Oh, dear. It, er, has been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry.
Disclaimer: It beith not mine!...eth.
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The days passed relatively quickly as Hogwarts settled into the hectic and crazed routine of the first few weeks of a new year. The fifth years were rapidly becoming panicked over their already-overwhelming workload, the third years were lamenting and rejoicing their new courses, and the first years were attempting to discern who among the older students would answer their requests for directions honestly and who would merely direct them to Filch's favorite broom closet (my best friend was, regrettably, among the latter group).
Despite the truce that Evangeline and I seemed to have struck with the Marauders, we'd had no further contact with them (other than in classes and occasionally passing in the corridors) since the day James had followed me out to the lake. Evangeline, being Evangeline, seemed either not to notice or not to care that they had kept to themselves for the past week. I, despite my feigned disinterest, knew that their sudden reticence and desire not to draw attention to themselves grew in direct proportion to the rate at which Remus grew more gaunt and pale.
"Lily," Evangeline stated decisively as we sat down to lunch in the Great Hall one day. I grimaced at her tone as she proceeded to spoon tomato soup into her bowl. "I think we should go swimming tonight." I groaned.
"In the lake?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James Potter's head shoot up to stare at me from his seat a few spaces down from Evangeline. I did my best to ignore his suddenly apprehensive expression.
"Duh, Lil! Of course in the lake, just like always!" I shook my head, pushing my untouched plate of delicious-looking Shepherd's Pie. Internally I sighed; if she had chosen any other night…
…but she hadn't. "Lily!" she whined. "Why not? Is this just because you're Head Girl now?" Her face turned sullen. "You can't stop me!" In my peripheral vision, James' face grew panicked. "There is absolutely nothing you can do, short of dying, that will prevent me from my swimming trip!" James' apprehension quickly turned to horror.
I closed my eyes briefly, focusing intently on counting to ten and not bludgeoning my best friend upside the head with the nearby pitcher of pumpkin juice as she continued to sulk. Normally I loved her tenacity; however, in times like these, when I needed her cooperation, it was really quite trying. Despite her protests, there was one way I could stop her, and tonight of all nights she had to be stopped. Regrettably, she was quite serious in her assertion that nothing short of my immediate danger could dissuade her.
I could feel the effects of the charm set in soon after I muttered the incantation, and I knew when my face went white. "No, it's not about the rules," I responded, late in replying to her whining. "I just…I don't feel well." I gasped, jumping up and nearly running out of the Great Hall, tripping up the marble staircase, bursting through the portrait hole, rushing through the common room and into the dormitory bathroom. Luckily, everyone was out at lunch. As I was emptying the contents of my stomach, I felt Evangeline open the door. She rushed to me, pulling my hair back from my face just as my stomach started in on the dry heaves.
When my trembling stomach finally stopped heaving, she wiped my clammy face off with a cool towel and pulled me gently to my feet.
"C'mon," she muttered, leading me down the staircase to the common room, now empty. She laid me down on a couch, and I immediately curled in towards the cushions, gripping to pillows tightly. "I'm going to Madame Pomfrey." At my noise of protest, she cut me off. "No, Lily. I'm going to Madame Pomfrey to see if she's found out anything that could help you since the last time it happened. Listen, people are going to be coming in a few hours or so, once classes are out, and you'll be able to ask someone if you need help, okay?" He voice softened at the end, and she bent down to smooth my hair out of my face and kiss my forehead. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" At my rather pathetic nod, she bustled off, determined to save me, and I pulled a face as I heard her leave. I hated deceiving her and putting her through so much stress, but it could hardly be avoided. I tried to alleviate my guilty conscience by focusing on the pain in my stomach instead, which – stupid me – accomplished my goal of getting my mind off Evangeline, but only served to intensify the pain. I whimpered and clutched the pillows more tightly.
A few minutes later, I felt the familiar throbbing, ripping sensation set in, and knew from experience I should keep my face exposed to fresh, open air rather than musty cushions if I wanted to keep from dry heaving until I choked. I shut my eyes tightly as I rolled to curl up on my other side, the movement sending a sharp flash of pain through me, causing me to whimper again.
"Is she okay?" I heard Sirius whisper cautiously.
"You don't think she's dying, do you?" Peter asked nervously.
"Shut up, Pete," Sirius snapped, sounding suddenly anxious.
I slowly opened my eyes to see James Potter's face not three inches from my own. Dimly, through the pain, my mind registered that the sight was not an entirely unpleasant one to open one's eyes to. I immediately dismissed the thought as pain-induced delirium. He ignored the whispers of his friends, standing grouped behind him. "Lily?" he said softly. "Lily, are you alright?"
