AN: Sorry it took me so long to update... for some reason the site wouldn't let me update. This has actually been done for over a week. But thank God for people who ask questions on yahoo that show up on google... actually just thank god for search engines otherwise I probably never would have been able to figure it out. I thought it was just my account. Again sorry for the wait

Disclaimer: I don't own any you may happen to recognize.

October 1983

"So I see today is your birthday? Happy birthday," I say pleasantly after Bellatrix has taken all of the potions necessary.

"Is it? Hmmm well thank you, it has been a long time since someone has wished me a happy birthday. Though I don't suppose there will be much in the way of celebrating today will there? Seeing as I am behind bars and all. Of course you could help out with that."

"Lestrange, you know as well as I do that I will not be helping you escape anytime soon so please knock it off. I am not in the mood today."

"It is getting to you isn't it? Being in Azkaban for this long of a time. How long has it been? A month?"

"Yes, about."

"Well I promise you Cicily, it will get worse. Much worse."

"You seem to be doing fine," I reply.

"Of course, you need to have hope to let the dementors affect you. You need happiness and seeing how I have none there really isn't much for them to do is there?"

"You don't believe in hope or happiness?" I ask skeptically.

"Not really. Having either of those things makes one susceptible to anyone. Instead I rely on knowing. And my past wasn't particularly happy either."

"So entering into you-know-who's inner circle wasn't a happy memory?"

"I suppose it was. The happiest moment of my life. Or one of them. But I don't think of it as happy. I think of it as merely having happened. It is the only way to survive a place like this. You ever get a chance to see the other prisoners you will understand what I am talking about. They all have hope and happiness when they come. And if they leave, they are drained. They don't feel it anymore. It takes your life being here. And I refuse to be taken. I still have a job that needs to be done."

"And that is?"

"Never you mind. It isn't all that important nor does it have anything to do with you. Therefore it doesn't require your concern."

"Mhmmmm," I say, not taking the bait that she had very nicely laid out for me. She wanted me to ask just so she could play with me.

"Anyways, talk to one of the guards… The human guards. I am sure they will have some stuff to help you out. Oh and by the way, I was thinking we would skip a couple of years. Those years don't have anything interesting in them. Just a lot of me learning, me and my parents fighting, nothing useful for you to be able to divulge through and pick apart who I am."

"So where are we starting today?"

"I was thinking when I got my Hogwarts letter. It is rather lengthy though. It might take a couple visits for you to get the whole story."

"That is quite alright."

"Fabulous. We will begin that morning. It only gets worse from here on out. Last chance Cicily. You sure you want to hear this? You might find yourself unable to turn back once you do."

"Bellatrix, please quit messing around and get to the point already."

"Fine. I remember the day perfectly. It was hot and sunny. The worst type of day, where it feels as if the Earth would set fire at any minutes, as if you would melt like a wax doll. But I could sense it was going to happen. I just knew it, down to my core. This was the day my life was going to change. I would never be the same after this."

"So this was our last lesson together, Bellatrix. You have done fantastic these past couple years," my tutor smiled at me as she gathered her things.

"Thank you Madame Fourik," I smiled.

"Not at all dear. Not at all. But I want you to promise me that you won't forget any of this when you head off to school."

"I promise, I won't. I'll practice every day," I said.

"I bet you will. One day, you will be a very great witch. You are so talented."

"More talented than anyone else you tutor?" I asked hopefully.

"Merlin yes! So much better. You are a natural. Have you gotten your Hogwarts letter yet?"

"No, not yet," I said, feeling the disappointment. It was supposed to have come already. I could tell from the looks on my parents faces.

"Oh, dear, there is nothing to worry about. Hogwarts doesn't start until September. You still have two weeks! That is a huge amount of time left. Old Professor Dumbledore probably just hasn't gotten around to it yet."

"What if I am a squib?" I asked, tears starting to sting at the corner of my eyes.

"As if! Have you or have you not been performing magic these past couple years?"

"Yes."

"Then you are a witch as simple as that. So there is no need to fret," she gently wiped the tear that had managed to escape. "But I would get yourself cleaned up before you go see your mother. I know how she isn't tolerant of crying."

