oOo

Chapter 4 – Thread of Fear

"I fear your punishment." Frigga stated.

"It will be right and just."

"That is what you always say, Odin!" She glared at him. "So many things could have happened in Jotunheim that none of us are prepared of! They could have died or worse, tortured for all we know!"

"Frigga—"

"My sons were almost killed! I am a Mother, Odin! My heart cannot take the dangers my sons face, and what of Loki? The secret you so wish to always keep could have been broken!"

"Silence woman!" Odin hissed. "The walls have ears."

"Do not silence me you old cretin!" Frigga rebuked. "I fear for both of them. Thor is not ready to rule and he placed his friends and family in danger. He pushed too far and got lost in his judgment."

"Thor will learn his lesson."

"He is just a boy."

"He is a boy who is growing up!" Odin made clear. "He will take Asgard and rule it! He will learn. What he did was a test of courage and wiseness. I have faith that he will change and see what it takes to be King. The boy understands what would ensue if war happens. He is not foolish."

"Then you are blind, my husband." Frigga scowled. "You know not the consequences of your actions."

"I make decisions for the good of Asgard." Odin wheezed.

"They are decisions that are worth more in sacrifice."

"It needs to be done before—"

"It nears." She finished.

"Aye," He leaned on Gungnir. "I am near Odin-sleep. I cannot put it off much longer. I know not what will happen and I need Thor to rule Asgard."

"I am your regent." Frigga said. "I can do what I must while you rest."

"I have faith in you."

"Tell Loki." Frigga pleaded. "Before you fall into sleep, at least tell the boy who he really is and what you plan for him. Before he finds out on his own and breaks apart because of it."

"I cannot do that."

Odin allowed Frigga to fume silently.

His concern for the boy was well hidden and masked within layers of hardship. Odin watched her and allowed her a moment of freedom. Frigga's heart was torn in two. She loved Thor, but she also loved Loki. There was something different from the way Frigga cared for him. It was far comforting than that of what she gives to Thor. She always had a special place for the boy. Odin knew that it was because he had already showered all affection towards Thor and it was Frigga who gave hers all to Loki. But of course, she hadn't left Thor out, unlike he did with Loki.

Loki was truly loved by Frigga.

"I understand what you are saying." Frigga calmly said.

"Do you?"

"Be wise and remember that I am still your wife and a Mother to my children. I would do what it takes to make them both happy."

"I never doubted your love, Frigga."

Odin found it hard to extend his love to Loki any further that it already was. Loki had been a tool to him. His thoughts had always been of Loki, uniting both their kingdoms. Perhaps in brotherhood, relationship, or perhaps even marriage, those ideas had crossed his mind.

But given the circumstances, Odin couldn't bring himself to try.

He was glad that he had taken Loki, because part of him found the boy amusing.

Loki had filled a gap in his heart that Odin hadn't know was even there. He was glad that he told Thor that Loki was a Jotun. Thor always looked out for him, and Odin hadn't the need to always watch them. That was a good thing. However, he still feared the consequences if Loki found out.

It pained Odin to know he had a hardened heart for the boy.

"I know you will be just with Thor's punishment," Frigga stated. "But I fear for Loki. If he finds out, who will be there to aid him when you fall into Odin-sleep? My word isn't enough. Who would tell him the truth if we were to suddenly—?"

"He won't find out."

"And what if he does?" She argued. "He cannot live like a shadow all his life."

"I will make sure he won't find out."

"And what of Thor?"

"What of him?"

"You do not think that the poor boy is fighting the urge to tell Loki?" Frigga pointed out. "I know my sons, Odin. They suffer from their thoughts. They are no longer children that would believe in everything we say. They will disobey us. That is natural. Whatever punishment you deem fit for Thor will be nothing for the boy."

"Thor's confinement in his chambers is finished." Odin declared. "However, I will not be returning Mjolnir to him until he learns to wield it properly without engaging in the brutality of battle."

"And what of your other son?"

"If it makes you comfortable, I will speak with Loki as well."

"Good."

