Guys, I know I'm pretty late with update, but this week's been nuts. My chef decided I should roll pasta dough with my broken hand, and my other boss forced me to review an outrageously wacky and silly show about a girl who shoots petty criminals with her railgun while her lesbian roommate seduces her in a dirtiest way since Giant Mandy graced our TV. After 20 something episodes of boob fondling and knickers stealing, my brain is now occupied by a lot more trash than I'd like. So if it turned my writing into mud, forgive me.

Effy and Panda's first encounter here is loosely based on Skins season 2, but you don't have to watch it to understand what's going on

Disclaimer: People who owned skins cooked up something like "Beetroot and artichoke soup"…. As salad? yes, as soup? Yikes, so I don't own skins.

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"Look, everyone is already here" Emily waved excitedly at her little group of misfits. She turned around, caught my eyes, and grin widely "Just stay away from Katie, you'll be fine" She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the table. It'd been ages since the last time I went to a club, but right now, with Emily by my side, I suddenly did not want to appear so dorky.

"Sorry, excuse me" Emily kept talking to the sea of people while guiding me through. I clasped her hand tightly. What is this feeling? I wonder. It wasn't the butterfly from the novel; it wasn't the relief or the gratitude for her caring gesture. I knew this, I had felt this before, but for some reason I couldn't recall. Jesus. Being with this girl did things to me. Weird things. "Strange" Emily spoke

"Huh, what?" I panicked. She's a feeling-reader or what?

"Katie, she's alone. I thought Danny'd be with her or something, doing sucky face" She questioned. I felt myself relax "Oh" pathetic pathetic pathetic. "Anyway, not complaining" She stated.

My mind went a bit busy and unfocused, which was a mistake, because as soon as we reached our destination, Cook leaped out of his seat, snatched me from Emily and twirled me around "Naomikins! Fucking hell, never thought I'd see the day" He smiled; I couldn't help but returned it, that boy's a fucking charmer. "Shut up you" I wriggled out of his arms and sat down next to Emily, just in time to catch Katie's resented look across the table, 'What the fuck is her problem? Or is she still holding grudges over what I did years ago?' I thought. Before I could say it, Pandora spoke "You look… nice"

I could hear Katie snickered rather loudly, and Emily's looking tense all of the sudden. I just laughed "Thanks Panda" and gave Katie my best 'Fuck You' face. My skirt and top weren't that bad, but I was well aware at how the floral jacket threw people off. Panda looked at me sympathetically, of course she knew.

"Anyway, ladies" Cook spoke, still standing "Us gents will come back with drinks" He waved Freddie over. Me and Emily pushed ourselves a bit for him to get out. When both of them headed for the bar, something clicked in my brain. I swept my eyes across the table, me, Emily, Freddie sat there moment ago, Katie, Effy, Panda. "where's JJ?" I asked, didn't he promise me some magic?

"Probably with Thomas" Emily informed "He's a part time DJ here, that's how we get in. They're friends" I widen my eyes a bit. Didn't know JJ had any friend besides Emily. Odd. Since when I wanted to know about people? I pushed the thoughts down, trying to appear uninterested.

"There you go girls" Freddie said as he came back with a ginning Cook; holding empty glasses, along with what I could only describe as mountain pints of beer. "Little bastard wanted to get shots, but I insist on being light for the newbies". I eyed Pandora warily as they poured the drinks, I could hold my own, but Panda, if memory served me well, wasn't compatible with any kind of alcohol, no matter how light.

"Corruption needs to start somewhere" Effy spoke, at first I thought it was for the boys, but she was looking straight at me the entire time, her arm wrapped around Panda protectively, almost possessive. What is this? Some sort of challenge? I furrowed my brows, wondering what kind of relationship she thought me and Panda had. Even when we were children, I never meddled too close to Panda's personal business. And corrupting Panda? Please… I saw how she was picked on, how she suffered, and after that freak accident which turned our fate into a bloody mess, she survived. I knew Pandora was the easy-to-be-persuaded type of girl, but corrupting her? Just so you try, Elizabeth Stonem. I raised my eyebrows at her. What I saw next confused me even more. Effy's shoulders dropped, as if tension had been lifted of her body, relief flashed across her face. For a second there she appeared grateful, but it was very short lived, then the non-caring look slipped back on again.

