Chapter Four
Morning?
No. I refused. This was not part of the plan, damn it.
Pulling the covers over my head, I attempted to fall back asleep. Sure, there was a whole world out there, but I wanted none of it, especially considering that my world consisted of no more than a few thousand square feet. Ugh. Boring. There was seriously nothing to get up for. So even though Amon probably wanted me to go be productive or something, I pulled my goose-duck feather quilts over my head. Oh yeah, this was perfection incarnate. I loved this bed.
A few months ago Amon had come home with the most wonderful gift: an electric self-warming mattress pad. So you'll stop complaining, he explained. He turned away to set it up and I stuck my tongue out at his back. It got cold in here, that wasn't my fault.
"Korra, pay attention, I'm going to show you how to use it," Amon said. There was a slight edge to his voice, suggesting he was annoyed or frustrated. I approached him warily. I'd been on the receiving end of Amon's anger enough times by now to know how unpleasant an experience it was. It didn't matter what was upsetting him right now; I was always as good a target as any.
"Okay, show me." Hopping up on the bed, I flashed a tight smile. If Amon noticed my insincerity, he chose to ignore it.
"Look – you just plug it into the wall like this, and then you set the correct temperature, see?" He took my hand and molded my fingers over a small black dial, tugging it through its arc. Warmth began to seep through the sheets, spreading down my legs.
"Got it. Thanks." I tried to take my hand back and he tightened his grip. "Wha – " Amon smirked as I struggled. Then he began to squeeze harder. My fingertips began to turn purple, the nails going pale white. A kind of panic fluttered in my chest; it felt like my lungs were trying to jump out of my chest. "This isn't funny!" I snapped. Amon raised an eyebrow, then suddenly released my hand. I fell back against the bed, my head smacking against a pillow.
"Your spirit is admirable, Korra," he murmured. I made a hum of acknowledgement and he laughed in the arrogant way of his. Like he knew something I didn't, so half the joke was laughing at me. Moving to lie against the pillows, I began to massage the blood back into my wrist. I had lived with this man my entire life – seventeen years – and sometimes it still felt like I didn't know anything about him.
"Yeah, thanks," I muttered as the warmth began to spread over my back. Amon clucked sharply. Sitting down, he grabbed my jaw, forcing me to look at him. Shit. I hated it when he got mad; it usually meant bad news for me. And lately – well, lately bad news had become worse news, and I wasn't so good at enduring these new punishments.
"Show a little gratitude," he grumbled, thumb skipping over my lips. Amon pressed my mouth open and jammed his finger into my mouth. "You're very precious to me, you know." He thumb was pressing against the top of my mouth now, scraping my hard palette.
"I know," I whispered, gagging slightly on his hand. Furrowing his brow, he withdrew his finger and reached up to stroke my hair. I sucked in a breath.
"Enjoy your toy," he said calmly. Slipping his mask on, Amon left, steel-toed boots clicking against the stone floors.
Shuddering at the memory, I screwed my eyes shut. Just gonna fall back asleep …
"Korra!"
Or, you know, not.
"Get up, I have something for you." Amon yanked my covers away, exposing me to the chilly morning air. I yelped and curled into a ball. Fuck! Cold.! So. fucking. cold. "Come on, you'll like my present," he coaxed, patting my arm.
That was probably true. I stiffly disentangled myself and got out of bed, heading for my bathroom. Amon laughed and said something about clothes, but I was already shutting the door. Sighing happily, I began running the shower and turned on the floor heating. The green tiles began to warm under my feet. Bliss.
Checking the water temperature, I discarded my pajamas and stepped under the water. Sun beat down from the skylight, intensifying the heat. Dipping my head back, I slowly started to relax. This was ruined, however, when I noticed that the water was running down my back a little too perfectly.
"Stop," I hissed, shutting my eyes. I was not a bender. I was not a damn bender. Benders were evil; if I was – if I was one of them – no. Had to stop thinking about it. It was such a stupid proposal, it wasn't even worth considering. I wasn't evil, and I wasn't a bender. But more importantly, I wasn't evil, so maybe if I was just a little bit of a bender it didn't even really matter anyway. Which was why I had never bothered to share these suspicions with Amon. Of course he would still love me if I did – but it wasn't a big deal, so there was no need to do anything.
Somehow my shower failed to warm me up as much as I'd anticipated, and I still felt cold when I finally went to get dressed.
"I'm glad to here that the boy woke up this morning, Lieutenant. It was enough trouble getting him; if he had died because of your failure to dose out the correct quantity of knock out solution, I would have been highly displeased," Amon snapped as we walked down the hallway. "Three days was far too long as it was."
