A/N: I finished this a lot sooner than I thought, so I'm posting early since I want to get to the next chapter where Gale may or may not be making an appearance... ;)

DISCLAIMER: A big portion of this next chapter has quotes directly from Mockingjay, as you'll realize once you start reading, but not everything is the same so give it a chance, it's not a complete re-read. Also, in the last chapter, I realize the soldiers in the book weren't wearing District 13's gray uniforms, but there will be a reason why they are.

[4.] The guards gawk at me for a moment, each looking to the other for a direction in an almost comical way, before crossing their guns in front of the doors so I can't pass. The man speaks up first, "This area is closed off, Miss. No one is allowed in."

The woman corrects him, "Soldier. You can't go in, Soldier Everdeen. President's orders."

As she's speaking, one of the doors behind the guards opens and Paylor, the commander from District Eight, slips out, closing the door so quick I can only catch a glimpse of what is inside: lots of greenery and colorful flowers. An indoor conservatory? Why would they be guarding a greenhouse? Something is going on…

I can feel a deep frown appear on my face when the female guard tells Paylor, "She doesn't seem to want to listen to us."

Paylor watches me carefully for a moment, seemingly looking me over like I were about to attack them or something. I'm unarmed, of course, and still healing from 3rd degree burns, so I'm not surprised when she deems me harmless. She gestures for me to step closer to her and tells me in a low voice, "I'm going to let you in, but only for a minute."

I nod my head and thank her, not sure why she's letting me inside. I push through the door before she changes her mind, and am brightened by the beautiful sight in front of me. Even though part of me recognizes this used to be Snow's special place, I am comforted by its splendor. The air is thick and humid, perfect conditions for plant life. I stroll slowly past clusters of flowers, many I've never seen before, in every color imaginable. I'm attracted to an area growing strictly roses, which were clearly Snow's favorite. There are red roses, yellow roses, white, pink, orange, blue, purple, and some are just buds while others are in full bloom. I reach out a hand to touch one, but stop short when I hear his voice.

"That's a nice one," He says. I am frozen in shock. Snow. "The colors are lovely, of course, but nothing says perfection like white."

Through the cluster of roses and through the vines of ivy hanging down from the ceiling, I can see Snow sitting at a small table, a tray of food in front of him. His skin looks a sickly green color, but his eyes are trained on me still as cold and snake-like as I remember them. I am horrified when I realize he's been here the whole time! I thought he was locked away in a cell somewhere, for once in his life being treated as he should be, like a criminal. No such luck. Who would've ordered him to be kept here under such nice conditions?

Coin. Of course. The answer comes to me as soon as it enters my brain, because obviously Coin is already trying to set the standards for the 'new era' that even if a President is overthrown they will be treated with respect until the time of their sentencing. I think that's just her way of saving her own ass if she messes up in the future.

"I was hoping you'd find your way into my quarters." Snow's tone is frank, but it's hard to decipher what he really means by it. Before I can ask him to explain himself, he erupts in a fit of raucous coughing which he smothers with a cream-colored handkerchief. When he pulls it away from his mouth, the cloth is stained with big bold droplets of blood.

I take a few careful steps towards Snow's spot at the table, but don't want to be too close to him. He looks weak and sick, but I can't feel bad for him. He deserves to feel the way he does. He deserves worse. I take notice of the shackles on his ankles and I'm glad at least he doesn't have complete freedom; he's still chained to this room. It might be pretty, but it is still a jail cell, and Snow has to know what is waiting for him when he leaves.

Snow pours himself a cup of tea from a small gold trimmed pot on the table. He offers me a cup but I shake my head in refusal. "All right then." He drinks the tea without sugar or cream. After a few sips he continues on conversing as if we are old friends, "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your sister, Primrose, yes? Will she be all right?" I grit my teeth, sending daggers with my eyes at Snow for even mentioning Prim. How dare he? I should strangle him right now. "What happened was completely unnecessary, wasteful even. I was about to issue an official surrender when they released the parachutes." My face must give away my complete disbelief. He said they released the parachutes, as in the rebels? No. That couldn't be possible. "Oh, Katniss, you didn't really think I was behind that, did you? Let's think about this for a moment. If I had access to a working hovercraft, my only concern would have been making an escape. What resolution does it serve me to kill Capitol children? Now, we both know I'm not above killing children, but I am not wasteful. I take life for a very specific reason, and that? There was no purpose for that, none at all."

