Title: All That Counts
Author: Shannon – shannyfish
Disclaimer: Iron Man and Avengers do not belong to me, but Marvel Entertainment and Disney. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Summary: Pepper accompanies Tony everywhere. The weapons demonstration for the military in Afghanistan is no different. An AU to "Iron Man".
Warning: none
Author's Note: I know this plotline has been done before, but hopefully this comes out as something different. Constructive criticism is as always appreciated! Check out my blog on my writing at
. . .
"Letting it get to you. You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now is all that counts." -The Doctor ('The Doctor's Wife')
. . .
Pepper felt as though she could feel every nerve ending in her body on fire all at once. She bit back a sob. She didn't know where she was and she was too terrified to open her eyes. All she knew was that she was fairly sure that she was still tied to the chair, though she was certain that she was on the earthen floor. So, at one point they had to have knocked over the chair while they were beating her.
So, she just lay there.
Helpless.
Alone.
Hurt.
Terrified.
"Shhh…"
Pepper wasn't aware that she'd let out a cry or any noise, but perhaps she had. She tried to feign unconsciousness, but whoever was there didn't leave. Instead, he reached down and pulled the chair, and her with it, back into its upright position. She still didn't open her eyes or move. She tried to remain limp because she really didn't feel like she had the strength to do much more than allow the chair and the zip ties to hold her in place. Her head was at her chest and she felt almost as if she'd tip the chair forward.
"I promised that I wouldn't let them touch your beautiful face," Raza's voice came as he gently tilted her head back and caressed her cheek.
Her stomach churned and the sickness she felt was rivaling the pain she felt. She wanted to plead…but she knew it wouldn't do any good. Raza wanted to use her as some kind of twisted example. He didn't know Tony like she knew him. This was only going to anger him and motivate him for revenge…not to do what Raza wanted…
"Such a pretty thing," Raza practically cooed. He traced her lines and Pepper tried to keep her pain silent. "I'm sorry that they had to hurt you…" he whispered as he continued to run his hands over her. His hands were running from her shoulder, downward…
Pepper cringed as his hands passed over her breasts. She was fairly sure that the Kevlar vest that was still in place, though it may have absorbed some of the hits, it seemed to feel like she was more bruised under it than any other place. She could feel his hand and couldn't keep the whimper at bay any longer. It escaped from her lips and she stirred a bit, pretending as though he'd woken her.
"I no longer have a wife…perhaps I should keep you once we are done with Mr. Stark…" Raza told her as his hand continued to linger down her stomach. "I would treat you well…"
Once his hand hit her belly button, she dared to look up at him. "Please…don't hurt me…"
"Shh… You will not be touched any more…not unless Mr. Stark disobeys me again…" Raza leaned in and kissed her cheek. He ran his hand along her other cheek and Pepper couldn't stop the shudder through her body. He just smiled at her. He straightened and then started to bark in his language before disappearing from her view.
Pepper squeezed her eyes shut, turned her head, and bit her lip. She had felt dirty before… Now she felt absolutely filthy. She didn't want to be touched…at all… She wanted to be left alone… That didn't happen. Men came in, she didn't know what they used but she could feel the metal against her skin as they worked on cutting away the zip ties. She listened as they talked to one another. They sounded angry and harsh and loud. A hand ran up her thigh and she couldn't stop the scream. Though she was shocked, it was from the pain.
Raza's shouting came echoing and she heard him entering the room. She heard someone being hit and she wondered if it was the man who touched her. She didn't open her eyes to find out. She just stayed still as Raza continued to bark at the men.
The last bound was removed and she was guided to stand. She complied, though almost fell over. Pepper whimpered and felt like sobbing right there and then. She didn't want to have to depend on any of them. Hands were on her again, but this time, they were scooping her up.
"Shh…" Raza whispered.
His voice was so close to her now. She was certain that he was the one who was now carrying her. She kept her eyes shut, though and bit her lip again to try to stay quiet. He carried her and she could hear the footfalls of others around him. Not doubt he was under the protection of a group of guards. The heavy metal of the door creaked as it was opened and she instantly heard Tony screaming and Yinsen trying to control him.
There was no use.
There were very few people in that world who could control Tony Stark.
It took years of practice and immense patience.