"I – " And my affirmation was cut off with a tremendous groan as my stomach throbbed violently, and my knees automatically drew up towards my face, causing me to curl more tightly into myself. I looked up a moment later to see all four boys' faces taught with worry. "I'm fine," I whispered, my arms clasped tightly around my legs. I'd found that if I kept myself in as immoveable a lockdown as was physically possible, the cramped position lessened the pain.
"I know you think we're all stupid, Evans," said Sirius tightly, "but there is no bloody way we're believing you." James ignored him.
"What'd you do?" he asked softly, pushing the slightly damp hair off my forehead.
"It's nothing to worry about," I whispered, my eyes screwing shut and my head tucking into my chest as another violent tremor rocked my body.
"Nothing to worry about?! Lily!" Remus cried as Sirius simultaneously shouted, "Dammit, Evans! You're lying in fetal position, cringing every time you breathe!"
James, the only non-nutter of the group, merely stroked my head and said softly, "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" The soft volume of his voice was heavenly after the less-than-dulcet tones of Sirius, Remus, and Evangeline. I considered re-evaluating the status of Remus as my undisputed favorite.
I shuddered again as the burning started. That was always the worst part: the burning. James must have noticed my pain, because he immediately said, "It's okay, Lily. Evangeline's seeing Madame Pomfrey right now; I saw her headed that way. So Madame Pomfrey will be up here any time to have you fixed up, good as new." I merely nodded, sagging heavily against the cushions, humoring his optimism, twisting my right arm behind me in an attempt to work out the knot in my shoulder. I felt someone settle on the sofa next to me, and strong, gentle hands began massaging my sore shoulder blade.
"Merlin, you're wonderful," I whispered, eyes closed again.
"Now I know she's not alright," I heard Sirius mutter, sounding – if possible – more worried than before as he began pacing back and forth in front of my sofa.
After nearly fifteen minutes of heavenly relaxation, punctuated every thirty seconds or so by the convulsions the spasms in my stomach caused, the portrait hole burst open and I recognized my best friend's voice.
"She didn't have anything, Lily; I'm so sorry! I was sure – " I could tell when she had noticed the boys standing over me, because her voice suddenly cut off and then turned deadly. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Potter?" I blearily turned my head to look at her. Her wand was out, pointed directly at James' face, her expression dangerous. His hands immediately left my shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off and turned her wand on Sirius. "And you! I wouldn't have thought that even you would stand around and let your friend take advantage of her being too sick to move - !"
"Ev!" I said as loudly as I could, which, as it turns out, wasn't that loud at all. "Ev!" She turned to look at me, sparks still flying in her eyes, her want still aimed directly for Sirius' heart. Sirius looked like he wanted to cower to but was holding himself in place out of sheer will. "He wasn't doing anything. They're all being very considerate and kind." She raised an eyebrow, questioning my sanity. "My shoulder was killing me."
"Oh," she said, lowering her wand. "My apologies, then." She nodded to Sirius, who returned the gesture, and James' hands resumed their soothing motions. I sighed with relief, hunkering more deeply into the pillows. Evangeline came and kneeled in front of me, reaching up to stroke my hair.
"I'm really sorry, Lil," she said apologetically. "Madame Pomfrey said she couldn't do anything; she reckons it's best just to wait it out like last time." I nodded tiredly, my eyes falling closed, my body relaxing as much as possible in its current state due to James and Evangeline's ministrations.
"Do you want some dinner?" she asked softly. I shook my head swiftly, feeling my stomach churn.
"Wouldn't stay down," I muttered. A few minutes later I fell asleep.
When I awoke, it was dark, and I knew from past experiences that the raging pain in my stomach meant it was nearly midnight. By the dim glow the dying embers cast around the room, I could see Evangeline curled into an armchair not too far away from me. I considered closing my eyes, trying to drift back off to sleep, when suddenly some idiot tried to lift me.
"I swear that if you move me, once I am physically able I will hex you into the next century," I gasped, my hands tightly gripping the edges of the sofa as the pain shot through me.
"C'mon, Evans," Sirius said in a soothing, kind voice. It was a caring tone, odd but not at all unsuited to him. "I'm going to put you up in our dormitory. You can't sleep out here on the bloody sofa."
"Sirius, please," I begged. "Please." His hands hesitated under my shoulders and my knees.
"Are you sure?" he asked, unsure.
