Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or anything to do with TMNT.

Author's note: Now on to Chapter 4! Thank you to my beta and others giving me ideas , suggestions and helping me with this story.

Please remember that this story is based primarily in 2012 TMNT though there will be other elements of different TMNT universes found throughout. This means that you might see some 2003 TMNT stuff, some 2014 TMNT movie stuff and you might even see stuff from the comics. And these are just a few examples.

To SuperNovaWolf: It's been changed to a quick hug lol but they are close. And yes they eventually become a couple so I did take your advice on the warnings so thank you for that. I love constructive criticism, it helps me get better.

Thank you to those enjoying the story. Please continue to review and comment. It means a lot. If you want, even send me a PM I don't mind at all. I even take story requests lol. November has me a bit slow with Nano and I'm working on a new multichapter for it called "Cracked Open" set in 2003 universe. For those doing Nano, do your best. I'm cheering you on!

Warning:

This story contains Raph/Casey, a slash or male love pairing. If that's not your cup of tea, I recommend not reading the story. So if you don't like guys that get with guys, you probably won't like this one. Though there are other elements to the story, and there are other pairings. It's Raph's p.o.v so Casey/Raph will be more in your face.

More warning: This chapter contains self-harm and abuse. Both characters realize this is not something that's healthy, so if this is something you deal with. Get help, you're not alone!

This is a rewrite of Chapter 4 "Just A Story".

Raph moved along the rooftop before kicking a vent with a growl. He looked at the dent he made and imagined it was Casey's head. Maybe that would knock some sense into the bonehead.

He stayed near the shadows on the roof, using what little bit of cover there was. It hadn't been the smartest idea to leave during the day, but he couldn't take another minute in there. Not without throwing Casey into a wall.

He knew it was nothing like the times he'd snuck into the movies with Casey. No night sky, no disguise. Nothing but the shadows that he hoped were on his side right now as he sat on the roof.

The sun was out, and he let a hand go out a bit to catch the rays. Real sun. Not the unnatural man-made one at home. His hand flexed, fingers warming a bit even as the wind blew through the gaps of his fingers.

A blue sky overhead, his eyes stayed up there as his breath caught like all the other few times he saw it. It wasn't like the night sky, speckled with stars that taunted him like small suns. It reminded him of space and Raph leaned back letting his head hit the back of the surface behind him.

Space... Mona Lisa...

She was just a tough subject for him and Casey both.

He took a deep breath and dragged a hand over his face before closing his eyes. When he first met the salamandrian and asked Casey's opinion on dating a newt, his best friend had burst out laughing. Then later that night after he and Mona Lisa exchanged a kiss, he had tried to talk to Casey about it, but he couldn't even find the bone head.

At first, he thought nothing of it until every time he'd go in a room, Casey would leave. Or every time he'd start talking to his best friend. He'd come up with some stupid excuse to go. It was clear Casey was avoiding him, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out why. And it only got worse after the second time he saw Mona.

Then, on the day he was going to confront the idiot, he saw Mona Lisa once again even though this time it went nothing like he thought it would. She had betrayed him. He glared at the memory before taking a deep breath. He forgave her but still it hurt.

And finally, when he got hold of Casey, his best friend just shrugged at his decision with a smile. He then let Raph know he'd support his decisions. Even stupid ones. He could still remember that hurt in Casey's eyes, maybe in a way he had betrayed them all too.

It became just understood to not mention Mona Lisa with each other.

He felt something pulsing from a pouch along his belt and muttered a curse under his breath. Was it Monday already? Pulling out the device that reminded him of some futuristic phone, he pressed a button as a small holographic projection appeared and he was looking at his girlfriend, Mona.

"Hey…" he tried to give her a smile. "So how was uh…" he tried to remember the planet she told him that her mission was on.

"Havexi?" Mona laughed while he admired the alien salamander's unique beauty.

"Yeah that one" he smirked a bit while noticing her glow. It was also cool how her skin always had a shine to it. Mona said it was the mucus her skin makes, he just tried not to think about how his girlfriend's skin makes snot.

"It was..." she sighed. "Actually Raphael..."

"Ya can't tell me" he finished. "Never mind, don't know why I asked. My bad Mona..." he saw a slightly irritated look on her face.

"You know I would tell you if I could."

