Walking confidently into the room ahead of the Officer turned out to be a bit of a blunder, as I tripped the pit trap behind the door immediately. My increased height saved my life here; without it, I would have never been able to grab the two sides of the pit to avoid falling in. This feat of gymnastics ended up with me facing straight down, which gave me the rather unpleasant view of how far down I would fall. Not to mention the sharp-looking metal spikes at the bottom.
Without another word, the officer stepped around the pit, grabbed my arm firmly, and pulled me to safety. Shaking slightly, I got up to thank him but he was already tampering with the next door. I shook myself. I was a fully-fledged PC now! A simple dungeon crawl should be nothing to me!
A rather unhelpful internal voice reminded me of all the times my characters have died in dungeon crawlers.
Looking toward the door, currently emitting a toxic-looking gas as my escort poked it with his pole, I tried to reassure myself. It would be just like Sword Art Online!
I had always hated Sword Art Online.
The next few rooms proceeded like that. The hallway had hidden blades that descended from above, the stairway rotated in such a way as to slam you into the ceiling, and the second story entrance room had strange glyphs carved into the walls. At each trap the officer would neutralise it in some way, and I would stand around being basically useless. Did I even deserve XP for this?
Four traps later, we had made it to the room I had initially appeared in. The same "Fullmetal Alchemist" looking circle I had appeared in was, now that I could examine it closely, carved into the floorboards.
"This the room?" The officer asked gruffly. I nodded. He walked over to the circle and ran a finger over its edge. "Looks like an extra-planar sink-hole. Anything passing through the astral nearby gets pulled in." He moved his pole around so that its hook was in-between two of the floorboards the circle was carved into, and pulled. With a grunt of effort, he pulled one such floorboard up, nails and all, destroying the circle.
"That should stop any more incidents." He grunted. Straightening, he looked at the three doors leading out of the room. "Stay here and don't cause trouble." He ordered.
I blinked, and before I could respond he had already exited the room, presumably to search the rest of the building. I scowled. Surely I wasn't completely useless? Besides, what did he expect me to do while he was gone?
Well, come to think of it, this was a library…
I walked to the sides of the shelves, looking for labels. G… Titles such as "Game theory" and "Galactic Civilisations: Strategy Guide" made up the shelves. On a hunch, I looked up 'D'.
There, in glorious hardcover, was the 3.5 edition Dungeons and Dragons "Players Handbook". Smirking, I grabbed the title, opened to 'combat mechanics', and started reading.
Turns out, D&D really isn't a game you can play by yourself. At minimum, you need a player and one 'Dungeon Master', who is kind of a cross between a storyteller and a referee. Unlike a video game, in D&D you can try anything you can think of, and it's up to the DM to decide what happens when the rules don't cover a situation. But my game didn't have a DM, as far as I knew…
Hmmm… that screen had been pretty intelligent after I asked the right questions…
Unfortunately, the Players Handbook was a 'Bare Bones' sort of book, covering the basics. Half the stuff on my character sheet wasn't in here, I'd need to read other 3.5 books. Just my luck this library only had this one.
Halfway through the 'Magic Spells' chapter, I heard a light buzzing, like dragonfly wings, right behind me. Once again, my body straightened almost involuntarily, rolling to the left just as the buzzing passed through the space I just vacated. Having read the Players Handbook, I now had a name to go with this sensation.
Roll Initiative.
I tried to spot the source of the buzzing, but I couldn't see a thing. The sound was coming from my right though, so I swept my fist though the area. Missed. The buzzing dashed forwards again, and this time I didn't dodge in time. I felt a small stabbing pain near my right abdomen.
I was definitely under attack, apparently by an invisible creature. The pain wasn't bad, but I had no desire to experience the Death of a Thousand Cuts firsthand. I swept my leg though the area I thought to be occupied. Missed again. On the bright side, so did my attacker.
Was there some way to boost my accuracy? Not really, my only accuracy-related ability, Flurry of Blows, made me less accurate, not more. Tiring to mix things up, I bodily charged though the enemy space. Nothing, my ears telling me the enemy moved before I did. This was getting ridiculous. Another stab to my shoulder.
Moving back a step, I listened furiously for my opponents distinctive buzzing. Hearing it move forward, I swung my fist to meet it.
Hit.
There was a sickening crunch sound as formerly invisible blood splattered over my knuckles.
Blink. Blink-blink.
Why was there a small person with wings lying on the floor there? Was she bleeding? Why was she bleeding?
A couple more precious seconds passed as I stared dumbly at the 2 foot battered body.
All of a sudden, I found myself moving frantically, ripping strips off my shirt and tying them around the bleeding areas as best I could identify them. Dang, dang, dang… I'd almost certainly broken bones, and lots of them. She was still breathing, which was small comfort given the amount she was bleeding by. And she might have hit her head, or have internal bleeding, or any number of things!
Now I wish I had played a Healer class!
Wait. Didn't I have a level up waiting to be completed? I scrambled around for my character sheet, pulling it out of my pocket, and tapping the 'Level up' text as soon as I saw it.
The room went back to the pitch-black that had started this 'adventure'. Across a wall, familiar text appeared: "Choose class".
"Don't care!" I shouted. "Just make me a healing class, quick!"
Options scrolled across the screen so fast I couldn't see them and filled themselves in just as fast. All of a sudden, the text changed to "Remaining level ups possible. Continue to level up?"
"No!" I yelled at the screen. "I need to heal that girl. Now!"
The room lit up again. Once more, I had a Matrix cassette tape moment. I linked my thumbs together, both hands palm down, and placed them on the injured Pixie girl.
"מרץ פחותים" I breathed in Hebrew. (No, I can't speak Hebrew. I just knew that's what the language was, alright?)
The girl let out a deep, shuddering breath, before breathing in again. Before my eyes her wounds were slowly, but surely, healing shut.
I rocked backwards, letting out a deep breath of my own. Right, I thought to myself. That was it. If there was a way to play D&D on a pacifist run, I was going to find it and follow it religiously. Having actual blood on my hands made that decision really easy.
The door opposite the one the Officer and I had entered though opened up, causing me to let out a surprised noise. Out came said Officer, his clothes smoking slightly.
"What have you got there?" He demanded gruffly.
"Uh… Pixie! I think… It attacked me, but then I healed it with magic! So it's fine now!" I babbled, flustered from the adrenaline still leaving my system.
"Did you now?" The officer asked. Without waiting for a reply, he pulled out a pistol from his belt and shot the Pixie square in the head.
My mouth fell open, and I felt distinctly like I had been kicked in the gut. I looked around the find the pistol now centred on my forehead.