Notes:
Hey, guess, so I know I updated quickly I'm really into this. But sorry if progress becomes slow soon, I'm starting up school again soon, and I also have therapy, and I struggle a lot with anxiety, depression, (not gonna sugar coat) and self harm when in school
I was awoken by my bed bouncing vigorously and a bratty voice shouting,
"Wake up! It's fucking nine o'clock!"
I picked up the pillow next to me and chucked it at the brat's head, earning a thud from him hitting the floor.
"Levi! Get your ass out of bed!" Eren said in a aggravated tone. I groaned in response, refusing to move from my comfy sheets. But then cold hands gripped my ankled and gave them a tug, and pulled me out from the covers, off my warm bed, and onto the cold floor. Before I could crawl my way back onto the bed, the cold hands then reached under my armpits and lifted me up.
"Eren! Put me the fuck down!" I complained thrashing around for him to put me down. He rolled his eyes and set me on my feet.
"Go get ready, I've been waiting for an hour for you to wake up!" He said folding his arms over his chest.
"Fucking fine! I'll get fucking ready, just fucking go wait for me in the other fucking room, fuck!" I said pushing him out of my room and slamming the door.
"You say fuck a lot…." He said from the other side of the door as I began to take off my pajamas.
"Yeah, it's my fucking favorite fucking word." I said making my way to my closet and picking out a new outfit.
"You must do it a lot if it's your favorite word." He commented, and I could feel my face heat up.
"None of your fucking business." I said and finished getting my new pair of pants on. I went to put my shirt on, but it had a huge fucking bleach stain down the front of the black shirt. "Ah, fuck me!" I complained and went back over to my closet.
"Um, no I'm good." Eren said still outside the door.
"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you!" I said and dug through my closet.
"So, you're gonna fuck yourself? Have fun, I'll go in the other room and plug in my headphones." He snickered. What a fucking little jackass with his stupid comments jeez….
"You are such a little shit, Eren!" I shouted, putting my new shirt on.
"Aw! Love you too!" He said. When I opened the door, he stood completely in the way, with one arm braced against the door frame. I bent down and walked underneath his arm and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and what not. He followed me in and made eye contact with me in the mirror the whole fucking time.
Okay, now I can't tell if he's fucking with me, or trying to fuck with me, god fucking dammit.
I opened up the draw, and pulled out eight black studs. And took the back of each and began poking them through their holes in my ears.
"Woah, wait you have piercings?" Eren asked going closer to take a better look.
"Yeah." I simply replied, and finished with putting them on.
"Do you have anymore?" He asked with wide eyes.
I gave a nod, "Yeah, use to have snake bites." I said and left the bathroom with him following me. I made my way to the coat rack and pulled off my black coat, and pulled it on, and buttoned it up all the way. Eren was already wearing his usual green sweat shirt. I put on my combat boots and laced them up tight, while Eren laced up his shitty converse.
"Ready to go?" I asked, taking my messenger bag that contained my note book, pens and pencils. And maybe a to go size windex. And to go size bleach. And wipes. Okay, so maybe I also have some hand sanitizer. I swear, I only have a slight cleaning problem.
"Yeah." Eren said and then opened up the door for me and locked it behind us.
We made our way out the building, and into the messy city streets where I allowed Eren to lead the way.
"So what's this place called?" I asked.
"It's called The Rose. It's just two blocks away, I've gone there ever since I came to this city." He said looking straight ahead. "Do you have a car?" He asked slightly glancing at me.
"Yeah…, but Hanji has it. I tried to kill myself by driving into a parking garage wall, so she took it away." I explained. Theres so many countless tries I've made, but they either ended in the hospital or institution. You wouldn't believe some of my crazy attempts if you even saw them.
"Oh…." Was all the response I've gained from him.
Eventually his face lit up and he ran ahead, and pointed to a with a flashy pink sign that spelt out the name. I caught up to him and he opened the door up for me. He lead me to a both with red cushion sets and a white table. The dinner had a black and white tiled floor, and white walls with two black stripes running along the walls. There was a white counter in the front, where there stood a freckled boy at the register.
Eren sat across from me gave me a cheeky smile.
Then a short waitress with blonde hair a blue eyes approached us with two menus in hand.
"Good morning, and welcome to Rose! My name is Krista, and I'll be your waitress today. Here are the menus, and I'll be back shortly!" She exclaimed and left two menus in front of us and went back to the counter and talked to the tall freckled boy.