"Yeah, but ya never can. Like that time ya came back with ya tail missin' and ya hand. Ya couldn't tell me that either, cuz that's classified" he muttered while pushing down the panic that she might be missing another limb he couldn't see.

"It grew back. So what's the problem?"

"You was missin' body parts, Mona! Body parts!" he snapped.

"I told you that with my kind limbs can grow back easily. A missing arm or even leg is nothing," Mona sighed. "And it would be nice if you attempted to say my real name at least once."

"What's wrong with Mona?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "Just…As I told you last time, it would be nice for you to say my name sometimes. We barely get chances to talk as it is, especially with battles taking place on the West borders."

"What's goin' on?" Raph was concerned. It had gone from him not knowing if he would ever see her again to if he would hear from her again. Complaining wouldn't help. She had her own troops to command as a lieutenant.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you."

"Yeah…" he sighed a moment. With the Salamandrian race being warriors that left most of her life classified until Raph suddenly decided to join the Salamandrian Military and become part of the air fleet. And even then he wasn't even sure how much the Air Fleet told each other.

He remembered once when Leo kept information about a mutagen shipment from him and Mikey, then labeled it as compartmentalization of info whatever. He wasn't even aware that was a thing until Don assured him that it was, and then their dad also said that in the end as a leader that Leo had to decide what was important.

That was a bad day in the Hamato family that ended with him pissed, Mikey crying, Don trying to clean up the mess and everyone blaming him, like usual, because his plan to get the mutagen failed.

"I wish I could…" she murmured and he just shrugged.

Wishing did a whole lot of nothing in his book. Actions did. And if she couldn't say what was going on, that was the end of that. Maybe he should ask her to let him join up. He smirked at the idea of his own troops but then made a face at the pressure and how long he would have to wait until he was at that level.

Mona was 24, a fact which made him grin more and made Leo's eyed bug out when he learned the Salmandrian's age. He grimaced after doing the math. Nearly a decade of being under a bunch of Leos and on a strange planet in space. And when would he even see his family again?

"Fuck…" he mumbled.

"You don't have to say that."

"Not you Mona Lisa…"

"Y'Gythgba..." her eyes narrowed.

"I'll work on it okay?"

"You said that last time."

Raph groaned before rolling his eyes, "A'ight, damn. I get it. Workin' on the name. Any more complaints?" he snorted.

"I didn't call to argue. I need to get going." She sighed. "I'll call you, I don't know how my schedule will be. Until I hear from you again, my Raphael."

"Yeah, you too M-" he saw her eyes narrowing. "I mean...you too" he had no intention of stumbling over her name like he did last time. He breathed out in relief when she ended the transmission, and he leaned back again.

"Maybe if ya name wasn't so damn hard" he mumbled under his breath before looking at the sky. Had they talked that long? The air was cooler, and the sky was painted orange. The blue was long gone, and he sighed as he missed the warmth on his fingers. He tried to remember a conversation between them last week but mostly all he could remember beyond his brothers, dad, and April….was Casey.

He looked at the device in his hand and slipped it back in the pouch. That device was the only thing that kept their last goodbye from being a real goodbye. Though he had no clue if or when he'd get another nose to nose from Mona

Those salamandrian kisses from her always left him dizzy with a funny feeling in his stomach. It was like those things called an Eskimo kiss on Earth and plenty of times Raph wondered about a real Earth kiss with her. He never did it himself, but he was pretty sure neither had she.

It never happened, but Raph didn't want to let her go. She wanted him, the giant mutant turtle, and it felt good to be needed in that way. Though every time he thought of her betrayal, he wanted to break something. Was she even doing what she said she was doing?

He tried pushing the thoughts down. Mona wanted him. That was enough. Right? It was still hard to believe that someone had wanted him. The freak. He brought his knees up to his plastron and laid his head on his padded knees.

"...stupid Casey," he mumbled.

Casey might be his best bud, but he was sure the guy didn't get it. Would he? He had April. One day his best friend would trade in his hockey mask and stick forever for, if not April, some other girl. The thought terrified him.

He had always thought it would be him and Casey forever, but since that time where Don and Casey started their little bonding session, Raph couldn't help feeling left out. And lost. He was losing his best friend to his geeky little brother, and that left him with what?

His girlfriend wanted him. Agreed to be with him. And now he knew he wasn't exactly alone. How was that a bad thing? One day Casey would be gone. And the only one he'd give a damn about would be April. He shut his eyes tight as a memory took over his thoughts.

