They managed to get Rodney back three more times, each one shorter than the last. It was hard for all of them to watch Carson cause him pain. Jack decided to leave, saying he had to go back to Washington. Sam and Doctor Lam drove to a motel. So it was only Daniel, Carson and Radek there to listen. They agreed that each would take a turn sitting with him. Daniel was up first.

He had to admit that he wasn't surprised at the changes in the new arrival. Radek Zelenka hadn't been nearly so brusque or so composed the last time they'd met. He'd been rather shy and cheerful when they'd worked together in Antarctica. Now, the man was all business. He supposed the changes were normal, considering that he'd been named Chief Science Officer on Atlantis, and life wasn't exactly easy there. From talking to the man, Daniel also learned that he had faith in Rodney, even as impaired as he seemed. That told Daniel a lot about both men.

The changes in Carson since Dr. McKay had awoken were less pronounced. He'd always been caring, always been friendly and protective of his patients. Now, he seemed ready to crack. One of his best friends had this weird brain thing going on, and he had to constantly cut the man up to keep him here. It was wearing on the physician. He was also rumored to like his drink more than he should, but Daniel didn't think that he was so much physically addicted as using the drinking as a crutch.

Daniel really didn't like Rodney, but even so, listening to the screams and howls all night was disturbing. He felt compassion for the man, even if he had been rude and condescending before. No one should suffer so much.

Daniel learned many things that night. He learned the man dearly loved his place on Atlantis, and the people there. He listened to the ramblings, the hoarse screams, realizing for the first time just how hard it must have been that first year on Atlantis. Rodney had left, not knowing what could come. Even without the other threats, there was danger in Atlantis itself. And none of them had known if they would ever return home. Daniel had lived away from Earth for a year, but he'd been there with his wife.The people who'd gone to Atlantis had gone with much less than that.

Daniel also found it mind boggling that McKay had been chosen- and agreed- to be on the first contact team. He knew what gate teams went through, often not knowing if this was the last time you would see anything you loved ever again. Discovering a creature from your worst nightmares, living through lean times, supply problems, and near death had obviously changed the Canadian. And to top it off, he felt responsible for the safety of an entire expedition.

Daniel wished he could do more than translate Ancient. He tried to remember what he could from his time as an Ascended being, but nothing came to him. All he could compare this to was Anubis, but that wasn't even close to this. He wished he could actually ask one of them for help, but hey, their non-interference policy sucked. And he doubted that anything in Pegasus would help- except for Atlantis itself. He decided to convince Jack to send Rodney there no matter what. It was just the right thing to do.

Screams faded into mumbled words and soft cries. Daniel's natural empathy overcame his reluctance, and he took the man's hand. Rodney was terrified. Wherever he was, he wasn't enjoying it.

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General O'Neill. That's what his brass nameplate said. He couldn't help but snicker sometimes when he saw it. Long ago, one of his superior officers had told him he'd never be more than Major O'Neill. Now he was one of the big shots. He smiled. It had its perks. Jets waiting to fly him where he had to go, cushy office, assistants for cryin out loud.

His smile fell. The trade off, though, didn't sit as well as he'd thought. The buck stops here, as they say, and he was the buck. He was the guy who had to make hard decisions. He stared at the phone on his desk. Daniel had called again, insisting that he allow McKay to go back to Atlantis with Dr. Zelenka- and Dr. Beckett. And Daniel. He grimaced. He'd seen Beckett's file. The man had become nearly reclusive after his mother died. He'd given up all but a few of his patients. He snorted. The man was a doctor, and he self-medicated with the best of them.

This wasn't really all that crazy a situation. He'd seen (and lived through) some pretty bizarre things. On the other hand, they were talking about a genius- and he would never say that to anyone who might repeat it to McKay (or Sam Carter)- with all kinds of classified information. He hated this job.

He rubbed his eyes. Jack knew he'd eventually give in to Daniel. But only because Carter and Lam both agreed with him. Damn. He didn't want both Sam and Daniel gone, either. Pegasus was a hell of a long way to go for someone no one on Earth liked. It wasn't that he didn't trust Daniel, but he still thought of the man as a much younger man- more of a kid. Someone he should look out for. He sighed. So much had happened to him, to them, over the years that though they were still as close as brothers, there were some things they'd really never gotten over. He wondered if McKay was as close to his former team as Jack thought. He kinda knew what Sheppard must feel like. Seriously, Daniel'd died what? Six times? Or was it seven?

It didn't matter. Thinking his scientist was for all intents and purposes gone for good had to have hurt them. Even if said scientist was an ass. Was giving them hope then having it not work even worse? He didn't know.

