Chapter 3-

Decisions

School. I hated going back due to thoughts of what would happen with Jasper and Bella. Edward had gone hunting for the weekend, only telling Carlisle of his intentions and why he was doing it, and I had to endure the constant calls from Japer who insisted on leaving fifty voicemails a day. I had decided to get in touch with my Bohemian side by wearing a black sweater dress, black leggings and a pair of black ballerina flats, along with my hair pushed back by a black mesh headband. I thought I looked like I was going to a funeral, it was mom's opinion that I looked pretty...that was always her opinion. I slowly got out of my car and went to walk towards the school when I felt a hand on my shoulder...a cold hand.

"Sandra...darlin', can we talk?" Jasper said in his silky smooth way.

"No, we can't. And don't call me that, I'm not anything to you anymore," I said with all the coldness and hate I could muster into my voice.

Even after all the pain and tears that he caused me, I immediately felt the familiar pangs of remorse and regret for my words when I saw the sadness on his face.

"Jasper...I...," I started, but he cut me off.

"Darlin', please, just let me explain," He said pleadingly looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his, hoping that I would say yes...I always gave in to Jasper.

"I am going to admit myself to an insane asylum for this, but okay. I will give you five minutes, no more, no less, to explain. But, if I don't like the explanation, I won't ever speak to you again or even get near you for that matter," I said folding my arms across my chest and nodding my head once in a stubborn and arrogant manner, which Jasper couldn't help but smile at. It was his favorite gesture that I did when I was mad at him, and it normally led to us being left in a very comprimising position. Men get turned out at the weirdest things.

"Sandra, I don't know if you know or not, but Edward and Bella have been having problems. When they have problems, it causes me to have problems because I can feel all of the emotions racing inside of me because of them and it really begins to pain me. Well, on Friday, Edward was being his normal prude of a self and left Bella hanging and so after he left, I went in to talk to her. Before either of us knew it, we were on the bed together, half-naked and making out. Neither one of us thought of what would happen if we were caught, then again,we really didn't think of anything at that time, we just got caught in the moment. We didn't realize the full destructive effect of what we had done, until you walked in and then ran back out. Then, when Edward's mood changed from the happiest guy in the world, to 'I am going to rip someone to pieces', we knew that he had read your mind and that you and him, would never think the same about Bella and I again. That thought broke me," Jasper said depressingly, looking into my eyes intently, "I love you so much Sandra darlin', and I do not want to have to live my life without you, as long as it may be. You are my life and I would rather die now, then live a thousand years without you."

I honestly did not know what to say. I was completely speechless. If my father knew that, he would have asked Jasper for tips on how to shut me up. All I could do was nod my head slowly and then look at him, trying to find the right words. They could not just be any words at this moment, they had to be the right ones, the perfect ones. I wanted to say "Ok Jasper, I love you, come back to me." But, the other part of me wanted to slap him and walk away never looking back.

"Jasper, I need some time to think..." I began cautiously, finding words and thoughts along the way, "I just don't know what to think right now. I want so bad to just look at you, kiss you, and forget all of this. But, I can't do that, I simply cannot forgive you that easily. I just need some time," I finished, looking into his eyes, begging him to understand.

"Ok, just please don't stop talking to me for another two days. That killed me more than you will ever know. I thrive on hearing your voice daily and not hearing it...I suppose the only reason I continuously called your cell phone was so that I could hear your voicemail," Jasper said pleadingly, his voice laced with a little embarassment at his confession.

"Give me until the end of today, I will have made my decision by then," I replied brusquely."Okay darlin'"

I walked towards the entrace of my school, putting a big smile on my face, despite the pain and caught up to my friends, minus Bella of course That bitch is dead when I get my hands on her. My friends asked if my weekend was any better then theirs, and I pretty much told them the truth. My entire weekend, my ass was planted in front of the TV, with a thing of refrigerated cookie dough and chick flicks, mainly The Notebook. The girls knew right away that there were problems in Jasper and Sandra Land, just by the statement about the cookie dough and chick flicks. But, the guys normal response to it was "What is it with you girls, cookie dough, and sad movies?", which made me smile nonetheless. I casually glanced over to the Cullen's little section of the parking lot, to see Rosalie shooting death glares at Bella & Jasper. I was so glad that she liked me, because truth be told, she scared the living hell out of me. I suddenly felt myself being picked up and turned around to be face-to-face with Edward, who looked better since he had gone hunting. He gently kissed me on the forehead and draped his arm across my shoulders and proceeded to walk me to my first period class which was off of the main hallway. A job normally done by Jasper.

"Edward..." I started to say when he put a finger over my lips.

"I know sweet, I know. I can read your mind remember. Just, don't be so easy to forgive, think extremely hard upon the subject before making your decision," Edward said and smiled gently.

