Once again I want to thank everyone for all the awesome comments! It really means a lot that you guys are touched by what I write. This story is fast becoming near and dear to me, everyday I find myself thinking in the mind of Jude or Tommy, wanting to express how they would feel under these circumstances.

This chapter is finally in Tommy's narration! Most of it is actually indeed him talking. It's time to get his pov. I hope you guys like it!

Chapter Four

I'm Tommy Quincy, most know me as "Tommy Q" boy-bander and heartthrob. I got my start by joining a boy band cleverly named "Boyz Attack!" We toured for years, I thought I had the whole "Sex, drugs, and rock and roll" down to a T… Did I? I don't think I did. I found myself turning to alcohol at a young age, married and divorced before I even had the chance to say, "I do" and a reputation as the "Ass shaking one." I look back on those days in utter embarrassment, even now just hearing someone say, "Hey Tommy Q!" bugs the hell out me… but isn't that how I met my wife? I remember watching her from the second floor of G Major complaining about who her producer was going to be. I thought she was some young diva wanna-be. She proved me wrong, oh did she prove me wrong.

The pier changed everything between us, an innocent meeting, just picking her up from school to show her how to change her song for the better. That's all it took… that and me having my arms wrapped around her. Something clicked that day, a feeling of warmth I had never felt before. I know she felt it too. When she looked up at me, her eyes said it all, she let me see who she was, who she wanted to be. Did I show her the same feelings? I can't remember, I only remember my breathing stopped while my heart skipped a beat. I was in danger, the red flag had been waved.

I tried to ignore the feelings that were fast developing for her, nothing helped. I tried to put distance between us, but then again how does that quote go, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" So that was a bust. I was screwed…Or was I blessed? I think the latter, Jude was the best thing to ever happen to me.

After we married it took some time getting accustomed to sharing everything with someone else, especially for a guy who had been on his own since childhood. Eventually we fell into a comfortable life, that meaning we had to deal with spending twenty-four seven with one another. I love my wife, but who honestly wants to spend every waking moment with someone? Jude would say the same thing, she complained, even threatened to get a new producer sometimes. Stubborn as all get out, so am I. She drove me crazy, I drove her crazy, we were perfect for one another.

Then she got pregnant, could I be happier? I didn't think I could, but I was, Farley was my heart, daddy's girl for sure. A life I never thought "Tommy Q" would have, was suddenly mine, and I never wanted it to change. I had it all, a wife I loved, a daughter I was crazy about, and the best job in the world. Some things are way too good to be true.

My life changed the day my daughter was killed… I changed, Jude changed, and our marriage changed. This is the story of how I went from being a happy man to a man on the verge of losing it all.

Grey skies, dark clouds, chilly breeze, the weather fit the mood of the warm summer day. Thunder storms were moving in, crashing down on city after city, Toronto was the next stop. Sun rays beamed through the darkened fluffy clouds, casting the streets below in an eerie glow. Trees and flowers of all kinds stood out in their bright colors against the gloomy canvas. Mountains and hills in the distance seemed almost larger than normal against the moody feel of life below. Air blew in cold gusts, sending the silent town into ghostly whooshes, kicking up leaves, sending them rolling across sidewalks, twirling into the yards of houses on the block.

A tapping sound filled Tommy's ear as he mutely stood outside the large church, staring up at the sky, wondering when the rain would begin to fall, washing away the pain his heart was feeling. The sound grew louder and louder as he recognized the sound of heels connecting with the cement paved walkway, he kept his head facing the clouds as the sound drew to a stop and a heavy weight rest against his shoulder.

"Tommy?" The intruder asked.

"Hmm?" Tommy responded finally pulling his gaze away from the gloomy sky, facing his father-in-law.

"Jude's waiting inside," Stuart sadly spoke, his eyes filling with unshed tears, "We should go in now."

"Okay," Tommy chocked as he looked up into the sky once more before following Stuart into the church.