I flipped through the menu, and looked under hot drinks to see Earl Grey, perfect. Then looked through the breakfast menu and decided to go with a Belgium waffle. When I put down my menu, I saw Eren staring at me with his cheek rested on his hand.
"Stop staring, it's helping with your claim of straightness." I teased him. He rolled his eyes at me once again. "I wouldn't be surprised if you're just a closet case…." I mumbled.
"Levi, I'm straight. I've had a girlfriend." He said.
"That doesn't really mean shit Eren." I said and he shrugged and let out a sigh, seeing convincing me was hopeless.
"Levi, can I talk to you about something?" He asked trying to make eye contact but just couldn't.
"Can I talk to you about something too?" I shot back. Maybe I can ask him what's up with him and being sick or something.
"Ye-"
"Are you ready to order?" Krista asked cutting us short.
"Uh, yeah." Eren replied. "I'll have non-decaf coffee, and pancakes please."
"I'll have Earl Grey tea, and the Belgium waffle." I said and she wrote it down on her note pad.
"Alright! I'll have those out in a bit!" She said taking out menus and going over to the kitchen.
"Levi, what the hell were the marks on your wrists from?" Eren asked quickly.
"What the hell do you think they're from?" I asked leaning back in my seat.
"Levi.. why?" He asked looking into my eyes for an answer.
"It's as addicting as smoking or doing drugs. Once I started, I couldn't stop. That fucking simple." I said looking away from him.
"…Can I help you in any way?" Eren asked. So I guess he understands he can't say to stop.
"Keep me occupied." I said simply. I was telling the truth, only way to prevent it, is to keep me busy so I don't have time to do it. "So what exactly are you sick with?" I asked making eye contact once again.
"Um I don't know." He said with a nervous smile.
"Aw, yeah no, cut the bullshit Jaeger. What do you have? I heard you talking on the phone with that Armin boy." I said narrowing my eyes to show him I wasn't gonna fuck around.
"…Okay… fine. So I'm just medically ill, it's just something I have to live with." He said looking down and blushing because he was ashamed. All that because he is just ill? Jeez..
"Oh, well that's not too big of a deal." I said.
Then Krista came back over with my tea and Eren's coffee and said, "I'll be back with your food soon." And walked back off to the kitchen.
"Yeah… so um… are your only cuts there?" Eren asked awkwardly glancing at my arm.
"No, I have scars on my legs, hips, waist, stomach, upper arms, chest, and I use to have some on my neck but the scars faded." I said and took a sip of my bitter tea. Eren had paused in adding the cream to his coffee.
"Levi… I'm sorry…." He said looking into my eyes.
"You didn't make me do this, no need to apologize." I said. He sighed and continued putting the cream and sugar into his coffee. So yeah, I really am covered in scars. I use to not care about people seeing, but then people romanticized them and began trying to find a deep dark meaning to it in my life and digging into my life where they aren't suppose to. You know why I fucking cut? It was cause I felt trapped and depressed and it was a stress reliever, now I just can't stop. It's no one's fucking business to why I fucking hurt myself.
"Here you are! Enjoy!" Krista said snapping me back to reality where in front of me sat a waffle wig whip cream on top and powdered sugar dusting it. Across from me, Eren had a plate of two pancakes with butter on each. I picked up my fork and knife and cut into my waffle and took a bite. Eren glances up at me and that fucking cute smile spread across his face. Then he reached over the table and ran a thumb over the corner of my mouth and trailed onto my cheek, cause me to blush a bright red and pull away a bit. He smirked at my blushing face and then licked his thumb off.
"You had whip cream on you." He said.
"You're a fucking tease…." I mumbled and took another bite. He smirked and put a piece of his pancake in his mouth.
I ate my food in silence while Eren obviously attempted to slowly eat and pace himself, instead of shoving it into his mouth all at once.
"Hey Levi, what were you like as a teen or young adult?" Eren asked, already finished with his pancakes, where as I was just finishing up.
"Well, I started dealing with depression, in my teens. I smoked pot, did some morphine… they didn't satisfy me. So I started smoking cigs instead. I was… some what rebellious. Yet, I had no parent to rebel against." I said and stopped to drink my tea. "I was punk… sorta thugish."
