Letters
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!
Author's Note: I hate you insomnia. With a passion more intense than the heat of a thousand burning suns. It's almost 6am here and I'm fucking TIRED. But as my brain is nagging, I am up writing this instead. Hope you all bloody well love it. Cheers.
---------
Chapter ThreeDearest Lily-kins (I'm branching out),
Lily, I never thought the day would come. Do you want me to get ragged on for the rest of this mission…quest…thing? I thought not. Take it back…now! I told you it wasn't my fault, what else do you want woman? Merlin… And I am exceedingly glad you don't know where I am now, because I do not want to be a dead man. Besides, how would you dispose of the body?
Aww, I knew you couldn't stay mad for long. Every waking minute eh? Well that's comforting, but you sound a bit like a stalker, love. It is a little disconcerting. As for those non-waking thoughts, I hope you enjoy them. According to our faithful guide, Mr. Moody, we shan't be coming back for ages and ages (he mentioned the word months a couple times), which is absolute bollocks. Ooh, hexing me? Is it going to be one of those sexy hexes, where you actually just Vanish all my clothing? I hope so.
And of course I miss you that much. More even. To coin a phrase, I miss you more than mere words could ever express. And the only times you're awful is when you're shouting at me, which happens much less frequently now we're shagging might I add. Not that we've been able to lately. Obviously.
Don't glare at me Lily. You'll get wrinkles, and that's just not a good look for you. Smile instead, and think of all the lovely things you want to do to me when I get home. (I am giggling here.)
Hyperbolic? Me? Why…NEVER!! We tramped over every last patch of ground in this wretched land, and I have the memories to prove it. Hah. And how do you know Moody doesn't bat for the other team? Lils, is there something you're not telling me? I should hope not. Then I might have to go on a Murderous Rampage. Which leaves messy explanations. What's this toss about Sirius and I not being trustworthy? We are so. Ask Mooney if you don't believe us. Would he lie to you? Of course not. Hmm…your arguments on the sodomy front look quite convincing. Except for the part where you said Pads was prettier. This is rubbish, darling. I am far prettier.
Come home in bits? Lily, I am shocked an appalled at your sadistic imagination. You have been spending far too much time around us. And what's this wilderness you speak of? Do they have beds there? I hope so.
Your mountains? Your lovely, round, perky breasts? Why ever would I mention them vaguely? Were I to mention them at all, I would go on in great detail about their size and shape and texture…and the way they look when you come out of the shower… Now look, you've got me all sidetracked. I was talking about the ones around Hogwarts. The ones I looked at just about every morning for seven years. Mind out of the gutter, love. (Unless you feel like talking dirty to me. Then by all means, gutter-mind me.)
You laugh at me? Whatever have I done to receive such harsh punishment? Risking life and limb to save the country and you laugh. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Padfoot agrees. And of course I am priceless, I am one of a kind. Switzerland? Oh! They have those lovely mountains Muggles like to ski on, no? And cheese? I say, where is my Switzerland cheese?? But seriously, I wish you were here as well. It's terribly dreadful without you. And I have to put up with Padfoot all day. I never really noticed it, but…he can be rather annoying. (He just threw his dirty socks at me; tell him to stop!)
I'm not writing Remus, because I can speak to him through you, and Padfoot was doing it. We are taking it in turns. I wrote to Peter last week, and he wrote to Remus. Now, I am writing to Remus. After you, of course. As for the sordid affair of Mooney and Pads, I asked him, and he merely glared. Then he got rather flustered when I pressed him about it. I will investigate further, and you must grill Remus when you see him. If they are dating and never told me, I will be Angry.
Oh, you were being sarcastic… Well, look into it anyway.
Woefully the same? How dismal. And yes, I agree, you must get out and see more people. As long as they are all women, and none of them hit on you. And cleaning the flat, what a dear you are. Normally I would say something about this being a good skill to have, but as I don't want to get shouted at next letter, I shan't, for you. How much do you love me now? Oh the Order sounds the same. Good old Dumbles to shake the lot up.