She was finally laid down on a cot, which she assumed was Yinsen's because Raza didn't bend all the way down to the floor to set her down and he didn't move far enough into the cave to return her to where she slept. His hand ran along her face another time before he was gone. Pepper didn't make a sound and didn't move. She just waited. Every time Tony made any kind of a sound, she cringed.
"You must calm down!" Yinsen yelled at him.
"Don't tell me to calm down!" Tony spat back.
Pepper's head pounded even more. "Please…don't yell," she managed to get out before breaking out into tears and sobs. Her whole body racked with even more pain. She rolled to her side and found herself being caught from falling off of the cot. She whimpered at the touch, but was thankful that she didn't hit the floor.
"Pep," his voice whispered. She could hear the fear and worry in his voice…the pain and grief…
"I'm okay," she whispered.
"Don't say that," Tony told her.
"I'm going to remove some of your clothing, Ms. Potts, so that I can get a better look at your injuries," Yinsen told her politely.
"I'd rather you not," she whispered. She slowly opened her eyes and could see that Tony's dark irises were encased in red instead of white. He looked horrible. Plus, the bruising on his face had changed to a different shade. She wasn't sure if it looked worse or better… Maybe it was the lighting…
"Can you at least tell me what they did to you?"
Pepper swallowed and realized that her throat was still dry. "Water," she whispered. She was gently rolled onto her side and was able to sip the water that way. It helped, but her throat felt like she'd stripped it from screaming. "It doesn't matter…"
"Pepper," Tony said quite firmly. "Please…let Yinsen help."
"They didn't rape me and they didn't kill me, Tony… What can he do?" she asked. Pepper closed her eyes and tried to think of something else. She wanted the pain to go away, but didn't want to ask for the pain medication that she knew they had. She didn't know how many they had left, but she knew that Tony had to be in immense pain with the electro-magnet in his chest.
"Maybe we can make you more comfortable," Tony suggested.
"Take me home," she joked.
"Working on it." And she could hear that he was serious.
"This isn't my bed."
"No, but I would rather not move you," Yinsen told her.
"I don't want to sleep here," she whispered. "I want to go back to—" And before she could finish, arms were trying to be gentle as they lifted her off of the cot. And she knew it was Tony even before Yinsen started to argue.
"Stark! I just said that she shouldn't be moved!" Yinsen ranted. "You could further injure her! She could have internal injury!"
Pepper curled into his hold. She wanted to just stay there. She was carefully laid down onto the mattress and she could hear them still arguing. She didn't listen to the specifics, but knew that it was about her. Yinsen wasn't happy. But right now, she felt a bit safer being so far back in the cave.
"Tell me what I can do," Tony whispered. He was close, but he didn't touch her. Pepper was sure that he was afraid that he'd hurt her.
"Did Yinsen go?" she asked in a hoarse whisper.
"Yeah."
Pepper thought about what she was about to ask and in so many ways she was sure it was a bad idea. "I want the vest taken off," she whispered. Her eyes fluttered open and she could see that he was still concerned. Her request probably wasn't helping and it wouldn't. She'd be exposing herself to him…and it wasn't that he'd see her in her bra that worried her, but that he'd see what they'd done to her. But the vest was an extra weight she didn't want.
"Pepper—"
"Please…"
"Can you sit up?" he asked.
"Maybe," she told him and it was honest. She didn't know, but figured that she could lean against him or the wall. Tony was likely the softer option out of the two.
He moved her slowly and carefully. He brought her up into a sitting position and let her lean against him. He removed her blazer at first and she could hear him audibly gasp when her skin was revealed. "Pep—"
"Shh…" she whispered and tried to move her arm in order to help him completely remove her blazer. She whimpered, but kept going. The other arm was easier to remove. He reached out and started to unbutton her blouse. She could feel him hesitating at the third button. "It's okay," she told him. She was sure that normally if he was unclothing any other woman in any other situation that he wouldn't have hesitating or even thought about hesitating.
Eventually, he finished unbuttoning her blouse and removed it with care. She knew that the Kevlar vest was going to be more rigid and was going to hurt far more to remove. And it was… She watched as tears fell from his eyes as he looked at her once the vest was removed. "Tell me," he insisted.
