Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, I just recovered from a major writers block! I know what I want to do with the story, I'm just having problems figuring out how to get there! Thanx for sticking with me!coldsunshine:Nice to know I'm wierding you out sufficientlyDigmon Girl: Glad that your liking it Jaunt: Thanx for the praise! It is very much appreciated. This is only the second POV story that I'm doing, but it's the first time I did Leo. The other one is Raph, who I think is a bit easier. Happy to know that I'm doing POV decently. LadyKatana45: Happy to see some of the intensity got through, and yeah I have a problem with running words together. Tryin' to work on it! Tewi: He's not losing his honorable bits per say. It's something else. I will speak no more! Mwahahahaha! Pi90katana: I like super powers too. Leo Oneal: Your favorite part was the leg breaking? And here I thought you were a sweet little innocent!. :)

In this chapter Italics can either represent flashbacks or dreams. You'll be able to figure out which is which.

Chapter 4

As Suspicions Grow

(Two weeks later)

Life went on as usual in the Lair.

I tried not to think about what had happened at Bishop's. I knew that I don't have the strength to snap a man's legs with my bare hands, yet I did. Lift two of my brothers? I mean, we weigh a lot more than we look, with our shell and build and all. Yet I not only picked both of them up, I was able to run and jump out a window with them! Worse, it didn't hurt. It was like picking up a single sack of flower, it took effort but not that much. Not nearly as much as it should have.

Maybe my training has finally paid off? Yeah, that's it.

Shell, who am I kidding. It must be because of when I died. What happened that day still haunts me. Who would've expected it? Hamato Yoshi, he looked just as grand as I imagined.

Yet something had seemed wrong about it all. Can't quite put my finger on it but something left a bad taste in my mouth. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it. How ungrateful I must sound. Here I am, given a second chance at life and only to complain that it didn't feel right? Maybe I didn't deserve it as much as Hamato Yoshi said. And why do I have these heightened abilities? Is it some type of reward? I don't like to think about it too much. I don't deserve this, the only reason I died in the first place was because I made a stupid mistake. A stupid foolish mistake. I've been training extra in the dojo as punishment.

Only the training doesn't make me tired anymore...

I shake myself out of meditation. I guess it was kinda pointless trying to meditate with my mind like this. I'm so confused...

I've broken so many things. So many accidents.Shattered cups just by picking them up. Usually afterward I'm able to hide that. I punched the punching bag right off the chain and into the next wall. Man did it fly. I was almost able to put it back on before someone came in. 'I was punching on it and it just snapped' Yeah, that's it...

I didn't get a kata right, stomped in frustration. It took a while before anyone noticed that dent in the floor. The broken chair leg wasn't my fault either. Niether was the bent blade...

I got up and walked to the bathroom for a shower. Training followed by meditation, yet I'm not tired or achy. I haven't even broken a sweat. But showering seems right about now, even if I don't stink. It will make things seem more normal.

Training.

Nowadays it was bringing a bad taste in my mouth. I never thought that I'd ever say that. Not about training.

Steel clanged against steel as I went against Raph. Splinter was making suggestions from the sidelines as usual. We always do this. I swiped a blow at him. Raph dodged and parried with his sais. We were evenly matched today. I wasn't performing flawlessly as I should be. As I have to be.

I had to win. I had to beat him. I am the leader. It is what I should be: perfect.

Mikey tried to start a converstion with me several times, always about what happened at Bisops. I lost my temper and snapped at him. He was almost as surprised as I was. I never snap at my brothers like that. I hardly lose my temper, especially over something trivial like this.

That one got him. Yeah.

He landed on the ground. Now I'm almost done.

"Alright, bro. You got me...as usual."

I raise my sword. Time for the killing blow. His face twists in surprise. My brothers yell. Then Splinter's voice breaks my deadly calm.

"LEONARDO!"

I turned the faucet, sending a stream of water into the tub. I felt it to see when it heated up.

Still couldn't believe what I almost did. I almost went in for the kill. It seemed right at the time. What in the world could killing you own brother seem right?

"What are you doing!"

"Master Splinter, I..." I dropped my swords.

"Hey, Leo. Are you OK?" Raph, the one I just tried to butcher is offering sympathy. This isn't right. What's wrong with me? Even now, for some reason I feel that the only thing not right was that I wasn't able to finish the blow. I know that isn't me. That isn't me...

And my mindset, the way that I was thinking when I rescued my brothers, that's not me. I don't get the urge to kill. Not even Raph goes that far. Not even close. What's happening to me?

"My son, do you wish to speak now?"

"I...No, Master Splinter. Whatever it is, I'll deal with it."