"He's kinda cute," Casey smirked at Raph.

His brothers Don and Leo shot him worried looks as he carried his new pet Chompy Picasso around. Ever since they left where Chompy's mom Tokka was killed along with his world being destroyed, the baby alien turtle had stuck to him like glue. He wasn't complaining in the slightest, and even Mikey and April couldn't help but to shower the tiny turtle with affection.

Yet Leo kept shooting him glances and even took him to the side to tell him that this wouldn't replace Spike. And then Don took it on himself to talk low to him, mentioning how he knew Raph still kept Spike's, now the leader of the Mighty Mutanimals, tank clean and how Raph would even put fresh lettuce inside it.

He had kept waiting on a worried glance from Casey, yet the bonehead hadn't done it yet, and now he was eyeing him.

"Gonna call him cute too?"

"He ain't got nothin' on my looks, but it's pretty cool ya gotta new pet."

"Yeah, but he ain't Spike," There, he'd said it. He waited for the same look he'd gotten from his brothers to cross Casey's face, only to be met with a gap-toothed grin staring back at him.

"Cool, then I ain't gotta save ya ass when he mutates on ya, "Casey laughed.

No worried looks. No gentle words. Raph knew that Chompy Picasso wasn't Spike and Casey knew just what to say that day. Once they got back home to Earth, he couldn't figure out where to keep his new turtle. Leo suggested Spike's old tank and Raph freaked out. It had taken his dad to calm him down, and Casey had been there to witness the whole thing.

He let Chompy stay in his bed, but he had barely slept that night. He was pretty sure his best friend was going to never let him live what happened down. When he finally fell asleep, he woke up to a new tank with Chompy's name on it. Nearby was a letter from Casey saying how Chompy needed his own place because it'd be a shame if Raph rolled over and squashed him.

He still hadn't figured out how the bonehead snuck anything into his room and was pretty sure his brothers helped. The memory made him growl.

He didn't need Casey. That stupid grin. His dumb laugh. The way he talked to him. The way he was around when he needed him. Screw it. Screw him. He jumped up and landed a punch on the wall.

"FUCK YOU CASEY JONES!" Raph yelled out while breathing heavy. He stiffened at the sound of footsteps behind him at a quick yet long gait. He let his hands brush against his sais, before turning into a defensive stance. He pulled out his weapons quickly with his eyes already white with fury.

"Good thing my name isn't that neanderthals'" Don came closer as Raph's grip relaxed on his weapons before putting them away.

"Not now Donnie," he gritted his teeth together as he emphasized each word. "I ain't goin' back in there" His little brother could shove it if he thought he was going back right now.

"Are you quitting again? I assumed we had at least a few more weeks until number 28." Don snickered, his eyes were wide with a slight laugh in his tone that bordered on manic. Raph looked him over closer before cutting his eyes at him before looking at his brother's belt that held tightly to the, what he thought was already small, wrinkled pants that were starting to look huge on even Don's lanky frame.

Raph snorted as he heard his brother's boots against the roof as he walked. He had no clue where Don found some to fit but it was the last thing he was worried about as he crossed his arms. "I rather go live in space" he mumbled.

Don fidgeted, licking his lips and Raph wondered if the genius forgot how to be still. "I thought you hated space?"

"I do" Raph mumbled while keeping a close eye on Don, his brother's mask wasn't even on correctly and tied sloppily to the side. Except for a few good times and his girlfriend, he hated space with a passion. "What's up with you anyway?"

"Me?" he squeaked. "What do you mean?" his eyes shifted while he bit his lip, his words moving as fast as his shaky hands. The small glow of his goggles at the top of his head made his eyes look bigger.

"Ya just been weird la-"

"I said I'm fine!" he breathed heavy and Raph's mouth snapped shut with his eyes squinting at his little brother. Raph took a deep breath looked away from the taller turtle while forcing his hand from balling into a fist.

"Raph…"

"Ain't in the mood Donnie." he snapped glared at his little brother. Before at least he had his punching bag, right now he lacked a target, and his brother's mouth was making him a tempting one. One more wrong word from Don and his brother would be a turtle kabob.

"She kissed me…"

"Huh?" He blinked at Don. His brother stood there head down, the wind carrying the tails of his purple mask.

