falls flat on her face.
"Okay, I deserved that." Kim said.
"So what are you saying, V? We all have to stay here?!" Evey asked.
"Only until the fifth. After that I don't think it will matter." V remarked.
"You mean a year from now? I have to stay here for a year?"
" I'm sorry Evey. I didn't know what else to do." V said.
"You should have left me alone. Why didn't you just leave me alone?!" Evey yelled, running away.
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"What a little bitch." Kim said.
" I know!" Fern agreed.
V looked at Hana, Fern, and Kim.
"You're all taking this relatively well." V noted.
"Well, Hana is too stupid to get angry, Kim wants to hump-hump your brains out, and I think you're frigin sexy cool." Fern says.
"…But you don't want to hump-hump my brains out?" V clarified.
"We're open to it," Cocoa said. "But there is a fine line between being a fanatic and general creepy-ness."
"Yes, I'm a super-freak, I've come to terms with it. Hey, Cocoa, how did you get here?" Kim said.
"I had to climb over the wall of books, thank you very much for helping." Cocoa said.
"Did you find your cell phone?"
"Um, yeah."
"Good. Call someone who gives a rat's ass about your problems." Kim said.
"Okay, Cocoa!" Hana said. "For one minute, forget that your crazy and try to think of something!!"
"Sure. Like what?"
"Like something from the V for Vendetta Science Conventions!! When does the next train come that will take us home??" Hana demanded.
"The next train? It comes on November the fifth."
"You mean I have to stay here for a whole year?!" Hana screamed.
Hana turned to V.
"You should have left me alone! God-damn fruity cape wearing son of a whore!"
Hana ran out of the room and slammed the door.
"Huh. I guess she wasn't too stupid to get mad." Fern said.
V glanced back at Fern.
"Does she know she just ran into my closet?" V asked.
"OH MY GOD!!" Hana screamed. "THERE ARE SO MANY V MASKS! AND THEY'RE ALL TOUCHING ME!! OH MY GOD, ONE OF THEM IS MOVING!! WHY WON'T THE DOOR UNLOCK!? HELP ME!!"
"You know V, from behind the locked door, Hana's deluded screams of claustrophobia and paranoia almost sound like smooth, sexy R&B." Kim said coyly.
"It's coming from the jukebox." V pointed out.
"Hell yeah it is! Kim, did you know V's got the songs Brick House and Baby Got Back on this thing?" Cocoa asked.
"Oh my god. We are totally staying up all night long and dancing only to those two songs over and over until one of us breaks something of value!" Kim said.
"…This is going to be a very peculiar year." V said to himself.
"You know, compared to the past, this chapter was pretty mellow." Cocoa said.
"I can't complain. We finally got into the shadow Gallery. Took you long enough, Author!!" Kim said.
Why can't all of you shut the hell up and let me eat my cookie dough in peace?
"Whoa Author. What's up your caboodle?" Hana asked.
I'll tell you what. I just got V's hospital bill back and it's so expensive I can't fix the dent V left in my Honda.
"You know, I think you exhausted that guilt trip during the five months I was in rehab." V said.
Shut up, V. if you hadn't have been wearing your stupid bulletproof mask, it wouldn't have left such a pronounced imprint of Guy Fawkes' face in my hood. Now it's like I'm driving V's getaway car. Yeah, not a good match on a green Honda.
"Well forgive me for not being able to turn my head around while you're ramming me at sixty miles an hour. And I think Cocoa is partially to blame for the visibility of the dent in your car." V said.
"Listening to you two bitch in the hospital all day gets old." Cocoa said.
"Does that really justify coloring in the imprint with nail polish?" V asked.
"V, I swear, it looks just like you! If you didn't have a mustache and were Michael Jackson. I would have put the mustache, too. But Freya took all my black nail polish."
"Hey, what ever happened to Freya?" Hana asked.
Oh, you'll find out… eventually.
"Uh-oh. Well, end this chapter and get on with it!" Fern said.
Hold on. I'm still trying to think of a way to knock V out without undoing his stitches. GOT IT! Chloroform!!
I take some Chloroform, put it on a napkin, and put it on V's mask.
"Author, he just got out of the hospital! Is it really necessary?!" Kim asked.
It's weird, I know. Every time I leave V alone I need to knock him out, or I'll be worried he'll escape the fanfic. Why the hell isn't this chloroform working? Pass out, damnit!!
"You do know I have an air filter in the mouth of my mask." V said.
Wow. That's called being prepared. You probably should have got that for your eyes.
I take the bottle of Chloroform and poor it down V's eyehole. V screams, chokes, gags, and passes out.
"Author, you're only supposed to give someone a little bit of that stuff. That much could kill him! And you poured it down his eyehole, you probably blinded him!! You're out of control!!" Kim yelled.
Well, since I used all the chloroform on V, I guess I could give you these pictures. They're of the incision the doctor had to make in V's head during the surgery. Except that one. That's a picture of his leg after they re-attached it from when I ran him over.
"GIVE THEM TO ME!!"
Kim starts inhaling the pictures and doing the creepy Hannibal Lecter thing.
"Kim, I know you're an eccentric fanatic, but that is just WRONG!" Fern said.
"Good point. The real V is right here!" Kim said.
Okay…I'm gonna end this chapter before Kim does anything that could be followed by a sexual harassment lawsuit.
"Too late." Kim said.
Oh, God. Well, see you all later! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! But for your sake…I hope you didn't enjoy it as much as Kim.
See ya!!