"Yes," I said emphatically. Then I groaned and he eyed me skeptically. "I'm fine," I assured him shakily. "It'll be over in a few hours, anyway." I groaned and convulsed again. His hands did release me then. I looked up to see that he had crossed them in front of his chest and was looking down at me with a slightly angry expression.
"What do you mean it'll be over in a few hours?" he asked. "Evans, what did you do?" He stared at me and I stared back. Evangeline muttered something in her sleep, and we both looked over to her.
"Do me a favor," I muttered, my hands gripping the edge of the cushion again, fighting against a grimace. "Put her up in the dorm, please." His look sufficiently got the message of don't-think-I'm-finished-with-you-yet across, but he walked over to carefully lift her into his arms. She immediately curled up into his chest, causing him to smile slightly. I smiled at the two of them, then cringed as a hiss ripped from my teeth. Sirius looked over at me worriedly, and quickly walked up the staircase to his dormitory. A few moments later he was back by my side.
"All right, Evans," he muttered, crouching down by my head. "You've got yourself some explaining to do."
I grimaced, not entirely from the pain. "Must I?"
He nodded emphatically. "Yes." I pouted.
"Whatever happened to being kind to the sickly?" He snorted.
"You know, I'm not entirely convinced that you didn't curse yourself or something to turn so sickly in such a short period of time." It was evident he had been teasing, because when I said nothing, his eyes grew wide, and he grabbed my wrist to listen to my pulse. "Bloody hell, Lily! What did you do?!" I pulled my hand tiredly out of his grasp.
"It's fine, Sirius. It's happened before."
"You mean you've hexed yourself before to scare your friends needlessly?"
My eyes dropped at the insinuation. "It was to distract Evangeline."
He snorted, glaring. "From what?"
"Her plans."
"Her plans."
"She wanted to go swimming tonight," I said by way of explanation. He blinked at me. "…In the lake." His eyes widened almost comically, only they held an edge of fear and defensiveness that was too disorienting in Sirius to be comical.
"You know." His voice was a nearly silent whisper. I nodded.
"She's rather persistent," I continued in my explanation. "There's really only one way to put her off her plans once she's set her mind on something."
He rolled his eyes. "Faking your death?"
"Sort of," I began, but my stomach twinged violently, and I bit my hand to keep from screaming.
As I lay there gasping, Sirius whispered in a strangled voice, "Please, please tell me that you didn't try to off yourself, Lily."
"'Course not," I muttered. "Just had to do something drastic enough that Madame Pomfrey couldn't reverse it or cure it and Evangeline was sufficiently distracted." As my body shuddered and involuntarily turned in on itself again, Sirius looked on with a horrified expression. When I stopped shaking, I felt his hand hesitantly stroke my back.
"Lily," he whispered. "What did you do?" His eyes dropped to the arm wrapped tightly around my stomach. "Oh Merlin, Evans, you didn't….What did you…What the hell did you do to your stomach?!"
"It's going to be fine in a few hours," I moaned. "I'll be good as new. It'll be over around five o'clock." Just then, the cloud cover broke and a sliver of bright, white moonlight fell through a crack in the curtains. Sirius cursed, jumping up to his feet, then looked down at me concernedly.
"You have to go," I whispered. "Remus is going to need your help." He nodded, patted my head awkwardly one last time, and turned away, then turned back, looking torn. "Go, Sirius," I groaned, slightly exasperated. "I've gotten through it just fine before. Besides, the worst is almost over, anyway." He nodded again, and strode towards the portrait hole.
He turned back to me before exiting. "I swear, Evans," he muttered, shaking his head. "If you die, I'll kill you…" Leaving me trying to snicker and fight the pain in my stomach, he slipped through the hole, the portrait swinging shut behind him.
I awoke a third time, exhausted beyond compare; sore, but no longer in pain. I lay there for a minute, thankful it was over, when I remembered what had awoken me.
"You really scared me that time," Evangeline said quietly, running her fingers through my hair. She looked as exhausted as I felt, sitting next to me on the sofa, her tousled purple hair glinting in the sunlight filtering into the nearly empty common room.
"Sorry," I croaked, not feeling sorry at all for detaining her from her trip to the grounds.
"S'okay," she yawned. "Are you alright?" I nodded. "I think we should go up and grab a few winks if we can. I'm completely knackered; I woke up in the boys' dorm for some odd reason."
"You go up," I said, stretching and ignoring her remark about waking up in the boys' dormitory. "I'm going to change, but then I think I'm going to go see if Madame Pomfrey can give me anything…I'm so sore it's not even funny."
