No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.
—Carrie P. Snow
Chapter 4
No Day So Bad
"Look, just admit you're lost."
"Ruff!"
"Don't you ruff me. We've passed that building three times now."
"Hinn."
"Yeah, yeah, an if sorries were ice cream, I'd be twenty concussions and a body cast less to … eh, where was I going with this?" Ranma stopped at the sudden loss of her line of thought, then quickly shrugged it off as unimportant. "Guess we'll just have to ask around or somethin'."
"Hrr?" The puppy turned a reproachful eye towards her, as if affronted by her lack of confidence in his abilities.
That brought Ranma up short. "Oh, hell no. You listen here. First you're not stopping to get directions, then you're ignoring somebody's warning. Next thing you know, you've got a curse hangin' off your chest an' a crazy maniac hunting you down like a wild animal. Always get the lay a' the land before you do anything. Understand?" Her words brought confusion into the pup's eyes, but he nodded his agreement.
"Good. Now, let's see if I can figure out where we are." Looking around the quiet street they'd wandered into, she took stock of her surroundings. "Well, there's the big ass monument, so that's north. Straight back that way is main street, so we must be on the east side. Hmm." Looking more closely at the buildings around her, she noticed a small flower shop. "Yamanaka? I know where that is. That must mean we're…"
Trailing off, she organized her memories of Konoha's layout. A moment of thought had her snapping her fingers. "I know. We ain't far from a police department. We can ask them for help."
Perking his ears up at Ranma's change in tone, the puppy let out a questioning, "Hrr?"
Ruffling his ears, Ranma answered its question. "Yeah, usually they're pretty good about this stuff. 'Course, if pops were here he'd have us runnin' in the other direction, but he had more counts of petty theft than the police had thieves to chase."
A sudden commotion from the flower shop drew her attention away.
"Oh! This is terrible. Are you absolutely sure you don't have any? This was my last hope." A rather well dressed—and quite fat—woman was talking to a young blonde girl at the front of the flower shop.
"I'm really sorry, Madam Shijimi. We just don't carry any fruit here. Because it's a flower shop. For flowers. Not fruit." The kid seemed annoyed.
Making a comically exaggerated display of distress and waving her hands about—and dear god the woman had enough jewelry on to feed Genma for a year—the older lady continued without heed. "Oh, my husband will be so disappointed. We were so looking forward to having fresh fruit to celebrate Tora's new collar. But everywhere we've been, they've told us that the shipments are all late. Can you believe that?"
The look on the girl's face seemed to say she believed several things, but was managing to keep from sharing them. "Yes, I've heard about that. Something about bandits in the Land of Wave."
That only set the lady off further. "Well, if that's the case, shouldn't you do something?"
"Do … something?"
Oh, this was great. The girl clearly didn't know how to handle stuck up aristocrats.
"Yes. Because you're ninja. Isn't it your job?"
Ninja? Examining the kid more closely, Ranma saw that she had her headband thingy tied about her waist.
Sigh. Why didn't they just hand the damn things out to pregnant mothers and save themselves some time?
"Our job? To hunt Wave bandits? The bandits who are from Wave. Which is not the Land of Fire."
Kid was in desperate need of some pointers.
"Yes."
'Cause blunt just never seemed to cut it with these types.
Turning the conversation over in her head, Ranma began to construct a quick racket to fill her pockets and maybe curry a bit of favor as well. Turning to the pup, who had been watching the confrontation with surprising concentration, she got his attention. "Hey, wanna help me scam some money right quick?" At his inquisitive growl, she grinned and ducked into an alleyway behind some boxes.
"Alright, watch this." Reaching into her pocket, Ranma pulled out a few seeds. Gripping them in a fist, she focused until a light blue glow haloed her hand.
Slowly, a small vine curled out and grew down from between her fingers, followed by several more. Before the startled and amazed eyes of her companion, the vines turned into thick bushes that flowered and grew huge, ripe berries.
"Heh. Cool, huh?" She got a fascinated nod in return. "Waste a' ki of course, but it's got its uses."
Pulling a basket out from seemingly nowhere, she quickly shook her bounty free. "I got an idea, but it'll take both of us workin' together, maybe Risu-chan too. So, ready to learn Anything Goes Cry of the Laden Crane?" The pup eagerly nodded. "Right, here's what you need to do." Laying out her plan, she found an apt student in the young dog. It was only moments before they were ready to go.
"Hey, are ya sure about that name you picked out? Once we start, there'll be no going back. You'll be stuck with it."
He just gave her a stubborn look.
"Right. Let's do this."
…
"Yes. Maybe somebody should talk to the Hokage about the fruit shortage. I'm sure he could do something about it for you. Unlike me. The genin."
Ino Yamanaka was slowly losing her mind. She was sure of it. Madam Shijimi was incapable of understanding the most simple of concepts. Like the difference between a grocer and a florist.
Her first day as a ninja was supposed to be special. Instead, she'd been suckered into some stupid test, a test her team only passed because she was able to convince her teammates it was in their best interests, and now this! Between Shikamaru's laziness and Madam Shijimi's ineptitude she was on the verge of, of … argh!
Sudden movement fortunately distracted her from her growing desire to use Yamanaka secret arts on the woman.
"Ruff!"
A puppy? It looked like one of the Inuzuka's dogs, running playfully along the street. What was a ninken doing running around loose?
"Mao! Oh Mao! Please don't run away like that! You know I can't keep up with this bi-ig basket of fresh, ripe fruit!"
That brought Ino up short. There, running along right behind the puppy, was a young, teenage girl. A very beautiful, very well-endowed girl running… W-was she not wearing a—Ino's face immediately turned as red as any of the most vibrant of her flowers.
The puppy ran up to Madam Shijimi and began running circles around her. Right on his heels came the girl, sweeping him up and scolding him. "What have I told you about bothering strangers like that? Oh Mao, what am I going to do with you?"
Tilting her wide-brimmed straw hat back, she widened what must have been the bluest eyes Ino had ever seen and spoke.
"I am so sorry about that, ma'am. I hope little Mao here wasn't bothering you too much? He's just so young that he doesn't understand good manners yet. Please, forgive us?"
Her contrite, teary-eyed look had Ino wanting to wrap her arms around the girl and never let go, and that look wasn't even directed at her. It was Madam Shijimi's opinion that mattered though, and the shell-shocked look on her face didn't bode well.
"You… You are…"
She leaned forward and Ino winced, bracing herself for the worst.
"So cuuuuuuute!"
The woman swept the girl up in a bear-hug so fierce Ino was sure she heard bones crack. The girl's trailing pigtail was actually standing on end. A few moments into it without reprieve had Ino wondering if she should interfere before the girl died, but Madame Shijimi loosed the girl and held her back, obviously wanting another look.
"You must be the sweetest thing! Oh, how I wish Tora were here. The three of you would take the most adorable pictures! Tell me, what is your name?"
Standing back and grabbing onto her hat, as if for balance, the girl stretched her limbs a bit. Okay, Ino definitely heard bones crack that time.
"Ah, aheh, um … Oh my! How rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Ranma Saotome, ma'am. It's an honor to meet you."
Then the girl curtsied. She actually curtsied! Ino had never actually seen it done before. She had thought no-one outside of the Daimyo's court did that. Just the same, it seemed to work on its target.
"Oh! Adorable, just adorable! I am Madam Shijimi and … what's that you have here?"
Looking down, Ranma raised the arm not occupied with the puppy. It was a basket filled with the most luscious berries Ino had ever seen.
"Oh, this? Well, you see, I found poor Mao here in an alleyway, abandoned. He had been staying there, protecting Risu from getting any more injured."
