Chapter 4 See clearly
Two days later
"Can I ask you something?" Sookie came into my bedroom a few days later with two cups of coffee in her hands while I sat on the floor surrounded by boxes and clothes that I was attempting to sort out for the first time since coming home. But I was glad to take a break and took the cup she handed me before she sat down on a nearby box and sighed. "It's kind of something I have been curious about but I hadn't wanted to ask you since that night because you were trying to settle back in and I didn't want to ruin it for you. But I can't hold back anymore."
"Just ask me already, we always talk about everything." I told her, waving my hand for her to put the question out there while I took a sip of the hot coffee.
"Yea, we talk about everything, but this has been a sore subject with us since you left and I wasn't sure how to approach it." She shrugged, both her hands wrapped around her mug as she leaned her head down so her blonde hair fell in front of her face. "It has to do with Eric."
"Eric huh?" I smirked, already feeling the urge to roll my eyes at where this was going. I had my own set of things in mind when the subject of Eric Northman came up and right now was no different. "What about him?"
"The night you came back with Godric and you said you were staying at the bar for a while so you could talk to Eric, I was just curious about what it was that you were talking to him about." She said, pushing her hair behind her ears as she took a dainty taste of her coffee. "I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I just thought I would ask."
"Believe it or not, I didn't get into a fight with him." I smirked again to myself, thinking back to how I had let loose on Eric in his office and how I never would have had the strength to do that 4 months ago. "But I did go there to make sure he was alright."
"You're serious?" Sookie sat up with her jaw hanging wide open in surprise. "You actually wanted to check up on the asshole? After he attacked you, twice?"
"I was kind of shocked myself, but I saw the look in his eyes when everything with Godric came out on the table and I knew he was hurting. And despite what he did to me, I couldn't leave without making sure he ok." This time it was me who looked down and broke the stare because now that I said it out loud, I felt ashamed for being concerned about someone who had hurt me so bad. Who still cares about their ex after such a screw up mistake? "I know its stupid, but I'm such a pushover and I couldn't bear the thought of him in pain."
"Oh my god, you are so going to end up getting back together with him." She exclaimed, looking partially amused like she didn't think I had any self control but also worried that it would end up breaking me down again even worse then before. But I didn't know if I could even entertain the idea of getting back together with Eric but Sookie clearly was by what she asked next. "Do you still have feelings for Eric?"
"Of course I still care about him. That kind of thing doesn't just go away in just a few months no mater what he did. It would be easier if it had because then I could just move on completely, but there is still something there." I explained, hating myself even more for saying all this out loud. I had been battling this whole situation for a long time now even while I fell for someone else. But it didn't erase the past and it didn't take away the love I had for Eric and still had for him. And I don't know if it ever would. "I did tell him before I left home that if we were meant to be, then we would find a way back to each other so it remains to be seen what happens."
"Do you think you and Eric will ever give it another shot?" She questioned, setting down her coffee with a raise of her eyebrows and then a deep set frown. "Do you still want to be with him?"
"I don't know. I haven't even really been able to think that far ahead with everything that has happened this week. My only focus was on coming home and explaining everything and even now I'm just thinking about trying to help Godric make peace with Eric. And when it comes to my future with Eric, I just can't even begin to process this." I shrugged, sighing more heavily then I thought possible. I had just arrived home and I was feeling slightly overwhelmed with the intensity of the situations I was now being faced with. I hadn't even really had a chance to breathe before I was thrust back into a world that somehow revolved around Eric Northman and now I didn't know what to do. "He broke my heart really bad and I don't know if that will ever go away. But I will tell you this, if that were to happen then it would take a hell of a lot of effort on his part to get me back."
Later that afternoon
"Sookie, can I speak with you for a few minutes?" Sam asked as soon as she walked in the door of Merlotte's with her apron under her arm and her hands quickly twisting her hair into a loose braid while he walked out from the back and waited for her to reach him. Once she was within a few feet of him, he grabbed her by the arm and started pulling her through the doorway and down the hall to his office.
"Sam, relax I'm following you, you don't need to pull my arm out." She protested with a frown as he ignored her statement and continued pulling her until he opened the door to his office and pushed her in before slamming the door shut and locking it. She turned out to face him with her arms crossed, wondering what the hell this was about. She had no prior warning that he was going to be acting like this when she came in to start her shift. He never just grabbed her and pushed her into his office when he needed to talk. But it was obvious that something was the matter or else he wouldn't have that look on his face. "What's going on?"
"Are the rumors true?" He demanded once he had turned around to look at her. His eyes which were normally so full of playfulness and light and now they were just narrow and suspicious. "Is Allison really back?"
"Yea, she came home a few night ago. I completely forgot that I hadn't told you." Sookie so wanted to slap herself in the head for not mentioning this sooner. Of course Sam of all people would want to know that the girl he loved was back in town for good. "I'm sorry, it's just been a crazy few days."
"She's home?" Sam's voice sounded strange as he spoke and it wasn't filled with the happy tone she had been expecting. Instead it was icy and angry and full of disgust. "I can't believe..."
