This Is How A Heart Breaks
By Jasmine Starlight
Full Summary: Yaoi/het. Neji/Sasu Sasuke's slightly mordant; Itachi just might be a sociopath. Maybe Gaara is from a broken home. Neji just may be in the closet. Maybe Naruto might be lonely. Maybe Kabuto needs someone to love. Maybe Kakashi might need someone to hold. Maybe Sakura might need real friends. Maybe Temari needs a reality check. Maybe Kankurou needs anger management. Maybe Jiraiya needs Tsunade. Maybe Orochimaru needs them both. Maybe Hinata needs freedom. Maybe Kiba might need acceptance. Maybe Ino needs confidence. Maybe Tenten needs medication. Perhaps Shikamaru needs love. Shino, quite possibly could need companionship. Maybe Tayuya is hiding behind her personality. Maybe Haku fears rejection. Maybe Kimimaro desires friendship. Maybe Lee is crying out for attention. Maybe Obito needs compassion.
I don't like making characters rapists. I applaud authors who can, fabulous writers that they are.
I also can't see Gaara taking so much abuse and not lashing out, so my high school AU will feature Gaara's rebellion, not-rapist Itachi, and Tayuya/Lee. Heh. Who else can say that they wrote Tayuya/Lee? I hope I'm the only one because that would ruin my special-ness. No, I'm just kidding, go write weird pairings, if any of my reviewers feel like writing an odd pairing I'd read it. Like Kiba/Sasuke. I might write that one day.
He's freaking Sabaku no Gaara!
I like crack pairings, they cause angst that causes character development.
Crack pairings abound.
Tayuya/Lee is something that can only be born in an AU. Mwhahahahahah!
List of characters whose journal entries haven't been done: Tenten, Kankurou, Temari, Haku, Kimimaro, Gaara, Zaku, Dosu, Kin, Ino, Shino, Kabuto, Kidoumaru, Sakon, Tayuya, Lee, Kabuto, Kisame, Zabuza, Sakura.
If anyone would like a journal entry to be done. Just ask.
Pairings:…Neji/Sasu…Kimimaro/Haku…Obito/Kakashi eventual…Itachi/Kakashi…then Itachi/Kabuto…perhaps Tenten/Kankurou…Naruto/Gaara…Orochimaru/Jiraiya/Tsunade…not sure about that one. Open to suggestions. I'm thinking of doing Ino/Shikamaru/Temari…but whatever works for you guys man…Kiba/Ukon? Zaku/Kin…Hinata/Shino…Eventual Ino/Chouji. Tayuya/Lee. Dosu/Kidoumaru…Zabuza/Haku…then…Zabuza/Kisame! Behold! Brief Shino/Ino because I love it!
On Neji's height, 5'2 is for when you're 13. He is now 16. Perhaps he had a growth spurt?
Kuwabara and Lee seem similar enough, right?
ChapStick is not mine.
Any Star Wars sticklers will be promptly ignored.
What should Tayuya's last name be? Hmmmm……kaze? Nope that's wind…I was thinking Niwa because I'm told the kanji for that means rust. Like her hair…no? Feel free to make a suggestion.
CHAPTER FOURINHIBITIONS
"Nobody likes you!
I fell asleep while watching Spike TV
After drinking 10 cups of coffee
And you're still not here.
Dreaming of a song when something went wrong,
But I can't tell anyone 'cuz you're not here.
Left here alone when I should have stayed home."
----Green Day; Nobody Likes You
§§§§§§§§§§§
What gives people hope, I wonder. What makes them ignore the common sense shouting in their minds and believe in something that probably won't happen in a realistic point of view.
What makes people think they know each other?
Is it the feeling of trust? Or is it all about personal comfort? Is it about the ease with which conversation flows? What is it?
What makes a person easy to forget? To forsake? To write off? What makes one person better than another? What makes one person easier to write off? Who decides what's socially acceptable and what's not? Who makes all the rules? Who would follow aforementioned rules?
Who decides who is cool and who isn't?
This journal will be the receptacle for all the questions I can't ask aloud for fear of judgement from other people. Like my brother, Sakon.
Sometimes Sakon gets on my nerves, how nothing affects him ever. Nothing is ever his problem. Nothing is ever his cause. And therefore nothing is ever his fault.
He just doesn't feel for anybody but himself and occasionally me. But that's it.
He just coasts through life and excels and succeeds and doesn't care who he steps on to get there. And people reward him for that, for being demoralizing, unscrupulous, and vicious. They've made him a king among teenagers.
What the hell?
But he's not important, for once something can be about me. Only me, because when you're related to Sakon nothing you do ever matters because it will always pale in comparison to whatever he has done.
I know he doesn't mean it to be that way, but it is. I just fade into the scenery, I hang out with Itachi, who is equally as popular but hates the attention, Kisame, who is moderately popular and doesn't give a shit either way, Zabuza, who has the disposition for loner-ness and occasionally Tayuya, who has a serious anger management problem.
