Fourth Kiss - Pain of Jealousy

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The heavy scent of healing compounds, sterilizing liquids and medical potion hung in the air of the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. Neatly made beds lined the walls in two rows, some with curtains pulled around them to protect the privacy of the occupants. In Madame Pomfrey's private office, at the back of the wing, there set another bed, put there for one patient who found himself needing more privacy during his visits than a simple curtain could offer. A tall boy with a thin, almost sickly, figure and shaggy light brown hair lay stretched out on the private bed, attempting to keep his eyes open as the Nurse applied a thick, white, healing compound to the gashes across his arms and chest. The paste smelled foul and when it touched his skin, Remus felt as though someone had set fire to his wounds.

Despite the pain, Remus always allowed the healing compound treatment on his wounds. The white paste sped up the healing and the boy would rather spend ten minutes in searing agony than have to carefully move around the school and risk the watchful eyes of his peers picking up on his pain. Pain was a familiar thing to Remus Lupin, as a werewolf, it was something he had grown quite accustom to over the years. The burning from the compound would fade and in its place a soothing, chilled effect would take over, making him relax onto the bed and let out a relieved sigh.

"Just take it easy, Mister Lupin," Madame Pomfrey said as she pulled a thin blanket up around Remus' chest, covering him completely before his visitors came in. "I'm going to check on the other patients now, you try and get a little rest, it'll help. I'm going to leave this here if you need it." The older woman gave Remus a warm smile and scurried out of the room, leaving him a small vial of Pain Relief Potion on the table beside the bed.

Remus rolled his eyes at the vial and shifted on the bed to get more comfortable. On some occasions, after the nights of the full moon, Remus would take the potion and bring a swift end to the sore muscles and burning gashes that made up his body, but it was rare. A last resort. That was how he felt about the pain potion, he refused to become dependant on the liquid to ease him every moon. The blue eyed boy closed them and focused on breathing steadily and keeping his mind elsewhere, knowing that once he had the distractions of his friends, he would have an easier time dismissing the pain. Ten minutes passed. No Marauders. Another ten minutes. No Marauders. Ten more minutes and there was no sign of the other Marauders. Remus was growing worried, they were never late. James, Peter and Sirius were usually at the door begging for entrance when Madame Pomfrey was finished with the healing session.

Forty-five minutes had gone by since the Nurse had left the room before the first of the Marauders came inside. A look of desperate apology was glued to Sirius Black's face as he stepped inside the tiny office and approached Remus' bed. "I'm sorry, I'm late, Moony. The other's should be here soon. We got…held up, you could say." He pulled his usual chair from Madame Pomfrey's desk and scooted it over next to the head of Remus' bed. "How are you feeling?"

Remus gave his friend a weak smile and reached up, brushing his hand across his forehead to rid his eyes of his hair, making a mental note to trim it later. His eyes were reddened and the undersides bore deep purple bruises, proof of the boy's late night antics. Three nights, no sleep. It was rough, but he was used to it, and after almost a year and a half, so were the other Marauders. "I'm alright, we had a rough night though, didn't we?" he asked, twisting his body slightly in an effort to loosen his tight muscles.

Sirius nodded sheepishly and focused his eyes on his fingers, which were being twisted into the edge of the blanket hanging from Remus' bed. "It was bad at the end. Never been so glad to see morning," he whispered, his voice full of the gravity of the situation, sounding as though it just wasn't fitting to discuss it at a normal volume level. "Everything's okay now. I just worry about next month. We won't be there for you and that bugs me." He looked up and met the tired eyes of his friend, begging him with his own. "Are you sure you won't reconsider? We can all Floo to you and run for the nights you need us. It won't be a big deal. That's what we all plan on doing after school ends next year anyways. We graduate in a year and we aren't just going to up and abandon you after that happens."

Remus shook his head in an effort to say no, but his voice betrayed him. "I'll think about it, Padfoot," he whispered. He took a deep and ragged breath and dropped his hand over his stomach as a growling filled the room. "I'm hungry," he stated matter-of-factly, as thought his body hadn't just made that fact clear. "Did you guys eat yet?" he asked, looking back over at Sirius. When Sirius shook his head, sending his shoulder length black waves bouncing around, Remus frowned at him. "I thought that was why you guys are so late. I figured breakfast held you up. What kept you, then?" His eyes narrowed involuntarily as he became slightly annoyed with the situation.

Sirius let out a loud scoff and scrunched his face in disgust. "What kept us was Millie," he said, sneering the girl's name. "I barely escaped. James and Pete are still fighting off her questions in the common room." He sat back in his chair and kicked his feet out, sliding them underneath the hospital bed. He turned his face away, not wanting Remus to see how angry his eyes were. "I wish you would tell her to stop bothering us. She's your girlfriend and we shouldn't have to deal with her questions." He rubbed his hand over his mouth and feigned as though there was something interesting on Madame Pomfrey's desk, keeping his eyes locked on a stray potion topper.

