THEY'RE ALL HUNTERS
Dick Roman sat down at his desk, wiping his face clean of an ichorous substance. He didn't like the way the minions tasted, but at the very least eating them did not destroy the grist, and it was still being safely stored away into his client's grist cache. Speaking of which, he needed to get in touch with her. Dick, smart man that he was, had already fully realized his Alchemiter. He booted up his vest-pin-top, producing a hologram and a keyboard interface.
- enterprisingShark [ES] began pestering marvelousBitch [MB] -
ES: Meg? Meg are you there? :J
ES: That is alright. I can wait.
MB: what
ES: Ah there you are, partner :J
MB: stop makin that face
ES: You know I can't. A good, trustworthy smile gets you far in life Meg. :)
ES: You would know if you were not busy spending your whole existence being a huge bitch. You should work on your smile.
MB: are you jokin i smile all the time
ES: Your smile is ineffective. Let me show you how it is done. :J
ES: tinyurldotcom/8nurtvh
MB: omg your basically the worst
MB: what do you need
ES: I wanted to know how you are doing :)
MB: im fine. lucifer says hi btw
ES: Oh so you found his cage? :D
MB: yeah. gettin the nuns there was a bitch do you know how hard it is for demons to get nuns to a crater that used to be a church
ES: I would guess it would be rather simple. You demons may be second class to leviathan, but that ability to possess humans and move them around is really quite a handy asset :J
MB: you snarky bastard. yeah thats exactly what we did
ES: Really? Are you sure about that? Sounds like you had difficulties.
MB: what does it matter we got them there and talked to lucifer. he knows the plan. he's on board too. apparently he already woke up on prospit.
ES: He has? That is wonderful! :D
MB: hes excited to know that michael will be joinin us. im not. im terrified hes not goin to want to work with a bunch of monsters and kill us
ES: Well he's a man of destiny, and we are destined to play this game. I think we'll win him over. :J
ES: Or at the very least I will :J I'm quite charming and am an excellent host.
MB: lol
ES: I am. I will invite Michael over to my tower and we'll have a chat, when he wakes up.
MB: okay we have another problem.
ES: And what would that be? You know I do not like mistakes. You are not making any mistakes are you Meg? J:
MB: listen dick you can shove it up your ass because im twice as amazin as any of you
ES: You're quite enthusiastic I will give you that, but let's be realistic Meg. Your track record includes getting exorcised, letting Azazel die, letting Lucifer get caged, and failing to kill Crowley.
MB: you know what screw you because you know what dick? you spent the entire history of earth stuck locked up in maximum security purg and your criticizin me? at least I got shit done this entire time.
ES: Meg
MB: no stfu and now look at you you are in your shitty world and still bossin me around even though im the one who is goin to make this all work
ES: Chains of command are important Meg.
MB: lucifer is our chain of command once hes loose.
ES: We'll see. You said we had problems though. Please tell me what they are.
MB: lucifer says half our players are totally dead
ES: What?
MB: lucifer found azazel and the mother bitch sleepin in those towers.
ES: Oh J:
ES: That's too bad. I suppose we can always wake them up and play from there.
MB: wow i didnt think a big mouth could open his big mouth wide enough to push out somethin so idiotic
ES: Meg. Meg are you sassing me? J:
MB: you bet your sweet assimilated ass dicky. no players connecting with each other, no kernelsprites. no kernelsprites? well thats the worst we can do dick. you should know that!
ES: Hmm good point. I trust you have a plan?
MB: why dont you do some work for once
ES: I am. I and my team are working on alchemizing a herd of cattle (humans that is) to keep my people fed. I make a wonderful Void player. My hunger is insatiable and cannot be filled, but boy do I know how to eat. That's my job. Making sure we all eat.
MB: !
MB: i cant believe you think your the leader when all you want to do is sit on your ass and eat.
ES: Here is my advice. Don't worry about the other players. Their dream selves are already in the game :J
ES: We don't need to do anything else. More players would mean more kernelsprites, more mouths to feed. And every kernel we feed makes the minions of darkness tougher.
ES: So many false-leviathan mouths to feed.
MB: thats what makes the game challengin trust me we need to prototype we dont we lose. its that simple dick. its not my fault you were dumb enough to prototype edgar
ES: Actually that would be your fault :J you are the server host. Prototyping was your job.
MB: then next time wait for me to get back to the damn computer short bus i was busy killin crowleys goons theyre still huntin me. they think im responsible for him disappearin.
MB: do you know how dumb most demons are? most of them dont believe that sburb exists yet they just think clarence is doin this
ES: Who? ?:
MB: cass! the hot stuff you gave tapeworm.
ES: Ah yes him. :) It was so crowded and uncomfortable in there, but he is very warm.
MB: omg
MB: stop right there
MB: okay seems you dont need anythin
MB: i dont need you anyway i have a plan. those winchester boys bound death. ill just do that too and force him to raise everyone and help me crack open purg.
ES: Why are you going to open Purgatory.