I can't speak. He's lying. But…something in me falters and I don't know what to believe. I have a brief flashback of the moment before the parachutes fell and the first bomb went off in the courtyard, how amongst the chaos I could feel something was about to happen. I hoisted myself up on that flagpole for a reason, to see what was going on. I saw the hovercraft the moment it appeared and the way it all played out, the first bomb, and the medics running out, it was so…familiar.

It isn't until Snow starts commending Coin on her deviously brilliant plot to ensure Snow had no allies left amongst the Capitol, by killing their children, and with it their trust for him. "Did you know they played it live?" Snow's eyes stare into mine and he raises an eyebrow as if to ask if I get what he's saying.

The worst part is I do understand what he's saying. Who would have the idea to play that horrific moment live for all to see but an ex-Head Gamemaker, whose job used to be that very same thing? Plutarch. But he wasn't the one who came up with the bomb or the design. Now I remember…back in District Thirteen, in the Special Weaponry room where I went one time with Gale. He and Beetee were working on some designs based off Gale's traps, playing on human sympathies by sending in one bomb to kill the victims and the second to kill the rescue team. Gale even said, "Beetee and I have been following the same rulebook President Snow used when he hijacked Peeta."

Snow's voice brings me back to the present, "My failure was being so slow to grasp Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and districts destroy one another, and then step in to take power with Thirteen barely scratched. Make no mistake, she was intending to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was Thirteen that started the rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and then abandoned the rest of the districts when the tide turned against it. But I wasn't watching Coin. I was watching you, Mockingjay. And you were watching me. I'm afraid we have both been played for fools."

My mind struggles with what to think of these facts that Snow has shared with me, because I really don't see why he'd lie when he knows he's going to die soon. But he is sometimes tricky to decipher what he really means by what he says, so I don't want to take him at his word. I keep my face emotionless when I finally speak my first and only words to Snow this day, "I don't believe you."

Snow shakes his head in mock disappointment, "Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen, I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other."

I've had enough. I turn and go back the way I came, pausing to clip that white rose I was looking at before. I'll have them put it in Snow's lapel the day I kill him, my target to shoot straight through his heart. Then I rush out, wanting to get as far away from Snow and his words as I can. But I can't stop hearing his voice, can't stop thinking about what he is saying. Even after I exit the conservatory and thank Paylor for approving my entrance, promising not to mention this to anyone, and after I find my way back to my room in this maze of a mansion, I still feel like I'm in the greenhouse. Before, I'd had no doubt that the hovercraft that dropped the bombs belonged to the Capitol, it had the Capitol seal, they didn't fire on the enemy, and they have been killing children for a long time. I never considered what Snow insisted was true, that the rebels, and Coin specifically who gave the order to drop the double-bomb on the courtyard. No. They couldn't have done that. Children are too precious. Snow must be trying to manipulate me, like always, trying to turn me against the rebels and possibly destroy them.

But…I know that double-exploding bomb was formulated by Beetee and Gale. Could the Capitol have the same kind of bomb? It is possible, but remembering so clearly Gale's words on the matter, and how he isn't here now and hasn't seen me, makes me wonder if he was sent there so he couldn't talk to me about what happened. Or maybe he left because he knew the plan all along and can't face me now. None of it sounds like the Gale I know, the Gale I…it doesn't matter. Tears are flowing down my cheeks now, but no one is here to see them.

The more worked up I get the harder it is for me to stop thinking about it. I recall Bogg's response when I admitted I hadn't put much thought into Snow's successor. He said, "If your immediate answer isn't Coin, then you're a threat. You're the face of the rebellion. You may have more influence than any other single person. Outwardly, the most you've ever done is tolerated her." That is true, but I wanted to like her, wanted to trust her. Now she looks almost as guilty as Snow. She has a long way to go to get a resume as evil as Snow's but sending in my baby sister, who is not even fourteen yet, as a soldier of the rebellion and working on the front lines was very Snow-like. She knew, as did the rest of Panem, that I would do anything for Prim. I proved that almost two years ago when I volunteered as tribute in place of Prim. She knew if one thing would break me, it would be to kill Prim. But she failed, because she didn't count on me being there to save her, and to figure out what she did.