Before they could ask who Risu was, Ranma lifted her hat. There, sitting in makeshift bedding on her head, was a small, tortoiseshell and white colored kitten. Her leg was bandaged rather professionally. At the change in her environment, Risu looked up and mewled piteously. At the sight, Ino knew she was about to have a heart attack. It was just too heartbreaking.
"I couldn't just leave them there, but I am but a poor, country girl, new to town. In order to feed us, and get Risu some attention, I brought these to market. I was hoping some kind soul would buy them from me."
The desolate look Ranma had on her face was excruciating. Ino furiously hoped that Madam Shijimi would be that kind soul, because otherwise she knew she would give this girl every last ryo of her allowance.
"Oh! Oh my! Y-you poor, poor dears." Madam Shijimi was furiously wiping away tears. "I will not stand for such sweet dearies to go without. Oh Ro-ku. Roku! Where is that ma—"
"Right here, madame." A man wearing formal servant's garments stepped up behind his master. Ino started. She hadn't even been aware that he had been there. A ninja servant?
"My purse, quickly now." He handed her a large, gaudy bag, and she began rummaging through it. "Here we go, this should be enough for a short while."
She handed Ranma the largest wad of money Ino had ever seen. Judging by Ranma's eyes, it was the largest she'd ever seen too.
"And I insist you have dinner with us tonight. I absolutely insist. I can't take no for an answer!"
"Ah, yeah. Sure! Thank you ever so much, ma'am! This means a lot to us."
"Oh pish posh, think nothing of it. Come by around six. Oh, I simply can't wait. I must try one of these berries right now."
Reaching into the basket, now carried by Roku, she selected one and placed it in her mouth. She chewed only once before she stopped, color rushing to her face.
"Ah, you alright?"
"Madame?"
Had the berries gone bad? Ino knew they weren't poisonous.
Before she could investigate, Madam Shijimi came out of her shock.
"These … are the most … I don't even have words. Where on earth did you find these?" The look of bliss on her face said everything.
Ranma looked uncomfortable. "Ah, well … I grew them myself?"
Before she could continue, Madam Shijimi spun around on Ino. "Miss Yamanaka, your family are herbalists, correct?"
"Um, yes?"
"Here, tell me what you think of these."
Hesitantly, Ino stretched out her hand and took one. Bracing herself, she bit into it … and her mouth melted in sumptuous heaven, the world around her fading away.
The sounds of the busy city faded away. Above her, the clouds glowed, ringed by sunny glory. Birds seemed to be singing, or was that just the rush of blood to her head? Regardless, she heard a musical chorus of joy ringing in her ears. Her feet seemed to lift off of the pavement.
Somehow, it felt like today was the best day of her life, as if nothing could stop her. Her emotions had taken wing and she was flying far above her insignificant little problems.
Had she been able to see herself, she would have noticed that her eyes had rolled back and her legs were shaking.
Finally, the amazing feeling subsided. Opening her eyes, she found herself in the arms of Ranma, clearly concerned.
"Hey? You okay? I didn't think that would happen. I mean, they're just berries."
"J-just berries? How—what did you put in these things? That was the most amazing…"
Ranma wouldn't meet her eyes. "T-tender loving care?"
Had Ino been in a clearer state of mind, she would have called Ranma on the obvious circumlocution, but as it was, she still couldn't stand upright.
"From now on, if you ever have any more fruit to sell, you come straight to me." Madam Shijimi looked slightly desperate. "I'll pay anything you want, just make sure you come to me first, understand?"
Ranma nodded uncertainly. "S-sure. No problem." That seemed to relax the woman.
Ino was currently cursing herself for not offering her entire allowance, plus whatever was in the cash register as well.
Seeing that Ino was feeling better, Ranma stood her up once again. For a moment, an awkward silence fell.
"Madame, your husband is waiting."
"Oh! Of course! Don't forget what I said, now. I'll see you at six, ta-ta!" With that, she hurried down the street, her manservant following a respectful distance behind.
They watched her until she turned a corner, disappearing, and then Ranma changed into a more relaxed stance, releasing a very red Ino. "Whew, that was more work than I was expecting. You okay, Mao?"
They pup just gave her a hard look.
"Hey! I didn't know she was gonna grab us like that! An' besides, for a free meal, you can take a little hug. Don't be a wimp."
Mao glared harder, but apparently accepted what she said.
Turning to Ino, Ranma smirked. "An' that is how it's done."
Ino was having a hard time comprehending what was going on. Ranma's demeanor had changed completely, and her accent was bizarre. Ino had never encountered anything like it. "What?"
Ranma's grin widened. "Handling aristocrats is an art. They all grew up funny, and it makes 'em a little hard in the head. I saw you having trouble and figured I could help. Never could resist a damsel in distress."
Ino's face felt like fire, but she managed to answer. "D-do you mean you were lying, then?" Somehow, she just couldn't believe it.
"Wh—No! Everythin' I said was the truth. I found Mao an' Risu in an alleyway. I mean, I patched Risu here up, so she really don't need anything but rest. But I am new in town an' I can't take care of 'em. I was just on my way to the police station to see if they could help me find Mao's owners. All I need ta do is find his owners and make sure that they'll take care of 'im an' Risu-chan here. I did kinda' ham it up a bit, I guess, but it was all true."
Actually, even put frankly, it was still pretty sad. And Ranma's strange accent became thicker the more flustered she became, it seemed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you."
"Ah, forget it. Least ya didn't try to kill me."
Kill her? What kind of life had Ranma lived where she expected that sort of thing? Studying the girl in front of her to gain some clue, she noticed that Ranma was no taller than Ino herself. It was only Ranma's prodigious bust that gave lie to her apparent age. And now Ino was thinking back to the hold Ranma had her in when she nearly fell. Definitely not wearing a…
"Hey, your face is all red again. Are ya sure those berries were okay?"
Setting those thoughts to the furthest reaches of the back of her mind, Ino asked the other question she had. "What did you mean by handling aristocrats?"
Ranma's smile returned. She was obviously the forgive and forget kind, emphasis on the latter.
"Aristocrats don't speak the same language as normal people. They never learned what sayin' no means. You say 'no', they hear 'yes, but you have to talk me to death first'. Real annoying. 'Specially when you can't give 'em what they want. The trick is to make 'em think what they want is somethin' or somewhere else."
"Wait, how would I do that?" Ino was fascinated, no one had ever explained things in this sort of detail to her before, but she was having trouble following.
Ranma chuckled. "You actually nearly had it. How do you think she got to your shop in the first place?"
Ino pursed her lips. "Because she has the brains of a slug?"
Bemused, Ranma shook her head. "Heh, 'sides that. Think about it. Lady wants some fresh fruit. She goes to market, talks to a vendor. 'Oh no! You have no fruit? Whatever shall I do? Are you sure you don't have any?'"
Ino covered her mouth to keep from giggling at Ranma's spot on impersonation.
"He don't want to lose her business, but he ain't got what she needs. What's he gonna do? Simple. Pass the buck. He tells her that he knows this other guy an' maybe he's got what she needs. So off she goes, an' whaddaya know? He ain't got any either, but he knows of this other other guy. Before ya know it, she's at the last grocer in town. He goes to tell her about this other guy, but 'He doesn't have any.' 'Well, what about—' 'Already been there.' Now he's sweatin'. He's figured out he's the last guy an' he can't tell her no. Can't risk his business gettin' a bad reputation. So what does he do? 'Well, there's this store down by the Yamanakas. They got plants. Why don't you talk to them?" Ranma's smile was predatory.
Ino's mirth died and quickly resurrected as righteous fury. "What!? Those bastards!" She wasn't sure what a buck was, but if she ever found it, she'd be sure to cram it down the throat of every grocer in town.