I have become sort of popular from the trickle down effect of Itachi and Kisame's popularity, but that makes me sound like a leech. In which case Zabuza can be a lech. Humor, not my forte.
I don't want their popularity, I just want people to remember my name. I am not Sakon's brother.
I guess that makes me similar to Itachi's little brother in a way. And Sabaku Kankurou's little brother. And probably Sabaku Kankurou himself, as he has an older sister, Temari. Perhaps I should seek them out and find out if I'm the only one who feels as over-shadowed as they do.
Perhaps I shouldn't.
I like psychology.
I like wanting to know why people do things, what causes their problems, what makes them insane. How do you define insane? Could it be that the people who thought they were sane actually weren't? That the people locked up in the asylums are the sane ones?
Analyze that.
§§§§§§§§§§§
"I think you broke it."
"I broke it? Who was the one spat on it in a rage?"
"It put that bush there because I was winning."
"That's what it's supposed to do."
"Yeah, right."
"That's how you develop skills."
"It's possessed."
"How can a video game console be possessed?" Itachi asked Kabuto incredulously.
"Like that." Kabuto said as he gesticulated toward it.
"Uh-huh." Itachi said patronizingly.
Kabuto sighed and collapsed onto the floor, "So what do you want to do now?" he asked boredly.
"Well, it is midnight."
"So?"
"Ever heard of sleeping?"
"Not after 3 AM no."
"You don't go to sleep until 3 AM?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe you should get medication."
"For what?"
"Chronic idiocy."
"Very cute."
"I try."
§§§§§§§§§§§
I started this project the day after we were assigned it. I'm a conscientious worker like my progress reports say.
But I think that report cards and mid-terms are so impersonal. Nothing about them says anything about the person behind the GPA. And that's all that matters. I personally think that is dumb.
If the person who's supposed to be representing your prestigious school is a complete and total jerkwad, then doesn't that make the people who chose that person jerkwads too?
I don't usually use the word 'jerkwad' as it is mean, but Kiba-kun is encouraging me to have a more colorful vocabulary. Kiba-kun is someone I've known forever.
Forever is a relative term.
I've also known Shino forever as well, we've always had the same teachers, same projects, same lunch periods, etc, etc.
In the beginning of this entry when I said I'd been writing diligently, well, I kind of lied, sure there were words on all the pages but they don't mean anything.
I could care less if someone decided to break into my locker and trash my things because that stuff I wrote is trash. It doesn't mean anything to me. This project is supposed to be about therapy for your worst fears, right?
I'm writing like someone will read this and answer, I hope they don't. I need to start over and rewrite it all. It's all meaningless, everything I do, everything I say, everything I write.
Nothing has real gravity.
§§§§§§§§§§§
"I am not short."
"Right." Gaara said patronizingly as Kiba puked into a toilet, Naruto made a face.
"I'm not." He insisted childishly.
"Whatever floats your boat." Gaara said as he rummaged around for the air freshener.
"Don't give me that, Gaara!" Naruto said.
"Now you sound like a woman." Gaara said smoothly as he jerked Kiba out of the toilet bowl as it began to flush.
"And you sound like…like…like Sasuke!" Naruto said in righteous irritation.
Gaara stopped, blinked several times and let Kiba fall into the bath tub, Do I sound like Uchiha? Should I sound like Uchiha? Does it bother Naruto when I sound like Uchiha?
How many more times can you say Uchiha?"I do not sound like him."
"Yes you do." Naruto insisted again.
"Do not."
"Do too!" Naruto exclaimed as he leant against the door, ignoring the frantic knocking coming from the other side. "Occupied!" he shouted back annoyedly.
"I do not sound like Sasuke." Gaara said slowly, chewing on the words.
"It's not so fun defending your macho visage is it?" Naruto said haughtily.
"Did you just say macho visage?" Gaara asked incredulously.
"Maybe I've been hanging out with Fuzzy-Brows too much." Naruto admitted disdainfully.
The knocking on the other side escalated to banging.
"Occupied!" Gaara and Naruto shouted back in annoyance before returning to their argument.
§§§§§§§§§§§
"Another!" Tayuya demanded belligerently of the drinking game she was playing with Zaku and Dosu. Zaku slid off his chair and crawled away when Tayuya was barking for more drinks. Dosu distracted her by obscuring her vision with beer cans.
When Tayuya's sight returned she found herself alone surrounded by empty bottles and the people who'd emptied them. What the fuck! Shitty rats, leaving a drinking game without surrendering!
In her mental degradation of her peers she hadn't noticed the seat to her right had become occupied again, "Itai!" Lee exclaimed in surprise as he was hit in the head with a empty bottle of sake.
"Who're you?" Tayuya demanded crankily as she struggled to smash all the beer cans with her bare hands.
"I'm Rock Lee!" Lee exclaimed enthusiastically smiling his kilo-watt smile with added twinkle on his left canine.
"the fuck?" Tayuya said as she tried to avert her blinded eyes.
"Are you alright my peer?" Lee asked gallantly as Tayuya repeatedly slammed her head onto the table.
"Peachy-keen-tastic Pudding Bowl!" Tayuya said hoarsely.