"There is something you must know," Odin looked away. "Heimdall believes that Loki had something to do with the Frost Giants that entered Asgard."

"I foresaw something tragic." Frigga gasped. "Could it be? I could not understand it, but I had taken notice."

"I will act as King and enforce our laws until we find evidence." Odin said. "Till then, we will let this pass."

"Speak with the boys." She begged. "See them safe."

Suddenly, an Einherjar appeared from the stairs and bowed to the King and Queen. Odin and Frigga stood proud and tall, turning to the messenger. He stomped his staff twice before he relayed his message.

"Heimdall has a message, your Majesties."

"Of what?" Frigga asked.

"The younger Prince Loki had disobeyed the King's command to stay away of Prince Thor's chamber. Heimdall wishes to make clear that the two had an argument, but it did not last long, your Majesties."

"You can never separate those two for long." Frigga sighed. "Is that all?"

"Prince Loki is on his way to his own chambers as we speak."

"Thank you," Odin said. "You may go."

The Einherjar bowed and walked away as quick as he could.

"They are young," Frigga said slowly. "See them safe and let your heart reign over your judgment, dear husband. You are near Odin-sleep, so be careful."

"I see my wife still worries for me."

"Be glad I still do." She gave him a look. "Do be careful."

With that, Odin left to seek his sons company.

"Stubborn boy," Odin grunted. "He is persistent, I give him that."

oOo

Thor laid his head on the pillow, staring at the bed sheet in deep thought. He tried to figure out what had transpired in his room earlier, but found nothing amiss. Everything was a trail of confusing answers that nearly leads to nothing. Thor could barely figure out what was going on in his brother's head that it was too complicated to continue.

"Why must everything be so complicated?" He thought. "Why could we not just speak truth like we always did when we were children?"

He closed his eyes.

"What had I done wrong?"

Loki was so complicated in his eyes and he needed to know what was different. They were close when they were children, so why were they drifting apart when they needed each other the most? Was it the Norns mocking them silently?

"What changed?" Thor fisted the sheets. "What had I done to make him hate me so?"

Thor recalled how different their childhood was and through his thinking, he got lost in them. He hadn't realized that he was falling fast asleep into a dream of memories.

Thor ran around the garden, scouring every nook and cranny. He laughed and he saw Frigga sitting by one of the benches. His grin widened when he found a trail that Loki left. He looked back at his Mother, who waved at him happily.

"Go on, Thor." She urged. "Find your brother."

"Did you see him?"

"I believe he went near the roses."

"Alright." Thor ran.

He saw a familiar green and gold tunic by the bushes. Thor crouched really low and pulled Loki out of the bush, sending him toppling over him. Loki laughed and struggled from Thor's grip, but Thor held on tightly.

"Boo!" Thor grinned. "I found you."

"You did!" Loki smiled. "Can we play again?"

"You can find me next."

"Okay."

"Count to ten…"

"Wait!" Loki stopped him. "I forgot something."

"What are you doing?"

"I forgot something." He crouched down and went back under the bush. "I found it a while ago."

"Found what?"

"I don't know what it is." Loki said as he picked it out. "It's a weird crystal thing."

"Is there even such a thing?" Thor tilted his head, eying Loki.

"I don't know."

"Well, are you done?" He said impatiently. "I still want to play."

"I'm done." Loki tried to crawl back out. "Wait let me—Ow!"

"Loki?"

Thor pushed himself to the other side of the bush and saw Loki holding a crystal. Loki was crying, so Thor knelt down and held his hand. He tried to pull Loki, but he was stuck.

"Thor," Loki cried.

"I'll go get Mother."

"No! Don't leave me!"

"I won't."

"Pull me out." He sobbed.

"I'm trying, but you're stuck."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't, I promise." Thor declared and took a deep breath. "MOTHER! HELP!"

Eventually, Loki got out with both Frigga and Thor's help. Frigga sat Loki on her lap and tried to calm him down. They were just little kids, barely knowing close to anything. It was distressing, sure, but if they had each other, all would be well. That's where the thought stuck with Thor.