"Tomorrow," she whispered. She was tired and she hurt…
He redressed her in the blouse and blazer and she tried to keep quiet, for his sake more than hers. He laid her down and pulled the blanket over her. She thought that he was going to leave her there to sleep, but he moved the blanket back at her feet and she could hear him shuffling. Something was carefully pulled onto both of her feet. Socks. Tony had given her his socks… Tears formed in her eyes. She wanted to thank him, but at the same time she wanted to tell him that he needed them… She couldn't form words. She'd been without footwear or socks since they'd been taken. It was a nice change to have them warmed up a bit.
"I'll be right back," he whispered.
Pepper took the opportunity to roll onto her side while he was gone, so that he didn't have to hear the whimpers or quiet cries that escaped her as she did so. She hurt now so badly that she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to sleep. She didn't think she could handle being awake all night with Tony there, beating himself up silently all the while. It was hard enough looking at him now.
"I need to sit you up for a minute," he told her.
"No," she whispered. She didn't want to move.
"I'm sorry," he told her and she was hauled up into a sitting position without a choice. Pepper's eyes filled with tears and she screamed in pain. Although he'd tried to be gentle, she just couldn't take the touch anymore. "I'm sorry," he practically cried. She could see it in his eyes; seeing her like this…it tortured him…it hurt him more possibly than she hurt at this moment. "I need you to take these," he said as he held up two pills.
"You need them," she whispered.
"Not as much as you do," he countered.
"Tony—"
"Potts, don't argue," he told her and held up the pills to her mouth. She didn't. She took them and then was thankful when he offered her water to chase them down. She swallowed them and then took another sip. She watched as he set the cup to the side of them. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.
She was in his arms, cradled, and though it hurt…it was more comforting than painful. And she realized…she fairly sure that this was the first time since working for Tony Stark that she'd heard him apologize…and apologize sincerely. Maybe Raza was right… Maybe he knew Tony better than she did. He was rocking her again, like before, and she was grateful for it. It was soothing. She opened her eyes and strained to look up at him. Her hand reached out and touched his chest where a comforting blue light shone. She vaguely remembered the light when they were tearing her from the cell before.
"Adding in a built-in nightlight is not going to keep you safe," she told him with a deep frown. She tapped it.
"It's more than just a nightlight," he told her and she could see a small smile forming. "It's replacing what Yinsen originally put in me… No car battery needed," he said and lifted his shirt to prove that there were no wires connected to him. Pepper just stared at it and then reached out to touch it. To touch the design that she was sure was purely functional and had nothing to do with aesthetics, but it was beautiful just the same.
"Are you sure?"
"You know the arc reactor? At home. At Stark Industries?"
"Obadiah calls it the science fair project that pleases the media and hippies," Pepper told him with a small smile. All she knew was that the arc reactor at Stark Industries frustrated Obadiah Stane immensely…mainly because he couldn't use it for any other application than what it was being currently used for. It powered Stark Industries.
"I miniaturized it…" Tony told her.
"In a cave in Afghanistan?" Pepper asked him. She was surely hallucinating.
"I told you I was being clever."
Pepper just smiled up at him. She pulled his shirt back down, but rested a hand over where the arc reactor was in his chest. She rested her head against his shoulder and let out a groan as her body got used to the position she'd shifted into. "You're a good pillow…"
"Good," he told her. "I'm a pillow and a nightlight…" She could hear that he was teasing and normally she'd continue with their banter, but she was too tired. She continued to allow Tony to hold her and she eventually drifted off.
. . .
Morning came too quickly.
They hadn't meant to wake her, she was sure. It was the pain that forced her to face reality and the morning. The pain, she'd tried to hide…but she was fairly sure she'd cried or whimpered or made some kind of sound in her sleep. She vaguely remembered Tony saying something and possibly Yinsen hovering. She really wasn't sure if it had been real or if she'd imagined it all.
Pepper opened her eyes and found herself on her side where she remembered falling asleep. That was something. She just lay there for a bit as she tried to assess what she could move and how much it hurt her to do so. She wondered if she moved more if it would loosen or become less painful… She was starting to think that it wasn't.
He must have seen her before she saw him because she heard his voice first. "Hey…" His voice was gentle and full of concern and Pepper really didn't want him to see her like this. She knew that he'd seen her in a far worse state the night before when she asked him to remove her vest, which entailed removing almost all other articles of clothing in the process.
"Hi," she whispered back and forced a smile through.
He sat down and then lay down next to her, so that they were facing each other. "We were trying to be quiet."
"I know…"
"How bad is the pain?" he asked.