"Alright," she said, knowing better than to argue with me. She helped me up, and we trundled up the staircase and into our dorm. She immediately fell asleep on her bed, while I quickly showered and threw on some denims and a clean jumper before slipping back down the staircase and out the portrait hole. I walked stiffly through the corridors; the castle was still mostly asleep…I doubted it was later than seven o'clock.
When I reached the hospital wing, I knocked softly on the door. It was opened quickly by the round, caring face of Madame Pomfrey.
"Oh, Miss Evans!" she cried, opening the door wider. "How are you, dear?" She immediately pulled me into the room and began checking my vitals.
"I'm fine, Madame Pomfrey. I think it was just like last time."
She clucked her tongue concernedly, still listening to my pulse. "When Miss Jeannette came running in here last night, I wasn't so sure you'd make it through as easily…" I laughed tiredly.
"I really am fine, Madame Pomfrey." I caught sight of the bed over her shoulder. Remus was lying down; the other three stood around him defensively. All four were eyeing me apprehensively, but Sirius also looked somewhat angry. "Actually, I heard Potter and Lupin were in here, and I was hoping I could talk to them about arranging a prefect's meeting today…?"
"Of course, dear," she nodded. "Normally I wouldn't agree, but Mr. Lupin seems healthy enough, and I know you won't upset him…you know, I never noticed before…it seems nearly every time Miss Jeannette comes in here to tell me that you're in trouble, Mr. Lupin is in here the next day…."
I felt three pairs of eyes narrow simultaneously at her words. I smiled weakly. "Must be some kind of bug going around the Tower."
"Yes, yes of course, dear. I'll just nip up to see Professor Dumbledore, then." She bustled off towards the entrance of the hospital wing and shut the door behind her with a quiet snap.
I turned to look at the four boys who were staring at me with mixed expressions. I passed over Peter quickly, avoided eye contact with James and Sirius, and finally settled my gaze on Remus. He was looking more pale and drawn than I had ever seen him, but he was also looking exceptionally anxious. He gazed back at me, before swallowing.
"You look better," he said quietly, still staring nervously.
I shrugged. "Yeah, it's pretty much always a twenty-four-hour kind of thing."
"You would know," Sirius muttered from his corner. I glared at him, swaying a little as I stood. Remus patted the bed.
"Come sit," he said. "You look like you're about to pass out." I immediately complied, sinking back against the headboard with relief. "How are you?" I looked up to see him looking down at me with concern.
"Fine," I shrugged. "Just tired." He nodded, his eyes closing slightly, looking haggard. "How are you?" I asked softly, deciding to take my chances. "You look like you had a rough night." His eyes shot open. Whoops. Looking around, I saw that Peter looked amazed; Sirius' mouth was white because his lips were pressed together so tightly, and James' eyes were narrowed again. Double whoops.
"Listen, Lily," he said slowly, "I don't know what you've heard, but I have no clue – "
"What I've heard?" I snorted. "I'm flattered, Remus." His eyebrows shot up.
"Erm, okay? I don't understand what you're trying to say, but – " He stopped talking, defeated, as I raised an eyebrow. It was silent a moment longer. "Lily, it's…" he sighed. "I'm still me. It's not something I want, not something I can control. I…" He sighed again, and after a moment, asked, "How long have you known?"
I shrugged. "Since second year." Apparently I was trying to shock him into a heart attack that morning, because his eyes bulged out of their sockets and he started choking. The other boys were looking just as shocked, standing around uselessly as I slapped Remus on the back. When he finally regained control of his airways, he just stared at me.
"What?!" I asked defensively. His eyes, if possible, widened further.
"'What?!' You've known that I'm a werewolf since second year, and all you can say is 'What?!' as though I'm the one completely out of my mind?"
"Oh, it gets better, Moony," Sirius glared at me, cutting off my response. "Last night when her friend threatened to sneak out to the lake for a swim, she made herself sick to prevent her from going rather than acting logically and telling her friend that, unfortunately, no, they can't go parading around the grounds tonight because there's an uncontrollable werewolf on the rampage."
"You did that to yourself?" James asked in a dangerously quiet voice, looking at me harshly. I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that I quailed under his hard look.
"I was fine; I had everything under control – "
"You fucking made your stomach digest itself until it almost killed you!" Sirius exploded, waving his arms at me angrily. A sudden silence followed his words. Stupid git, jumping to conclusions like that. I glared darkly at him as I felt James' head swivel from Sirius to me, his eyes on fire.