"Yes, Amon, I understand. I'm so sorry," the Lieutenant groveled. He then shot a glare at me, bringing the total to six times today. Oh, sure, blame me because I was the one Amon decided to get the prisoner for. It wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for it. Tossing my hair, I stepped forward and grabbed Amon's hand, weaving my fingers with his. I tossed a smug grin over my shoulder and laughed when the Lieutenant turned a brilliant shade of purple.
"Korra?" Amon asked sharply.
"I was just remembering that, um, a cat-owl flew into the window the – yesterday. I mean yesterday. No 'the'. Because that's wrong."
Hey, I never claimed to be a good liar.
"That's nice. Now be quiet until I tell you otherwise." Amon unlocked the door to the prisoner's room and we went in. There was a rush of blood to my stomach. I was going to see a bender for the first time. What would he look like? Deformed? Tattooed? How were we going to keep him from attacking us? It was hard to subdue a bender – at least, from what I understood.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe I wasn't ready yet. Yeah, I knew how to chi block, but what if I wasn't fast enough? Or strong enough? Amon told me stories of firebenders who roasted their prisoners in terrible flaming walls, earthbenders who buried their enemies alive. I'd heard tales of waterbenders who would fill their victims' lungs with water so their drowning was agonizingly slow. There were even old, old stories of airbenders who when threatened, would force so much air into a body it exploded.
"Scared?" the Lieutenant hissed, grinning at me. I threw my shoulders back and pushed past him.
"I'm not afraid of anyone," I hissed back. Stepping into the room, I shut the door then turned around to face the firebender.
He was nothing like I imagined. The boy didn't look like he could be much older than me. He had caramel colored eyes and coal hair that highlighted the pallor of his sunbeam-white skin. Purple-grey bruises marred his face and limbs, evidence of how he'd struggled against us. His hands and feet were encased in heavy jugs of water, preventing him from firebending.
They didn't look too terrible – or at least, not compared to the muzzle. It made him look – I don't even know. He looked like an automaton, like some kind of monster – like he wasn't even human. I didn't understand why it bothered me. He looked like a monster because he was a monster. He looked inhuman because he wasn't human. Benders, Amon had taught me, were rabid beasts who understood nothing but senseless destruction.
He has a name, some voice in the back of my head chided. Mako. His name is Mako. Because he's human.No – these were lies. Had to shut them out.
"Excellent work, Lieutenant," Amon said, interrupting my thoughts. He slipped a finger under the firebender's muzzle, laughing when he flinched. The Lieutenant relaxed and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. Why was he still here anyway? Wasn't this my project? Looking after the firebender? I glanced at him, and blushed when I realized he was looking back. Oh Spirits, I hoped he didn't think I was flirting or something. I shut my eyes. He couldn't flirt with me now.
That plan failed epically moments later when Amon dismissed Maror and the Lieutenant. Right then. Okay, I could do this. I could totally do this. I bounded over to Amon's desk, flashing a winning smile.
"That took forever."
"Patience never has been your strong point, has it Korra?" he grumbled. Fuck. I forced a laugh, wondering if it sounded as fake to him as it did to me. "Tell me then, are you happy with your gift?"
"Yes," I replied. He stood up, coming around the desk so we stood chest to chest. Amon ran a finger down the side of my face, then pushed the bottom of his mask up. My breath quickened as I braced myself. He wrapped his fingers around my neck and forced me into a kiss.
I never understood why people extolled kissing as some kind of wonderful, life-changing experience. Most of the time it just hurt. I could feel the bruises blossoming over my throat and gasped when he threw me against the desk. He yanked my hair, jerking my head back so he could shove his tongue down my throat and bite my lips raw.
Shh, Korra, just go away now. It will all be okay . . .
I never knew how it worked, but whenever something bad started happening, I somehow disappeared. I mean, my body was there, but the rest of me wasn't. My vision clouded, and my hearing shut down. All my skin was numb, stone-senseless. No thoughts. No emotions. Barely even breath or blood. I floated up on air, became the undulations of the waves. I cackled into smoke like fire, burst into dust like old earth. Someone whispered, nothing to fear, nothing to fear, you are safe, honey girl, we will take care of you.
A man with arrows tattooed on his hands and head. Korra, he said with terrible tenderness. Hold on. Hold on? Hold on to what? Just hold on, Korra. Trust Mako. Trust Mako. Yeah, I could do that, maybe. The man with tattoos, undone in a non-memory. I see him and I am him; our skin is one. The soft-soft touches of a brown haired woman who changes before my eyes. She twists and lengthens, eyes morphing from the ocean, to tear-grief blue, to ice, to sky-hope. Hair that flickers white, and hands that open out to me.