Pepper wondered if he could tell that she was so obviously in pain or if it was just a guess since he'd been beaten pretty bad before as well. She wondered if they'd beaten him with bricks and stones as well or if it had just been their fists and feet… She was afraid to ask though. Yinsen hadn't thought that it was too severe and Tony seemed to have bounced back fairly well.
"I'm fine," she lied and she could tell immediately he didn't appreciate her response. "You need the med—"
"I saw last night," he told her and he seemed to be so pained. "I know you're in pain… There's no way you couldn't be…" He reached out and lightly touched her face and she wondered if he was afraid to touch her. He moved her hand to his chest and let it rest there. "Arc reactor… It's helped a lot," he told her. "I probably could just use some Tylenol… It's really nothing compared to before… And the bruises don't hurt so much…just tender."
She remembered suddenly. She remembered that it was like a night light. It was as if she were remembering when they'd laid there the night before. It was fuzzy. It wasn't clear. "You kept your promise…"
"You told me not to make promises that I couldn't keep," he told her. He tapped on the arc reactor. "This is keeping me alive now…and though Yinsen's electro-magnet was genius…this is better…safer…"
He was looking at her and she felt like he was looking right through her. It scared her. "We all need to help… The pills will make me tired," she told him, trying to be reasonable.
"Can you even sit up?" he asked. "Last night you couldn't… You almost hit your head on the wall."
"I don't remember that."
"I'm not surprised."
Pepper just stared at him. "I remembered that you rocked me to sleep…"
"I did," he whispered. "And I sat with you for some time…"
"Was I loud?" she asked. Pepper wasn't sure how much noise she'd made… She obviously didn't remember everything, which worried her. She liked being in control when she could be.
"No," Tony told her.
"Did you sit up and watch me sleep all night?"
He smiled at her. "I thought about it. I wanted to. But I needed to work on stuff…"
"By stuff, do you mean making it look like you're building Jericho?" she asked.
"Sortive…and other things," Tony told her.
She didn't like the sound of that. It worried her in so many ways. Her thoughts raced and she tried not to think of Raza or his men or being taken away again.
"Hey," Tony said immediately and Pepper realized that she must have shown too much. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she lied. She wasn't a good liar. "I just hurt…" Which was true, but not the reason that she'd been upset when he'd told her what he'd been doing.
"Pepper…"
"You have to get out of here," she told him, her words almost turning into cries. And tears filled her eyes.
His hands framed her face and his face moved towards hers. "Hey, hey, hey… We're going to get out… I'm working on it… They're going to think I'm building Jericho… We're all going to get out… I promise you, Pepper. I promise."
"Tony—"
"I promise."
And she could see something changing in him. It was different, but then there was a determination that she hadn't seen before. There was something so different, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Pepper just couldn't describe it.
"I'm not going to let them take you again," he promised.
Pepper was about to tell him not to make promises he couldn't keep, but she didn't. She almost felt bad. She knew that he was doing what he felt like he needed to do and that he felt awful for what had happened… She was glad that he was doing better though, that he had the arc reactor in his chest instead of being hooked up to a car battery.
"Yinsen wants to look you over…"
Pepper sighed. She knew it was going to come. She just really didn't want to be poked or prodded or really moved… "Okay…"
. . .
"Raza said that you were disobedient," Pepper told Tony. She hated going through everything again, but they wanted to hear it and they weren't taking 'no' for an answer, plus it distracted her from the pain. It hurt to move, but it hurt more to try to keep the strength to sit up and sit up straight. "I told him that hurting me wouldn't motivate you the way he thought it would."
"You talked to him?!" Yinsen exclaimed.
"He told me to speak," she explained. "He told me that he was rewarding me for the scarf and acting correctly by telling them they couldn't touch my face." She could see the anger in Tony's face. "He hasn't been in contact with Obadiah or Stark Industries," she said after a moment. "He asked if he could get a ransom for just me…"
"What did you tell him?" Tony asked.
"That I didn't know," she said.
"I think Obadiah would," Tony told her. He seemed confidant in his response, but Pepper had no idea if that was true or if it would be enough for Raza and The Ten Rings to release her.