"Please," he growled, putting one hand on his hip and burying his face in the other. "Please tell me that you were not that stupid and wouldn't do something that extreme, and that Sirius is being a bloody prat."
"I was not that stupid and would never do something that extreme, and Sirius is always a bloody prat," I spat, throwing another glare at Sirius for good measure. James looked up and his scowl deepened.
"I want the truth, Lily!"
"Make up your mind then, because that's not what you asked me to tell you!" I snapped, turning to look at him. His expression got stormier.
"Why," he growled. If I hadn't been so angry, I might have been seriously scared. "Why the bloody fucking hell would you be stupid enough to – "
"Oh, don't you even try to give me that," I spat. "Don't you dare try to tell me that I should have just spilled Remus' 'furry little problem' to Evangeline, even if I knew she wouldn't have told anyone." Sirius' mouth had almost quirked up into a smirk as I quoted back his explanation for Remus' monthly disappearances from fifth year, but it quickly morphed back into a scowl as I continued. "You just don't do that."
Remus laughed suddenly. We all turned to stare at him. "Quite the clever little witch, aren't you?" he chortled. He turned to look at his friends. "Here we were worried about her finding out this year because of her being Head Girl." He chuckled again. "And she figured it out before you guys did!" I crossed my arms, smug.
"Well, obviously." Peter and Sirius snickered slightly in response to Remus' enthusiasm, but James was still angry. Good. I hope he got a headache.
Remus slung an arm around my shoulders, hugging me lightly. "You know, Lily, I'm rather happy at the moment. You've known all this time."
"Naturally."
"What I mean is, I rather worry about what people would do if they found out, especially people I care about. That's why I didn't tell any of these prats – " he nodded his head towards his friends, "until third year, when they practically forced it out of me. And if you've known all this time, well, that means that in fourth year when you declared me your official and undisputed favorite Marauder, you already knew, which means you know my deepest, darkest secret and accept me anyway."
"…That sounds about right." He laughed again and ruffled my hair.
"Lily, Lily, Lily…" he sighed happily, then looked over at me. "It doesn't freak you out, honestly?"
I shrugged. "You're still Remus." He laughed again, shaking his head, and removed his arms from my shoulders.
"Well," I said, figuratively "hopping up"…my stomach was still too sensitive for drastic movement. "I'm off, then. Just wanted to make sure you lot were all right. But, seeing as you are, I think I'm going to go see if Evangeline is awake yet, then maybe nip a bite for breakfast…" My voice trailed off as I noticed the murderous expression on James' face.
"How's your stomach?" he asked, angry but obviously still concerned.
"Fine," I said meekly. He gave me a look. "Honestly! It is!" I stamped my foot when he continued to glare. "Uugh! You'd think it had never happened before the way you lot were carrying on!" His glare heightened. "Do not look at me like that. I was perfectly in control."
"Tch," Sirius muttered darkly. I huffed.
"It was merely a rather enthusiastic Tickling Charm combined with a, um, a slightly…intense Burning Hex?" My voice trailed off pathetically at the end, turning my emphatic and unaffected declaration into a timid question as my Gryffindor courage promptly abandoned me at the look on James' face.
"A slightly intense burning hex," he repeated slowly, his expression stormy.
"Well, yeah, it's gonna sound masochistic and completely mental when you say it like that," I replied, my eyes narrowed. "But have you ever tried getting Evangeline to change her mind when she's decided on something?" It was silent. It appeared that they all had, in fact. "So I'm sorry if I'd rather my best friend not run into a werewolf gallivanting around the grounds at night, unarmed and completely unprepared." I paused and squeezed Remus' hand. "No offense, Remus."
"None taken," he smiled grimly back.
I turned back to James. "So, um, can I go now?"
"Please," he sighed. "Please, please, please promise me you will never do that again."
I wrinkled my nose. "How about I promise I'll never do it again without telling you first?" I qualified. He sighed.
"I suppose that knowing you it's the best I'm going to get," he muttered. I winced my agreement. "Just…just don't do it all the time, okay? Only for absolutely, completely, utterly unavoidable emergencies."
I rolled my eyes, pulling away and walking to the door. "Sweet Merlin, Potter," I smirked over my shoulder at the four of them. "Just how daft do you think I am?"
*****
So, I know this is rather atrocious writing and an absolutely rubbish plot so far...but this is one of those stories that I had to write because otherwise it just floats around in my head and refuses to leave, taking up precious space that could be otherwise devoted to more important (or at least more critical) things. Like the math final that I've got coming up next week. Erg.
Thanks for bearing with me. :)