"Thank you again. For everything. You have taught me so much."

"No thank you, Miss Black. You are one of my brightest students. Always ready and eager to learn. I only hope that your sisters will be half as good as you."

"I wouldn't count on it," I muttered.

"Well, I best be off, and remember I am sure it will come soon enough. I promise. Do you feel a little different today?"

I looked up and asked, "How so?"

"Just that things are going to change. Something is going to happen maybe?"

"Yes! Ever since I woke up!"

" There you see? I would bet you anything it will come today." She smiled at me and stuck out her hand.

"How do you know?" I asked as I shook it.

She bent down and whispered softly, "Because that was exactly how I felt when my Hogwarts letter arrived all those years ago." Then with a small wave she exited the room.

"Bellatrix! Come here for a minute," my mother's voice called and I heard the relief in her voice. It had come!

"Coming," I answered and quickly rushed to the patio where my mother was sitting sipping tea.

"This came for you this morning while you were getting ready for your tutoring. I didn't want to distract you so here it is."

I took the letter gingerly from her hands, my hands shaking with excitement. "This is it," I whispered, looking at the seal on the back.

"Congratulations, please hurry up on opening it though. I would like to get the shopping done immediately."

"Yes, Mother," I said and with trembling fingers opened the envelope.

"'Dear Miss Black'," I read slowly, "'We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.' Mother, this is it. I'm going to Hogwarts!"

"Of course you are. Where else would we have you go? Alright, do you have your things all ready?" My mother asked and I nodded.

"Brilliant. Let's leave now. Don't forget that letter of yours. I want the entire list. Thankfully after this, we can just send out house elves to pick up our belongings but I want you to have a proper wand when you start."

"Thank you so much Mother," I smiled and she merely nodded. "How are we going to get to Diagon Alley?"

"Apparation," she simply replied and I took the hand she offered to me. Floo was much too messy.

We appeared a moment later outside in the alley, and I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I looked around. I hadn't left the Black Manor ever, except for the occasional party or when I snuck off. Never had I been to the alleys of London. It was busy with witches and wizards rushing about each way.

"Now remember Bellatrix, what I told you about behaving in public. Please do not embarrass me this trip."

I nodded and let go of her hand, smoothing out my robes, "Where to first?"

"Are you planning on taking an animal?"

"Yes Mother. I was hoping for a cat to keep me company. You know how people can behave so petty sometimes. And then I was thinking maybe an owl. I don't want to have to borrow one of the schools. It is so common and I don't want an owl I use having stepped into some disease infested mudblood or muggle home."

"Very well. We will pick up those last. It will be easier. For now, let us focus on a wand, robes, then your text books and other school supplies."

We made our way to the various wand shops, Mother not finding any of them appealing. "Ollivander's will have to do I suppose."

"What is wrong with him?" I asked curious.

"Nothing," Mother sighed. "Everyone goes there but that is because he is the best. I just wish we could go somewhere more extravagant. Not so common."

We both entered. "With you in a moment," a voice called from the back.

After a moment, the old wand maker came from the back followed by a boy and his mother. "Will this be all?" he asked.

"Yes," she said shortly. "Druella, how nice to see you here," the woman said as if she meant nothing by it.

"Yes it is very lovely, Lelia," my mother replied, her face contorting as if she smelt something bad.

"Have you met my son?" The woman asked, pulling the boy in front of her. "This is Aiden. He will be heading off to Hogwarts this year. What about yours?"

"This is Bellatrix. And she will be joining your son."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I said, remembering the manners I have had drilled into my head since I was born.

The woman made an undistinguishable noise but doesn't say anything. I have decided I don't like her. "Well, Druella, it seems you have done well for yourself. I am so terribly sorry I could never make it to your wedding all those years ago."

"No matter. I didn't even think of attending yours," my mother said and even though it sounds as polite as ever, I know it is a huge insult.

The woman's face fell into a frown as she shot my mother a sharp glare. "Who did you end up marrying anyways? Some poor washed-up mudblood? Or worse muggle?"

