Chapter 4.

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Lily paced around her bedroom, frantically trying to remember when she'd last had her period. Her mind drew a blank. Three months ago? Two maybe? They had gone to Sayulita last year, and it was in that quaint fisherman's town, in a villa, that they had slept together for the first time. Since then it had it had been constant, sneaking off and doing it however and wherever they got the chance. Lily had had a few sexual partners before Rufus but sex with him was like nothing she'd ever experienced.

Neither of them could leave the other one alone but it wasn't sleazy sneaking around sex like what she had experience in the past. When they made love she felt such a strong connection to him. It was euphoric, and addictive. She sat down at her desk and pulled out her diary looking for any clues that might shed some light on her situation. She'd given up recording her cycle ages ago as the pill made them irregular so she hadn't seen the point. Maybe that it was all it was, she thought, just the pill messing around with her hormones. She tried to breathe a sigh of relief but it wouldn't come. She had to admit that something did feel off…but she'd put that down to being emotional.

Flipping to the back of the diary she looked at Rufus' phone number, even though she knew it off by heart. Tracing the numbers with her fingers she toyed with the idea of trying to call him again. She was about to reach for the phone when a figure burst into her room.

"Carol!" she said, slightly stunned. "Don't you ever knock?"

"Sorry sis, this couldn't wait." She held out a bag. "I bought you a present."

Lily took the bag, noting the label on the paper bag.

"You bought me a present from the pharmacy?"

"Well, I figured you weren't brave enough to actually go and buy one…"

Lily tipped the bag upside down and her eyes widened at its contents.

"I don't…..I don't need to do a test. Yes I am,….quite late….but I'm on the pill Carol! And I take it everyday without fail…..I'm not pregnant, there's just no way I can be."

Carol folded her arms.

"Who are you trying to convince here? Me or yourself? Because you're not convincing me, and deep down you're not convincing yourself."

Picking up the pregnancy test she turned it around to read the instructions.

"I want to speak to Rufus before I do this."

"And how would that conversation go Lily? 'Oh, hi Rufus, I know we haven't spoken in nearly a week but I think I might be pregnant so could you drop everything you're doing and come and hold my hand whilst I take the test?"

Lily dropped her gaze back to the pregnancy test.

"Thing is Carol" she said softly. "If I did say that to him, he would drop everything, and he would come."

Her hand hovered over the phone again.

"I just want to speak to him, I miss him, and I don't understand what happened. I don't know who's at fault, the argument we had made no sense to me. And now I can't get hold of him, and I might be pregnant."

Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. She hid her face in her hands. Carol stepped over to her and put her arms around her.

"There's no point in worrying him when there might not be anything to worry about. Let's just do this one step at a time, okay."

Lily nodded slowly.

"Okay, I'll do it. Just give me a minute to go to the bathroom."

Carol nodded and left her sisters room. Lily alternated between staring at the package and the phone she had in her bedroom. The only person she wanted to talk to was Rufus, and she had no idea where he was. Blinking back her tears she shut her diary and headed to the bathroom.

He practically ran all the way to Grand Central. He needed to hear this news from Lily, needed to hear her say the words, needed her confirmation. He knew that CeCe wasn't lying. She was a lot of things, cold, cruel, manipulative and controlling but she wouldn't orchestrate a lie like this. There was no clear reason why she would. After she had left the loft, questions from the past that had never been answered began to be solved. The timeline of events from twenty years ago made sense now. They'd had a blazing row which was due to CeCe's meddling, and after ignoring her for a week he'd eventually answered his phone. She was desperate to speak to him, telling him that she had news to tell him that couldn't wait. He waited for her at the bus stop for two hours before realising that she wasn't coming. When he'd tried to contact her he had been told that she had been sent to school in France, and that he wasn't to try contacting her ever again.

She had returned in the same manner as she had left, in complete secrecy and had never given him an explanation of what had happened to her, or why she left without saying anything to him. She was different when she came back, and he had no idea why. It all made sense to him now. Lily had been in France, but instead of being at school she had been sent there to have their child. He shook his head, still not being able to fathom the words 'their child.' He slowed his run as he approached the building, and as he walked inside he scanned the area for Lily. Finding her, he stood by a railing and watched her for a few minutes, knowing that once he revealed to her that he knew what she had done everything that they had built up, and all their hopes for the future, would shatter.

As soon as the band started playing the nerves and the uncomfortable feelings that she was experiencing dissipated. She found that by viewing the experience through the camera lens she was able to 'switch off' the rowdiness of the people around her and the grimy background of the bar seemed to fade away. She found herself surprisingly immersed in the music, they were actually good. She had to admit that the lead singer was extremely photogenic, and she loved the raw passion he clearly had for his music. He seemed so real, pure, untainted by greed, success and power. When the gig finished he looked down at Lily and blew her a kiss. And that's when she felt it. A spark.

He walks up to her as she waits patiently and he sees a look in her eyes that he hasn't seen for a long time. He almost hates himself for shattering the hope that she knows she's feeling but his paternal feelings and the betrayal he feels take over and as he stands in front of her he asks her the question that been plaguing him.

"What was it, a boy or a girl?"

He watches the pain creep into her eyes and he knows that he's hurting her, but all he feels is an overwhelming sense of loss; and he has no idea how it will ever go away.