sorry it's been so long guys, gcse's took a lot out of me and to top it off I got writer's block, which i helped by writing a few bits that i might post later but meh. Anywho, enjoy the third part of the fic :)

As they walked into the main cafe area, Jake noticed that there were several normal looking tables, and twelve tables each bearing a 'made by' plaque. Without even thinking, Jake knew which one they were going to. It was a table shaped like a giant spider with large red velvet sofas indented with what looked like precious gemstones. Dirk was after all a chap with an incredibly subtle taste in his furniture.

They both sat down on opposite sides of the table and Jake had to sit up perfectly straight to see Dirk, ah practical as well as modest, I think i shall buy several to distribute around my apartment, such is the consideration of quality with this table.

Although the cafe shop was quite far from the city center, every one of the dozens of tables was full. It would probably be a while before their coffee arrived. Jake realized that had they wanted a normal table they probably would have had quite the wait.

Dirk was nervous, he had hoped that returning to his normal Ironic way of acting would return his feelings to his usual internal blank slate. This failed terribly. Instead, he was embarrassed for his terrible choice of able that was so high that he could see Jake was having to crane his neck to see him. And Jake was normal height!

Dirk got the feeling that in his general mood he would get along with whomever created such a masterpiece, today however... Dirk really needed that coffee to come soon,

Jake was no longer nervous, instead an almost Dirk like cool had swept over him. Since the coffee was gonna be a while, now was the time to have a little fun with Dirk. Having long been the subject of light hearted banter from Dirk, now was the chance for some revenge!

"So... Strider, I seem to remember this cafe being very famous for something, but for the life of me I am unable to remember what it is, would you care to remind me?"

Dirk's heart stopped for a moment, he looked over to see Jake obviously attempting to feign a smile. So he was attempting to embarrass him, eh? well two can play that game, and one of us have had more experience at this. Dirk smiled internally.

"Oh, didn't you know? this is a place where a dominatrix will lure their submissive in order to establish some ground rules." Still got it Strider.

Dirk didn't even have to look at Jake to know what he would see, but he did so anyway.

Jake had gone even Redder than one of the Roses from one of the ornate hanging baskets that lined the rooms walls. These being classic, cheesy, predictable red roses. Check.

Jake was genuinely surprised, he wondered for a split second if Strider was really into... such things. Before he realized that this would just be Dirk's way of continuing the game. Well, might as well roll with the punches English.

"Oh really..." he said in his most seductive voice. "Well in that case you would be the Dominant one in this scenario? If so... I would most certainly be interested in such an arrangement"

Jake's lips curled into an innocent looking smile at the sight of Dirk going ever so slightly red. Check to you now Strider.

Wait, what? Thought Strider, as he could feel himself blushing a little, he hoped that English wouldn't notice, but at any rate he had to come up with a response. And at this point he wasn't so sure weather or not Jake was just continuing his game.

'I mean sure I wouldn't exactly mind it' thought Dirk to himself 'I mean I do like the guy after all and if that's what he's into then that's what he's into... It would certainly explain that oh-so-innocent smile on his face...'

"Oh reeeeally, well I will have to go shopping for... supplies" replied Dirk

"Oooh, I'd love to come on this particular expedition" Replied Jake

"YOU FUCKASSES ARE INTO SOME WEIRD SHIT HERE HAVE YOUR MESSED UP COFFEE!" imposed Karkat

And with that Karkat angrily slammed two coffee's down on the table.

Jake blushed when he saw the upturned biscuit sitting next to his coffee. He didn't even need to flip it over to see what it was. It was Dirk, confessing to him. Jake felt like he was in one of the romance mangas that he had occasionally stolen off of Dirk. He didn't get them, but if Dirk loved them then he would at least try. The only exception being my little pony. He at least had more pride than to read that.

Removing the irrelevant thoughts from his head, Jake cautiously turned the biscuit over to reveal a simple message.

"OI FUCKASS

THIS IS A LOVE CONFESSION

I WANT YOU TO BECOME LITERAL FUCKASS ;)

FROM

THE POINTY SHADES ASSHOLE"

Jake wondered how Karkat managed to fit the whole message onto a biscuit but then realized that it was fourth wall breaking so he decided to stop.

Jake looked up at Dirk for a moment before looking away embarrassed. Jeez he sure had been blushing a lot.

Jake made his move, he leapt over the table, landing on Dirks lap, before kissing him awkwardly, his hands were shaking and he was sweating all over despite the cool air that his shorts provided. And Jake was pretty sure his shorts were getting tighter again as he kissed Dirk

Dirk was surprised. Whatever Karkat had written had really done the trick. He made a mental note to use it for all asking outs in the future. Not that he would need it. He had given up irony enough for Jake alone.

After drinking their coffee and some more abuse courtesy of Karkat, the two left, hoping never to need to visit the place with the strange shouting man again...