Ranma raised her hands placatingly. "Whoa now. Like I said, you nearly had it with that Hokage thing."
She clasped her hands and gazed wide-eyed at Ino. "Oh, no! No fruit? That is terrible. I heard all about that. Those terrible bandits in Wave are causing so-o much trouble for everyone. If only I was important enough to talk to the Hokage. He'd have this fixed in a jiffy, I'm sure." She shifted back to her rough persona. "An' that's that. The trick is to make 'em think it's their idea. They probably won't remember you anyway, so they can't blame ya if it goes wrong."
Ranma's mercurial mannerisms were throwing Ino off. As the best kunoichi in school, she had always been proud of her ability to read other girls, but Ranma seemed to elude her finely honed senses. More importantly, "That's…"
"Genius?"
"Genius!"
"Heh, had more'n enough experience, an' you looked like you could use the help."
Stretching, Ranma made to leave. "Well, I guess I better see if I can get Mao home. He's gettin' kinda antsy."
Before Ranma could get too far, Ino called out. "Wait!" Ranma paused and raised an eyebrow, causing Ino to blush at her forwardness. "I mean, about the puppy."
Blinking in surprise, Ranma looked at Ino expectantly. "Yeah? What about 'im?"
"Uh, I think he might be one of the Inuzuka's dogs. They're the ones who keep almost all of the animals around here, anyway." Before Ino could blink, Ranma was right in her face.
"Really?"
Ino nodded, not sure whether to lean back or— "E-even if he isn't, they run the vet and pound so they'd be more helpful than the police."
"Hey, great! That'll save us tons of time. Hey Mao, are you one a' these Inuzukas?"
"Ruff!"
"Yes! Hear that Risu? We'll get you guys home in no time."
Ino was used to seeing ninken interact with their owners, so that the pup could answer intelligently was no surprise, but they were normally a lot more reserved around others, even other ninja. Ranma was becoming more and more interesting.
"Um, to get there, you just follow this road east. Once you cross the river, the vet will be on your right just after. If you have trouble, just look for anyone with large fangs tattooed on their cheeks. That's their clan markings."
"Thanks a bunch! Hey, I never asked. What's your name?"
Ranma was giving her that open look again. Blushing, Ino replied, "I-Ino Yamanaka."
Ranma blinked, as if surprised. She seemed to think it over, glancing up at the Yamanaka clan symbol—the boar—hanging's over their heads, as well as a few glances to Ino's blonde hair. Then she started chuckling.
"Is—is there something funny?" Ino wasn't used to being laughed at after introducing herself, but Ranma apparently didn't do things normally.
Ranma merely waved off her concerns. "Heh, naw, it's nothin'. Just thinkin' today's been a pretty good day, you know?"
Blushing again, Ino nodded. Ranma waved and walked off, Ino watching till the last minute. As Ranma's form finally disappeared, Ino shook herself. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find Sasuke as soon as possible. Today had been far too confusing for her mind to handle.
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~o0{O}0o~
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As the most populous of the hidden villages, Konoha was very urban, metal and stone having long replaced most of the wood the original settlement had been built with. However, even as they expanded, the city's designers kept in mind the roots from which they sprung. Forested training grounds broke the gray metropolitan scenery and trees and shrubs dotted the streets, becoming more prominent the further one was from the center.
To the powerful nose of an Inuzuka, the rich smells of the wild mixing with the diversity of human life was fascinating. Today, however, Hana Inuzuka hadn't the time to drink in the pungent aromas of her home. Normally content to work till late at the Konoha hospital, today she had been forced to cut her shift short. A clan summons wasn't something one just ignored, her mother even less so.
Focused as she was on returning home quickly, she was unusually oblivious to her surroundings. If it hadn't been for a particularly insistent vendor startling her out of her rush, she would have missed it entirely.
"Are you certain miss? Today's steamed buns are particularly—"
"No. Thank you. I'm in a bit … of a … hurry." It was then that she smelled it. A faint wisp hanging on the breeze. She wasn't even certain what it was, other than perhaps the most unique scent she'd ever encountered. Somehow, it smelled of … vitality … and confidence.
Whatever else it might have been, it was weak. Ignoring the hustle and bustle around her, she tuned everything she had on it. Even using chakra to augment her sense of smell couldn't help her identify it, but…
Turning about, she scanned the street. The typical rush from lunch had thinned out, leaving only a small stream of stragglers. Nothing seemed to stand out as alien enough to—
There! A burst of bright red flashed in her view.
A … person? A girl. Now that she had a target to fix her attention on, she found that the odd scent did indeed have an undercurrent of human to it. How had she missed it?
The girl herself certainly didn't look like a ninja, at least from the back. Short, at least fifteen centimeters shorter than Hana herself, she had on simple garb in the style of westerners. Her hair was done in a short pigtail hanging from beneath a large straw hat, and her skin was almost ivory pale. She was also holding something out of sight.
Straining all her senses, Hana still couldn't pick up anything out of the ordinary from her, besides her smell, but something…
As she studied the enigma before her, the girl suddenly stopped. Tilting her head, as if in thought, she spun slowly around and, almost immediately, locked eyes with Hana. For a moment, they studied each other, ignoring the flow of traffic around them.
Quickly, Hana became uncomfortable. This sort of scrutiny, especially from a civilian, had always made her nervous.
Inuzuka weren't known for their human appearance. Hana had made an attempt, straightening her naturally wild hair into a simple ponytail and hiding her unusual eyes and canines, but there would always be something of the feral in her. Something that even normal humans with their deadened senses could pick up on.
Suddenly, the girl grinned and started moving towards her.
Oh no. Hana knew this type. Even with the simple clothes she was a beauty, and was clearly aware of it. She'd noticed Hana's admittedly rude staring and decided to confront her in some petty power play. Now the girl was nearly on her.
Well, she'd just apologize and excuse herself. She didn't have time anyway, and there was no need for—
"Hey, you're pretty cute."
W-what? Hana's thought process ground to a halt, trying to shift gears to match the girl. However, after that complete non sequitur, she simply studied Hana's face, her eyes roaming. What was this girl thinking?
"You're a' Inuzuka right?"
"I-I'm sorry?" What did her clan have to do with anything?
"Eh? What're you sorry for?" The girl blinked in apparent confusion. "Naw, I was just wondering if you were from the Inuzuka. Ino-chan said I just had to look for the tattoos. Was she wrong? That's weird. She seemed sure…"
The girl's accent was barely understandable, definitely not from the Land of Fire. Even the few natives from Stone Hana had heard didn't sound quite like her. Just where was she from, anyway? And who was Ino Chan? "Ah, no, that's right. I am, but what would you need from us?"
"Great!" The girl's smile was beaming. "I found one a' your puppies wanderin' around and I figured you'd want him back."
Puppy? Sure enough, looking down at what the girl was carrying, Hana found herself looking at one of her clan's ninken. One of Aneko's recent litter by the looks of him. "How—you just found him?"
"Well, more like he found me. Wanted help fixing up his friend and dragged me inta it. I was too much of a sucker to say no."
"Wait, friend?"
Glancing around, as if expecting enemy nin to ambush her, the girl grabbed her hat and tilted it up. Underneath was … a kitten? A kitten with a splint on its leg? What in the world was going on? "So … a cat—" before she could go any further, the girl froze, then reached out and attached herself to Hana's arm. The outright panic in her eyes as she jerked her head back and forth startled Hana into inaction.
"C-c-c-cat!? W-where? I-I don't see no c-c-cats."
