"Is this what life is, out here?"
Book had became a Shepherd for a variety of reason, the main one being that he wanted to turn his back on the past and start anew. Living at the abbey had been healing, helping him see the world in stark black and white -- an ability that he had thought long forgotten.
After spending just a few days on board Serenity, he had found himself back in a world where everything was in shades of gray. And it was killing him.
Still, he couldn't help but think about what Inara had said. "Maybe you're exactly where you ought to be," he whispered.
There was the possibility that she had been right, that the ship's name held a deeper meaning than just a memory of a battle long over. What if he was meant to be there? It was his duty to spread the word to those who needed to hear it, and -- if there was anyone out there who needed to hear the Word -- it was the people who called Serenity their home.
He sighed as he leaned back against the wall of his room, his head resting against the cool metal. No matter what decision he made, he knew that his life would never go to the way it had been while living in the abbey. If he left the ship, he knew that he would feel eternally sorry for not trying to help the lost men and women living inside her walls… but if he stayed, he couldn't help but think that he would lose himself.
It was a dilemma.
Shaking his head, he slowly moved his body so that he was resting on his knees. Tomorrow would be another day, and maybe then he'd be ready to fully comprehend what he had gotten himself into. Until then, he could pray. He wasn't ready to ask God to forgive him for seeing shades of gray instead of black and white… but he could at least ask forgiveness for not being ready.
"I think I'm on the wrong ship."