We've been going on covert missions every day here. And there is this creepy little cabin thing (the sort of place that looks rather dodgy, as though a murderer might live there) we have to go and stake out in teams. Padfoot is my partner, and we spend eight hours a day just lying there (undercover), looking out for who comes in and out and when. It's tedious and boring and…not fun. The fun lasted until about the second hour. Tell me if this letter is intercepted or not as well. You never really know. Oh Merlin, I've been around Moody (CV as we call him, as he's rather fond of shouting Constant Vigilance!) too long. Save me.
Yes, Lily, I've been reading your books. What else am I supposed to do when you spend hours and hours in the bath? A man needs entertaining, and if not you, then I must console myself with (oh Merlin) books. Wouldn't Mooney be proud to see me now? Oh, I love when Minnie (modi-wha?) those robes. So does Paddy. Then you can just stare at the shiny brooch, and you get all entranced by it, and then she still thinks you're paying attention. What do you mean? We were meant to be, love.
I told him. He laughed. Says he's going to steal you away from me, now. I asked him if that would make Remus jealous, and he said no, he would simply have you both. Suspicious…
If having you makes me a wanker then…so be it. I am a gigantic wanker. I told Sirius the rest of what you said, and he says don't worry, you will be his soon enough. Lies, I say, lies and propaganda!!
How should I know? Why are you so interested? First Black, then the owl? Lily…
Yay! You miss me. Wait…I irk you? Oh, you irk me too, sugar. (Insert eyebrow waggle…now)
Good. And what do you mean Remus wasn't there? Where did he go? Ahh… I thought this little snag might come up. I would love to tell you, really, I would, but the knowledge is not mine to share. Well, the knowledge is, just not the fact behind the knowledge. What I'm trying (and failing) to say is that you'll have to ask Mooney yourself. I'm sorry. Really. And yes, love, after you.
Oh God. Those are Padfoot's from ages ago. I meant something else, but as she's already been in my room and hasn't noticed, then I guess I have no worries. No need to look sternly at me, I swear, thoughts of you and your mountains are enough for me. And they are too significant enough. I can hardly get them all in my hands. Importance. This is why I love you. You are my brain.
Conceited much? Everyone does not love you. I know for a fact that when we started dating, Lorraine French (that posh Ravenclaw with the dark eyes) declared her undying hatred for you. Sirius told me so. She might've gotten over it by now. Then again, this is me, so probably not.
See? Again with the smart-ness. Lumos is so perfectly clever; I am employing it now, and look, a whole three pages so far. Aren't I amazing? I thought so. Oh, and ha, ha, on the eye thing. I meant his fake one. The one that is not natural. Yes, I am a man. A Manly Man. And you love it you little minx. (Stop glaring.) You sound bitter? Come, come, and tell James what's the matter then. Oh… It's me isn't it? And of course my advice is sound. This is James Potter you write to woman! You know, I'm worried about the number of times you've hinted at getting a new me. This is not feeding my ego. It is hungry.
You had better be safe as well. We don't know if Voldie is still in England and I know he has cronies there. (coughSnapecough) Don't say I didn't say so…
Missing you terribly,
Wishing you were here so I could hold you and touch you and just be near you,
This is ridiculous,
James
P.S. – Fine. Padfoot and I will go wank… Not finishing that sentence. (LILY, THIS IS PADFOOT AGAIN. HE WANTS TO GO WANKING OFF INTO THE SUNSET WITH ME!! HELP!!!!)
P.P.S. – I miss you awfully. I want to come home. Then I can take you to bed, and after awhile, we can sleep. Keep grinning. Love and all that mushy stuff.
---------
Author's Note: WAHH!! I just talked to a friend I haven't heard from in AGES!! Yay. Anyhow, my computer hates my life (too much slash methinks) and so I will not be updating ANYTHING for a bit. I'm taking a break. Much love; cheers!
P.S. – Wow, that only took and hour and a half! And then some for editing and making it better. Now sleep time.