"Thor, you can go play." Frigga said. "I'll take care of Loki."

"I don't want to." Thor declared. "I promised Loki I wouldn't leave him."

Thor pushed himself up to sit and leaned on the headboard. He could still remember the way Loki clung to him the next day and he was always overjoyed when Loki tailed him. It made him feel special and loved. That warm feeling in his heart remained after so many years.

He hadn't forgotten that promise.

"What else had changed?" He voiced.

They were so close, so why had everything gone sour? Why did it end up being confusing? Thor recalled more memories of him and Loki together. It was foggy, but the more he tried, the more it made sense.

There was always a reason.

"Loki, come join us!" Thor shouted.

Loki leaned on the pillar, reading a book. Their parents had insisted that they start learning how to fight. Because of that, Thor found friends while Loki felt alone. Thor grew closer to Lady Sif and the Warriors Three. Sif, the only girl in the group, became someone special to Thor. Loki found it disgusting. When he looked up from where Thor called him, he only smiled.

"Are you sure?" He said.

"We are here to learn, Loki." Thor scolded. "Not to read books."

"Fine," He ditched his book and walked forward.

"Great!"

"Alright, what am I supposed to do?"

"Fight Lady Sif," Thor insisted. "She will be a good match for you."

"Uh, okay?"

Thor gave Loki a dull sword while Sif wielded a dull spear. She had the confidence of a fully trained warrior while Loki stood there, unable to figure out what he was supposed to do. He had watched them fight numerous times, but Loki just found it boring. He rather liked being buried in books and learning seidr instead of tip-toeing using weapons.

He hardly paid attention to lessons when it came to one-on-one.

The real lessons he memorized were from history and seidr. Sif however, displayed a vast knowledge on fighting. She threw the spear over her head and caught it perfectly. She spun it around her fingers and mocked Loki to come forward.

"Y-you go first." Loki insisted.

"Come now, Loki." She smiled. "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I am just any maiden."

"I never said that."

Loki looked at Thor for some guidance. Thor merely urged him to continue. Loki ran and gracefully attacked with the sword. Sif saw this and admired his strategy. With Loki swinging the sword back and forth at her, she wouldn't have time to take offense.

"Smart move," Sif complimented.

"Thank you," Loki smirked.

"Don't thank me yet. You may have put me on defense, but that hardly matters if you give me an opening."

"A w-what?"

Sif effortlessly evaded all of Loki's jabs to attack her.

The Warriors watching cheered for her, and it was only Thor who cheered for Loki to beat her. Loki rammed the sword at her again, almost getting the hang of it. He truly hated swords. At one point of the battle, he nearly chopped off Sif's hair if it wasn't for her quick maneuver out of the way. Sif knocked him off balance and sent him on his back.

She pointed her spear at his chest and smirked.

"You need more practice."

"Very well done!" Fandral laughed.

"If you had gotten out of reading your books, Loki, you would have fought better." Volstagg pulled him up to his feet. "Perhaps next time?"

"I don't think there will be a next time." Loki pouted.

"That was great!" Thor cheered.

"I didn't win."

"But it was still a great battle."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Loki never liked fighting one on one.

He had always preferred being hidden somewhere and laughing at the enemy's predicament if he were to trick them. Thor knew that Loki was good at fighting. He just never had the patience for it. Loki was very good at using daggers, though when it came to swords, he was okay with it.

"Angry," Thor voiced. "He is angry at everyone."

Thor knew that Loki and Sif weren't on good terms.

They could barely stand each other in the same room, let alone having to converse. They hated each others guts and just wanted to keep out of each other's business.

Fandral though, was something Thor could never understand. He always had a fancy for Loki, but Thor made sure never to make those advances continue.

"Damn Fandral."

He had to protect Loki somehow, so what better way than to threaten secretly. Volstagg only ever ate and reasoned out of good intentions, even though it might hurt a little. Hogun was always silent and ever so judging. He never truly engaged on a subject that meant little to him unless it was necessary.

Thor on the other hand, believed he had been just with Loki.

