I save the chocolate for later of course. There will come a time, when the milk chocolate bar's destiny will be that it's meant to be eaten. The chocolate bar will be the Tribute to my Hunger Game. There is a time and a place for bliss. And this isn't it.

Whoosh! An arrow flies past above me. Klack! It spears itself into a bamboo tree behind me.

Who the heck is the smartass with the bow and arrow? I want to know their name and District before I puncture their throat with my cheese knife! Whoosh! Another arrow. This one apparently hits no mark, because no immediate sound follows.

"Haha! I think you got him, Smartass!", a girl's voice calls out from behind some bamboo trees.

"Shut up, Turdface! I think there's another one...", replies Smartass from the same direction.

There's at least two of them. I'm screwed. I debate putting away my Katswiss Army Knife and just going back to the idea of eating the chocolate bar. I am likely to die now; I might as well go down chewing.

"Helll-", I hear a soft voice behind me.

Hell indeed. Now there are three others!

KLACK! Ok, that bamboo broke very near me! And I see him: the dying boy with an arrow sticking out of his back. He is crawling on his own blood, towards me. Smartass did hit a mark. "Go away!", I signal to Mark with a silent wave of my hand. His body rustling across the forest floor will surely give away our location. I rise into a crouching position, and ready myself to run.

"Helllp", Mark speaks softly again. This time, he gurgles a little of his own blood. It's disgusting.

But it stops me from running. "You're dead!", I grumble under my breath at him. Mark doesn't care. "Help!", he insists. A little too loudly.

"There!", Turdface calls out. And I hear the other two standing Tributes begin to run across bamboo towards us.

"Okay, fine, I'll help you", I groan at Mark. Then I go to him, and stand up, picking him up and easily throwing him over my shoulder. "You can be my meat shield", I grin. But the poor bastard can't even see it, as I run away with him slung across my back.

Klack! Klack! ! Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! I run over broken bamboo, but I'm not faster than the arrows. The shots are still coming. Whoosh! Whoosh!-Thud! ...Groan. Another arrow hits its Mark.

I hear the girl, Turdface, laughing and panting behind me. My meat shield becomes too heavy. Mark must be dead now. I stop suddenly in my tracks, and drop Mark as I dive to the forest floor and into a turn, to face my pursuer. Out of my quickly extended hand, flies my Katswiss Army Knife.

Turdface stops running and falls to her knees. The butt of the Katswiss protruding from her neck. Blood is spraying down her shirt. Sexy. She tries to curse at me, but all she does is make her throat's wound open wider. Blood splatters all over the bamboo. Red on green.

I debate whether to quickly retrieve my knife, or to just continue running, because I realize I have no idea where Smartass went! When was the last time he loosened an arrow? Why is he not shooting at me? Did I lose him? Or is he just taking his time lining me up for his next shot?

Forget the knife. I can come back and pick up the Katswiss from the dead Turdface later. I know that what just happened back there makes me a badass. But I don't like the odds against a foe whose location I cannot sense. Besides... I just urinated all over my trousers. Badass. I just wanna get out of there.

I decide to run. Live to fight another day. Or in my case, live to fight in the Hunger Games for a few more hours, and then just up and die. Sigh. #howidieinthehungergames