"April kissed me. More than once." He shuffled his feet and looked down at his hands before wringing them together. He was still talking too fast, and Raph was working to keep up. "We even…"

Raph's eyes widened. He wasn't even aware April, and Don was that close. And did Casey know? Were they still doing that while April was with Casey? Don didn't seem the type but damn how did his nerdy little brother get that before he did.

He shook his head quickly. He didn't want to know. And preferred it that way.

"Nope. Stop talkin' "He didn't know what the hell possessed Don but he didn't feel prepared for this. He always expected that when that subject came up, his little brothers would go to Leo or their dad first.

If they went to their dad first, then he wouldn't hear about it. But if they went to Leo first, he'd be able to tell because he was pretty sure his oldest brother was innocent in that area. And the image of a sputtering, red-faced Leo with no clue what to say for once was priceless, then after he'd find whichever little brother with the issue and help.

He never pictured them coming to him. And then there was the fact that he always thought the likelihood of it happening was low. Super low.

Don usually looked up all the answers anyway, and Mikey was still amazed from the kiss on the cheek he got from the timetress Renet. He probably had another 20 years before Mikey asked him anything.

"No? But Raph I'm trying to..."

"Ya wanna hear a turtle go splat Donnie?" he gave a look. "Cuz ya will if you keep talkin' bout you and April fuckin'."

"Me an-" Don's eyes got larger if possible. Slightly red glassy eyes that blinked wildly at him as his head shook with his hands still shaking as one grabbed the other before wringing together. It didn't stop until Don grabbed his pants. "No...I didn't...I me-mean…" his cheeks turned crimson as started to stutter and Don's hands went to cover his face, "That's not what I meant," he said into his hands.

"Oh," Raph went quiet and felt relief. He moved to sit down and nudged one of Don's long legs that were bouncing. "You can continue."

Don peeked out through his fingers and down at Raph before slowly lowering his hands. His hands were shaky still as he breathed out. His eyes darted in different directions before staying on him. "What I was trying to say..." he sat beside Raph, but his legs only moved more. "April, and I got closer. We talked a lot. I even got over the Casey thing. "

"Trust me I noticed ya got over the Casey thing" He mumbled before noticing the look Don gave him.

"He was still your best friend Raph, even then…" He said quickly, Raph almost didn't catch it from the already too quick pace Don was talking.

"Yeah, yeah" Raph moved a hand to wave it off while ignoring the sting he still felt from that time on the farm. "What about you and O'Neil?"

"Well..." Don continued, but Raph kept watching him closely. "The kiss helped a lot, and it felt amazing."

Raph looked over at Don's smile and didn't blame him. The thought of anyone being interested in them seemed a stretch at best. But for a human to be interested seemed crazy impossible. Though he had to wonder how much did April count as being human since she was half Krang.

"Then we got back to Earth, and Master Splinter announced she was a full kunoichi…." Don trailed off, his hands trembled as he held them. Wringing them together more as Raph watched his brother's jittery movements, even Mikey didn't have this much a problem staying still. "I wanted it to be special for her. I was proud of her. And then I remembered when Casey told me about high school proms and how April didn't even want to go to her junior one."

"A prom?" Raph raised a brow. "When did you and Case even talk? And how the hell prom came up? And can ya talk slower?"

"Well um...back on the farm…" Don started slowly, and Raph could feel his own fists clenching. He watched Don's eyes lower.

"How about we talk about something else..."

Raph took a deep breath before looking at the circles under his brother's eyes, "Nope ya came out here for a reason and Fearless ain't gonna be happy bout both of us out here in broad daylight. Me pissin' him off is one thing, ain't lettin' the one time ya go against him be for nothin'. So talk…"

Don smiled. A bit too much as he looked at him but Raph bit his tongue not wanting his brother to snap again. The turtle was already worrying him. "High schools have this big dancing event with a theme where they can ask a person out. You pay for tickets, there's dressing up…"

"Oh, yeah…" Raph thought of the times he saw it on television but could also remember he flipped past it quickly. Except once, but that involved a telepathic crazy chick and pig blood. That actually had been a good movie. "So what about it?"

"I decided to give her a prom" Don's wistful smile turned into a goofy grin. Teeth. Way too many teeth. "She loved it."

Raph raised a brow at his little brother while fighting the urge hit him and bring him back down to earth. One thing kept bothering him about what Don said.

"Ya can't dance" Raph looked at him confused. He remembered when they were younger and had a dance off. Don was better than Leo, but still had the grace of an elephant in a china shop.