"No I always saved that position of disgrace for you, Lelia. I married Cygnus, you remember? That handsome boy you always liked? I never meant to steal him away from you all those years ago," I was able to tell from the slight tone in my mother's voice that she didn't mean a single word of it. She had known.

"Oh I am sure you didn't," Lelia sneered.

"Well whom did you marry? I am quite anxious to know," Mother said.

"You know him. He was a teacher at Hogwarts when we were children."

"Roland Contex?" My mother asked, sounding surprised. Then as quickly as that look came it went. "No wonder you always got better scores than I. Come to think of it, that's why you were always walking around for late night rendezvous. Would that also be why you had to where loose clothing towards the end of our seventh year?"

Lelia sputtered indignantly. I had never seen this side of my mother before. She may have always been harsh, but only in a bossy sort of tone. And no one ever argued with her for fear of their lives. My mother was a terrifying woman sometimes.

"I thought so," my mother said, a smile pulling at her lips. "At least I know you will never change, Lelia, always sleeping around with the wrong sort. What did your parents have to say? More importantly your brother?"

"It was neither of my parents' business and it especially wasn't Abraxas's," She sniffed indignantly.

"Ah yes, I forgot you were once an all mighty Malfoy. Shaming that name must put you very low on their toleration list," Mother said. Before Lelia could speak my mother started off again. "He has a son now, doesn't he? Lucius or something?"

Lelia nodded, her mouth clenched tightly together.

"Ah, well please remind me to keep my daughters away from him as I don't want my family's name being besmirched by your horrifying choices. And Contex? He wasn't even a pureblood. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I know I am and I am positive everyone else is. Tell the Malfoys that I said 'hello' if you would be so kind as to do so. That is if you are even allowed near their house after your betrayal," with that mother grabbed my hand and we walked to the back of the store to start looking for wands. I glanced up at my mother and saw she had a slight smirk on her face. We were very much in touch with the Malfoys whom came over to visit every other week or so. And I knew that she thought the Malfoys were a very good connection. I also knew she wanted one of us girls to marry their son. The only matter was who?

"I apologize for the wait," the old man walked back. "So are you here to buy your first wand?"

I opened my mouth to say of course not and that I had already owned one but my mother beat me to it. "Of course she is. Why else would we be here?" She snapped, impatiently.

"I don't believe we have ever met. Did you buy your wand from a different place?"

"I knew a private wand maker whose family had been making wands for generations. Unfortunately he died a couple years back along with the business."

"Ah, well I promise you, you and your daughter here will not be disappointed."

"I should hope not," My mother sniffed. "So how does this work? My wand maker normally took measurements before making the wand."

"Well the wand chooses the wizard," he said and swished his wand. Some measuring tapes floated over and started to measure me. "It's a motto we have passed down for generations. Let us get started. What's your name little lady?" He asked, pulling some boxes from the selves before putting them back.

"Bellatrix Black," I answered proudly.

"Well Miss Black, why don't we start with this one?" he pulled a box off the shelf and allowed me to take the wand.

I pointed the wand at the empty box and said, "wingardium leviosa." The box gave a shudder but didn't move.

"Hmmm, no not this one," he put it back. And on and on it went for what seemed like hours. Some boxes would do the same, some nothing happened to, some went flying in every direction and the occasional exploded, leaving only smoky ashes.

"It will be alright," he said after vanishing the fifth smoking pile of ash that I had managed to produce. All with a simple charm that I had mastered years ago. "We will find it eventually. Sometimes, the wands can be quite picky but that is quite okay."

"Why is it taking so long," my mother said, obviously losing faith in the old wand maker.

"Sometimes, the right wand just hasn't found who it is looking for."

"Did you measure her correctly?"

"Yes Mrs Black, I assure you they are correct," he said, sounding exasperated as my mother had been asking this question a lot.

A few more boxes came and went before I saw a box I liked. It was a silky black and quite extravagant. Actually no, it looked like most boxes in the shop but just looking at it, I knew. "That is it," I said, pointing to the box.

He chuckled and said, "Well if you say so little lady."

"I'm not just saying," I said taking the wand that was held out to me, "I know." As soon as I touched it, it felt right. I didn't need to say spell. The wind blew up and I could feel the magic become a part of me.