Thor and Loki ran in the woods, dodging the pack of wild wolves across the borders. Thor laughed out loud and held a spear. He turned his head back and aimed at one of them, nearly frightening the creature. Loki was too busy running for his life, avoiding a dead end.

Thor ran after his brother, who managed to get to a clearing.

"Why are you still running, Loki?" Thor called. "Warriors fight! They do not run!"

"What if I'm not a warrior?" He shouted shakingly.

"We're meant to fight, Loki!"

"What if I don't want to?" He pointed. "Look out!"

Thor maneuvered out of the way before a wolf could bite off his arm. Thor swung his spear as a few of them backed off. Loki cried out when a wolf managed to pin him down from behind. In his panic, Loki forgot all sense of instinct and gave up. Thor saw this and immediately knocked the wolf off him.

"What are you doing?" Thor scolded.

"Losing, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Sif and the other three are guarding our prize. We have to lead them farther away from our treat."

"Are you sure we can do that?"

"Get up."

He pulled Loki by his collar and dragged him back up to his feet. He pushed him behind to protect him while he did all of the work.

"Why don't you just hand them over their prize?" Loki questioned.

"It's our kill!" Thor claimed. "Besides, that wild boar is ours to feast on."

"It would give us a chance to walk away."

"Nonsense!" He grimaced as he charged forward. "Now what are you saying about not wanting to fight? Anyone can be a warrior if you put your mind into it!"

"What if I'm just too different?" Loki called. "What if I'm not like you?"

"That's not true!"

In Loki's fear, he ran and ignored Thor's call. If he couldn't muster up the courage to fight animals, how could he bring himself to kill people? What if all that Loki heard from the villagers, the Aesir's, the warriors, the civilians and commoners, what if they were all true?

What if he was never meant to be who he was?

Thor rubbed his face in annoyance and frustration. "This is not going as well as I'd hope." He punched the pillow and continued to beat its existence. "Why had I not noticed it completely? Was I that dense?"

Thor lay back down and rubbed his face.

He made faces that weren't even possible on his features. He sighed audibly and was about ready to start throwing things at a random when a knock came at his door.

Knock. Knock.

Who could that be at this time of the night?

oOo

"Thor, may I enter?" He heard the voice say.

He opened the door.

"Father, why are you here?"

"My son, I wish to speak with you."

Thor looked at Odin and then to the hallway. He heard a faint rustling sound near the corner and saw movement in the shadows. He looked again, but in his distraction, Odin called out his name. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at his Father, who had entered his room without a second thought.

"Close the door." He said and Thor did as told.

"Why are you here?" Thor questioned when his Father sat on the bed. "I meant no disrespect, but—"

"I came to ask what had transpired here in your room today."

"Heimdall?"

"Aye, he informed me." He nodded. "Worry not. I did not come here to add more to your punishment. I actually came here to tell you that you are relieved from your confinement, but—"

Thor's smile had faltered.

"I will not hand you back Mjolnir. Until you find yourself capable of being wise and worthy enough to wield it, only then could you come and reclaim it. That is until you are worthy, is that understood?"

"Aye."

"I forbid Loki to enter your chambers," Odin began. "Because I wanted you to think on your own instead of having someone add more to your thoughts. Which is why I ask now, what you think you've done wrong?"

"All I can think of is Loki, Father." Thor admitted.

"Why?"

"I fear we are drifting apart. I regret going to Jotunheim without your permission, but I cannot find myself to wallow in self-pity over it. It never once occurred to my mind how tragic the event could have been. All is well, but Loki plagues me and confuses me. He sought my company and comfort."

"Is that all?"

"No. He claimed that he is angry at my friends because they degrade him so. He is angry at me for allowing that to happen, but he is mostly angry at himself for letting it go beyond what must."

"If only he had listened to us and focused more on weapons than with his Seidr, the Aesir's would think him differently."

"Loki is different from us, Father." Thor growled.

"He is Jotun."

"His body is more inclined for Seidr than it is for any of us," Thor retorted. "Jotun he may be, but that is in his nature. To think that he had already gotten as far in this young an age, is a success we should congratulate. We must understand what he is going through, not belittle him further for it."