"I tried to convince him to let me talk to them, but he'd already made up his mind about the punishment…"
"Can I see your arms?" Yinsen asked as his fingers were already at the fabric of her blazer. She'd spent the time thus far taking more pain pills, eating soup, drinking water, and bearing the pain in order to sit up. Though, she was concerned that Raza would be upset because neither Tony nor Yinsen were working. They were just fussing over her, whether she liked it or not. Pepper finally nodded and helped as much as she could with her arms. She took a moment to glance down at her own flesh and then immediately regretted it. "Did they use their fists?" he asked curiously.
Pepper shook her head and tried not to think of the terrifying memory of when she realized what they were going to do. "They used bricks or stones… I'm not sure…"
Yinsen frowned and she tried not to look at Tony, she was sure that he was fuming. "There's swelling… I cannot tell how much damage there really is with all of the swelling…"
"Apparently I can move, so that means I'm not broken, right?" Pepper asked, trying to sound hopeful. She had moved her arms and her legs…and she was sitting up…so she figured that she couldn't be that broken.
"We must worry about internal injuries…and your ribs," Yinsen told her. "There's also the possibility of fractures…"
"So, she needs a hospital," Tony said.
"You both do," Yinsen told them. He turned to Tony. "You were blown up, you have shrapnel pressing against your heart, I preformed an experimental surgery on you—"
"It worked!"
"That's not the point… You were beaten up… You now have that thing—"
"It's an arc reactor…doubles as a nightlight."
Yinsen didn't look amused. "She's been blown up, though not as badly as you… I removed the shrapnel…at least I think I've removed it all… And she's been beaten with rocks and stones… I've warned you of what else they could do…"
Pepper looked between them and she could tell that Tony was barely holding it together. He was getting to his boiling point and would need to explode and she needed it to not be at Raza or any of his men. They needed to keep under the radar for a bit. "Yinsen, can we have a minute?"
"I want to check your spine later, though."
"Wait…why?" Tony asked quickly. She noticed his expression changed, he'd been fuming a moment ago and was now overly concerned.
"There is swelling," Yinsen explained. "The swelling can mask problems… I need to assess how badly they damaged the spine…"
"I was tied to a chair," Pepper told Yinsen.
"You're still bruised along your back…" He pushed in on an area of skin next to her spine and Pepper whimpered. "I'm sorry," he immediately apologized. "I just want to be prepared if there's damage…catching things early is important."
"What kind of damage?" Tony asked quickly.
"Tony, we can't do anything right now… Can we not focus on the 'what if's?" she asked. She looked back at Yinsen. "Just one minute?"
"And then I want you to rest," Yinsen told her quite sternly.
Pepper nodded. "I will… I promise…"
Yinsen left them and Pepper waited until he was back in the work area. Suddenly she felt bad that she hurt too much not to help. She just hoped that Raza wasn't expecting her to be doing something other than resting and recovering.
"I need you to stay calm, Tony," she told him.
"I wanted to show you what I was working on," he said. And then he frowned. "That's sort of childish, isn't it? I sound like I want to show you my drawings on the fridge…"
"I would probably look at them closer if they were on the fridge," she teased.
"You need a hospital."
"I need you to be alive."
"I am."
"But continue to be alive…"
"All night, we worked on building the shell to a Jericho…or something that's close enough," Tony explained. "It looks like we're building more than one…"
"What if Raza finds out you're not?" Pepper asked, but hadn't meant to ask that question. It was her own fear that was curling up inside of her.
Tony's hand was on her cheek, but only for a moment. He looked down, like he was too embarrassed to look at her. Before she could open her mouth to say anything, he scooped her up and was carefully walking back to where she'd slept. She hadn't wanted to move closer to the stove, but Yinsen had insisted.
"No matter what, Pepper…" he whispered. "I'm going to do everything I can to keep you safe…and to get you home…" Tony lowered himself and her as well down onto the mattress and he was cradling her in his arms again.
"I'm going to get used to this," she teased.
Tony smiled down at her. "Me too."
Pepper couldn't believe that she'd just said that and curled into him and shut her eyes. Her cheeks blushed and she wondered if she could blame it later on the pain pills that Yinsen had insisted that she took. She'd only wanted one, but he'd told her to take two. She didn't know why being in his arms was so comforting, but it was…even though she knew that she shouldn't feel that way. Pepper found herself relaxing even though she worried. She tried to cling to Tony's words and his promises…
Hope…
Tony was promising hope…
It was good enough to fall asleep with in mind.
. . .
TBC…