MB: the mother are you dumb? eve is one of our players. the winchesters ganked her. shes a monster right? where is she goin to go straight back to where she came in duh. so where is she now?
ES: Purgatory? ?:
MB: no dicky
MB: in cass
MB: now listen cuz im only sayin this once. the smarter demons tried sburb. some got in, but most
MB: those with meatsuits not dead yet
MB: only the meatsuits went into the game
MB: and those that were crossroads demons lost their contracts
ES: Lost their contracts? I guess you could say they were.
ES: Voided :J :J :J
MB: omg
MB: no
MB: stop it
ES: J:
MB: cass cant take souls with him. death already wanted him to put them back. ill bind death and pull some strings and get cass to wanna put the souls back in purg and when is guard is down ill stop the door open
ES: Can you do that?
MB: babe i can do anythin i set my mind to
MB: death will raise our other players
MB: then with purg open the mother bitch can move back and forth and since the place is her home i think when she enters purg will go with her and the entire thing will enter the medium
ES: That sounds quite the ambitious plan.
MB: hey purg entering the medium we'll have an army of monsters
MB: thanks to you an army of leviathan shale imps and levi crude ogres want to munch our asses
MB: we need an army of monsters to fight an army of monsters
MB: see i told you im a marvelous bitch :]
ES: But what about the other prototypings?
MB: dicky we dont have to prototype a ancient ass monster to make the kernels pop right
MB: we can throw in any old junk
ES: Well it sounds like you have everything under control. Or for your sakes you better. :J
ES: Winning this game is important. And I hate losing. But let's be honest. The leviathan don't need any of you. My race are my players now. We're taking this bull by the horns whether you join the party or not.
MB: your totally goin to get us killed arent you
MB: dick this game is about teamwork the game wouldnt be set up with all this cryptic shit if it wasnt designed to bite you in the ass when you dont follow the rules
ES: The leviathan make the rules. :J
ES: We're go-getters.
MB: dumbass
- marvelousBitch [MB] blocked enterprisingShark [ES] -
ES: Wait Meg
ES: Meg what did you just do? It says you blocked me.
ES: Meg? Meg you get back here. You can't "block" me you're my server player what if I
ES: Actually no I don't need you. Maybe I'll just run my server program and become my own server how do you like that :)
ES: Can't connect with client what is this? Fine I'll just download it again from the skaianet website.
ES: Wait it won't let me? Why not? One download per user? What is this?
ES: They can't treat an apocalyptic game like free samples!
ES: Meg get back here and stop being my server player so I can be my own server player!
ES: MEG
- enterprisingShark [ES] changed his mood to RANCHOROUS D:{ -
Sam was still blinded by the light after it had dissipated. He was running, but soon felt a sharp pain in his legs as he hit something hard and fell over it. He groaned in pain as he tried to get his bearings. He sat up to see what he had fallen over.
It was a gravestone marker. He stared at it. The name was illegible. Sam got to his feet. The motel, or at least a large portion of it, was sitting in front of him. He turned and saw, sprawling out ahead of him in sharp, steep hills and valleys, an expansive graveyard, covered in gray mist. The sky was a morbid, depressing shade of green.
"Where am I..." he said uneasily. He turned and saw the kernelsprite shaking. The orb burst apart into two glowing balls with an image of John's face in it. One orb was bright white, and floated through the ceiling and up into the sky. The other was dark, and floated through the floor. What remained was a ghostly figure of John, except without legs.
"Hey son," he said.
Sam stared. It had been strange seeing Dean talking to their mother... but at the same time he never met Mary, and it had been through the computer, desensitizing the experience. He hadn't been prepared for the feeling this was giving him now.
"Dad..." he croaked.
The sprite floated over slowly and rested in front of Sam. Sam skirted around the grave. John held out his arms and smiled. Sam, despite looking at a magenta version of his father as a cartoony ghost, accepted the hug and held tight. He smelled like a mix of ozone, leather, cheap shampoo and sweat. Asides from the ozone, he smelled like John. The strong tight embrace was familiar. It felt like John.
The two parted and John smiled. "Good to see you."
He sudden punched Sam in the shoulder.
"Ow!"
"That's for starting the apocalypse," said Johnsprite.
Sam felt a wave of guilt, averting his eyes. "Sorry... No, that isn't good enough. You asked Dean to stop me, at all costs."
"Yeah, I did," he said reproachfully, but then patted Sam on the shoulders. "But this is for stopping the apocalypse. You did good son. Sam, I would never have guessed you had it in you. I guess it is pretty appropriate."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.
John grunted. "Ugh, it is this stupid game you landed yourself in. I know a lot about this stupid place and how it works. And about you. I mean what you're supposed to do here and what you can become. But the game is compelling me to not tell you too much until you are ready, and it is especially bad because I can see why. You really will grow better, and stronger, if I don't tell you too much too fast."
"Oh... yeah... Well it's okay. I'm smart enough, I think, to figure this game out. And Bobby will be joining us, and he'll be a big help."