A mess of contradictions, that girl.

"Wanna dance?" Emily nudged. Huh? I looked around, everyone had finished their drinks during my and Effy's little mind-reading contest. "Not having that then Naomikins?" Cook asked, and before I could even answer, he snatched away my beer and gobbled it down in matter of second. He reached over and did the same to Effy's. 'What a bloody pig' I giggled. "Come on Blondie, let's have some fun yeah?" He laughed, pulled me away from my seat.

I saw everyone followed suit, except Effy-who remained at the table, just staring at us. Weird. We reached the crowded dance floor, and I felt Cook's hands on me almost instantly, he's moving behind me, swaying with the music. I laughed, closed my eyes and relaxed, letting the rhythm took over. Funny, I thought between the maddening beats and noises, we looked like a proper couple, Cook and i. Though I knew too well how it wasn't the case. The boy did try to shag me in the beginning, but once we got pass his hormonal impulse we became… well, sort of acquaintances. There were some odd parts inside me that trusted him to not go overboard, as strange as it might sound.

I felt Cook's hands slipped away, replaced by slender and gentle fingers. What The. My eyes popped open, finding Emily smiling in front of me. "Cook gotta go chatting up some poor girl soon, can't leave you alone now can i?" She shouted through the music while continuing her little number; eyes sparkling, not with mischief, but with tendering gentleness. She raised my hand with hers, twirled me around, then wriggled close in her adorable little way, ours body touched, made my stomach feel a bit funny, yet when she looked up at me, all assuring and trusting, I felt something else.

That feeling again, that feeling I couldn't recall.

Above me, the air crackled and changed, become heavier, damper. Then it shifted. The wind, the wind is blowing, shining.

"Naomi" I heard Emily yelled

"Uh" I looked at her. Where was i? Right, club, dancing. "Are you ok?" She asked, full of concern.

"Not quite" I answered honestly. I didn't know what happened to me. Was I seeing visions? Fuck sake

"Come sit down yeah? I'll get you some water" she held my hand, guided me back to our table. I slumped down, avoiding Effy's eyes. "I'll be back" Emily assured me, then dashed to the bar, struggling to beat the queue. A bundle of cuteness, that Emily. I watched her tiny size manoeuvred through mad crowd of people-who were flocking about like cluster of chickens, stupidly blocking my view of the red head.

"Used to bug the hell out of me, the reason why she paired us" Effy's voice jolted me out of my indulgence. I raised my eyebrows. So talking in riddle was the next step of our interaction now? Should I feel proud or something? "That's how we first met, in middle school, the old hag got us together for a dumb art project" She continued. What? Who? I stared at her, then it clicked, right, Pandora. "And? That made her your property?" I quipped, annoyed. She flicked her eyes at me, expression unreadable "Hmm, now I know that she's not yours" Wait a minute, was that why she… Effy went on, cutting my thoughts "I didn't fit in there. That school. Bunch of innocent, snobbish little fuckers. All virgins, talked the same, walked the same, probably have been bred the same way. Got on my nerves, those losers, nearly made me go mute"

I wondered if Effy knew what she had just given away. Even though she didn't fit in, the fact that she was accepted to a school which Panda went to, meant her IQ was way above the nation's average. That certainly explained her behaviour, being too smart did have a nasty side effect. Contrary to popular belief, most students who went to those places were geared with intensive training by their overly ambitious parents as soon as they came out of the womb. While I had a feeling that Panda and Effy were the rare type who would get to Havard without much effort. "Didn't know you guys were in school together. Well, I didn't ask, just figured you met her randomly or something" I said, rather guilty.