All he knew was that he trusted Carter and Daniel. Mostly. Damn. Guess he'd better call and tell them to start packing.

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Carson wasn't sure if he should be ecstatic or depressed. He was going back to Atlantis, but he was going back to try one last ditch effort to save his friend. He wasn't getting his old position back, but he didn't really want that responsibility. Truthfully, he didn't think he could handle it again. But it would be wonderful to be there. He had nothing here really, not since his mum had died. But Atlantis had his other family, the one formed through trial and hardship and laughter. He didn't relish the idea of having to patch up his friends and see them through near death, but he missed them terribly.

For Rodney, Carson felt enormous guilt. He had done something wrong when they'd re-calibrated the Ascension machine. He'd missed something or Radek had made an error. He often wondered, sitting by Rodney at night, listening to his screams, if the man would have been better left to go in peace.

He mentally shook himself. No matter, it was already done. Nothing he could do would change the past, but he could change the future of his friend. He had things to do, anyway, and didn't have time to wallow in guilt. He needed to review everything with Radek and Colonel Carter. There were papers he had to file. And he had to speak with Rodney's sister. He dreaded talking to her. He didn't want to give her false hope, but on the other hand, he didn't want her to think they were using Rodney as part of some kind of experiment.

It took surprisingly little convincing for Jeannie Miller to sign all the papers. As she put it, "Mer wouldn't be happy anywhere else, no matter his state of mind. If the SGC would have allowed him to stay, I wouldn't even have made him come back." And she didn't care if he was 'fixed' or not, he belonged in Atlantis more than he ever had on Earth.

Carson had thought her a lovely woman, just as he remembered. From what he understood, she now did some consulting work here and there for the SGC. Still, she'd seemed genuinely concerned for Rodney, or Mer, as she called him.

So now Carson stood and surveyed the two marines stacking crates. The three crates contained Rodney's belongings, medical supplies that they'd need, and everything Rodney had written at his house. The walls had been carefully filmed, photographed and notes on everything had been written and backed up on disks and flash drives. No one was taking a chance that any piece of Rodney's work might be lost. It was their best hope of getting Rodney back.

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Sheppard couldn't contain his nerves. He ran off some of his tension, sparred with Ronon a bit, but still, the days seemed to drag by. Two weeks more until Rodney would be here. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see him, see the blank and lifeless eyes. It was so not his friend. Friend Rodney vibrated with energy. He talked, he moved. The man who'd left Atlantis two years ago had no sense of self, seemed to have no thoughts. And he was still, unless you moved him. It had reminded Sheppard of a marionette, which had really creeped him out.

When two months had passed since Radek had left, the SGC had informed them that Rodney was going to be shipped back to Earth. While Jeannie technically had power of attorney as his next of kin, the SGC had made certain he would not in any way be a threat to them, nor would he be in danger from any other group.

Teyla had wanted to keep Rodney here, while Elizabeth agreed that he would be better off on Earth. It had led to tense arguments and a coolness between them. He understood both sides, but since he wasn't really sure what to do, he'd mostly kept himself out of it.

Ronon had surprised him. No one had known much about his family on Sateda, though a few knew there'd been a woman he had loved deeply. But when the word came that Rodney was leaving, Ronon had been one of those most angered by the decision. He'd been vocal and stubborn in his support of keeping Rodney here. Shortly before they'd sent Rodney to Earth, Sheppard had remarked that he hadn't even thought Ronon was all that fond of McKay.

"Doesn't matter."

"Well, yeah, it kinda does." John had said in the mess. "I mean, why would you want to keep him here if you didn't like him?"

"I just don't think your people can do anything for him that we can't do here." Ronon had slapped his sandwich back onto his tray. "And McKay is- was... fair to me. Didn't treat me different than he did anyone else. Insulted us all. Kinda made it easier to belong. Irritating, but I... like him. And sending him away like this is wrong."

"Ronon, he doesn't even know where he is." John's own food had tasted like dirt. "And he needs someone to be with him all the time."

"After all he's done for everyone here, plenty of people would do it."

"Why is this bothering you so much?"

Ronon had stared at him, and spoke softly. "I had a brother. He was killed because his mind...he was damaged. When I was running, I visited the planet we'd sent some of our people to when the Wraith attacked, and they'd sent him away. Never had a chance. He was killed on the next planet. Just because they thought he was too much bother."

"Geez, Ronon. We are not sending Rodney back because he's a bother. It's so he can get help." But a soft voice in his head had asked if he really believed that. He had wondered if sending a man away from the one place he'd felt he belonged was the same as leaving him behind. It had certainly felt like it. It still did.