She was actually trembling, her small frame attempting to melt into Hana's. And was she not wearing—
Breaking off any thoughts that could distract her from piecing together just what the hell was going on, Hana tried to gain the distraught girl's attention. "What's wrong? I was just talking about … on your head. The k-"
"Ruff!"
The puppy interrupted, glaring as if trying to burn holes into her. He was too young to communicate well, but he could get simple things out. His desire for her to shut up came through loud and clear. He was almost growling at her.
Somehow, the girl relaxed a small amount, though she kept her grip on Hana's arm. Her very distracting gr—argh!
"A-are ya talkin' about Risu? H-hah. J-jeez, don't do that ta me. If one a' those monsters was around I'd—N-not that I'm scared or nothin'."
Of course not. It was perfectly normal to attempt to become someone else's second skin from wherever she come from.
"A-anyway. Risu-chan ain't a c-c- that. She's a squirrel."
Hana blinked. Then she blinked again. Looking down at the pup didn't solve anything. He just nodded sagely, as if this were perfectly normal. As young as he was, he probably did think this was normal. "So…"
"Yeah. Just 'cause she's got a little deformity is no reason to be insulting. She's pretty nice once you get to know her."
The doctor in her couldn't help but analyze the girl. It didn't take a Yamanaka to recognize what was obviously a phobia of felines. An extremely intense phobia, if the mere mention of one caused this strong a reaction.
Channeling chakra to her eyes, Hana examined the hand on her arm and the face just beyond. What she saw was shocking.
Scar tissue. It covered nearly every inch of skin she could see. Somehow, it had healed in such a way as to blend together completely, yet still left the skin hypopigmented. Without a close examination by a decently skilled medic nin, it would be impossible to see.
That at least explained why her skin was so fair when she obviously wasn't of noble blood, but it left a mountain of unanswered questions behind.
"Hee heheh. S-stop that!"
Jerking in surprise, Hana dropped the jutsu.
The girl fidgeted a bit under her stare. "Ah, it tickled… Whatever you were doin'."
A chakra sensor? A sensitive, untrained chakra sensor. What else was this girl hiding? Before Hana could decide what to do, the girl tensed again and suddenly leaped back, free hand upraised as if expecting an attack.
"Ah! Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry! It was an accident! I didn't mean to grab ya like that!"
"Whoa, calm down. It's fine." What in the world…
Ranma couldn't allow herself to relax right away. "R-really? You ain't gonna hit me or anything?"
Hit her? Maybe Hana was a little rough looking, but… "No. Of course not. Why would I hit you?" She kept her voice in control—the girl was skittish enough as it was—but she couldn't help being a little curt.
"That's weird. Normally I'd get my block knocked off. Is it 'cause I'm a girl? No, I usually get hit even then. Maybe things are different here." The girl's voice was low, muttering to herself, but sharp ears picked up every word.
Now Hana was just confused again. This was too much. She needed to figure out what was going on and she couldn't do that here. "Ah, never mind that. Why don't you just come with me? I don't want to disturb the—Risu's bindings, so it would be better that way. I'm Hana Inuzuka, by the way." Delivering an unknown into the midst of her clan without even learning her name would just be stupid.
"Right! I'm Saotome Ranma. Er, I mean, Ranma Saotome, sorry 'bout this."
Definitely western then, likely from beyond the Land of Earth. No one reversed their name like that around here, anymore. Not unless they were doing historical plays. How she managed to get so far from home was just one more mystery to be solved. "Well, follow me then. We aren't far."
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~o0{O}0o~
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"O-kay! I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Naruto was in an excellent mood.
"Just go, Naruto. You're getting on my nerves. How in the hell you can still have so much energy after that…" Sakura kept muttering complaints and mild curses as she slowly, painfully, made her way home.
Sasuke didn't even bother with that much, simply heading towards the Uchiha compound with as much speed as his aching body would allow.
Not letting his teammates' moody affects ruin his own high spirits, Naruto quickly set off for the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. The lunch Kakashi had brought was alright, but now that he was officially a ninja, he felt that he needed to celebrate with something a little more special. He set off running across the rooftops, meaning to save as much time as possible.
It didn't take Naruto long to get within sight of his destination, which prompted Naruto to slow down. Teuchi, the proprietor of Ichiraku, had let him know in no uncertain terms that he didn't appreciate Naruto falling from the sky and startling and occasionally bowling over other patrons. So, when Naruto made it to a roof that was only a little distance away, he made to jump to the ground in a small alley below.
And landed directly on top of someone. "Oof!"
Unable to compensate for the unexpected obstacle, he fell in a tangle of limbs and curses, taking the other person down to the ground with him. Maybe he wasn't quite as recovered from earlier as he had thought.
By the rather feminine squeaks, he'd just knocked over a girl. A girl his age if her size was anything to go on. If his experiences with Sakura had taught him anything, it was that the next few moments were crucial in order to avoid getting his ass beat.
Extricating himself, Naruto reached out to help her up. "You okay? Man, that sure was a uh," Think dammit! Right! Operation … "A close call! Right! Man, that jerk Sasuke never looks where he's throwing those stupid kunai of his." Blame Sasuke … "Lucky I got to you in time. Heh, heheheh." Gogogogo go!
"N-Naruto?"
Oh crap, he'd been made already? She knew who he was? That meant she had to be a classmate. Operation: Blame Sasuke, or Operation: BS, wasn't meant to be used on classmates. Especially girls! This was an unmitigated disaster! His only hope was that she was one of the less dedicated fan girls, then he might escape with only a few bruises and cracked bones.
Lifting her head, the girl met Naruto's eyes. Short, blue-black hair framed a cute, if still rather shocked, face. It was the eyes that were most telling, though. Milky white eyes, bereft of pupils or anything normally marking such organs, still gave the impression of keen perception. Such eyes belonged to the Hyuuga clan bloodline, Byakugan. Hadn't there been a Hyuuga that had passed the exams this year? What was her name?
Before he could dredge up any memories to help him identify her, the girl suddenly reddened and backed away quickly, bowing several times.
"I—I'm sorry. I didn't—I mean, I thought you were—you sounded like—N-not that you sound like a—I—I'm sorry!"She finally cut off her stuttering with a humiliated squeak.
Hmm, Hyuuga, red face, easily embarrassed, stutters a whole lot… "Hey, I know you. You're Hinata right?"
She actually seemed to become more flustered now that she'd been recognized. "U-um, d-do I know you?"
The way she was looking at him, it was almost as if she wanted the answer to be no. Weird. "What are you talking about? I'm Naruto! You just said my name."
"N-Naruto? But, um, you don't—" She studied his face carefully. "Or m-maybe you do. But, that is, you look … um, y-your hair?" She finished weakly.
Grabbing a lock of his still red hair, he grinned at her. "Oh, you mean this? Cool, right? It was teach's fault, but I figured I'd leave it. Now I'm even more awesome, eh?"
"Y-your teacher did—but…" Hinata chewed her lip. This person obviously looked like Naruto, at least in the face, but the hair and what she'd felt of the body…
She violently shook that thought from her head. That way lay madness. Hyuuga were taught to rely on their sight more than any other sense, given the advantage their eyes gave them, but the conflicting messages she was receiving were too much. "Um, w-would you mind if I, c-could I use…"
"Um, sure, I guess. Whatever you want." Truthfully, Naruto had no idea what she wanted, but she wasn't hitting him and that was fine by him.
He watched as she clasped her hands together in the seal of the snake, modified with her right forefinger upraised to her eye. Wasn't that the seal for the Byakugan? Varicose veins bulged out around and in Hinata's eyes, and a small half-circle that almost looked like a pupil appeared.
Ew. He'd forgotten what it looked like when they activated their super vision.