"I see you were right," he smiled and took the wand from me gently. "This is a fine wand Miss Black. 12 ¾ inches made of walnut and a core of dragon heartstring. Unyielding," he murmured the last part, causing me to have a difficult time hearing him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, feeling annoyed.

"Bellatrix, now that we have found your wand, we need to leave. We have many other stops to make before you have all your things."

"Yes, mother," I said, and after paying we left to go find a robe shop.

"What about Madame Malkin's?" I asked as we passed.

"No, Bellatrix. You don't know what sort of filth you'll find there. We are headed to Twilfit and Tattings. It is where I used to get all my robes and sometimes still do when Clarissa is too busy to make them."

"Yes, Mother," I said, not wanting to cause an argument. We hardly spent any time together after all and this was one of my few chances to prove to her what a good daughter I was.

It didn't take long to get there and I immediately liked Knockturn Alley much more than Diagon Alley. The shop had magnificent robes all over on display.

"You aren't in need of many school robes," Mother said looking at me list, "But I think it best to always be prepared. I can put a nice charm on your trunk to make it hold more. Excuse me," she called to one of the workers, "I need my daughter fitted for robes."

A young, skinny, woman immediately bustled over. "Of course, my dears. Follow me." She led us to the back. "Now what kind of robes were you thinking? I know Hogwarts requires plain black ones, but honestly, where is the glamour in that? Us pureblood women must stick together and that includes us all looking our very best."

I could see the respect for the woman growing in my mother's eyes. She always did believe fashion should be everything. "Now, I was thinking a set of three plain black robes for work. That way, if anything hazardous happens to them, it isn't as if you've just ruined your best pair. Then perhaps a set of three black robes with our best material. A set of two robes with your house color lining it. Three sets of regular robes, not school issued. And a pair or two of dress robes. Also I was thinking five different cloaks. Two of which being heavy for winter. One lighter, one lighter with your house colors, and then another one of any color. That way you will be all set. And maybe some clothes for under your robes? Sometimes they can get awful hot," the woman said this in one breath, looking very excited. She knew we had money and knew we were willing to pay for the very best.

"Perfect," My mother said.

"Now do you want to send me a letter once you find out your house and we can stitch the lining on and send it over to Hogwarts?" She asked.

"No," I said. "It will be green and silver."

"Are you sure? I don't want to have to redo them. It will cost much more. You sure you don't want to wait?"

"No," I said more firmly. "I know what house I will belong to. Slytherin is my rightful house and I am not expecting anything less than it."

"Well you certainly know what you want," she smiled at me. "Anyways, super! Let's get started!"

In the end, I ended up with even more than that. I took home with me three sets of pure black robes that were very light. I could easily wear other clothes under it and use it only as a precaution in subjects such as potions and herbology. I ended up taking four sets of black robes. The silky material was soft and fit perfectly. It hugged my body in every right way, and wasn't loose unlike my work robes. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I couldn't wait until I got older. Being only eleven, though I was almost twelve, I looked a little awkward like most of those my age. Being a Black though, I wasn't as much. My clear, pale skin stood out against my long, black hair. I had grown up with a grace no other possessed and I was still growing. The robes would most likely not fit the next year and I was happy about it. I couldn't wait until I got older, when I would look more sophisticated.

The hats that she gave me were two of their finest black material, and one that was a deep emerald green with silver lining and when we finally left, we were carrying many bags that had been shrunken in size and in weight.

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful until our last stop to pick up the animals I wanted. "Bellatrix, go on ahead of me and try to find them. Here is more than enough to buy them," my mother handed me a sack that could probably buy me the store itself.

"Where are you going?" I asked, confused.

"I'm heading over to meet Vanessa," Mother said, referring to one of her old friends from Hogwarts. "I have been meaning to have tea with her for months and now that we are here, it is a perfect time."

Vanessa owned a tea shop, one of the most expensive in the magical world, and I, being as young as I was, wasn't allowed. Not that I minded. Being alone without Mother in the alleys of the London Magical World would be a something I probably wouldn't have the chance to experience until I was out of Hogwarts.