I nodded and smiled, letting him know that I had acknowledged what he said. Before I left to go into the class, Edward grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. I looked at him completely surprised and he just gave me that crooked little smile of his. When I looked behind him, I realized why he did it. The entire Cullen family stood there, Jasper and Bella included, stopped dead in their tracks. Rosalie shared my look of complete and utter surprise, the name "Edward" playing upon her lips, as she said it three times in a row, silently to herself. Emmett and Alice were smiling away while Alice handed a 100 dollar bill to Emmett, some kind of bet. There were no words in the human language, or any language for that matter that described the confusion and pain on Jasper and Bella's faces as Edward released me. I quickly shuffled into my class to avoid the fight and the continuous akward moment that accompanied it. I didn't think much about my psychology class during it, my thoughts were instead on what I was going to do about Jasper, and the fact that I loved being in Edward's arms. His scent was intoxication. As soon as the bell rang, I sprang out of my seat to try and avoid both Edward and Jasper, who when I left the classroom, were outside of it arguing in hushed tones, no doubt about me. I sped off to my next class before either one of them even realized it. I bumped into Mike Newton and I would have fallen back had he not caught me in the nick of time, and then, the REAL fight began. Jasper had noticed that I was no longer in the classroom, and him, knowing my schedule, sped off to catch up with me, Edward following him. And both of them saw me in the arms of Mike. Jasper was the first to react, coming over and ripping me out of Mike's arms while checking to see what he had done to me, and Edward just froze, giving Mike the "You're not living to see tomorrow" look. Both men cared about me, but neither one understood what had just happened, so I got out of Jasper's arms and went to stand in front of Mike in a defensive manner.

"Jasper, Edward...CALM THE HELL DOWN! I bumped into Mike and I would have fallen backwards had he not caught me first. That was why I was in his arms, because he was saving me from falling. Now if you will excuse me, the testosterone in here is getting to be a bit much for me and I have a class to get to," I said and began to walk off.

I left them standing there with stupified expressions on their faces, not really knowing what to do about what I had said. I heard Jasper and Edward both apologizing to Mike, which I am thankful that they did. Lunch was the toughest time of the day, I had to deal with constant lovesick looks from Jasper, and then hearing him wince in pain as either Edward, Emmett, or Rosalie kicked him under the table, once or twice all three did it at the same time. I didn't want to sit with them, I was perfectly happy wedged between Jessica and Angela, which gave me a bird's eye view of the outside and how perfect today should have been, but wasn't. Things would never quite be the same, at least I wouldn't. My grandmother had called from Virginia last night and expressed her wish that I spent the summer with her outside of Richmond in the family homestead, well, the new one at least. The one she lived in, the old plantation that my family had owned for close to 250 years, needed work done...bad. So, she had been forced to take haven in the modern day home that my father had bought 4 years ago, right before we moved. I almost thought of taking the offer, the offer to be back in the place I loved so much. My thoughts were interrupted by someone softly saying my name. I slowly came out of my Virginia dreaming trance and looked straight into Bella's face. And then, I did something that would make my father proud. I bitch slapped her. The entire world ceased to exist at that moment and all things in the cafeteria stopped, everyone just looking at us, the slap echoing throughout the large room. Mike, recovering from the incident first, put his hand on my shoulder and led me towards the door, so that I did not kill her. Bella just continued to stand there, completely shock-ridden about the matter, with Edward and Jasper just eyeing each other, wondering what to do. I knew I was furious, it was a condition of what had happened Friday, and I didn't mind it one damn bit. I went through the rest of the day without a problem and went to get into my car when I saw Jasper standing by it. He just smiled at me sheepishly as I went to grab ahold of my door handle. I knew that he wanted to hear what I had decided about him, about us. I unlocked my car and threw my bag and books into the back seat as he continued to just look at me, pleading with me.

"I could not think of anything other then you today Jasper, all through my classes, you were the only thought in my mind. I thought about that time we shared down by the Sol Duc river, when we first kissed, and also about that time when you almost caught my mother's kitchen on fire trying to make me grits. They are memories that I will never stop cherishing. But, even with those memories, the memory of you and Bella, tangled on your bed together flashes into my mind. And one bad memory is enough to do an entire plethora of good ones. I just can't do this Jasper, I need time to heal and I can't heal from that in two days. I'm sorry, but, I can't be with you anymore," I said sadly as the tears started to form.

"It's okay darlin', I understand. But, in any case, I'll always be there for you, no matter what path you take in life, I'll be there," He kissed my forehead and walked silently back to the rest of the Cullens.

At that moment, my heart was in more pain then it ever was. All I ever wanted was Jasper, forever. And now, he was gone. I knew it was what I had to do, I knew that there was no other way, but that did not stop the pain, the complete agony that it brought with it. I slowly got into my car and just cried against the steering wheel, banging my head off of it as I started the car and drove away from the broken pieces of my life. I turned on the radio trying to drown my own pain in my head and the worst song in the world came on at the worst possible time.

Oh, I know I could say were through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I'd promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

The song playing brought an entire new round of tears and by the time I got home, I wasn't even sure if I did the right thing. And there was Edward, sitting perfectly on my doorstep and I ran into his arms, crying into his chest while he rubbed my back comfortingly, like he was probably used to doing by now. He just continued to hold me while I cried, not having to say anything because he could hear it in my head. He gently kissed the top of my head and laid his cheek against it. At that moment, my mind was made up...I was going home, to Virginia. And no one was changing that thought...ever.

A/N: The song is "I Just Can't Live A Lie" by Carrie Underwood. I thought that it was perfect for this moment. for some reason. Odd peole have odd thoughts I guess.