It is snowing, and she wraps me in a hug. She says, Korra, you are the next Avatar. The scene shifts, my feet shaking under me and I cannot say the where/how/who/what. A brown hand slides over mine and together we twist a puddle into a glowing icicle. A man's peel of delighted laughter booms over my head. And then – and then – and then hands, and then fire, and then screaming. Someone saying, no-Korra-my-Korra-not-Korra-please-not-Korra, O!-I-am-begging-you-please-don't-hurt-her. There is a voice. He says, hush. He says
"And Korra, remember your responsibilities." Amon shuts the door, and I am alone in the room with Ma – the firebender.
"Stupid ass," I muttered, trying to shake my head clear. I grabbed his chair from behind the desk and took a seat in front of Mako. He raised an eyebrow as I began to tie my hair up, so I stuck my tongue out at him. It wasn't real, everything is fine now, I silently chanted. Memories, hallucinations; whatever went on in my head, it wasn't important and I just had to ignore it. "I had to wait for him to leave, he doesn't like it up," I explained as Mako continued to stare. Damn it, wasn't he going to do something? "Are you prisoners always this boring?"
He began to struggle against the ropes. Oh fuck. I sprung out of my chair in a backflip, years of training running through my head too fast. What chi points subdued firebenders again? Was I fast enough to take this guy down without getting fried to a crisp? "None of those bender tricks! I know what you people are like!"
He had the gall to look annoyed.
Fine. Whatever. I sat back down and gave him my best glare. What was up with this guy anyway? He wasn't a very good prisoner. Did Amon really think so little of my abilities? "Shouldn't you be trying to escape or something?" I blurted out. "Seriously, aren't you going to breathe fire or something? I'm bored." Well played, Korra. Why don't you go find a nice hole to curl up and die in.
"Argh," he growled. Interesting. The firebender was actually trying to communicate with me. Maybe if I could get him to talk to me, I could get some information about what the benders were doing. We could infiltrate their government, take them down from the inside. Amon would never have an excuse to keep my caged up after that.
"Hey, if I take the muzzle off, will you attack me?" I asked. Mako blinked. Oh. Right. "Yeah, that's probably a dumb question." He probably would attack me. And then Amon would get mad, and I would get yelled at, and I would never be allowed to leave my bedroom, let alone the compound. "Okay. Well, I'm going to take the muzzle off, and if you attack me I'll just tell Amon about it. I mean, I'll attack you myself!" Smooth, Korra.
He stiffened as I came around behind him. I gingerly touched his hair, growing bolder when he didn't flinch away. The knots were really tight; I couldn't imagine it was very comfortable. Actually, I couldn't imagine Mako was very comfortable period. His hair and skin were greasy after so many days without washing, and his clothes were starting to take on a less than pleasant odor. "Hold still, okay? I'm – I'm taking this off. You better not try anything." The threat felt almost mean. He didn't seem so scary. More – pathetic.
I shoved that thought from my mind as the knots finally came undone. Mako gasped, choking on the fresh air as I choked on my own breath. His face was covered in blood. Hands shaking, I looked at the muzzle. Red stains cast ugly flowers against the leather and metal. I quickly discarded it on Amon's desk.
"Thanks," Mako said softly. His cuts cracked, releasing new spurts of blood.
"No problem. You have blood on your face, you know. Was – was that hurting you?" That was a dumb question. Obviously it had been hurting him – he was bleeding. My head throbbed painfully. It occurred to me that he had thanked me for taking the muzzle off. That was so weird. It was nice. Amon didn't even thank me most of the time.
"It's not that bad," Mako said, flushing like he was embarrassed.
"You're not looking at yourself," I mumbled, straddling the back of the chair. "Maror should be back soon, I think. You're probably hungry." Amon had said that he'd slept for three days; if that was really true, it meant he hadn't eaten in three days either. I got angry if I didn't eat three times a day.
"It's fine. It's not like I haven't been hungry before," he spat. Liar.
"That – that's not true! You're a firebender. They extort people!" I shouted.
"That's the problem with you Equalists! You don't know what you're talking about!" Mako fought his bonds, creating new wounds on his arms. "I bet you've had everything handed to you your entire life, right? Must be nice to be Amon's favorite."
Nice? Nice? A shock of heat pulsed across my skin and my vision went white.
"Shut up!" I screamed. I slapped him across the face. He automatically turned his head away, and I could clearly see the red imprint of my hand on the side of his face. Good. I hoped it hurt a lot. Blood was rushing in my ears, dancing in my palms and swirling in my belly. I began to feel hollow, like something was eating up my organs. Mako was staring at me, eyes flashing.
"Why am I here? I mean – do we know each other?" he demanded. Focus, Korra. Ground yourself in his voice. I fingers twitched, grabbing the rescue of his question.