Remus sighed loudly and closed his eyes, leaning his head back into the pillow. "What shall I tell her, Padfoot?" he asked, his tone dry and annoyed. "Should I just waltz up and say 'hey, Millie, I think you should that your boyfriend is a furry creature of the night who would tear you apart if you were near him three nights out of the month'. I can really see that going well." Sirius merely shifted in his seat and made a huffing sound, causing Remus to get slightly more annoyed with him. "I can't tell her anything, Sirius, you know that. You guys should just ignore her."

Sirius rounded back on his friend with his eyes flashing red. "We try to ignore her, Moony! She stalks us. This time, she was standing outside of the dorm room when we came out. It's always the same." This is the point where Sirius started batting his eyes and holding his hands clasped at the side of his face, using a girly voice full of mocking as he spoke. "Where is he, boys? I know you know where he is, boys. I'm just going to follow you, boys. I have a right to know, boys." He dropped his hands and threw himself back in the chair again, curling his lips in distaste. "She always calls us boys like we're under her or something."

Remus shifted on the bed slightly, not even bothering to open his eyes. "You don't have to be mean, Padfoot. I'm not going to forget that you hate her, you don't have to keep reminding me with your condescending attitude and snarky comments." He reached up and brushed his hair from his eyes again and licked over his rough lips. "I don't know why you hate her so much. She's really quite nice, you wouldn't know that though, you never gave her a chance." The snort that came from a now sulking Sirius, made Remus groan and roll his head to the side, opening his eyes to look at the dark haired boy. "Why do you hate her so much?"

Sirius shrugged and folded his arms over his chest, sticking his lips out just so that it reminded Remus of a five year old who had just been asked why they cut off the new baby's hair. "I dunno," Sirius said, refusing to look up at Remus. "She just gets on my nerves. She's always hanging around and asking questions and sitting on you like you're some kind of chair. We can't even talk anymore without her there butting into the conversation." He flicked a piece of lint off of his pants leg and lolled his head back, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I just don't like her, Moony. I don't see why you do."

Remus pursed his lips and eyed Sirius. "I like her because she's nice and she's smart and we have a lot in common and sh-"

"She's a werewolf too?" Sirius asked, letting out a loud barking laugh. "I'm sorry, Moony, I don't see how you have anything in common with her. Yeah, you both like books, but honestly that is junk. What are you going to spend the rest of your lives sitting around discussing Shakespone?"

"Shakespeare."

"Whatever. That isn't the point."

"What is the point?"

Sirius growled in frustration and drug his hands through his hair. "The point is, she isn't right for you. She's just…she is…she's just not right for you." He dropped his hands roughly into his lap and shook his head. "She must be one hell of a snogger for you to like her so much despite her being a total b-"

"Padfoot!"

"Sorry," Sirius muttered. "So…is she?"

"Is she what, Sirius?"

"A good snogger."

Remus made a scoffing sound and turned away from Sirius. "I'm not telling you that, Sirius," he said, pointedly as he adjusted the blanket around himself.

"Come on, Moony, tell me," Sirius prodded, leaning forward in his seat and getting a sinister smile on his face. When Remus refused to glance at him, he sat up fully and scooted his chair closer to the boy's bed. "Tell me," More silence from Remus. Sirius let out a small growl and scooted closer still. "Is she a better kisser than me?"

Remus jerked his head towards Sirius so fast his neck cracked, making him wince in pain. "How the bloody hell would I know that, Padfoot?" he asked, reaching up to massage the back of his neck.

Sirius smirked and pulled Remus' hand away, putting his own in its place and rubbed at the back of Remus' neck, digging his thumb and fingertips into the boy's tense muscles and down towards his shoulders a bit. Remus closed his eyes, enjoying the impromptu massage he was getting and let out a long, slow breath. "Answer me. You know the answer. We've kissed before. Several times, actually," Sirius said, smiling at the way that Remus was relaxing into his hand.

"We've never had a proper kiss, Padfoot. I can't compare for you, sorry. You'll have to look for someone else to stroke your ego," Remus said quietly, feeling himself start to drift off to sleep.

"Stroke my ego? I was just asking about kissing here, I didn't think you'd go and get all perverted on me, Moony," Sirius said, letting out a quiet laugh and rubbing harder at his friend's tense neck muscles. "I'm only goofing. I know what you meant." He stayed silent for a while, listening to the other boy's steady breathing and watching his chest rise and fall with each breath he took. He slipped his hand from Remus' neck and brushed it across his forehead, sweeping the hair from his eyelids. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and gently moved to sit beside the other boy on the bed.