"Pudding bowl? I'm ROCK LEE!" Lee repeated as he added his thumbs up for effect.
"That's effing fantastic." Tayuya replied desolately.
"It is. And so are you." Lee said encouragingly.
"What?" Tayuya demanded.
"You and I are fabulous examples of shining youth!" Lee smiled and gave her another thumbs up.
"Stick that thumb up your ass will you?"
"I am sorry that I cannot carry out your request as it goes against my honor code." Lee replied somberly.
"Huh."
"My honor code is the set of rules by which I live my youthful life, without it I would be a black void of desolate, emptiness without thought or purpose. Bringing down everyone youthful person around me so I would be able to feel better about my empty, desolate existence."
Tayuya blinked, "That's sounds like me." She mused as she vindictively used an ashtray to crush the hapless beer cans.
"Oh, no, no, no! Someone like you is nothing like the person I just vibrantly described!" Lee said quickly.
"You know what, Pudding Bowl?"
"What my glorious peer of youth?"
"You're the only person I've had a moderately violence-free conversation with in…well in a fucking long time." Tayuya said bluntly, "Where did you come from Pudding Bowl?"
"I'm ROCK LEE!"
"Pudding Bowl."
"Maybe this is a good time to further explain my honor code." Lee said as he prepared for his long spiel and as he talked, taking time to smile blindingly and thumbs up at exactly the right moments; Tayuya didn't listen to a word. "Blah blah thumbs up blah honor…fuzzy eyebrows…" is a sample of what she heard.
Instead she was transfixed by Lee's lips, so round, so supple, so moisturized. Might as well. Tayuya, like Lee was a youth of action, only her actions were less likely to cause legal blindness.
"Shut up Pudding Bowl!" she barked authoritatively as she grabbed him for a kiss, which for a freakishly groomed dude with a pudding bowl haircut was surprisingly good.
"Maybe we should get to know each other first, I don't even know your last name!" Lee exclaimed as he reapplied his ChapStick.
"Maybe you don't need to know my last name." Tayuya said as she stole another kiss.
"I—umfph!" Lee exclaimed as he finally started responding to the kiss. It would be devastatingly rude of a shining star like myself to ignore another youth's requests for my fabulous attention! I'M ROCK LEE!
§§§§§§§§§§§
"It's dead let's eat it."
"Eww! That's disgusting Sakura!" Ino exclaimed loudly as they stood over Kiba's loudly snoring body in the bathroom
"What's going on?" Hinata said tiredly as she yawned widely.
"Your boyfriend is dead." Ino said bluntly.
"What?" Hinata asked quizzically.
Sakura pointed at the bathtub.
"He's n-not my boyfriend." Hinata insisted.
"Whatever, just make sure he's alive."
Hinata sighed and went to go fetch Shino.
She returned five minutes later with Shino who was still yawning, "Eh? Why is Kiba sleeping in the bathtub?"
"Like I know." Ino said impatiently as she furiously applied her makeup, "Just get him out of here." She said turning to face Shino.
Holy crap!
Shino wasn't wearing his glasses or his usual long coat. Shino had abs, "Shino, Shino, Shino." Ino said coyly.
"What?"
"I'm sorry about being so rude before. It's just I'm usually cranky before my first cup of coffee, you know how it is, don't you?"
"No, I don't."
Ino deflated slightly, "Hinata, do you think you could get his legs?" Shino asked as he hauled Kiba, who was still sleeping, out of the tub by his shoulders.
"H-Hai." Hinata said quietly as Ino watched the muscles in his shoulders ripple as they walked out.
"That sucked." Ino remarked disgustedly to Sakura.
"Why?" Sakura said dumbly.
"I think he's gay; I was totally giving him a view of my cleavage."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"What guy do you know that wouldn't love my cleavage?"
Sakura thought about it for a minute, I know plenty.
"Forget it, don't answer that."
§§§§§§§§§§§
The next time Itachi and Sasuke saw each other was on the drive home, "What did you do all weekend?" Itachi asked Sasuke as he stopped at red light.
Sasuke pondered for a moment, "Nothing." He said blankly.
Right and I'm a Sith lord. Sasuke looked at the dashboard and began scratching at the expensive leather interior.
"So, what did you do?" Sasuke asked sharply.
Itachi pondered for a moment, "Nothing." He said blankly.
And I'm Harry Potter! Tallyho!
There was silence for several blocks before they came across another red light, "Aniki?" Sasuke said grimly.
"Ye-es?"
"Where do babies come from?" he said with wide anime eyes.
Itachi sputtered into laughter and Sasuke smirked.
END
Riikaa-……yeah, I think that was addressed up there. But thanks for your review.
#4- I like your name.
KuraResa- hugs and chocolate kisses.
tidAL rabbiT-……Kankurou because Gaara is as gay as Christmas!
Bitenshi- I know, I can't do summary searches for Neji/Sasu anymore because the search bar is so specific.
Kirin Kage the Shadow Girl- But what about the other pairings? Do you love them as well?
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