"I know that," Don snapped and Raph gritted his teeth together. His brother looked down. "Sorry I…" he rubbed his fingers over his hand.

"Just….tell the story."

Don gave a small nod before looking back up. "I decided to take a chance. For April. A scary, frightening, panic-inducing chance that had a high chance of failure depending on which variables you looked at and then, of course, there wa-"

Raph couldn't take it anymore as he smacked his brother on the head. He could only ignore that urge a limited number of times.

"Ow!" Don's eyes squinted, "What the hell was that for!" he glared, but Raph could only blink at him realizing the word that just slipped from his brother's mouth.

"Did ya just cuss?" The question felt odd to even say as he watched Don's glare drop and he suddenly looked down.

"No. I said shell. I said...I said shell." He said each word slow but the shakiness took away from it. "Do I look like I'd cuss?" Raph opened his mouth only for Don to continue, "No, that's you. Or…or Casey."

Raph slowly nodded. A few minutes ago and he would be the last one disagreeing. He tried to decide what to say or do next as he looked at the purple-masked turtle. He was barely still, and he had to look away not to say anything about it. "So what happened?"

"It went great!" Don's voice was so high that Raph took a chance and looked at the wide grin that matched the chipper tone. The glassy eyes were the main thing stopping him from slapping him and demanding his brother stop making him feel like he was taking a bo staff to the head from Don's mood swings.

He stayed quiet, looking at his brother as he continued to say nothing. His eyes were strange, and Raph wasn't sure how long he could just sit here watching an energetic, jumpy Don before he snapped and said the wrong thing.

"Donnie, I swear if ya don't start talkin'..."

Don's eyes blinked and looked at him. His brow ridges pinched together before rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Patience is a virtue you know."

"And wrath's a sin. So guess what I'm feelin'." Raph cracked his knuckles.

"Okay, okay. And Leo says I have a temper lately." Don muttered, and Raph was getting tired of biting his tongue feeling the sting as he bit down again. Don's fingers drummed against his thigh before continuing, "We danced…"

"But ya can't dance."

"Are you going to let me finish!" Don snapped.

"Go ahead" Raph smirked, hoping it masked the concern he was feeling.

"We danced…"Don eyed him before looking away. "And she was close. Everything just felt right, so I kissed her. And she kissed me back. It was…"Don sighed. "Amazing. She even stayed the night in the lab. She was in my arms when I woke up..."

"And that's when ya finally boned her?"

"NO!" Don's face turned beet red while Raph snickered.

"I told you we didn't do that." Don's face was slowly turning back green, but Raph chuckled inwardly at the faint crimson on his brother's cheeks. "In fact the next day she told me that maybe she should give Casey a chance."

Raph stared at his little brother in disbelief, part of him wanted to say I told you so, his brother was a mutant turtle like the rest of them. The 'whatever' Don and April were was doomed to begin with. It was only a matter of time before April wanted someone that at least looked more like her.

Even though all of them were half human, they were still freaks that looked like turtles. And no one human would want that. Not April. And not Casey either. At least his girlfriend was a reptile.

It was dark now. No reason to hide but with one look at his three-fingered hand, it gave Raph every reason for why he was supposed to hide anyway.

"Mad that ya ain't get ya chance?" Raph broke the silence.

"That's not..." Don shook his head as his hands balled up. "She talked to me. We could discuss projects, experiments, and just...different solutions." Don's brow ridges furrowed and his hands shook more again as his brother took shaky breaths. "She liked the same things I do."

"Donnie…" Raph swallowed as his mind conjured up memories.

"Aww. Is Raphie inna bad mood" Casey smirked before Raph slugged him in the arm.

"Nah, I think I feel better now" Raph smirked as he slammed his fist in an open hand.

"Ready to bust some heads?" Casey gave a gapped tooth grin.

"Hell yeah." Raph hit his head against Casey's like when the first time they decided to go out.

"Now do it. Name one person at home that has the same interests I do. Name one!" Don looked at him. His voice cracking and wailing. Brownish red irises staring at him, framed by dark circles the mask couldn't hide with the way it was on wrong. "Besides from sci-fi, mine and Leo's interests stop there. Even dad doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. Mikey tries, but you know how that goes. And you even walk out in the middle of me talking sometimes."