"Really? Levi, you were a thug?" Eren asked snickering a bit.
"I said sorta, jeez." I said. I reached into my messenger bag and pulled out an old picture from my senior year of high school, and one from my junior year in collage. I put them on the table and passed them to Eren to look at.
The one in high school, had me wearing a black t-shirt, and a black hoodie. I had my snake bite piercings, and my four piercings on each ear. I also had my fake septum piercing in the picture, because I was too lazy to deal with another piercing. Next to me on one side was a girl with a cheeky smile, and red hair in pigtails. She had eyes similar to Eren's, but hers were a duller color, unlike bright eyes over here. The other side of me stood a boy with pale brown hair and grey eyes with a smile on his face. Those two people were my best friends…. Like I said, were.
The other picture consisted of my study group from college, who soon became my closest friends who stayed with me for a while. There was Gunther, Eld, Auruo, and Petra. Of course I was in the picture, in all black with piercings, and my dull expression. But damn, these fuckers where with me when I was my lowest, I'd be dead if it weren't for them. Petra had a crush on me, and I remember Auruo did everything to be like me to impress her. Though, I came out, and her and Auruo ended up together. Ah, memories. So sweet, but yet painful has hell.
"Wow, you look different, but yet you don't in some way." Eren said passing me back the photos.
"Yeah… I guess." I said took them and put them back in my bag. Then Krista came back over with a black little book and said,
"I'll leave this here, pay when you're ready." She said and put it down on the table and went back to the counter. I began to pull my wallet out but then Eren chimed in,
"Put that back, I'm paying." He said and began pulling out his wallet.
"No, I got more money than I need. I'm paying. If you fight me on this, I'll kick you out." I said with a clever smirk.
"Fine." Eren complained. I pulled out the required money and left it in the little black book and got up from the booth and then Eren followed.
"So wheres this book store?" I asked him as we exited the dinner.
"Just down and across the street." He said with a smile. He made his way down the street and I followed him. Then we crossed, and in front of us was a somewhat small unit that had a gold sign that read, 'Maria Wall Books'. Eren opened the door for me and then walked in after. On the sides were rows of books, and in front was a desk. In the back was a little cafe area. At the cafe was some kids about Eren's age, and at the desk was a blonde boy with a coconut haircut and blue eyes that quickly moved as he read the large book in his hands, but when he heard the little bell on the door ring he looked up. Actually, everyone did.
"Eren!" The blonde boy exclaimed, putting his book down. Did everyone know him or something?
"Hey Armin!" Eren said with a smile lighting up his face once again. Then the kids from the cafe ran over. One had black hair and matching eyes and a red scarf around her neck which she buried part of her face in. The girl next to her had blonde hair pulled up into a messy bun and blue eyes, the two of them were holding hands. Then there was a boy just an inch taller than me who had shaved down hair and a girl with brown hair in a pony tail eating a potato.
"So, this is Armin, my sister Mikasa, her girlfriend Annie, and this is Connie and Sasha, they're together." Eren explained and gestured to each person as he introduced them. "And this is Levi!" Eren said gesturing to me. Fuck off kid, I can introduce myself.
Suddenly, the next thing I knew, Eren's sister was in front of me, drilling me with questions. Protective… would be an understatement.
"Has Eren told you yet?" She asked.
"About the medical illness thing?" I asked, thinking that's the only thing she could mean.
"Not quite medical… more mental." She said a little quieter as if she didn't want Eren to hear us talking while he was catching up with his friends.
"What?" I questioned, now completely clueless to what I thought I grasped.
"I can see why he wouldn't tell you… he did tell me till I caught him with his finger down his throat 6 months after he started." She said glancing over at him as she spoke.
"He's…." I couldn't even finish my sentence because I wasn't 100% sure if my guess was correct.
"An anorexic bulimic. He started soon after mom died." She finished for me. Our conversation was interrupted by Eren pulling us into the conversation with the rest of the group. Of course he's fucking bulimic, someone that happy has to be hiding something.
"Psst, Levi," the coconut blonde whispered to me. I turned to face him to give him my attention. "Has Eren said anything to you about being gay or something?" He asked.
"He claims to be straight as a pole, doubt it though." I said talking a glance at Eren's beaming face.