I can't do a thing about it, though. What can I say? What can I do? I have no one to go to for answers, and no way to know who I can trust. Prim is still in the hospital, so fragile she could easily be finished off if I tell the wrong person and Coin decides she's not done torturing me. Coin wants reassurance that she is set in stone for Presidency, and as of right now it seems almost a definite thing that Coin will become President. I don't like that, it doesn't seem right. We fought this war to let someone simply take Snow's place? I thought we were going to change things. What if we don't like Coin's changes? What if she doesn't change things at all? What if things are worse?

My head is aching, both from crying and from thinking so much about things my already disoriented brain can't comprehend. I want to, but I can't stop crying, I'm hysterical, my breath catching in short gasps and causing me to feel light-headed. I've never cried so hard in my life. I've never felt so lost and alone. I curl up on my bed and close my eyes, wish I were somebody else for a while.

There's a light knock on the door, and then it slowly creaks open. I don't bother to check and see who it is. I pretend not to hear anything. Maybe whoever it is will think I am asleep and leave me alone.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice calls to me gently. A hand is placed on my shoulder, coaxing me to roll over. "Are you okay?"

My shaking shoulders must have given away that I wasn't actually sleeping. I roll onto my back and stare up at Peeta through bleary eyes. Seeing his kind eyes so full of concern for me, and how it reminds me of the Peeta I learned to know when we first got chosen as tributes for the 74th Hunger Games. The baker's son I didn't know loved me until we were sent off to a battle to the death, and I didn't know I loved him until I almost lost him. I know he still has things the Capitol implanted in his mind that make him slightly crazy around me, but that's not the real Peeta. The real Peeta is the boy in the Quarter Quell who did everything to make sure I would make it out alive, who said he couldn't live without me.

I move over to make room for Peeta on the bed, and he takes the hint and lies down next to me. I curl up close to him and rest my head on his shoulder, comforted by the familiar way his body feels against mine. I lace my fingers through his and murmur, "I'm so sorry that I didn't try harder to help you remember when you were brought to Thirteen. I was stupid and it wasn't right of me. You've done more for me than I deserve, and I want you to know that I really am lucky to have you in my life, and I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me." Peeta takes hold of my chin and softly turns my head towards him. "Where is this coming from, Katniss?"

"I've just been thinking a lot about things," I reply. I can't elaborate for fear of bursting into tears again. Our lips were only a few inches away, and I need him right now. So instead of talking, I kiss him. When our lips touch, I press harder, wanting him closer to me. He grips the back of my neck, burying his hands in my hair, and pulling me on top of his chest. I kiss him desperately, not giving him a moment to catch a breath, needing him to help me feel alive. I run my hands down his chest and hug him around the waist. Peeta and I have never kissed like this before, so passionate and intense. It feels…I don't know, but it's more than what I've been feeling, and I don't want to be numb again.

After a few minutes, Peeta needs to take a breath. "Katniss," He starts hesitantly, "Not that I want you to stop, because I don't, but is this about Gale?"

"What?" I lean back to look at him better. "No, why would it be about Gale?" This is the first time he's mentioned Gale's name since I've been out of the hospital. He didn't inform me of Gale's departure to District Two. Now he is asking if I am kissing him because of Gale.

"Johanna told me that she saw you earlier," Peeta admits. "I came to check on you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you he was gone, but I didn't want to hurt you. He didn't tell anyone he was going, and I didn't know what to say."

"It's okay," I say quickly, "You don't have to come up with excuses for him. I don't know why he didn't say goodbye, and I'm not going to try and look for a reason why when he couldn't tell me." I lay my hand on his cheek and kiss him softly. "That was not about Gale. I was upset earlier, yes, but there's been a lot on my mind."

Peeta seems skeptical, "It's just that you haven't ever kissed me like that, and you just found out about Gale leaving, and I know you've been crying…I can't help but feel it's because of Gale at least a little bit."

Somehow me trying to convince him I wasn't thinking about Gale went horribly wrong, and Peeta ended up leaving upset with me. Maybe I hesitated too long before insisting it wasn't true. Maybe I didn't sound like I meant it, since the moment he asked I've been wondering if maybe I was partly doing it because of Gale. Whatever it was, Peeta felt used, and now I feel like a huge bitch. He said I wasn't going to lose him, but why do I feel like I am?

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. Do you want Peeta to forgive Katniss? Why do you think Gale left without saying goodbye? I'll post the next chapter soon.