I sigh as I close my eyes against the steaming hot water of the shower. Sweaty of no, a shower still feels good.

It is 2 o'clock in the morning. Once again I couldn't sleep. It's shameful. Hamato Yoshi wouldn't be pleased. I suppose that I should be happy for what is happening to me. I know that if it happened to Mikey he would be bending bars and benchpressing the couch in order to show off. He'd probably tie a towel around his neck and proclaim himself Silver Sentry's sidekick again. After all, one could do a lot of good with this. I suppose.

Then why do I want to hide it?

Master Splinter doesn't help, either. Never thought that I would ever think that, but I do. He looks at me differently, like he knows. Does he know? How could he? He wasn't even there!

The shower has run cold so I get out and turn it off. Why do I still feel so...dirty? I shake it off and reach for my towel.

Water dripped onto the floor as I did so. I should've expected it, but I didn't. I slipped.

I felt that familiar falling sensation everyone get's when they lose control. Instinctively my hands flew out, grasping for anything to break the fall.

My hand grasped the towel rack. With lightning quick speed I hurled myself up with one hand while still mid-air. I had barely touched feet to the floor when I heard an audible snap!

Momentarily baffled I looked down at my hand. A foot long piece of broken pipe lay in my hand. Immediately my face tuned crimson with embarassment, even though no one was there to see it. A broke the towel rack. The one Donny made when we moved in here, steel pipe welded into the wall. And I broke it. How are you going to explain this one Leo?

Angrily I hurled the pipe to the ground. It bounced of the floor and flew to the mirror, shattering it. Then it landed in the sink, leaving a small, but distinctive dent in the bowl.

A strangled cry of frustration gargled from my throat. I brought my fists to my face, pressing them against my eyes. I saw spots.

How the shell! Why is this happening to me! Is this some sort of punishment for my thoughts! For thinking! Something I did! WHAT! WHAT!

I picked up the pipe and hurled it again. Fortunately this time it bounced harmlessly against the wall. I picked up a shard of glass and hurled it. It embedded itself in the wall like an arrow. I followed it with another, and another, and another. Never had I felt so...so...so... I didn't quite know how to describe it. It was like sheer frustration with anger. Is this what Raph feels?

I was on about the seventh piece of glass when the inevitable came and I squeezed too hard. With a hiss of pain I bent down, clutching my wrist. Slowly I opened my hand and pulled out the piece of glass. Crimson blood welled out of the cut.

Hurriedly I scuttled across the bathroom andran it under cold water. With my other hand I searched for gauze or some type of wrap. Found it.

I took my hand out of the stream and tried to bandage it, but it soaked the bandage before I could even start. How deep was I cut? I put it back under the stream, brought out a new roll and tried to remember what Donny said about cuts. Pressure! I took it out again, applied pressure with the bandage, and rolled my hand, applying pressure at each turn to control the bleeding.

By this time I was thoroughly cooled down. It was then that I had a chance to look at the place. The mirror was shattered, glass scattered in the sink and on the floor. The pipe was lying against the floor, it was then that I saw the small hole it put in the wall where it struck. Great. Six pieces of glass were poking out of the same wall like ninja stars, twinkling in the light. Then I noticed the blood on the floor. Hesitantly I picked up my feet. In my rush I didn't even notice the glass on the floor. Nothing major, but many smallshards had cut my feet. I wasn't sure I was going to get away with this one.

Wait, what time is it? 3 o'clock. Do I? Yes, I have time.

With a sigh of resignation I began to clean up.

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I was making tea when the others came awake.

"Yo, dude! What happened to you! Get into a fight with the 'paper shredder' or something?" Mikey quipped as he bounced in, reaching for the cereal.

"No Mikey. Just got cut."

"With what?"

"Glass."

"Why?"

"Because it's sharp."

"How come?"

"Michelangelo! Enough."

He looked at me for a moment and went back to pouring his cereal. Then he brazened another. "Where'd the glass come from?" Man! He could never shut up!

My neck muscles tightened and I whirled around. Donny saved me. He walked in, already carrying a cup of coffee. He looked at us quizzically. "What glass?" Then he saw me. "Leo! What happened to you?"

"Someone put glass inside the paper shredder and he had an action packed battle trying to remove it in order to save the orphans from having all their coloring books destroyed!"

We both looked at Mikey but he just beamed under the attention. Luckily Don got the truth of the comment. "Need me to look at it?"

I shook my head and turned from him to finish my tea. "No, Don. It's just glass. I'm fine."

He looked at me. I could tell he wanted to ask more but he kept his silence and prepared breakfast. I was thankful.

