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CHAPTER 4
The digital clock on her nightstand told her that she had been sitting on her bed for almost two hours, just thinking about what the young nurse had said, who's Amy, what's she doing at this place and whether or not this life was real. She couldn't help wondering about her friends back in the apartment room they had for themselves. She could clearly remember all of their faces and yet they seemed so distant.
Once her legs had gotten the pins and needles Miku got out of bed. Her thin legs were still wobbly but they had already regained most of their strength back from the pills and breakfast. She walked towards the wooden desk where sheets of paper were strewn across it. Curious, she picked up one of them and smiled as if reliving an old memory. On the paper was a coloured drawing of a teal-haired girl with a rabbit beside her. Her hair was tied in twin-tails and she was smiling happily. She was holding a carrot. A yellow sun shone at the corner of the paper and the green grass was spiky underfoot.
She picked up another one but this time, her smile vanished. The same teal-haired twin-tailed girl was there but she had tears drawn down her face. Behind the girl seemed to be like two adults fighting each other, the woman held a knife and seemed to be trying to stab the man who had a beer bottle in his hand, coming down towards the woman's head. Miku started breathing heavily. The breathlessness seemed to be coming to her more and more often and she must learn to get used to it. The picture looked like it might have been drawn by a six-year-old and judging by the crumpled edges, it was drawn years ago.
Miku shifted the papers on the desk one by one, hoping to find anything else that might have been useful. The dozens of other papers had nothing but drawings of the same girl, all of them happy - playing by a lake, eating with other children, sleeping under a starry sky and going to the zoo. When shehe reached the last one, what she saw shocked her and she needed to bring it up closer to her face to make sure she's seeing it right. The teal-haired girl was singing with a mic in her hand. On one side of her was a pink-haired girl who looked almost exactly like Luka. On her other side were scribbly drawings of the twins. A blue-haired man was eating an ice cream and a lady dressed in red was beside him. At the bottom of the page, written in alternative rainbow colours for each word, said 'My Family'. And at the bottom right corner, nearly too small to be seen was someone else's handwriting that wrote 'Hatsune Miku, 7 years old'.
Miku folded the paper and tucked it in her pink sweater pocket. She was breathing really heavily now. Her eyes felt too swollen to bring more tears but she could feel them watering.
It can't be.
Miku felt like she was getting further and further away from her friends with each new discovery. She shook her head to dismiss the thought.
She walked towards the closet and opened it, hoping that this place was at least kind enough to give her nice clothes. On one of the inner side of the door was an oval-shaped mirror, placed too high so that Miku could only see her greasy forehead. The racks were kind of disappointing. She shifted the dresses on the hangers. One was a pretty turquoise colour with white polka dots, another was a simple green dress too small for her. There was also a thick coat there, probably for when the temperature dropped low. At the end of the racks was a white jacket with too many buttons and zips. The sleeves are too long and there were also half a dozen metal buckles. It took Miku a moment to realize that what she was examining at was a straightjacket. She quickly shut that side of the closet and examined the other. There were shoes at the bottom and more clothes on shelves. At the uppermost shelf was a tiny box, like a jewellery box, though it looked so familiar...
Before Miku could process where she had seen the box or move the chair from the desk to the closet, the door opened and the young nurse came back in.
"So you managed to get out of bed," she said, there was no strictness or unkindness in her voice, just sadness.
"What else can you tell me?" Miku demanded. She was tired of chasing her own tail, trying her hardest yet not getting any closer to the truth.
"Sit back down on your bed." The nurse sat down beside Miku and stared at the wall, as if deciding what else she could tell Miku.
"You said they put me in a straightjacket..." Miku reminded her.
The nurse nodded. "Yes," she continued. "And after a few months your tantrums started to get better, you wanted to kill other people less frequently though the outbursts were unexpected. But there was a side effect."
"Side effect?" Miku repeated. "Like I turned into a bunny or a bear?"
"No, you started sleeping more often than usual."
"What?!" Miku cried.
"Sometimes you would sleep for 12 hours, sometimes eighteen. The more the drugs were injected into you the longer you slept. The longest you slept was for two weeks."
Miku couldn't believe her ears. "So my mind was in a state of comatose?"
The nurse just replied, "I don't know the details, my dear. After a year they stopped injecting the golden liquid into you as they were afraid you'll sleep too long. Another year passed and they started to prescribed to you those red pills." She nodded her head towards the capsule. "For strength, they said."
"But what happened when I woke up?"
"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't normally get assigned to you during those times, so I don't know. What I do know, is that you will have amnesia every single time you wake."
The words hit Miku like a bullet. Does that mean her life as a pop star never existed? Miku desperately wished that wasn't true. She closed her eyes and curled her fists tightly until her knuckles turned white.
"Do you want me to stop?" The nurse asked as she placed her hand on Miku's shoulder.
As desperately as Miku wanted her to stop, as desperately as she wanted all this to be fake, she knew that she needed to hear the truth. "No, go on."