"I'll meet you in the Leaky Cauldron around eleven tonight," Mother said and briskly walked away leaving me on the bustling street of Diagon Alley alone. I couldn't figure why she had picked the leaky cauldron considering it accepted everyone, but I chose to not read anything into it. I did, after all, have over eight hours before I had to meet her again and had a sack full of money.

I walked along the streets, examining every shop closely.

"Maps, maps, get you maps here. Only a knut for the most advanced map of the London Magical world. Never get lost again!" A street peddler was shouting. There was a fair amount of people around him, most being people in strange clothing so I assumed they were tourists. No one in England would ever dream of wearing something that dastardly.

"Pardon me," I pushed my way through the crowd. "I need a map," I said to the man.

"Well little lady, that will be one knut," he said.

Mother didn't have to know I figured so I took out the sack and handed him a knut. "Here, I want your best map. Not just a cheap one that will get everyone lost like the ones you are selling."

He chuckled. "Tell you what, normally those are a galleon but since you are so smart, I'll give you it for eighteen sickles."

"Do you think I am stupid?" I asked, insulted. "Not only is that equal to a galleon, it is more than it. Now how about I report you for false advertising and let's see how many galleons it will cost you. So do both you and me a favor and give me that map for what you are charging for a map that never gets you lost. One knut. Those others are worthless. Something both you and I know. And I suppose everyone else." I smirked at him as his face slowly turned to outrage.

"You lost me my customers, girl," he hissed.

"It was your own damn fault," I said and held out my hand. "I want that map now. And don't even think I am going to say please. You no longer deserve politeness."

Grumbling he handed me his map and started to chase after his customers, probably to tell them all how I was just a bored little girl. I quickly went behind his stand and grabbed his maps, stuffing them into my bag.

"Hey, you, get back here," he shouted and I quickly sprinted away down the nearest alley. "Give me back my maps."

"Not a chance in hell," I shouted back, picking up the pace and thanking Merlin the man was overweight. "You deserve it. Teaches you not to cheat people. Maybe next time you'll think about that before you try to sell bogus maps!" I quickly made a left and sped down another alley. Alley after alley I went before I had finally lost him. I leaned up against the wall trying to catch my breath. After a couple minutes when I finally managed to breathe properly again, I started off to get back to the alley. It wasn't until I went onto another alley that I realized I had absolutely no idea where I was.

I took out the good map and looked at it carefully. Hunud Alley. I had never heard of it before. Looking around I quickly realized this was one of the alleys that dealt in the dark arts. The map's ink suddenly vanished leaving nothing on it. "Shit," I muttered. At least I hadn't paid for it. Looking at one of the cheap maps, I knew my only chance to get out of here was to ask someone, considering the maps areas changed places every few seconds.

Walking towards me was a group of figures all in thick black cloaks with hoods that hid their faces. "Pardon me," I approached them, but none of them even gave a hint that they had noticed me. Turning to leave, I decided the figures were just really snobby. Not people I really wanted to lead me back to Diagon Alley. They might know my mother and then I would really be in trouble, but looking up and down the alley I realized they were the only people in sight. Well, they seemed to know where they were going at least. If I followed them, I might have a better chance of getting somewhere I recognized.

Or lost or killed. A voice sounded in my head and I almost expected Trixie to turn up. "Bellatrix, get a grip," I told myself. "Trixie isn't real and you need to get out of here. I rather be dead than Mother finding out I disobeyed her orders."

"Talking to yourself again, Bella," a voice sounded behind me. "It is really unbecoming. It shows mental instability."

I turned around to see Trixie leaning up against the door smirking at me. "You are not real. You are not real," I closed my eyes muttering. I opened them. She was still there.

"We have been over this so many times. I am as real as you, and as real as those men you are so keen on following."

"You were supposed to be leaving me alone. I haven't seen you in years. I thought I had gotten rid of you," I gritted my teeth.

"Dear Bella, you know that isn't how this works."

"Trixie, go away. I don't need this right now," I turned away from her and stalked after the men in the cloaks.

I made sure to be quiet and be undetected. If I didn't draw any unnecessary attention, maybe I wouldn't be murdered. I followed them at a safe distance for a while, ducking behind anything when I thought they might turn around. They finally came to a building and I recognized the alley we had finally turned onto as Knockturn Alley.