Suddenly, Hinata gasped. "Wha… How? N-Naruto?"
"Ha! Told ya."
"But, but … you're a gir—"
Leaping forward, Naruto clasped a hand over her mouth. Frantically scanning the alley to make absolutely sure they were alone, he dragged her further in. "Don't do that! What if somebody was listening? I can't let anybody know." His shoulders sagged as he realized that it was a bit late to conceal it. He couldn't even try to deny it anymore. "Aw man, what am I gonna do now?"
Hinata was beginning to look rather red, he noticed. Not that he was sure why. He had remembered to leave her nose uncovered, but he released her anyway. "Ah, sorry. How'd you figure it out anyway?"
Hinata took a moment to let her emotions calm down. She wasn't used to such close contact. Especially from someone she…
Face reddening again, she focused on the question. "Um, your ch—chakra pathways. They're the same, but, um, y-your body… It—it's, well, it's … you know." She looked down and started fiddling with her fingers to keep herself calm.
Naruto thought that over. "So you're saying you know who people are just by doing your eye thing? Wow, that's amazing!"
Hinata blushed cutely at the praise.
"Wait a minute. Does that mean you can see through my clothes? Isn't that kinda pervy?"
"Eep."
For a moment, Hinata could only work her jaw, her face reaching a temperature that couldn't be healthy. She felt herself going faint from the humiliation, but her training as the daughter of the head of the Hyuuga clan forced her back to unwelcome consciousness.
"N-no! I didn't! I wouldn't! Th-the Byakugan, you have t-to activate … on purpose! Eep! Not that I w-would! I asked! I did! P-please forgive me! I'll do anything! Please!" Hinata began bowing as low as she possibly could. If Naruto thought she was a pervert, she couldn't go on living.
Naruto stood there, slack jawed. This was not how things were supposed to go. He was the one who got called a pervert and had to beg for his life, not girls. Then again, his body was a girl's now. Maybe that was the difference? Yes! Bonus!
Of course, it only seemed to work when people knew he was a girl, so it wasn't all that useful. Still, since Hinata already knew, maybe he could get her to help him out? She did say anything, after all.
"Um, it's okay. It's not really that big a deal, right? You're not gonna tell anybody, are you?" Hinata fervently shook her head no. "Well, in that case, maybe you can help me figure out how to go back to being a guy again?"
Numb with relief, it took Hinata a moment to realize what Naruto was asking. "Back? Um, o-okay. Maybe if you … told me how, um, you know."
It was something of a relief to finally have someone to talk to about his predicament. "Well, it's pretty simple. Everything was fine, then I went to take a bath and I was a girl. I think what happened was I got to accidentally thinking like a girl and didn't notice, cuz of exams and stuff, and my body got confused when I did my sexy jutsu. Now I'm stuck."
That … didn't sound even remotely plausible. But then again, neither did random sex changes. "A-and, um, your hair?" Hinata asked.
"Huh? Oh, that was teach's fault. Me and Sakura and Sasuke were playing a prank on her for being late, and it kinda backfired. I still don't get how. Even down there changed."
That had Hinata blushing again.
"Now that I think about it, she made my voice change too. And Sasuke's."
Changed his voice? Maybe … maybe it hadn't been random. Maybe Naruto's teacher had … and Sasuke too? That was terrible. No prank was worth that kind of punishment. She had to tell him. "Um, I think—"
"Aw man, but teach is scary. You wouldn't believe the crap she put us through. We had to run through this freaky forest with monsters and everything. Those spiders were huge!" Naruto spread his arms as wide as he could. "Way bigger than us. And she kept throwing tons of exploding tags at us. She even paralyzed Sasuke! I didn't even get to laugh about it cuz the jerk couldn't help us fight off those freakin' spiders. We nearly died!"
Hinata began to feel faint. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to get in the way after all. His teacher probably had everything under control, and it wouldn't be polite to meddle.
"Anyway, that stuff doesn't matter. I already figured out what I need to do next."
"Y-you did?" She really needed to lie down after this.
Naruto nodded. "Yep, Sakura helped me figure it out. All I gotta do is start thinking like a guy again, and use my reverse sexy jutsu. Sakura says the thing guys need most is girlfriends, so all I gotta do is—Hey! I know! Hinata, wanna be my girlfriend?"
What was this strange, lightheaded feeling? Odd, but there was no time for that. She needed to answer Naruto. It was only polite. What had he asked again? Would she like to get married? "Of course, Naruto. That would be … wonderful." Whump!
"H-Hinata? Oy, Hinata! Are you okay!? Hinata!"
.
.
.
~o0{O}0o~
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.
.
Opening the backdoor to the Inuzuka clan's veterinarian hospital, Hana waved Ranma inside. "Be careful not to disturb the patients."
"No problem." Ranma definitely looked uncomfortable at the idea of more animals following her around. At least the hall they had entered showed no signs of life. "Look, 'bout before—"
"The treatment area is right through here. We can get some dry clothes after we take care of your friend." Hana really didn't want to talk about it.
"I said I was sorry." Ranma was giving off those strange, abused vibes again.
"And I still don't understand what you're sorry for," Hana deflected. "It was that woman's fault for not looking before she dumped her laundry water. And that delivery boy really should have been more careful with those barrels. The horse was … you can't blame him for kicking over his water trough. He's just an ordinary animal."
Ranma was obviously unconvinced Hana wasn't angry at her. "An' the other five times?"
"It was just … coincidence." Coincidence that occurred every time Hana was asking a question that made Ranma uneasy, but… "A bad day. Why do you think it's your fault anyway?"
Ranma nervously fingered her pigtail. "Heh, well, I just … feel bad? 'Cause I dodged most of it, an' you got hit?"
Hana considered that as she ushered them through the door to the treatment area. Ranma seemed incapable of lying competently. Even without her heightened senses, Hana could have seen through that pathetic display.
At the same time, it was impossible to figure out what she was hiding. There was no way Ranma could have caused any of … whatever that had been. It was impossible, no matter how convenient it seemed.
Maybe it was just an ingrained reaction? Hana had needed to reassure fearful and jumpy patients before, but Ranma was acting like an abuse victim. Perhaps Ranma was an escaped slave, or something of the sort? That would explain a lot, yet, again, leave even more questions.
Regardless, Ranma's body language clearly said that she expected to be punished, and Hana needed her relaxed if she was to get her answers. "You didn't do anything wrong. You kept the k—"
"Grr."
"Risu dry. That's all that counts. You did the right thing. It's my own fault for not watching my surroundings more closely."
Flushing, Ranma continued her attentions to her braid. Apparently, complimenting her left her almost as flustered as being angry with her did.
Mao, for his part, didn't seem overly concerned over a bit of water. "Ruff!"
Ranma perked up at the puppy's interjection. "Mao's right. We should get to Risu." Closing her eyes, she removed her hat and gently lifted and placed Risu, who had been napping comfortably, on a nearby examining table. Twisting around where she could no longer see the kitten, she gave Hana a bright grin. "Guess it's your turn then."
It seemed Risu's declared status as a squirrel wasn't quite as ingrained a delusion as Hana had assumed. Interesting.
"Ruff!"
"What? You wanna see, too? Ugh, fine. Keep quiet an' don't bother Hana. She's doin' this for you ya know."
Mao seemed agreeable to the terms as he scrambled into her arms. "Hrr?"
"Gimme a second. Ain't like I'm gonna run off." Closing her eyes again, Ranma turned around and stood slightly off to the side of the table. "This' okay right?"