Raph sighed while trying to figure out what to say, "It's not that I don't care what you're saying bro. I jus-"

"No, I get it." Don rose a hand up with a bitter laugh. "I mean it's not like I want to hear whose better between Chuck Silva and Wanderlei Liddell. Even though you and Casey act like it's a life or death thing."

Raph stared at his little brother as his eye twitched. "Donnie…"

"Yes?"

"First...it's Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva. Second, ya not allowed to say anythin' else UFC related."

"Bu-"

"Nope."

"Raph…"

"Uh uh." It hadn't taken long for him and Casey to figure out they had a lot in common. Kicking ass and watching others kick ass just happened to be two of them. "Go back to April, cuz no" he snorted and looked at his brother's shoulders sag.

"Once…she told me she wants to be a scientist...or like a reporter."

"I can see that…"

"Because she's stubborn? Smart? Relentless in what she wants? Fierce?" Don was grinning wildly, bouncing almost with his suggestions.

"Nah, she looks like she'd be some dude assistant or like she'd be jumpin' on a trampoline to help with fitness tips" he smirked before getting punched in the arm.

"Raph I'm serious…" Don's eyes had narrowed. Raph took another breath, counted in his head as his fingers flexed, uncurling out the ball about to form. The look in his brother's eyes giving him more motivation to keep a lid on his temper best he could.

"I know..."Raph grumbled as thoughts of Casey came, and he looked out towards the city where the projects were. Buildings barely holding it together and where the purple dragon gang ran rampant.

A home was there, close by a store with burned down remains with a burnt down auto shop next to it to match. A little girl was there. Nine with messy long hair with the same color of her big brother's. A man, larger. Bigger. Bulky with surprisingly blonde hair in a low ponytail. His arms bandaged up, all the way to the shoulder. Something about the man put him on edge before he even found out what was happening. He used to wonder where Casey would take his little sister Isabel while with them. He couldn't see the dark haired teen leaving her with his dad. Then Casey mentioned some girl at their school named Gabrielle.

"She talked about her dad a lot while we were up in Space." Don's voice took him out his thoughts, and he leaned back against the cold surface. "Remember how she stopped being our friends after her dad got mutated that time?"

"I do. April was pissed. Wasn't hearin' nothin' until…" He trailed off.

"Until what?" Don looked at him.

"Case talked to her…"

"Maybe I do owe the overgrown monkey a thanks" Don chuckled, but Raph went quiet before taking a deep breath.

"Don't insult monkeys bro…" he tried to keep his voice nonchalant with a hand going to a sai, pulling it out and twirling it.

"Raph...we can talk about something else…"

Raph swallowed. Did he want to talk about this? The answer was a clear hell to the no, but his little brother needed someone to talk to. And he wasn't sure what else to do but let him talk. "Nah, I'm good. It's good she got her pops back, though. Sucks about her mom, though."

"Yeah, sometimes I'll catch her just staring at this old picture of her…does...Casey ever?"

"Ever what?" he muttered as the memories hit him.

Raph sat by the tub. What month was it even? The days started to roll together, and he couldn't tell you if it had been 6 weeks or 8 weeks. It was just one long day of hell where he kept waking up to this.

"Ya still up?"

Raph heard the door open and didn't look at the human that slid down next to him. His eyes stayed on that tub with his brother inside. He still said nothing as silence took over.

"Sometimes I hate him," Casey spoke up. "Like, really hate him. Fucked up ain't it? He gave me this one when I was 5."

Raph glanced to see Casey touching a scar that looked like an old burn, he narrowed his eyes at it before looking over at his best friend.

"How long…" his voice was barely a whisper. He kept looking at the burn, feeling pretty sure it came from a cigarette. He thought back to the times Casey would come over with black eyes and bruises. He never questioned it, thinking it was the dragons.

"Since mom died in that fire…" Casey didn't look at him and let his sleeve drop to cover the burn.

"Case…"

"But the whole damn time I was like don't let those bastards get him. Him or my sister even if he did shit like this. They're the only family I got…" Casey's voice was quiet. "I wanna keep hopin' that he'll put the bottle down. He'll change. Be my pops."

He could feel his anger as he looked at the sleeve hiding the burn before taking a deep breath. "He will Case..." He had been thinking of what he wouldn't give to have Leo yell at him again. Sometimes, he was so pissed at the blue-masked turtle. Now….

"And Leo's gonna wake up…"

"Yeah..." Raph nodded while hoping the fresh bandages hid the newest cut he'd given himself.