"Alright, where the shell is the mirror!" Raph stormed in, in his usual morning mood.

Mike grinned "Whatsa matta Raphy-boy? Need to make sure you look splendid for all the ladies you'll meet today?"

He huffed air through his nostrils. "Mikey I oughtta..."

"Is that where the glass came from Leo?" Don interrupted to inquire.

Mikey and Raph stopped their bickering and looked at me questioningly.

"What glass?" Then he saw me. Raph whistled. "Man, bro! What the shell happened to you!"

Never thought I'd say this but this is getting on my nerves. I've never been so aggravated. "Look, I'm fine. Don't need stitches or any other medical assistance, thank you very much. As you all know I've had much worse. No I don't need help of any kind, yes I can walk so don't ask. Yes the glass came from the mirror, and yes I'm sorry about that. I bumped it getting out of the shower, end of story. That's it. All of this being thus explained, I'll expect no more inquiries, questions or acts of good faith because I don't need them. I hope that is clear enough for all of you. That will be all."

My brothers just looked at me with a stunned silence. They were almost as stunned as I was. Did I just say that? What's wrong with me! I need to get away from all this aggravation.

Picking up my finished tea I took advantage of their shock walked out of the room without a word.

Going to the living room I slowly eased into the couch and sighed. I could feel the stress ooze out of me, but it's like it didn't go anywhere. It just hung around waiting for more action.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Yeah, that must be it. I haven't been sleeping like I should ever since I died. I know that I hadn't been getting enough sleep but I couldn't help it.I would never admit it but the dreams botheredme.I could never let my brothers know. They count on me,I'm their leader. Not supposed to have bad dreams.

I glanced at the clock. As usual my brothers had got up an hour early before practice (new rule from Splinter, tired of tardiness) and since I had a jumpstart on them. So maybe...

I had never thought of doing this before, but maybe I could take a nap. A short one. Half hour tops. Yeah, maybe even just fifteen minutes. That'd be good. My brothers wouldn't even notice. I snickered to myself. Never thought I'd willingly take a nap. Ever. But it's only a short one...

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It was dark. Everywhere it was dark. Jagged rocks heaved themselves up from the ground, a smoky mist hung low in the air. Where was I?

Then I saw him. Hamato Yoshi. Immediately I bowed and said my greetings.

He laughed softly. I looked up, confused. Something about this wasn't right. He looked...different somehow. Immediately I scoffed at myself. How could I be making that sort of judgement? I only met him once. I don't know enough to judge anything.

He looked at me sideways, an odd glint in his eye and a crooked grin. "Well, well, well, Leonardo. It seems to me that you don't fully appreciate the gift that I was generous enough to impose on you."

My heart quickened. "No! Really, I do. Please, don't."

He took a step closer. For some reason I took a step back. I was definetely feeling edgy. "Really? Don't what?"

"I..."

He looked at me and his grin grew wider. I didn't like that grin. "I'd be careful if I were you, Leonardo. Trust me when I say this; I'm not who you think I am. I won't do what you think that I'll do. Don't expect from me what you want to expect. For I assure you, I will dissappoint you."

Something definetely didn't feel right about this situation. He took another step forward, but this time I didn't back down. His smile dissappeared and he glared at me as he took another step forward. Now we were chest to chest.I looked up at him, staring him straight in the eye. His glare turned a bit harsher, but I kept my face impassive. I refused to give in to whatever mind game was being played here.

Suddenly his face broke into a smile. His tone was loving. "Please, Leonardo, simply remember what I said. Whatever happens now,you are mine."

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My eyes flew open.

My heart was beating.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. How that dream affected me!

I sensed someone next to me.

"Leonardo?"

"Yes, Master Splinter, I'm ready."

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A/N: Hey, ya'll! Hope that you liked this chapter. It took me a while to piece it together. Hopefully I'll do the other ones at a quicker pace (please, don't hurt me!)

I've already put this on my story Expecting, here's one for you. I need your input on a story that I'd like to do in the future. That's because it's dealing with a 'sensitive issue', namely the Iraqi War. All the stories in my character (the veteran's) about the war will be second hand, meaning I haven't been there. I got all the stories from people who have been there. I will recount all their tales with the best of my ability, and will tell either before or after each chapter exactly what isn't true (I don't know), or assumed. I will try to leave those out as much as possible. The reason why I'm going through all thisis my husband suggested that I get you guys opinions on the matter because there is a prediction that many will be offended by me writing this story. I don't wish to offend anyone, I don't wish to get kicked off either. Please tell me on your reviews whether or not you think a story like this would be a disaster. (or somy husband states) please input your unput.