Effy shrugged "Daddy dearest was afraid that his precious little baby would fall into the wrong crowd" She smirked. "So I spent several years in hell, corrupted a few victims now and again. In any case, they tolerated me." Then Effy grew serious "But not Panda, though I never ask why. And once we're friends, they casted me out too"

Fear gripped me. This was not really about her and Pandora. I found my heart beating faster and faster "Fuck if I cared about them" Effy looked straight at me "Then I got it. The reason why that old hag thought I'd be good for her. We both don't belong there. It's too neat, too clean. And we're broken"

I suddenly couldn't breathe. My chest tightened. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Effy didn't know, I tried to calm myself down, of course she didn't, not the whole picture, anyway. But her intense gaze, so strong. My brain started to ring out all sort of alarming signals 'It's no easy life to lead, Naomi' Mother's words echoed from within 'You walk away, you'll loose your grandparents' protection. Who knows what would happen to us? Once we're out there' I felt a storm raging inside me. I was Naomi Campbell now. Naomi Fucking Campbell. I couldn't let things slip, wouldn't drop any hints, any clues. I had come so far, had I not? Yet Effy's eyes, they're searching, looking right through me, making my skin prickle. 'People gets curious, Naomi, that's their nature'

I bolted out of my seat and ran towards the nearest exist, my brain was shutting down, I needed to get out of that confine space, need to touched the earth with my feet and see the sky with my eyes. My clumsy body pissed people off as I went smashing about. Frankly I couldn't bring myself to care at the moment. I grabbed the door handle as soon as I saw one, twisted, and let the cool night air washed over me.

This is much better. I collapsed against the wall. The air always calmed me down, no matter where I went, no matter how polluted. I needed to think. Coming here tonight was an obvious mistake, it got me close to people, that's never good. I must try to fix this whole mess somehow. Fuck.

"Jesus, couldn't you run any faster" I startled, whisked my head towards the voice, and found Emily, standing dangerously close, with a glass of water in her hand. I saw concern rising in her feature, nearly made me bolt away for a second time; but my legs held me down, apparently had minds of their own, and my throat was screaming for relief. "There you go" She said, handed me what I needed.

"Thanks" I muttered, then proceeded on quenching the fire in my throat. She kept observing the entire time, yet it didn't have the same effect as Effy had on me, it didn't gave me the feeling as if I was under some sort of investigation. I gained some courage, looked straight into her eyes. Such colour, so warm. I let their simple tenderness envelope me, wrap me up. It's so peaceful. I realised at that moment, how tired I was, after years of hiding, being in constant fear. I never felt an urge to give up as strong as this. 'After all, it has been so long, surely they would find a replacement by now'. I shook my head. 'Can I afford thinking like this?'

"Did Effy weird you out?" Emily asked "It's my fault, I shouldn't leave you alone with her" She ridiculously beat herself up "Always seem to stare right through your secret, those eyes"

"There's no secret" It came out rather weak

"Naomi" She let out a tiny sigh "It's ok. Effy never goes as far as exposing anybody. Analysing people is some sort of therapy for her, same as JJ doing tricks. The boys had their own problems to be busy with. Katie's the only one who's a bit invasive, but I can handle her. And as long as the rest of us don't care, she doesn't either"

"There's no secret" my response was getting weaker and weaker. The familiar feeling of panic began to rear its ugly head.

"I know there is Naomi, it doesn't matter though. I'm not particularly interested in that"

"What?" I couldn't believe what I had just heard

"I mean, I get it, there're things you and Pandora didn't tell us. But it's ok. Unless you are a retire serial killer, I don't care". Emily's lips curled up into a small smile.

"You don't?" I asked, trembling with hope, which made my own voice sound foreign to my ears.

Then Emily did the strangest thing. She raised her two hands, gently cup my face. Her thumbs started caressing my cheeks, sending little shockwaves through my body. I wanted her to say something, anything, because those fingers were making my mind and body going berserk with million kinds of emotions. "No, I don't" She finally spoke "I don't need to know you then, to see you now"

My heart exploded. That, that feeling again. The wind was blowing, shining, clearing away the fog…

"Come on" Emliy grabbed the empty glass, steering me back to reality. "JJ's desperate to show you something, and it's getting kinda cold out here" She pulled me up, guiding me back inside. I followed her lamely, lost for words. How could this happen? How could things get this complicated in just a day? I gazed at my and Emily's joint hands. How could things get so simple, in just a day? It's odd, my sudden urge to cling to someone who admitted that she wasn't interested in knowing the whole me. Yet, in a way this was what I needed for a long time. And I realised, Emily knew me, despite my attempt to shield up, she knew me. It was the scariest thing.