I stepped into the church that afternoon not knowing how I was going to live, it hurt so bad, even blinking my eyes seemed to use up energy. Family and close friends were already seated inside the small cathedral styled church. All rows were filled with crying eyes, those eyes that still haunt me to this day. I made my way slowly down the isle taking in each mourner, trying to find strength from them as I passed. Stuart led me to the front row, Jude was seated on the isle seat. Victoria and Sadie sat next to her, they all turned their tear stained faces up to me as I quietly stood before them.

Without speaking all three women slid down the bench, making room for me to sit next to my wife. I took my seat, instantly feeling my heart break another piece as Jude's cold hand slipped inside of mine. We hadn't spent much time together since Farley's death, I know Jude was trying to stay strong, so was I, seeing each other, seeing the sadness would only make it more real. A fact neither one of us had been ready to deal with.

Not long after the funeral began, poetic in most rights, beautiful and haunting. I took in each word everyone had to say, letting the meaning speak to me in ways I never imagined words could. Jude had wanted this to be a dedication to the two short years our daughter had lived. Everyone that came was asked to write down a paragraph expressing something they loved most about Farley.

"Her heart, she had my daughter's heart," Victoria had begun as her turn to speak came around, "Whenever Farley looked up at me I always felt my heart blossom with love. She reminded me so much of Jude as a baby, she showed me what it was like to love that much again. All with just her beautiful presence. I'll treasure her always."

Several times I felt myself ready to burst out on sobs, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted my daughter…and all I was left with was a stack of papers saying how much they loved who she was. I had my paper neatly folded in my suit pocket, I had tried making it a paragraph but I ended up with pages of "Why I love my daughter." Jude had the same, when her turn came to step up and speak I noticed the handful of papers she clutched weakly in her hand.

Her hand fell from mine as she stood up, Stuart stood as well helping my wife to her feet, it was then that I took notice of how frail she looked. Jude was always strong, it was like being slapped across the face. Her eyes were empty, her hands shook, her body was thinner, her skin pale, I had never seen her that way…Stuart helped her up to the microphone where she stood for a moment before sighing. Everyone around me paused as Jude carefully unfolded her pieces of paper.

"My mom once told me that when I had children I would feel whole. I always laughed thinking she must be crazy," I had sat in pure hell watching Jude hoarsely read from her sheets, she spoke each word as if the next one would be her last… "After I married I felt whole, so how could it be any better? That lasted until the day Farley was born. Mom," Jude said as her gaze fell on Victoria's, "You were right. After she was handed to me, I felt whole. I felt alive. I felt everything I always dreamed about feeling. She wasn't even an hour old and I knew things couldn't get any better. I tried coming up with just one thing I loved most about her, but I couldn't."

I was mesmerized, here Jude was falling apart inside and she still had the courage to stand in front of a roomful of people and talk as if she were fine. My eyes clouded over with tears when her gaze landed on me, as if she were seeking a silent strength only I could provide. I nodded in her direction before she continued.

"Farley was sweet, kind, beautiful, funny, passionate… She loved life. She wanted to spend her hours playing outside, finding bugs, playing in her pool, chasing butterflies. One of her favorite things to do was look up at the stars at night. Something Tommy always did with her when she was an infant. After she was born when she would cry he would take her outside. Her eyes taking in the thousands of stars that filled the sky. I always joked that she cried on purpose, just so her dad would take her out. She loved being outside. Farley was relaxed, special, easy going, precious. She was a beautiful gift. The most special, one I will always hold close to my heart. Farley Bear."

Her voice started to crack, my heart began to slow in pace, I couldn't control my emotions. I slowly stood up and walked over to where my wife was standing. Clutching on to her hand I slowly ran my other over the small of her back as I leaned into the microphone. Without reaching for the piece of paper in my pocket I spoke from my heart.