"Bella, just get out of here," Trixie muttered. "Mother won't be happy to find us lying dead in the alley. It is undignified."

"No, I am not going to listen to you," I whispered. And to prove her wrong I ducked beneath the window of the building, listening intently.

"My Lord, we have done what you asked of us."

"Yes, and?" a voice hissed, and I found that it was both terrifying and exhilarating. This voice knew what power was.

"It went extremely well. I don't think those filthy muggles knew what hit them. Made it look like an accident too, we did," a third voice answered.

"Good, good," the second voice said, "we can't have any suspicions rising before our plan is set into action."

I shared a look with Trixie. "Bella," her voice was so soft I could hardly hear her, "We need to go, now. Please."

"No. If this is about ridding muggles of this world this could be my chance to finally prove to Mother and Father that I am not as worthless as they think."

"You'll be more worthless dead," she muttered, glaring at me.

"Better to die trying than to live life being worthless."

She didn't say anything, and we continued to listen to the voices. They were talking softer now, and I had to strain my ears to pick up pieces of the conversation. "Muggles, mudbloods… traitors…well deserved… purify…soon war will…important to get right…plan…rightful places."

Suddenly a shrill voice called out, "Has that window been open the entire time? Do you know who could have been listening?"

"Sorry, my Lord," a voice and answered. I lay flat against the wall, thanking Marlin the window jutted out just enough I hopefully wouldn't be spotted if whoever went to close the window happened to look down. It was only when the window was slammed shut that I realized I had been holding my breath.

"That was too close," Trixie murmured next to me. I nodded in agreement and we started to get up when look screams came from inside the building.

"Run!" she shouted and we rushed down the alley hoping not to get noticed. When we finally reached Diagon it was only then that we stopped to catch our breath.

I looked beside me to tell Trixie she needed to go but she had already vanished. Sighing I pushed myself away from the wall trying to ignore the strange looks I was receiving. The sun had long set and I realized I still needed to pick up the animals. I quickly hurried down the road, my adventure still fresh in my mind.

"Thank you, young lady and have a good night," the voice called. I nodded in return holding my new barn owl's cage in one hand and the cats' carrier in the other. I knew Mother would have a royal fit when she saw that not only had I bought an owl that wasn't the most expensive there but that I had also bought two cats, a Siamese one and a pure white Persian one. At least Mother couldn't lecture me for taste there. The owl though, I had fallen in love with the heart shaped face, so maybe Mother would give me points for choosing beauty. Probably not, however.

I had figured though, what Mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her. She rarely ever spent time with me and besides parties and mealtimes, it was like no one in the family existed. It was like no one lived there. I would sometimes walk the empty halls for hours, and wouldn't come across anyone.

I got to the pub earlier than needed and after having asked for a private table, decided maybe now was the time to call upon one of the house elves.

"Doris!" I called out and immediately a pop sounded.

"Mistress called?" the elf asked, bowing.

Doris was only one of my many personal house elves, meaning I had more authority over Doris than Mother.

"Doris, take these back to my room," I said, motioning to the animals, "And don't let anyone see you, provide them with everything they'll need and I forbid you to tell anyone especially Mother about this. Oh and take these bags back also."

The elf nodded and with another pop everything disappeared. I sat back and sipped on my tea, pondering the events of earlier today. What were those men doing? Who were they? And why, the most important of all, had Trixie appeared? I hadn't seen her in years and suddenly she had returned, as real as ever, if not more.

When Mother appeared right on time, though a seemingly bit tipsy, we returned home. And when I had tried to go to sleep, something struck me, much more terrifying than the event that had happened today. I had defied my mother. But what scared me even more was that I liked it. I, for the first time in my life, felt powerful.

AN: Thank you guys for the reviews, I love getting them honestly! My updates will all probably be around a week and a half, just so everyone knows. And I looked over the first chapter and I want to apologize for the confusion! Even I had troubles figuring out what was going on. When I had typed it up, all the things that broke up the moments were there but apparently when posted, they decided not to show up. So I'm very sorry for the confusion, that wasn't meant to happen.