Johnsprite smiled. "Bobby... heheheh. That will be almost like cheating if he's coming here. But between you and me I can tell you one thing. Sam, it is easy to underestimate you. I underestimated you. But you have a lot of potential. The game knows this. How you spent your adventures with Dean after your girlfriend was killed—the game knows about them and knows your strengths and weaknesses. Your task and your true potential are going to play to both your strengths and weaknesses. But I know you can do it."
Sam was silent. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to John, had wanted to ever since he last saw his spirit outside the Devil's Gate. Finally he settled on a teary-eyed, "It is good to see you Dad."
Johnsprite nodded. "Yeah... so... are you up to speed already or do I need to start spinning you some damn coy story about Ultimate Riddles yet?"
"No I think I'm good," said Sam. "I picked it up second hand from Dean and..." Sam hesitated. Something important just occurred to him. "Dad... Dean... his sprite."
Johnsprite blinked. "What? What did Dean do?"
"Mary... he prototyped his kernel with her grave marker, and Mary is now a sprite like you."
John had a hollow look on his face. He blinked in disbelief. "I... Mary?"
Sam nodded.
John looked skyward. "Bobby! Bobby you start building up to the First Gate, now! Sam, start hunting some imps, we need all the grist we can—oh shit."
"What?"
Johnsprite circled around, rubbing his chin. "You said... You said that Mary was prototyped?"
"Yeah."
"And I was prototyped."
"Yeah?"
"And Mary used to be a hunter before I met her."
"Wait, how'd you find out about that?"
There was the sound of loud cackles. John and Sam turned to see a group of imps approaching out of the mists.
"Get in the motel, now Sam now!" shouted Johnsprite.
"Wait why?"
"Just do as I say!" Johnsprite shouted.
Sam frowned and headed for the door. Behind him, Lucifer was walking with his hands in his pockets.
"It is already starting eh? You know I am looking forward to seeing you fight with your daddy."
Dean Winchester was almost to the village of cars when an imp appeared from the branches of a nearby apple tree. It cackled at him and flicked him off.
Dean held up his gun. "Do you really wanna do this?"
Dean pointed the gun at the imp, but the imp quickly grabbed the gun and wrenched it from Dean's hands, then slammed it against his gut. Dean coughed, backing away.
"Oh that is it you are getting it," Dean said and threw a punch, but the imp ducked. Another swing from Dean, and the imp grabbed his arm and pulled in close, hitting its head against his crotch. It grabbed his shirt, pulled him down, and headbutted him in the face, shoving him backward and causing him to fall onto the ground.
Holy crap this thing can fight! Dean thought with alarm. He tried to get to his feet but the imp was on his chest now, whacking him with its tiny fists. It didn't hurt too bad, but the thing was feisty.
Dean took better note of how the thing had Mary's hair.
No.
Dean threw the thing off of him using the difference in their sizes. He got to his feet, rubbed some blood off his nose with his thumb, and held up his fists, braced for the fight.
The imp flashed white, and suddenly had Mary's hair and his father's beard.
"What?" Dean gasped, but rushed in punching. The imp ducked out of the way and counter punched... but the exact movement was very familiar.
Dean remembered the exact way the imp dodged from practicing boxing with his father as a kid.
The imps... they had both his parent's fighting moves.
A crazy fight later, ending with Dean retrieving his firearm (a reoccurring theme of his life) and blasting the imps head off, Dean sat up and collected the grist. He wasn't sure how he "collected" it, all he did was walk over to it, but Dean wasn't going to let himself get too hung up on gaming abstractions. He had another problem. Another imp showed up while he had been fighting the other one. This one had pie on its head. It threw a chunk of pie at Dean, who ducked out of the way and then ran at the monster, kicking it and sending it flying. This one was not nearly as good at fighting.
"Yeah! You're just a pie imp!" Dean shouted. "You can't handle this!"
Dean caught something out of the corner of his eye. Four imps with mixed features of his parents and that of a piece of pie were coming at him. Fighting both his parents combined four times over? Oh hell no.
"I appreciate being back from the dead Sam, but really what were you thinking?"
Johnsprite was holding the door closed, pressing up against it as a horde of imps were trying to bust through. Sam had pushed the mattresses against the window and was pressing against them.
"Sorry I didn't know this would happen!" shouted Sam.
"That's no excuse!" Johnsprite shouted. "Okay, maybe you didn't know what would happen, but you could have guessed! Where the hell is Bobby he should be helping us!"
"What can he possibly do?"
"Well he can build us some more defenses for one," said John, grunting as the imps slammed something against the door. Seemed like they found a battering ram of some sort.
"Okay Sam you're a decent hunter and all but what are you going to do against an army of monsters, an army of them, and they're ALL HUNTERS?"
"I'll think of something," said Sam.
"I suppose this would be a bad time to spoil for you... there are giant monsters too," said John.
Sam felt weak. "Yeah, please don't say that."