"Sam why do you look like..." Sookie tried to say as she reached out for his arm, but the moment she touched him she was suddenly thrust into a flurry of thoughts and she could not believe what she was seeing and hearing.
"...how could you be so stupid? How could you get involved with another vampire" Sam's voice was so full of anger as Allie stood in the arms of a leather jacket wearing, dark haired man that was clearly a vampire. "I can't believe you kissed him."
"..you're a dead man Shifter.." The dark haired vampire flew at Sam but Sam managed to get on top of him and start slamming his head on the pavement.
"Stop it right now." Allison screamed, her hands shooting out a strong white light that threw both Sam and the vampire backwards into a nearby fence.
"..I'm your best friend?" Sam asked with a scoff as he glared down at Allison. "That's the biggest pile of shit I have ever heard..."
"Are you ok?"
"Not at all. I have to go talk to him about this. I can't let him walk away this mad.."
"Sam? Sam, please we need to talk about this?" Allie begged as it appeared she walked into a room in what had to be her apartment. "I don't want you to leave like this."
"We don't need to talk because there is nothing to talk about...you're involved with this vampire just like I thought you were...there's nothing left to say."
"Sam, don't do this. Please don't be mad." Allison begged, tears streaming down her face.
"..it's your fault...you didn't tell me about Damon...i have nothing left to say to you...I'm leaving...do not stop me."
"You can't leave."
"..i can't be around you...you disgust me."
"Why are you being like this? Why is this such a big deal? Why do you care?" Allison cried out to Sam before he walked over and grabbed her up in his arms and laid a deep kiss on her surprised lips that he kept there for a long time until he pulled away with a frown.
"That's why I care. Because I'm still in love with you...I thought coming to Mystic Falls would finally turn things in my favor...but I was wrong..."
"Sam, don't do this."
"It's because I'm not a vampire, isn't it? You only like to screw around with dead guys..."
"Oh my god." Sookie snatched her hand away from his arm so she wouldn't have such a clear view of what was going through his head and stepped back in horror. "That's why you didn't look happy to hear that Allie was home. You went to Mystic Falls to see her."
"Yea, and as you saw I was hoping it would make her fall for me finally. And all that ended up happening was me seeing her make out with another vampire." Sam growled under his breath as they looked at each other and for a second she almost felt sorry for him. But then she remembered all the horrible things he had said to her cousin and Sookie found her hand raising before she could stop it and slapped her boss across the face. He stumbled back from the force, instantly grabbing his jaw in shock. "What the hell was that for?"
"How could you say such things to her? Why would you go there and bring the pain with you? Jesus Christ Sam, that was why she left Bon Temps in the first place, to get away from the pain and you just had to bring it there." Sookie snapped, her hands going instantly to her hip as she was filled with more fury towards him then she ever had before. "How could you be so mean?"
"I was hurt ok. I was saying it in the heat of the moment." He protested, rubbing his face with his fingers.
"I don't care if you're hurt or it was the heat of the moment. You don't say stuff like that." Sookie exploded sharply at him, her hands clenching her waist so tightly that it was beginning to hurt but she didn't care. Sam had pissed her off by what he had shown her and she was going to make it known that he was the one in the wrong and not Allie. "And another thing, you can't get mad at Allie for kissing someone else that you don't like, that's her choice. And she never led you on or gave any indication that she felt the same. You just made that all up in your head and fought with her to hurt her. But now you just hurt me and I am so disgusted right now."
"Sookie..." Sam's voice took a turn and was now filled with regret and shame and he tried to reach out to her but she wasn't having any of it. She ignored his hands and stomped around him to the door, unable to remain in this room with him after seeing the way he had behaved in his thoughts. "Please, I didn't mean to be that harsh."
"But you were that harsh and it isn't the first time you have done this." She flipped the lock and grabbed the knob and twisted, opening it up into the hallway and looked over her shoulder at Sam who was standing there looking bad and he should. There was no excuse for his behavior, none at all. She didn't know what his problem was, but it was almost like he was trying to screw up everything. "Is it necessary for you to be a first class dick all the time?"
Later that Night
"Oh boy, it has been such a good day." I sighed happily to myself as I leaned against the porch railing and stared up at the dark night sky with the biggest smile on my face that I wasn't sure I would ever wear when I decided to come home, but it was definitely possible and it was definitely there. And it was just from the simple way of getting back into the rhythm of things after I had been away. I had spent a majority of the day pulling the boxes out of my car and the trailer and up to my room so I could finally get everything unpacked and put away so it felt like I had never left. And those tasks proved to keep me busy all the way from when I woke up,up until the point when night had fallen and I finally threw the last of the boxes in a pile on the back porch and came back through the house to get myself a cup of tea before I settled on the steps out in front on the porch and looked up at the stars twinkling above me. I was alone for the night as Sookie was working late but I didn't mind, I kind of liked being alone after the emotional last couple of nights. It was good to have time just to myself.
"You're beautiful." A cool voice said from my left that I hadn't even noticed had been filled with a tall figure and as I turned my head to face it, I wasn't surprised when Eric came strolling across the grass towards me with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face that seemed to be always permanently frozen there. "I mean that."