"You sound like Frigga."

"Father, can we simply let it slip from this conversation that Loki is a Jotun, even for moment? Can we not simply address him as family and not let his adoption get the better of us?"

"It is not that simple, Thor."

"Why?"

"Peace is faltering. The strain between realms is imminent and temporary."

"What are you saying?" Thor grimaced. "This is something about politics again, is it not?"

"Our peace treaty with the Frost Giants is not as strong as we believe. They can see a gap waiting to happen. The moment something happens to their realm that involves us, then our treaty would be null and void. Be it trespassing or not, you got off lucky when you almost instigated war. I am disappointed in you, but I will give you a second chance."

"And what of Loki?" Thor frowned. "You said he is your second option."

"Was, dear boy." Odin pointed out. "Perhaps he could still be of use to us. Perhaps in marriage, unity of through treaty, or when he claims his throne. Who knows?"

"He will be hurt by this."

"I know."

"Do you really, Father?"

"I know my actions."

"You've once asked me if I would be willing to marry Loki to unite our kingdoms, then you asked if I could be his brother instead despite his abilities to carry young. You also asked me if I was willing to give him up and allow him back to the Frost Giants if they ever claim him as their own. You've asked me so many things, but not once had you given any of your wording any thought, Father. You may think him a tool, but I think of him as family."

"It is not simple to find a solution, Thor."

"How is condemning someone you claim as your son something of a solution?"

"I can still very much change the course of our future, namely yours if I so wish." Odin narrowed his eye. "You and Loki are far too different beings, both in mind and body. The entire realm could see it but Loki himself."

"And should we be glad for his ignorance?"

"No."

"Then why do you imply it?"

"Loki has a tendency to wander off and cause chaos, not only to himself, but to others as well when he tries to figure out what he shouldn't. He is a smart boy, but he causes too much problems."

What is his Father up to?

Thor stood there in silence as he watched Odin breathe heavily. Thor knew that Odin was nearing the Odin-sleep. Everyone feared it. Until someone was hailed King in his absence, Asgard would be in danger. That was something Thor did not want to think of. He watched as Odin expressed his concern about Loki, but Thor found it hard to believe if he really cared.

"Loki is confused." Thor voiced.

"As are you."

"He is angry at me, for being a fool, an idiot, an Oaf and for being—stupid."

"Do you think him better than you?" Odin growled, eye narrowing. "You are far from being a stupid boy. Foolish, stubborn and ignorant, yes… but you are far from being an idiot."

"Let me finish!" Thor fisted his hands.

"If only that boy knew how stupid his race is—"

"Loki is different from them!"

"But that does not necessarily mean that he did not acquire a certain trait from them." Odin growled. "He is Laufey's son, Thor. They are both cunning and burning with the fire of the need for chaos. It is in their blood. You must know that by now."

"He is angry at me, not because he thinks himself better." Thor explained. "The pain he speaks of is not literal. I can see it as clear as the cloudless night sky. I told him I knew who he was but he resorted to telling me that I only claim to know him. I am confused. I understand that you do not like the way Loki bests me in intelligence since I am your son, but Loki is Aesir. Blood or not, we took him."

"Thor—"

"No, Father. You need to listen to me. You may hate their race, but Loki is family. I would protect him from anyone that harms him."

Thor and Odin's eyes met.

"Even from you," Thor finished.

"You are relieved of your confinement." Odin scowled and stood up. "I wish you well, my son."

Thor felt the need to tell Odin, but deemed against it.

It would not be best to add more to his Father's frustrations, even if it was suspicion on who truly brought the Frost Giants into Asgard. So Thor allowed Odin to walk away from his room.

Odin on the other hand, still had to talk to Loki from Frigga's wishes.

Odin was immediately greeted by his ravens, Huginn and Muninn, thought and memory. Odin's one eye widened when he received a message from the two that Loki had entered the weapons vault. As quickly as he could, Odin turned away and allowed his ravens to lead him.

Now would be the best time to speak with the boy.

oOo

TBC…

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