"Farley Bear was everything a father could ask for, and more. After she was born I fell in love, I had been falling in love through out Jude's pregnancy, but I fell completely the first time I laid eyes on her," I paused then and looked into Jude's eyes. Pulling her closer I spoke to her, I whispered to the room, "When she smiled her whole face lit up, her eyes sparkled, her lips so sweet, her nose slightly flared. When she spoke her voice was angelic, babyish and perfect. When she laughed her eyes danced, the sound filling my heart. When she cried, I cried. When her small hands would slip into mine I would feel as if life could not get any better. When she would run through the house her small feet padding against the carpet, her chubby legs taking her wherever she desired, her diapered rear waddling. She was perfect. There's not one thing I did not love about her. So to ask what I loved most about her, well my answer would have to be 'Everything.'"

Dark skies darkened in color as the church doors slowly opened. One by one mournful attendee's stepped out into the eerie day. Slowly each person walked down the church walkway before stopping. Two single file rows had been formed, leaving the walk way open. As if on cue they all turned to face the open doors, some sniffing from previous tears . Silence filled the gap, all waiting for the moment, a moment in which one child would be laid down for her final resting place.

Clouds drifted in vast shades of dark, gloomy, depressed flashes, lining the skies expanse. Light mist fell from the heavens, falling down to earth in lazy drops, one by one connecting with life below before drying up. Thunder rolled softly in the distance breaking the silent gaps with roars of pain. A day in which one little girl was being laid to rest, a day in which life paused, shadowing the normal bright day with a peaceful, mourn filled song of goodbye.

Silently each person standing along the pathway held their breath as commotion from inside the church brought their attention to a standstill. Seconds passed before four men appeared in the doorway, each helping to lift the small white casket, carrying a special angel inside.

Stuart, Kwest and Jamie each agreed to be pallbearers along with me. I knew I wanted to be one of the men who would be carrying my daughters casket to the hearse. There was no way I could stand by and watch as some other man filled my place. My heart was hardly able to pump life into me as it was but I managed to summon enough strength to make it down the walk way. I had to, for Farley.

Flowers of every color lay tied in a white ribbon, resting gently on top of the white casket. The wind from the warm and oddly chilly day ruffled the green leaves, playing with each petal, lifting and carrying the scent of beauty. Jude and Tommy's best friends stood in front, while Tommy and Stuart stood in back, each painfully and lovingly holding the casket as they made their way down the church steps. Passing family and friends who looked on with tears in their eyes, broken pieces of life falling away.

I remember hearing thunder in the distance, every rumble in the sky rocked into my body. Comforting me in ways I never knew it could. Brahms Lullaby softy hummed in my head…it was time for me to rock my baby to sleep, this time forever.

When we reached the end of the walkway the hearse was already waiting with the back door opened. It took no longer than a minute to position the tiny casket into place. The same one that my precious baby slept in. I started to cry then, standing their looking in. My body shook with sobs, but no sound came out. Kwest had pulled me into a hug, a hug in which spoke volumes of just how good of friends we were.

Gazes darted from the hearse to three women standing mid way down the church path. Jude stood mournfully watching as her husband, father, and two friends pushed her daughters casket into the back of the car. The bouquet of flowers slid back and forth before settling once again in the center. Jude had not been able to choose just one flower or color so she picked many kinds knowing Farley would be happy with the arrangement. Roses, Daisies, Lilies and Carnations, varying from pinks and reds to Alstroemria, Gerberas, Snapdragons and Larkspurs in blue's and white then Lavender and Sunflowers in yellow, were some of the summer flowers resting on top. Summer being the season for which Farley loved best. Her blue pool, running through the grass, staying up late watching the stars in the sky.

Victoria and Sadie stood on each side of Jude, each helping their daughter and sister make her way down the path as she looked on, watching in agony the car that would be driving off with her daughter.

Jude and I followed behind the hearse in our own car, as the thunder rolled, lightning began to flash in the sky. I like to think of heaven taking pictures, pictures of my daughter laughing and smiling wherever she was.

Our funeral procession ended at the cemetery, all of our family and friends joined us as Farley was buried, a single rose was placed on her coffin as it neared earth's hands. A single tear escaped my eye…it was then that I said goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye my baby girl.

Brahms Lullaby once again hums throughout my head, this time with words, haunting me wherever I am.

"Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight
With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed…"