"Um, yes." Hana was increasingly amazed at Ranma's ability to correctly interpret what Mao was saying to her. Inuzuka grew up with their ninken, so communicating in the clan language was as natural as breathing. For an outsider to do it so naturally was … bizarre. Even if Mao was only capable of simple words, it was still impressive. That was another mystery she absolutely had to get to the bottom of. A strange scent was one thing; clan secrets were wholly different.
That was for later, however. Stepping up and placing a hand on the broken limb, another on the head, Hana started the examination with a simple healer's scan, feeling out into the kitten's body with her chakra. She didn't want to disturb the dressing until she knew what she was dealing with. "No cuts or breaks in the skin. A closed fracture, that's good… Hmm, Only minor post-fracture edema." That was odd. She would have expected more swelling if it were as serious as to need a splint right away. Perhaps Ranma had overreacted.
Searching deeper, Hana nearly dropped her jutsu in shock. The leg was most certainly broken. The radius and ulna had suffered a complete fracture, dislocating the joint above. An injury like this could leave any animal crippled, even with the best care.
But, somehow, the bones had been realigned, the fragments pieced into place like a puzzle, and they were knitting themselves back together at an astonishing rate.
More then that, she saw only minor tissue damage. Even the best team of surgeons would leave noticeable damage afterward, unless you were Lady Tsunade.
"Um, s'everything alright?"
"What?" Hana turned her attention back to the waiting duo.
"You sounded kinda upset. We were gettin' worried. She's gonna be okay, right?"
Ranma and Mao both looked tense. Hana must have made some noise when she was looking Risu over. "Oh, yes, of course. She's actually in wonderful condition, considering." Their fears relieved, they both relaxed.
"That's good. I told her she'd be back to runnin' around in a couple a' days. Would hate ta've lied to her."
A couple of days? This sort of injury typically took months to recover from, if it happened at all. If she knew enough field medicine to be able to properly recognize and treat Risu's wound, she had to know that as well. Unless … did that mean Ranma had done more than bind Risu up? "How di—"
"Haana!"
That booming voice made Hana's blood run cold. After all the commotion, she'd forgotten her mother's summons. Tsume wasn't someone you ignored. This … wasn't going to be pleasant.
"Hana! I'm coming back there! Unless you're missing a limb, I'm going to string you up naked, slather you with honey, and leave you for the goddamned crows!"
Before Hana had the chance to weigh the risks of a quick amputation against her mother's threats, the door ripped from its hinges and flew past. Fuck.
…
Ranma watched curiously as one of the fiercest women she had ever seen stalked through the demolished doorway. That … was an impressive statement, all told.
The woman had the same clan markings and dark brunette hair as Hana, as well as a face that bore familial resemblance, but the similarities ended there. Her hair wasn't in any way neat or tidy, instead shooting out in spikes alongside her face and down her back. Her dark pupils were contracted into slits, focused unerringly on Hana. Her lips, covered in a fierce shade of violet, were tautened and twisted into a snarl, long canines bared threateningly. The growl emanating from her lips reminded Ranma of one of Herb's subordinates. The wolf guy, whatever his name had been.
Speaking of wolves, a rather massive specimen was trailing behind her. He was black, with white covering his undersides and reaching up to his muzzle and left eye, his right covered by an eye patch.
The wolf entered the room a few steps, then halted. Carefully sniffing the air, he turned to Ranma and stared. Figuring a staring contest with a wolf was more interesting than some boring family disagreement, Ranma decided to humor him. Besides, it had been a while since she'd had the opportunity to stare down a wolf as big as this one.
…
Hana, for her part, was wisely averting her eyes and lowering her head submissively, backing away from her mother's circling pace as she did. Despite being noticeably taller, Hana attempted to shrink as far as her frame would let her. Tsume reached out with digits that looked more like claws than fingers and grabbed Hana's uniform, pulling her even further down. Before she could get out more than threatening growls, Hana managed to stutter out a greeting.
"M-mother."
The endearment didn't seem to assuage any fury. For a few moments, Hana's mother simply continued growling at her, before finally returning to human language. "What the fuck did you think I called you out here for!? A picnic!? If I didn't need your nose right now I'd have you stripped and tied already!"
"Ah, w-what did you need, exactly?" Hana's voice was noticeably squeaky, but she knew better than to bother with excuses.
"One of those idiot genin lost a pup yesterday and didn't tell anyone! I didn't find out till just an hour ago, the goddamned moron! I've already got your brother and a half-dozen others searching the village, but it rained last night and they lost the scent. Somewhere near main street. I need you to go out and help organize them before they get completely hopeless. Can you do that, or do you need time to freshen up first?"
The answer to that question was rather obvious, but Hana was distracted by a simple realization. "Wait, lost puppy? Would that be one of Aneko's litter?"
"Yes! Do you need a description too!? How many damned lost nin pups can there be in town!?"
Deciding that tempting fate any further would not lead to anything she would want to remember, she simply pointed past her mother towards Ranma.
Following the gesture, Tsume turned to see Ranma holding her lost pup and … staring down Kuromaru? Ranma looked bored.
"Who the hell are you!?" Tsume demanded.
At being addressed, Ranma looked up. "Eh, Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this. Him too. Apologize Mao."
"Ruff!"
That very obviously did not explain anything. Thanks, Ranma.
Turning back to her daughter, Tsume demanded, "What is this?"
Hana winced. There was a lot she needed to discuss with her mother, but she couldn't exactly say it all in Ranma's presence. "Well, I ran across Ranma on the way back, and she approached me about a lost ninken and an injured, ah, friend the ninken had. I took her back here to sort everything out. Um, Ranma? This is my mother, Special Jounin Tsume. That's Kuromaru over there."
Tsume eyed Ranma. "You found our lost pup?"
Ranma simply shrugged. "More like he found me. He wanted some help for his friend, but didn't know how to get home, so I dragged 'em around till I got some directions."
"Friend?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, Risu. She's the squirrel over there." She waved in the direction of the table, but didn't look.
Tsume, however, did. It seemed to take her a moment to register the discrepancy. "That's a c—"
"Ruff!"
At the interruption, Ranma began admonishing the puppy. "Jeez, Mao. I already told her Risu's a squirrel. Ya don't have to repeat it."
Tsume turned back to her daughter. "I think you're going to have to start over."
Opportunity. Giving Ranma what she hoped was an apologetic look, Hana said, "Ranma? Would you and Mao mind waiting in the other room for a few minutes? We have some … clan business we need to discuss." Tsume narrowed her eyes, but Hana ignored it.
"Yeah, no problem." Carefully stepping around the mess, Ranma made her way out the ruined door.
Before her mother could make any more demands, Hana hastened to point out the one thing that would give her pause. "Take a deep breath, mother."
Whoops, poorly worded. Tsume was scowling now.
"The scent. Breathe in the scent."
Suspiciously, Tsume took a hesitant sniff. Her eyes widened. She took in a full breath this time. "What? What is…" It didn't take her long. She spun around on the exit Ranma had taken. "Her? How? I didn't even—"
"Recognize it as human at first?"
Turning back, Tsume narrowed her eyes again and nodded. "What's going on, Hana?"
Sighing in relief now that she was in the clear, Hana put her thoughts in order. "I'm not sure exactly, I didn't have time to ask her much before you came in, but I think that girl has some sort of rare bloodline. She might not even be aware of it herself. Take a look at the patient. Tell me what you think."
Giving the kitten a quick look over, Tsume rapidly came to a diagnosis. "Looks like a cracked bone, nothing serious. A few weeks and she'll be fine."
Hana shook her head. "It's a complete fracture, several fragments, and the joint was dislocated. She'll be fine in a few days."
Tsume reeled back. "How the hell is that possible? A break like that would put a ninken out for months!"