"Oh great, there goes my peaceful evening alone." I grumbled, setting aside my cup of tea on the railing above me and stood up just as he reached me and crossed my arms tightly, wishing I had thought to pull on a pair of sweatpants instead of just the small pair of shorts I was wearing. "What do you want?"
"I wanted to see you." He answered simply, walking up the steps towards me despite me backing away in protest. He only seemed to gain amusement from it as he stood there towering above me. "Do I make you nervous?"
"No, I just don't have any desire to see you right now." I shot back, doing my best to keep a straight face but I just couldn't always manage it and I knew my lips were occasionally slipping into a smirk. I couldn't help it. Despite what I had said to Sookie before about it taking Eric more effort to win me back, there was still very much a part of me that just wanted to jump him and rip his clothes off, or at least the other way around. I focused on his eyes and I could see by his expression that he was guessing what I was thinking about and I hated that. He had always been able to tell when I was getting aroused. "Nothing is going to happen between us so you might as well get out of here."
"We both know you want me to do things to you, there's no use denying it." He said with a deep smirk that went above and beyond any smirk he had used on me before. "You could save us both a lot of trouble and just say yes."
"And what? Save you the time and energy you would have to use to put into the effort to get to that point? No, I don't think so." I shook my head, the temporary smile disappearing from my lips as I looked at him. He hadn't changed at all. He was still the cocky vampire that just expected everyone to give him what he wanted just because he was Eric Northman. Well that wasn't going to happen. "Seriously Eric, you didn't come here and expect that we would just jump into bed. You obviously have something to say. So why are you here?"
"I told you I came to see you. Don't you listen to me?" He asked, his smile getting brighter as if he weren't taking this seriously at all. "Maybe I need to punish you for not paying attention. Maybe I should take you away."
"The last time you tried to keep me anywhere, I threw you across the room and you landed on your ass." I reminded him, seeing the image of that morning playing back in my bed after I had pushed him away from me. I had been so broken-hearted and angry that when my powers came to use they managed to overpower him so greatly that he was briefly stunned. And I knew if the time every came then I could do the same here. "You know I can overpower you if I have to. So either tell me why you are here or else I am going inside."
"Alright fine." He relented, the smirk sliding off his face as he stepped back and leaned against the wall as I tried to put as much distance between us and went to the railing with my arms crossed. His blue eyes found mine before he spoke again. "I was thinking about what you said the night you came home. Where you told me we would never be together again."
"And I meant it. We're done. It's not going to happen again." I did not like where this was going. I may have said to Sookie that Eric would have to try hard to get me back, but now that he was standing in front of me and it was just us, I was suddenly very nervous of where this conversation was going to go. I don't think I was ready to talk about this with Eric. Not with our history. Maybe with Sookie or Godric but not with him. It was too hard. "I can't do that again. So don't even ..."
"I want you back." He blurted out before I could tell him not to and he was successful in shutting me up as soon as he said that because I did fall quiet. He stood up straight and looked across the porch and right into my eyes. "I don't want Sookie, I want you. Saying her name when I was being intimate with you was a total lapse in judgment and a mistake that I realized not long after you left. I thought I still cared for her but I don't. And it only became obvious to me that I said that because I was fearing the strong feelings I had for you. My love for you made me nervous and I felt the need to screw that up so I did. But I hurt you worse then I thought I would and I hate myself for that. And I want another chance to fix it. I want you to give me another chance. I want us to have a future."
"I..uh...um.." I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep my composure but my eyes still filled with tears and blurred my vision to the point where I could no longer see Eric. I made the choice to turn away as soon as the tears started rolling down my cheeks. I knew he hated it when I cried and I had no desire to have him freak out on me because he couldn't handle it. So I covered my face with my hands and said. "Just go Eric."
"I'm sorry." He was in front of me without making a sound and his long fingers wrapped around my wrists and pulled my hands down so he could see my face but I still turned my head to the ground. I felt his hand cup my chin and lift it up so I had no choice but to look at him and was shocked to see the look of shame in his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. But I need you to know that I'm not just going to walk away and forget you. I can't do that."
"I can't do this right now." I told him, hating myself even more for liking all the things he was saying but I knew better then to trust him now. He hadn't proven anything to me and I wasn't in the right place tonight to deal with him. "Please go."
"Fine." His hands dropped away from me and I thought that he was going to just leave right then and there but he didn't. Instead, he moved in closer, not touching me but moving so close that I was forced back against the railing without any place to go. I felt his cold breath on my neck as he lifted the hair off my shoulder and pressed his lips to my ear as he whispered "You know I'm never going to give up on you right? I will never be able to stop loving you."
And then, just like that he was gone. Flashing off the porch in a gust of wind and down to the ground where he launched himself into the air and disappeared for good just like I had asked him to. I stood there for a minute just watching the patch of sky as though he was going to appear again but he didn't. And when another minute had passed and I was certain he wasn't going to return, I turned back to grab my cup of tea and headed towards the door. "I need to sleep this night off now."
But I never got the chance because just as I was 3 feet from the door, a pair of running feet came up from behind me without warning and before I could grab the door knob, a heavy hand came down on my shoulder and yanked me back out into the night as I screamed.