Raph shut his eyes tight. He didn't want that memory drug up through his mind and opened his mouth to tell Don to shut the hell up. He looked at his little brother and the concern on his face, and the words became caught in his throat.

"Raph, just talk to me..."

He looked away quickly as he felt a burn in the corner of his eyes. He could see his big brother in that damn tub clear as the day they put him in it to get better. Splinter had been gone after Shredder's back stabbing move to damn them all to hell. He was scared to death to leave Leo's side. Scared that the moment he did, he'd lose his brother.

"Ain't I s'ppose to be the one here for you, Brainiac?" he chuckled, but it came out hoarse.

"And here I always thought we were watching each other backs," Don said softly. The words a raced, but it was Don. Not as manic. The eyes not as wide. Whatever it was that had his brother that way seemed to be dying down. Raph glanced at the small smile before looking away.

He wasn't sure what to say. Where to start. Casey was his best friend. April was Don's best friend. Raph scratched at the bandages on his wrists where old scars were hidden. His brothers still didn't know. Only Casey knew just how far he fell to the bottom.

"Think we losin' em Donnie?" he whispered, unable to think of a better way to say it. Casey had helped him through that. Through all the times he and his brothers trained, but he could feel himself lose it when there was no clash of a sai and katana.

His eyes closed again at another onslaught of memories took over. Blood. Knives. It was hard to breathe.

"Wat da hell Raph! What ya doin?"

"Nothin'! Now fuck off!"

"Ya call this nothin'?" Casey held up his wrist that was covered in fresh cuts that stood out against his green skin. "Why ya doin' this? Leo's up now! He needs you! All ya brothers need ya!"

"Ya don't think I know that?" Raph yelled as he felt tears starting. His eyes narrowed, and his body was tense as he tried snatching his arm back. He growled, practically roared at the teen gripping his wrist.

"I need you..."Casey's voice had dropped, and Raph went still, staring at the human silently before he stopped struggling. Casey dropped his arm, but he didn't move.

The dark haired teen left, coming back with a first aid kit and started to patch him up. Raph watched him, not saying a word. He finished patching Raph up and moved away from him, turning to leave while closing the door behind him.

"Raph!"

He blinked and saw red-brown eyes staring at him. Wide, frantic. Hands on the sides of his face as he looked back. "Don?"

"Take deep breaths…just in and out..."

Raph breathed while pushing that memory far down. The wind had picked up, it was nothing but cold now up here. He couldn't hear the city streets below. Only his own heart beating fast. Casey said he needed him. But…

For how long?

"I'm good." he cleared his throat while averting his eyes, still feeling his little brother's eyes on him. He kept taking those slow deep breaths and heard Don moving to stand up.

"I think..."

Raph looked up at Don a moment. Unsure. Unsteady. Don was the techno geek. The scientist. The medic. The fixer. He fixed things. Stuff. Them. How the hell could he help his little brother? Instead, Don was trying to fix him. Don was always trying to fix it. Who the hell was fixing Don?

"I think they wouldn't lie to us. You know?" Don's eyes drooped, and he rubbed at them before a yawn. One of Don's hands went to his side and pulled out a small flask, bringing it to his lips as Raph thought about his little brother's question. He couldn't remember a time Casey lied to him. He could be a major idiot, but he never betrayed him. Still, he kept looking at Don as the flask came down from the purple-masked turtle's lips.

Raph just gave a smirk as concern grew in him. "Ya know Donnie, ya might just be the smart one." He chuckled a bit before watching his little brother smile. Too wide. Too much teeth.

"So we're going home now? Or I have to tell Leo I failed at getting you back?" Don laughed, a bit too loud to Raph's ears as he heard the jumpiness start to return. He still couldn't hear much of the streets below. He blinked and looked at Don, realizing the words from his mouth.

"Wait...Leo sent ya?"

"Not exactly...I was headed here, and he asked if I'd bring you back. I didn't say where I was going. He probably guessed."

"Why ya ain't say that from the beginning?"

"If I did, would you have listened?" Don started to walk. Faster than usual. No wonder he didn't know the strange gait coming up on him earlier. Raph opened his mouth to say something before realizing the obvious answer to that one. It was dark. Cold. The roof's shadows meaningless as he looked at the back of Don's head.

"Smart ass" he snorted before following.

"Well, I am the smart one…"