"I don't know. What I do know is that the fragments were pieced back together perfectly, tissue damage was greatly reduced, and that girl is the one who did it. Either that, or we've got a super cat on our hands. Combined with the smell, and a few other things, I'm guessing the former is more likely."
Tsume considered that for a few moments. "What 'other things'?"
Hana gladly supplied an answer. "She's a sensor for one. Extremely sensitive too, if untrained. I performed a light scan on her and she detected it. Said it 'tickled'. Furthermore, her skin is hypopigmented due to severe scarring. I'm guessing she has a latent healing ability that isn't quite perfect, leaving her skin unblemished, but without pigment. And …" This was the big one. "I'm fairly positive the reason the trackers lost the scent near main street is because that's where she picked him up."
The significance of that was not lost on Tsume.
"She also has an uncanny ability to understand ninken. A puppy isn't the best measure, however. I thought I'd expose her to the Haimaru brothers."
Pausing for a moment, Hana nibbled her lip. "Then there's … her psyche. She seems to have an extreme aversion to cats."
"Wait, cats? Who the hell is afraid of a fucking kitten?"
"Ranma is. Even the mere mention of one sets her off. She can get over the fear when necessary, obviously, but the method she uses is … odd."
Tsume raised an eyebrow. "Is that what that squirrel nonsense was about?"
Hana nodded. "She wasn't able to be around a cat, so she convinced herself it was something different. So long as she doesn't look directly at it, she's able to keep up the delusion."
Tsume started pacing, mind racing. "Something like that doesn't just happen. She had no problem with Kuromaru, and he's three times her size. How…"
"I don't know, I'm not a Yamanaka. But, considering her scarring, I'm guessing she's an escaped slave. She was extremely skittish, kept expecting me to punish her for the most inane things. And she doesn't seem to understand how to interact normally within society, either. Perhaps whoever owned her used her fear to control her, for whatever abilities she has. Given her accent, style of dress, and a few other quirks, I think she's from the Land of Earth or beyond. These are all just guesses, of course. I'd need more time to understand her."
Stopping mid stride, Tsume looked thoughtful. Then she began to grin. It was the grin Hana hated and feared more than any other. Whatever came out of her mouth next was going to lead to pain and humiliation. Likely Hana's.
"Well, if time is all you need, I think that can be arranged."
The predatory look Tsume had wasn't quite aimed Hana's way, but still. "Mother, what are you planning?" Better safe than sorry.
"If the girl is as good as you say, I see no problem offering her a job here. She'd fit in fine, I bet."
"Shouldn't we report this to the Hokage first?" Hana prodded.
Tsume waved her hand. "Report what? That some strange girl is going around rescuing kittens and puppies? Don't be ridiculous. If there is anything strange about her, we can always deal with it later. And if, while she's here, she should happen across some Inuzuka stud that catches her eye, well, problem solved."
"Mother!" The sly look in Tsume's eye told Hana all she needed to know. Pain and humiliation. And Hana would be the one to deal with it while her mother looked on, laughing about what great training it was and how lucky Hana was to have such a wonderful teacher.
"Alright! I've decided. Let's go grab her and tell her the news. Kuromaru, let's … Kuromaru?" Looking around the room, they found that he had disappeared. "Where the hell? Maybe he followed the girl. He probably noticed the scent first."
Leaving the room, they found his scent led directly to the kennels. Normally fairly noisy during the day, as the recuperating animals had little to do other than gossip, now it was suspiciously quiet. Giving each other an apprehensive look, they opened the door. What they found within was not what they expected.
Kuromaru was indeed inside, looking rather amused, along with what they were assuming was Ranma. Both were situated near the back of the room at a table, with the puppy sitting on Ranma's head.
"Ruff! Ruff ruff!" He didn't seem happy.
Ninja companions were among the most intelligent animals one could find, and the Inuzuka were proud to have some of the best trained in all the elemental countries. What that meant though, was that a simple cage held them only because they didn't want out.
The Inuzuka training was clearly evident, as every cage in the kennels was wide open, and they were all curled up contentedly on and around the figure in the seat. Birds, dogs, snakes, cats…
Oh crap. "Ranma? Are you alright?" Hana really hoped she hadn't passed out.
"I didn't do it! It ain't my fault, I swear! I just sat down and next thing I know I'm bein' swarmed!"
"Ah, it's okay Ranma, no-one's blaming you. Just, can you see?"
"Not really."
Well that was something at least. "Just keep your eyes closed while we … deal with the squirrels."
"Squirrels? Why—oh. Right. Heh heheh. N-no p-problem."
It seemed her delusion wasn't really as deep as it first appeared. Good for Ranma's overall mental health. Not so good for their current situation.
Tsume was torn between laughing her guts out and spewing fire at the insubordination. "All right you lot, you've had your fun. Get back in your kennels. Now."
Reluctantly, they started stirring, but several looked like they were considering ignoring her orders.
"I swear, I will round up every two year old in the fucking village and throw you to them, no questions asked. If you don't want to spend the next six months as part of Konoha's newest petting zoo you'll get your fucking asses in gear, now!" That convinced them. One mad scramble later and Ranma was left unmolested.
"Ugh, this is why I can't stand animals."
"Really? You seem to have a way with them to me."
Ranma glared at Tsume. "The only reason they weren't tryin' to eat me was 'cause they're trained. An' I'm pretty sure most a' those licks weren't 'cause they wanted to be friends."
Kuromaru started sniggering and Tsume followed. They looked like they thought this was going to be guaranteed amusement.
"Look, I didn't mean to spend all this time here. I just wanted to get Mao home and make sure Risu-chan would have someone ta take care of her."
Tsume took the lead. "About that. There might be a problem."
Ranma's shoulders slumped. "A' course. Waddaya want?"
It was almost as if Ranma had expected this. Hana could see the wheels turning in her mother's head, caution somehow winning this time. "Not so much want. The pup there is supposed to be named Atomaru, not Mao. Why did you change it?"
"Hey! I didn't change nothin'! He told me he didn't have a name, an' I didn't want to keep callin' 'im mutt. 'Sides, I wanted to name 'im Longma, he's the one that wanted Mao."
Tsume made a pretense of pursing her lips, as if in thought. "The problem is that naming a ninken is a very important part of their training. As ninja, we need to know where loyalties lie. Interfering puts us in a difficult position, and it endangers Atomaru's future as well. If he's imprinted on you, he'll follow you to the ends of the world."
Hana started. What? That was bullshit! What in the world was her mother doing?
"There is one chance. If we can get his mother to accept him back, we might be able to recondition him."
Aneko was one of the most protective of the dams they kept. There was no way she'd let the puppy out of her sight again unless it was Tsume herself that took him. This was what Tsume was betting on?
Ranma seemed to think the proposition was easily accomplished as well. "That all? Alright Mao, let's go see your mother."
"She's right through that door."
As Ranma let Mao lead her, Hana spoke quietly to her mother. "What are you thinking? Aneko won't—"
"Aneko will do what's best for her pup. If that's Ranma, she'll be the best judge. And even if she doesn't accept the girl, I can always guilt her into working a few shifts around here for all the 'trouble' she's caused. Heh."
Hana just shook her head. "That's evil."
"That's your mother. Heheh."
Hana turned to Kuromaru. "What do you think of all this?"
The ninken voiced a rumble in thought, then spoke. "Tsume's right. Let's see what Aneko has to say. Besides, the girl is interesting."
When both her mother and Kuromaru found something 'interesting', it usually meant giant explosions.
"Alright, this your mother?"
"Ruff!"