"Everyone doubts it, but I bet he'd come out to someone like you." He said with a wink, and then turned back to the group conversation. What was that wink? Does he think Eren will trust me enough or something? Or does he think Eren likes me? Seriously, I feel like people are leaving me on fucking cliffhangers. That's my thing only I can do that.
"So Levi, you like living with Eren?" The potato girl, Sasha, asked.
"Besides the fact that he's a shitty brat," I paused as people snickered. "He's pretty okay. Not that bad." I finished.
"Aw, Levi you're too kind." Eren teased.
"So how'd you meet anyways?" Connie asked. Eren and I exchanged an awkward glance, not knowing if we should be honest.
"We met at Sina Pharmacy. Long story really." I said still exchanging glances with Eren.
"We got time." Sasha said taking another bite of her potato.
"It's… personal." Eren said biting his lip. Ah fuck me he looks perfect when he bites his lip.
"If you say so." Sasha said in between bites.
"So, Levi, you got a boyfriend or something?" Annie asked, after being silent for a while.
"No, but how'd you know I'm gay?" I questioned. Is it that obvious?
"Eren talks about you a lot." Mikasa answered for her girlfriend.
"Oh shut up." Eren said, playfully hitting his sister on the arm.
"Oh please Eren, you sound like a school girl with a crush." Mikasa said rolling her eyes at her brother.
"S-Shut up Mikasa!" Eren said lightly blushing as his sister laughed. The laughing eventually died down and then Eren said, "Well, Levi and I better get going! We'll see you guys again soon!" Eren exclaimed and then grabbed my hand and lead me out the door as I waved a silent goodbye. We walked down the sidewalk a little further, until I stopped him.
"Eren, why didn't you tell me what was really going on?" I asked staring at his face for an answer, only receiving him bite his plump lower lip again and look away. "You'd never disgust me. I could never think someone as beautiful as you, would be disgusting." I said and cupped his face with my hands.
"You think I'm beautiful?" He asked. A wet drop hit my face. Then another, and a few more. There were white icy flakes falling from the sky…. There where white specks in his hair now, and ones sitting on his shoulder. "Ah, it's snowing… let's get back home." He said putting his hand on mine and then I removed my other hand. He took my hand and lead me along the way home, while looking up at the cloudy grey sky. The warm temperature from Eren's hand was so nice, I didn't want to let go. So when he began to let go, I held on tighter and mumbled,
"You're hand is warm…." I felt like a little kid, scared to let go of a parent's comforting hand.
"How about when we get home, we turn up the heat, and have some tea." Eren said smiling.
"And some booze?" I asked giving him a puppy dog like face.
"Sure, some of that too." He smirked. Soon the apartment came into view, and when we walked in, we were greeted by the warm air blasting. We made our way up the flights of stairs and back into our apartment. I shed my coat and left it on the rack, and pulled of my boots. I walked quickly towards the couch and grabbed the blanket draped over the back and wrapped it around my small body.
"I'll make the tea and the booze." Eren said and I watched him walk into the kitchen.
"Just the whiskey please… and you can grab what ever drink you want." I said. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey, and two glasses
"I'll have the same." Eren smiled and then sat down next to me on the couch. I lifted up the blanket for him to warm up with me, and he wrapped himself up. He poured us both a glass, and I immediately downed mine.
"More please." I said holding my glass out, and he obeyed.
"Hey Levi?" He asked, now finishing up his drink.
"Hey Eren?" I shot back. He smiled and began pouring himself another drink. I finished my second glass, and took a sip from the bottle this time.
"How do you feel.. about me?" Eren asked. I could now feel my face heat up, and my heart beat picked up the pace.
"You're a brat. What else do I say?" I said. Eren finished up his glass.
"I don't know." He said smiling at me. "Do you like me, hate me?"
"Mh… I like you… but you piss me off sometimes." I said, now struggling to find my words, as the alcohol began to take over. Eren's face was already turning drunkenly red.
"Why do you think I'm beautiful?" He asked with those ocean orbs shining as I stared into them.
"B-Because… I…" I began to trail off as I found him shifting so he now had his hands on both sides of me. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a long sip. He waited for me to continue now. "I… think you're… u-um.." I failed to complete my sentence, but I didn't have to try much further, because now, I had a pair of plump, warm lips, resting on mine.
Notes:
Sorry for the cliff hanger… by the way, love you guys, and thanks so much for the reviews I love them so much! I love to hear your thoughts on the story and what not.