Remus opened his eyes and gave Sirius a questioning look, raising his eyebrows and sitting up just a bit to see him better. Sirius leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Remus', putting his hands on either side of the boy's head to hold his weight. He pushed down against the blue eyed boy's lips and moved his own against them with a slow, passionate focus. He forced Remus' mouth open and slipped his tongue into it, caressing it against the other boy's until Remus let out a small whimper against his lips. Sirius answered the sound by pushing down harder into the kiss and grazing his teeth over the boy's lips, causing Remus' rough and dry bottom lip to split slightly and lace the kiss with the faint taste of blood, which did nothing to discourage Sirius. He moved his lips with more fervor and slid one hand down, locking it around Remus' waist and making him yelp in pain and bite down on Sirius' tongue.

"I'm sorry!" Sirius cried out, spring from the bed and throwing his hands up in surrender. "I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you really bad?" he asked, his eyes full of fear and regret. He stepped back over to Remus and looked down on him as he pulled the blanket back to reveal a deep gash, filled with the healing compound, right where Sirius had grabbed him. "I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered again, tears brimming at the edge of his eyes. He dropped back into his chair and pulled his feet up, perching them on the edge of the seat, and hugged his arms around his knees.

"It's alright, Padfoot," Remus said. "It didn't hurt, it just surprised me is all." Lie. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and sucked the blood from it as he inspected his gash to make sure that none of the paste had been pulled from it and taken onto the blanket. Once satisfied that it was alright, he lowered the blanket back down and looked over at Sirius with vacant eyes. "Why did you do that?"

"I didn't mean to, I got carried away. I wasn't thinking about you being hurt," Sirius asked, wiping at his eyes before they had a chance to release the tears.

"I meant, why did you kiss me?"

"Oh," Sirius whispered. He sat in silence for a bit, only finally consenting to answer Remus when the boy cleared his throat harshly. "I don't know, okay. You said we hadn't had a proper kiss for you to compare to and I just thought that I -"

"What?" Remus' voice was sharp and cold. He sat up in the bed and looked down at Sirius with anger in his eyes. "You kissed me so that I could tell you if you were better than Millie? Sirius that is just…that is so…you're an asshole!" he yelled. When Sirius opened his mouth to protest, Remus put his hand up and shook his head. "Just shut up, Sirius. Just…shut up. I don't want to talk about it and no, I won't tell you if you were better or not, so you wasted your damn time."

"Remus I didn't do it s-" Sirius never got the chance to finish his sentence, for at this moment, the door to Madame Pomfrey's office came open and the two missing Marauders came spilling into the tiny room, both wearing matching looks of irritation.

"Moony, your girlfriend is bloody annoying," James started.

"And fast," Peter added, gasping for breath. When Remus raised his eyebrows at the boy, he elaborated. "We ran from her. She followed us towards the grounds, we slipped through a passage way and took off here, but she followed, we barely lost her. Well…we didn't lose her, we split up and she followed James and he lost her, but still." Peter dropped onto the end of the bed and leaned his head against the wall in exhaustion.

"You gotta tell her something or dump her one, Moony, because it is getting old. It's been five months and she isn't giving up." James pulled a stool towards the hospital bed and sat down on it, then leaned forward onto the empty space where Sirius had been sitting moments ago. "Do you love her?"

"No."

Remus had given a simple, no nonsense answer and it made anger flare inside of Sirius like he had never felt towards his friend. He shot up out of his seat and narrowed his eyes at Remus. A few deep and soothing breaths wasn't enough to squash the words trying to escape from his chest and within seconds, Sirius was screaming. "Then dump her! If you don't even love her then you shouldn't be bothering with the bitch! You're not the only one that is being affected here!" He thrust his finger towards Peter as an example and let out a small growl. "She's ruining our lives!" He whipped his robes back from around his feet and stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

James shook his head slowly and looked at Remus with concern. "He really hates her, you know?" he asked, taking over the seat that Sirius abandoned.

"I know," Remus answered. "You guys don't have to worry, I'm not going to stay with her. I was gonna break it off before summer anyways, I might as well do it sooner rather than wait another two weeks." He gave a long sigh and chewed his bottom lip, still tasting the trace of blood and Sirius' mouth.

James would later tell us that it was how we dealt with the Millie situation that made him sure out feelings weren't just of a friendly nature. Luckily by now, he had gotten used to the idea, so he wasn't upset or angry over the idea that something could end up happening between us. Things might have gone better here if it weren't for the fact that our fourth kiss was so heavily laced with the Pain of Jealousy.

~o ~ o ~ o ~

You shouldn't kiss me like this,

unless you mean it like that,

'cause I'll just close my eyes and

I won't know where I'm at.

We'll get lost on this dance floor,

spinning around

and around and around and around.

"You Shouldn't Kiss me Like This" - Toby Keith