A/N

Hello you lovely lovely people! Had a very shit few weeks which is why I haven't posted anything and I'm sorry.

Special thanks to demonpixie1 for her lovely reviews and suggestions. Also started work on chapter two of Idle Hands!

On with the humiliation of another fictional teenager! Hurray!

Please rate and review.

PS

I forgot how adorable Lance and Kitty are! I was re-watching the Evolution episodes for inspiration and verbally went "Awwwwwwh Bless!" more than once.

Dear Kitty and Rogue,

We wanted in on this list business so here's one for Lance. Enjoy!

Pietro, Toad and Fred

Start every sentence with "Lance"

1. Has never seen an avalanche that he hasn't started himself.

2. Has seen Predator 153 times and has gone out on Halloween as Dutch more times then anyone cares to remember.

3. Gave Kitty her own personal ringtone on his phone…

4. … it's What's New Pussycat? By Tom Jones.

5. Thinks people who shower with their pets is all kinds of wrong.

6. Has a fear of rubber ducks.

7. Had Rebecca Black as his ringtone until we threatened to start smash things.

8. Once had the brilliant idea of driving from the Brotherhood house to the Mansion at 3:00AM to serenade you with a medley of love songs (Teenage Dream, My Beloved Monster and This is a Man's World to name a few). This was a good idea before we remembered about Logan's security system complete with lasers. Remember that day you came over and we were all tired and you'd heard shouting the night before? That was us.

9. Was once dragged on a fishing trip with Logan, Scott, Nightcrawler and any other guy involved with one of the X-Girls, everyone had a good time until threats of castration were being thrown around like beads at Mardi Gras.

10. Shares a thing for make-over movies but only when it's a personality and not a vanity one, like Rocky.

11. Wanted to be a butcher when he was little…

12. … and a rollercoaster designer…

13. …and a wizard.

14. Has an aunt in Greece who herds goats for a living and he has known how to humanly kill and skin a goat since he was 6. This talent hasn't proven useful in Bayville so far but here's hoping.

15. Tried to pierce his ear with a safety pin and ended up in the ER with a septic ear.

16. Has a life-sized cut out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

17. Makes the best chilli cheese fries (from Fred)

18. Gets emotional at the end of Gladiator every single time.

19. Has a secret passion for Desperate Housewives, especially Bree.

20. Knows the choreography to Born This Way…

21. … and once crossed baths with Remy during one of his Sharp Dressed Man moments…

22. … while practising his moves.

23. Thought Alexa and the Predator made a really cute couple, which is not a word you can associate with the Predators.

24. Has a thing for Clark Gable movies and until he realised he has bum-fluff for facial hair he tried to grow a moustache.

25. Gets UNBELIEVEIBLY soft and mushy about Kitty when she isn't here. We're talking poetry and other such guff.

26. Prefers his SEGA Megadrive to the house's Xbox and has an original copy of Sonic the Hedgehog.

27. Is the Banky Edwards to my Holden McNeil (from Pietro)

28. Once got drunk at Disneyworld and threw up on Mickey Mouse's feet.

29. Had a lazy eye as a child and spent a year wearing an eye patch and pretending to be a pirate.

30. Has a banana shaped scar on his backside. Do not ask how we know this.

31. Wishes Scott and Jean would keep their preppy noses out of his relationship with Kitty, and that they only do it because their own relationship is about as exciting as a strip club on a Tuesday lunchtime.

32. Has a pair of prosthetic Vulcan ears, we have no idea why or for how long he's had them.

33. Re-found his love of Disney movies thanks to Kitty. This once led to the whole house crying at Fox and the Hound.

34. Made the rest of us suffer when he and Kitty broke up that one time. We think there was an actual playlist for miserable I-Miss-Kitty songs, now no one can listen to Brown Eyes without Lance having to leave the room.

35. Sucks at poker but is brilliant at blackjack.

36. Has a Molly Ringwald box set…

37. … and a crush on Molly Ringwald

38. Is shit-scared of Nightmare Before Christmas.

39. Still has all his Pokémon cards and throws a tantrum when we don't play with him.

40. Has Guy Love as Pietro's personal ringtone and vice versa.

41. Has only seen one pair on breasts up close and personal before in real life and that was when he accidently ran into Wanda when she was coming out of the shower with only a towel on. There was a fall and you can guess the rest. Remember that beasty black eye he had for about two weeks? There ya go.

42. Doesn't understand how Remy can have the balls to eat Red Savina peppers on a regular basis but doesn't have the gaul to take Rogue out on a date…

43. … same goes for Kurt and the human girl he's always hanging around with.

44. Has a bottle of Sex Panther and a t-shirt saying "I Love Lamp", we think he liked Anchorman.

45. Wants to know if you're free any time soon because the soft tool misses you.