The familiar table appeared from the corner of my sight. Everyone's there now. I spotted Effy first, looking all nonchalant and mysterious as usual. Fred and Katie were in their chatty mode, Cook's ruffling JJ's hair, who held something strange in his right hand. Pandora came to view, she's being super hyper, her eyes glued to a guy I'd never met.

"Nao" Panda squeaked in excitement "Meet Thomas, such a blinking dream ain't he?" The guy stood up, extended his hand "Hi, I'm Thomas, nice to meet you" I shook it firmly. 'Well well, what do we have here'. I eyed Panda, amused.

"Perfect gentleman, right Panda?" Effy asked, to which Pandora eagerly nodded in response. But Effy's look was directed at me… again. He's a nice guy, He'll be good for Panda She communicated in a non-verbal way. REALLY, a mess of contradictions, this girl. Strangely enough though, I felt liberated. Effy cared, deep down, I knew that much. And judging from everyone's blasé reaction, I guessed she didn't spill what she sort of glimpsed from our previous conversation. May be I can trust Emily on this, since none of them appeared to be the nosy type of people. Saved for Katie, yet I had a feeling that whatever problem she had with me wasn't quite related to my hidden past.

"I have something for you Nao, I mean Naomi" JJ babbled. He looked at me, rather shy. "Is it magic?" I gave him a smile, and saw Cook scooted over, offered me a seat next to JJ. I said thanks and took my place, while Emily settled down next to Katie across the table.

"It's Origami" He said, showing me the strange item he held in his hand. The paper was folded into a crown shape, with three perfect pointy ends to each triangular. I frowned. It sure looked cute, but I failed to see the point. 'Are they making me queen as some sort of game?' "Here, tuck your thump inside" JJ flipped the thing over, showing me a small pocket at the other side of the biggest middle triangular; I placed my finger there. 'What's this?' "Now, grab the tail" he pinched the middle pointy end with his other thumb and index, encouraged me to do the same, which I did "Pull it to the opposite direction" huh? "what?" I asked, confused written all over. JJ simply smiled "It's just physic and math, you'll see. Pull it, hold on tight to the pocket" 'What the hell'. I started stretching the 'tail' away. To my amazement, the middle triangular sucked in the air, puffing up like balloon. "Good good, keep going, gently, gently, don't tear the paper, don't tear it" JJ urged me excitedly. I watched in awe, the other two smaller triangulars had now curled backwards as the air kept pumping in. I continued pulling to the end, and the pocket-which my thumb held-became a mouth. "It's a fish" I exclaimed, much like a child. It looked so real. "It's a carp, specifically… I never figure out why the Japanese go to such great length for a carp. Great swimming ability, but rather tasteless. Though, I haven't taken into account Carp sashimi, could be a delicacy" JJ contemplated. "But carp origami is fun"

Indeed it was. Never thought that I could achieve something like this using a piece of paper. I looked up from the carp I held in my hands, and caught Emily for the second time today. Her eyes still sparkled with the same adoration, but this time it was also adorned with understanding and pride. 'What the fuck did she see in me?' I found myself asking the same question. I was such a grumpy, unfriendly, anti-social girl, yet here she sat, shining.

Wait

I remembered

That feeling

I was five years old. A carefree child, a happy child. I was running headlong towards the paddy field. The wind was blowing, shining, clearing away the damp foggy weather. I laughed, nothing in the world can stop me, I saw the castle floating up, soaring with the wind. I rushed forwards, trying to embrace the light.

Now, there was no floating castle, and I had learnt afterwards that wind couldn't shine, but the feeling I kept hadn't changed, the impossible still looked real in my naked eyes. I wanted to rush forwards with my eyes open, my arms outstretched, and embraced the light sitting right across this table.

I felt free

…

…

…

I confess right now that I kinda cheated with the origami thing, because it takes a huge amount of natural talent to be able to master the carp-pulling technique right off the bat like Naomi did. I remember my first attempt and it looked nothing like a fish. But this is a way I'd like to make up for JJ's origami skill in the Official Skins Novel, which seems like it was written by people who can not fold a jumping frog and can't even identify the right type of papers to use …what an insult to this fine art.

Thanks again for reading. And please guys, let me know what you think and keep me writing… now I gotta finished that horrendous show about lesbian panties stealer … what a nightmare