Aneko, a curly haired sheepdog breed, was one of the largest dogs they had. She was curled up on a pile of blankets inside a massive cage, the rest of her litter tucked up beside her. Upon seeing her lost pup, she immediately jerked her massive head up, but paused before greeting him. Instead, she carefully studied the two in front of her.
Picking Mao up, Ranma held him out to the older dog. "I found this in an alley, so I'm returnin' him, 'kay?"
For a moment, Aneko simply met Ranma's gaze. Then, abruptly, she huffed and turned her head, dismissing them.
"What the hell d'ya mean you don't want 'im!?" Ranma stood on tiptoes, raising her head to eye level, and grabbed the cage.
"Growf!"
"There ain't nothin' wrong with 'im you—"
"Growf gruff!"
Ranma reeled back. "Me!? Listen here you mangy fur ball, all I did was find 'im an' drag 'im back! That's it! If he ran away, it's cuz you suck at looking aft—"
"Growf gruff gr-rowf. Grrow."
"You take that back! He'll be the best damn tracker you ever seen! I'll make sure of it!"
"Gruff."
"W-what? Okay? Waddaya mean okay!?"
"Gruff." At that, Aneko leaned forward to where Mao was pressing against the cage and gave his nose a lick. "Growf."
"Ruff!"
For a moment, Ranma sat there, stunned. "You tricked me? You tricked me! God dammit!" Falling back, she gazed helplessly at Tsume, then heaved a sigh. "Dammit… Feh, I guess that means I'm stuck with him. Now what?"
Tsume pretended to look thoughtful. "Well, there are a few things we can do. We can't just let clan secrets get away from us. The easiest thing would be—"
"I ain't marryin' anybody. Forget it."
"What?"
Even Hana knew Tsume hadn't any intention of bringing that up yet. How had she…
"Just sayin'. You got the same look in your eye pops used to have. Right before he'd sell me to somebody."
That was an unpleasant revelation. It also confirmed what Hana had picked up on before. Hana gave her mother a hard look.
Tsume may have been tough, but she wasn't heartless. "Actually, I was thinking of hiring you here. You did a pretty good job on the—on the squirrel, and we always need more help than we can get. That way we can keep an eye on each other, make sure everybody is doing what they need to. Ninken need a lot of specialized care and instruction, which we know how to give. I'll even pay you if you do a good job."
Ranma was still suspicious, but she gave the offer consideration. "So, wait, in exchange for takin' care a' Mao, you're gonna give me a job? That … ain't bad I guess, but you saw before. Things don't go easy when you put me in the same room as animals. I don't wanna get blamed for it."
"Don't worry," Tsume said, trying to mollify the girl, "you'll always be working with someone. Hana here takes shifts when she isn't at the hospital or on missions."
Hana hardened her glare. Technically, she was on loan to the hospital from the Inuzuka, and they had the right to call her back short of an emergency. Apparently, Tsume expected Hana to help in her crazy human breeding program. This had better be worth it.
"Waddaya want me to do, anyway? Clean? I ain't never worked at a vets before."
Tsume grinned, obviously thinking she had victory within hand. "Why don't you come by tomorrow. Hana's working a shift that morning, so she can show you the ropes."
No, she did not have a shift tomorrow. Sighing, Hana gave in to the inevitable. If she was going to be trapped here for the foreseeable future, she might as well try to unravel the mystery she'd unwittingly stumbled over. "You seem to know your way around a broken leg. Maybe you could tell me about any medical experience you have?"
"Eh? Experience?" Ranma fiddled with her pigtail, something that increasingly seemed like a nervous tic. "Well … I ain't no doctor or nothin', but I'm pretty used to dealing with stuff on the road. Lessee, been burned plenty a' times. Mauled by wolves n' bears more'n I like to remember. Poison of course, but I ain't real familiar with the ones 'round here yet. And, uh, whatsit called. When you ain't eaten anything for a while?
"Malnutrition?"
"Right, that. Oh, and I've had pretty much every bone in my body broken before. Does any a' that count?"
Every… "Wait, every bone? Your spine?"
Ranma nodded, as if she hadn't just blown Hana's mind. "Yeah, that one can be a pain in the ass to deal with. It usually heals a lot faster, though."
Spinal injuries were more than a 'pain in the ass'; they were deadly wounds that even most ninja never recovered from. Only the most skilled of medical nin such as Lady Tsunade herself could claim more successes than failures. "How—" Hana nibbled her lip, thinking furiously. "Could you apply any of this knowledge to treating others? Like with Risu's wound?"
Ranma thought that over. "Maybe? I told ya, I ain't a doctor. Risu just had a little broken leg. No poison or nothin'. All I had to do was poke 'em back inta place."
"Poke—" Had Hana encountered an injury like this in surgery, she likely would have at least considered amputation, especially if the bones didn't show signs of healing properly afterward. And Ranma had just… poked them back together? As if it was nothing?
The more Hana learned, the more sure she was of her initial assessment. This girl had to have a bloodline of some sort. If they could train her… "How about this, we have several books on medicine we can lend you. Why don't I give you one to start with tonight, and you can skim through it. Since I'm here so much," She leveled a disgruntled look at her mother. "I can answer any questions you have."
Ranma suddenly looked suspicious again. "Are you sure ya ain't tryin' to marry me off?"
Tsume barked a laugh and slapped Ranma's back, sending her sprawling. "Hah! What an imagination! Relax kid, we don't bite."
"Ugh." Giving Ranma a hand up, Hana made to distance herself from her mother's crazy scheme. "I can honestly say that I have no intention of forcing you to do anything you don't want. Including that."
Tsume was frowning at her now. Well, too bad. Training up Ranma's obvious potential was one thing, but Hana would be damned before she gave up such an innocent to the wolves. In fact, "Tell you what, if anyone tries anything, just get me and I'll make them leave you alone, okay?" That seemed to put Ranma more at ease.
"I guess it couldn't hurt to have some more money. Okay, deal. I'll show up first thing tomorrow."
"Right then. Let's just get you that book and you can be on your way."
Ranma shrugged. "Works for me."
As Hana led them out of the room, Ranma's stomach rumbled. That seemed to remind her of something. "Say, me an' Mao was supposed to meet with this lady for supper, but she forgot to tell me where she lived. Neither a' you would know somebody goin' by the name of Madame Shijimi, would ya?"
The sound of the two ninja hitting the floor face first startled her out of her musings.
"Jeez, ya coulda' just said no."
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~o0{O}0o~
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Fire. She was going to burn up from the inside.
Once again, Sakura Haruno was alone in her room, lying on her bed. This time, though, there was nothing to celebrate. Whatever Miss Saotome had done, it had definitely taken effect. Sakura couldn't survive like this. But the only alternative was…
"Argh! There has to be something I can do. Alright, think Sakura. This huge forehead has to be useful for something. There's no way I can last long like this. But the only way Miss Saotome will help is if I… Okay, put it in order. I need Miss Saotome to fix this. Miss Saotome wants me to let Naruto take my place. Naruto couldn't act like me to save his life. There's no way I can con someone like Miss Saotome, and I won't make it past a week before I'm totally crippled. That leaves Naruto as the weak link. How do I get him to do what I tell him to?"
Sakura thought on it for a several minutes, dismissing ideas almost as soon as she considered them. Maybe some positive reinforcement? Give him something he wanted, then use it as leverage to force some kunoichi training on him, perhaps. Naruto clearly had a crush on her, but, "There's no way I'm dating him."
No, she was going about this wrong. What would Miss Saotome do if she needed Naruto's attention?
Suddenly, it came to her. It was so obvious, why hadn't she thought of it before? "Heh heheheh ha hahahha!" Sakura couldn't help it. Her giggles took on a maniacal glee as she began planning out Naruto's surprise training regimen for the next few days.