"I know who you are; you're Mako, Captain of the Fire Ferrets and team firebender. I heard you play on the radio." My voice sounded very distant, like it didn't really belong to me. I did not connect the words to my own mouth, rather heard them as though they had come from somebody else.
"I'm glad you're a fan – you know I can't play in the finals if I'm here. I could get you seats for a game, if you want. You could meet my brother." Mako's voice dropped, turning low and sweet. Mention of the game shook me from my body. Game meant the probending arena, and I wasn't allowed to go there.
"I'm not allowed to go outside. That's why you're here. If I can keep you under control, I can go outside," I snapped. I bit my lip, realizing I had said too much. The bruises writhed beneath my teeth.
"So you are going to let me go to play in the finals?" he asked, trying and failing to hide his longing. I felt a flutter of pity and quickly shoved it back down. Nothing good would come of that.
"I don't know," I said, glowering. He thought he controlled things here; he was wrong. "We'll keep you as along as we want, and you have to deal with it!" White light flooded my vision again. I jumped up and began to pace, trying to knock the colors from my head. Go away go away go away –
Drawing back my fist, I punched the wall. Flames scorched the wall leaving black blemishes, I could feel in my veins when the water burst its jugs. There was a faint burning smell of Mako's ropes crumping to ashes, but I couldn't tell if they were my flames or his. Fuck. I stomped my foot, sending the rocky floor into a crater and a surging gust of wind through the floor.
"You're – " Mako was standing up now, staring at me with wide eyes. He emanated heat and confusion, red-pink lips falling into a frown – or worse, pity. I had to act fast. Clapping a hand over his mouth, I threw him against the wall and pretended not to hear his hiss of pain.
"You will not say anything. No one will believe you anyway, you hear?" I said desperately. Amon would be so upset, so disappointed with me. I wouldn't be able to bear it. He was my family, my provider – my world. I searched the firebender's face for understanding. He took advantage of me, spinning us around so I was now pinned under him. My brain floundered, trying figure out how and when this happened.
"Before you start making threats, Korra, please explain to me what the Avatar, who's been lost for years as far as anyone is concerned, is doing in Republic City as an ally to Amon."
It kind of felt like time stopped for a minute, or at the very least significantly slowed. My lips parted and shut but the words wouldn't come, wouldn't tumble into the world so I could – so I could what, exactly? Explain? What was I even going to say?
"Look, you stay quiet, and I won't tie you up. Deal?" I held my breath, trying to pretend it wasn't the only bargaining chip I had. Mako eyed me warily, his grip tightening slightly. I could feel sweat slither down his palms.
"It still doesn't explain what you're doing here," he persisted, setting his jaw determinedly.
"It's the way things have always been! I've lived here my entire life!" I snapped. Snow. The white-haired woman – no, not a memory, Korra. Not real. Notrealnotrealnotreal.
"You don't seem too happy," he said softly. "You know – you have to know – that if Amon succeeds in getting rid of bending, the world will fall out of balance. And bending isn't just something we can do, it's part of who we are," Mako continued. His eyes shone like starshine, making me sick to my stomach.
"You're wrong," I shot back. "Bending is a disease. And I'm sick." Sick and bad and wrong and poison.
"Could you give it a chance? Even a little bit of one?" Mako asked. My heart began to pound almost painfully. The beats were so hard I wondered if my ribs would shatter under the force. "What if I taught you some firebending? Then you would really know what it's like." He was the picture-perfect of earnestness and sincerity, with not a little desperation. I knew, I knew that I should say no. That this was a bender trick, that this was the thing Amon had warned me about my entire life. But I wavered, uncertain. I wavered because I was weak.
"Get your filthy hands off me." I shoved the firebender away and stormed out of the room, slamming the door hard. Maror was coming up the hallway and he paused when he saw me leaning against the door panting.
"Korra?" he asked cautiously. I shook my head.
"Everything is fine. I let the prisoner out of his bonds, just leave him like that," I ordered. Then I fled to my room like the child I was.
Amon loved me. I knew that. He raised me, he loved me, he was the one to stroke my hair and kiss my lips and sometimes even lay in bed with me at night. We were going to conquer the world together, as it was always meant to be. None of that explained why I was sitting in my room with my knees curled to my nose and one hand pressed against the glass of a window as tears leaked down my face.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yay! I'm so happy to have this chapter up so quickly - and it's a long one too! For anyone wondering about the POV shifts, basically there are no rules about POV shifts, except that there will never be one within a chapter (i.e., if the chapter starts in Korra's POV, the entire chapter will be her POV). I'm probably going to stick with Mako, Korra, Bolin and Jinora's POVs, with a possibility maybe doing some Iroh and Asami as well.
As always, thanks for reading, and please review.